Take It Slow Part 7

"Raped. Yeah. I escaped that, at least."

Benny reached out to Daniel, then pulled his hand back before making contact, clearly afraid of freaking Daniel out again.

"I didn't mean to sound like you hadn't had it hard or anything. Listen, the little time I've been on my own has Take It Slow 86.been scary as h.e.l.l, and I wasn't gone for two whole years. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Can I ask you something?" Benny sounded hesitant, but Daniel was so glad to be talking normally to someone that he nodded.

"Do you think you can let that all go and get your life back? Do you know what you want to do?" Benny waved his hand in the air, then bopped his forehead. "It's probably too soon to even think about that, huh? You just got back here, and things are pretty much up in the air still. I don't mean to be so nosey." Benny stopped his questions and looked down at his hands that were now clasping his knees.

Daniel actually smiled. "Relax. It's not nosey. Just, I don't know-- uh." Daniel paused, not sure how to continue.

"Interested," Benny supplied.

"Yeah? Like, interested-interested, or just what-a-sad-story interested?"

This time it was Benny who smiled before asking, "Truth?"

Daniel was sure of himself this time. "Always."

"Yeah, I'm interested, like for real. You're cute, smart, and need a break right now. I'd like to be your friend, and I know you're not ready for anything more.

Frankly, I'm probably not either, but, if you need a friend..." Benny grinned over at Daniel.

"Really? You don't think I'm a total loser?" Daniel's looked intently at Benny, trying to read him. "I'm sick right now, I'm skinny, my hair is nasty-looking and even my skin is, well, it's not like it used to be."

"Hey, dude, Daniel, I'm not ready for anything heavy right now, either. We'll just take it slow and become friends. My life is sort of in limbo, too. We'll just be good friends. We'll have someone we can tell our private thoughts to without worrying about other people Take It Slow 87.knowing. I kind of need that, too, ya know?" Benny put his hand out on the bed, palm up, and left it there, looking right into Daniel's eyes.

Daniel didn't even think twice. He put his hand in Benny's and s.h.i.+vered when Benny's fingers curled around his. Wow, he hadn't realized he was so starved for touch. He thought about jerking his hand back, but instead he tightened his fingers around Benny's.

"Nice," Benny said.

"Yeah."

Almost simultaneously, both of them yawned. Daniel managed a chuckle and let go of Benny's hand.

"Go on, go back to sleep. I'm fine, but thanks. Really, Benny, thanks a lot."

"No problem, dude."

"Enough with the dude, call me Daniel."

"Okay, Daniel. Sleep now. You have to go to the hospital in the morning, right? Tests or something?"

Daniel sighed, rubbing his aching stomach. "Yeah, tests. Mano said he'd take me, but I don't want him to have to miss work. I know my dad wants to, but I just can't stand being around him. I'll see if I can get a cab in the morning to the hospital. Maybe it's not that far from here. I didn't pay much attention to where we really were and what's close."

"Maybe Easy can take you if Mano needs to work. It depends on whether Easy has a run to do. Don't worry about it. Mama Sasy will figure it out. You want me to go with you?" Benny asked.

"Would you? G.o.d, I would like that, Benny. It's kind of freaky, but I don't want them to all put their lives on hold. Don't you have something you have to do?" Daniel was appalled at how eager he was to have someone go with him. Yesterday, Mano, and now, Benny. It was so unlike Daniel before he left Nashville. Back then, he'd Take It Slow 88.have been the one offering to help someone and now he wanted someone to hold his hand. Despite the fact that it made him feel like a fool, he admitted that right now, he needed that hand very much.

Daniel laid there thinking about the novelty of having a new friend, a gay one. His crush two years ago in high school seemed so long ago. It had just been thoughts and fantasies, not even X-rated ones back then. He wondered if Benny really was interested in him or was just trying to make the new guy feel better. No. Daniel had to start trusting people again. He would begin with Benny.

Well, Benny and Mano and Easy. He wasn't sure about Mama Sasy yet. She was all into his dad and how wonderful Nick was. Daniel wasn't quite ready to jump on that bandwagon yet. But the guys here were pretty cool and seemed trustworthy.

It had been three days since the battery of tests that told Daniel his problem was exactly what he had imagined it to be: bleeding ulcers. Stress, poor diet, and lack of sleep and rest had all contributed to the problem.

Now he had pills to take, and his diet would be lacking a lot of things that had acid or caffeine. Right now, Daniel was fine with a steady diet of pancakes, oatmeal, biscuits and gravy (Boddy's was great), and macaroni and cheese. Comfort food was what he'd craved for a long time and been unable to get.

He hadn't seen his dad in all that time. It was Easy who had taken him for the day at the hospital. Daniel was beginning to really enjoy spending time with Easy and Mano. Benny was right: they were solid in their relations.h.i.+p. They weren't overt, as Benny said, but it Take It Slow 89.was so evident if you were looking. It just made Daniel feel good inside to see a positive, healthy gay couple.

Mano was all excited because his mother was coming up to live at Mama Sasy's. Now there were going to be two Mamas: Mama Sasy, Easy's mom, and Mama Rosa, Mano's mom. Lots of mamas around, when Daniel had not had one for a long, long time. Mama Rosa was going to live in the apartment with Mama Sasy, between the diner and the dorm, which was in front of the apartment where Mano and Easy lived. It was a pretty nice setup they had here, and Daniel was happy to be part of it, except for the part where he knew his dad was going to be showing up all the time. He still wasn't ready to deal with the swirl of feelings in his head that occurred with just thinking of him, much less seeing him.

His health was getting a little better. His hair, washed daily, which he considered a treat these days, was beginning to get its color back. Who knew that being unhealthy would change your hair color? Daniel hadn't thought he was vain before, but he did hate that he didn't have the almost white/blond hair he used to. He shook his head, thinking that the color of his hair was the least of his problems.

The nights were the strangest. He dreaded them because they always brought nightmares and anxiety, which usually brought on the pain in his stomach. But, it also brought Benny to his bed. The young man who shared the dorm with him had proven to be the best thing in his life right now. Every night, as soon as the awful pictures in his head got the better of him and he cried out, Benny was right there. The last two nights, he'd even made Daniel move over and had stretched out beside him. Daniel woke with his head on Benny's shoulder and Benny's arm around him.

90.The first time it had happened, he'd almost freaked out, but since Benny was sound asleep, Daniel calmed down and enjoyed the feeling of being held, even if it was just pity or compa.s.sion or friends.h.i.+p. It was nice.

And the good Lord knew he wasn't ready for anything more. Both times, Benny had been gone when Daniel woke up in the morning.

Mama Sasy had insisted that Daniel take it easy until he felt better, but he was getting tired of having nothing to do. He went in search of her, wanting to know what he could do to earn his way.

"Honey, are you sure you feel up to working? You can take all the time you need." Mama Sasy said, looking intently at him, as if she could tell if he was better or not.

"I feel better, and I don't want to mooch, ya know?"

Daniel felt funny eating and sleeping and wearing things that he hadn't worked for.

"Of course, but..." Mama paused and smiled, nodding her head. "Okay, I should have known any son of Nick's would not want to--"

"Could I not be Nick's son here? Could I just be Daniel?" Daniel felt like he was being rude with the question, but he really did want to make his own way.

He didn't want things just because he was Nick Webster's son.

"Come here, hon. Sit down with me for a minute."

Mama Sasy pulled him toward the family booth.

He followed. He had to, he owed her, but he dreaded the talk he knew was coming.

He sat and refused to look down, hide, like he wanted to. He met her gaze and saw only compa.s.sion in her expression.

"I understand you have mixed, even bad, feelings about your dad, and I don't blame you. Eventually, I Take It Slow 91.think you will find your way back to each other, but I'm not going to push it. You're ent.i.tled to your feelings.

You should know I made him pay, in your name, for what he did to you. I've spent years here helping young men in your situation. All the stories are different, but also the same, if that makes sense. Some more heartbreaking, some less so. Benny is a good example.

The same thing happened to him, but he didn't go through all you have. He came to us before he had to go through some of the terrible things the others have had to endure." Mama sighed heavily, letting her eyes move around the diner before she went on.

"I'm so sorry for the heartache you've been through, the hard times you've lived through, the fear, loneliness, and the feeling that you'd been abandoned. I know that takes a toll on you, Daniel. I know because I've seen it over and over. But never before have I known a situation where a parent has come to me begging for my help in finding the son that he admitted that he'd wronged."

Daniel wanted so badly to duck his head and not hear this. He wasn't ready to hear this. He firmed his lips and told himself to grow up. He listened.

"I gave Nick such a hard time. He came back here three times before I would even talk rationally to him. I listened to his story and saw him break down more than once as he told it. He never gave himself any slack, taking full responsibility, and pleading with me to show your picture around, to help in any way I could. Finally, I believed he was truly sorry, that he had, as he'd said, gone looking for you within an hour of your telling him you were gay."

Daniel jerked as he was transported back to that day.

He hadn't even been scared as he'd walked in to tell his dad about his feelings. He knew his father would be surprised but supportive. They were so close, loved each Take It Slow 92.other so much. Daniel had been stunned, devastated, when his father had spewed those words of hate and disgust.

"Nick has become a friend, and I believe he loves you with all his heart. I will not push you to reconnect with him, Daniel; that will be up to the two of you. But I won't ban him from coming here. You don't have to speak to him if you don't want to, but he has helped so many of my boys and is going to try to help Benny, too.

Avoid him if you want, but please understand that I can't do that." With that, Mama put her hand out to cover his as they were clasped on the table.

He jumped at the contact and realized the conversational ball was in his court.

"It's okay. I understand. I won't make a big scene or anything, but I'm just, I don't know, uncomfortable around him. It's like I don't know him. I get that he's sorry and that he looked for me and I should forgive him and be all normal again, but..."

Before he could get any further, Mama stopped him by tightening her hand on his and saying, "No, baby. There are no 'should's in this situation.

You heal at your own rate and take what you need from us. We are all so eager to help you, not because you are Nick's son, but because you are Daniel, a young man who needs our help right now. Let us help you get back on your feet. Do you know what you want to do? There's not any hurry now, but if you've got something in mind, let me know."

"Benny says that you let boys help in the diner to make a little money and I don't want to just do nothing anymore. I want to help out. I can work." Daniel was sure about that, at least.

"Sure, hon. We can always use the help. Some of our boys just left for better jobs. Mano is doing so well at Take It Slow 93.the dance studio and he's happy there. You can help with what Benny does. We'll take it slow to begin with, and when you decide what you want to do with your life, we'll help you get started on it. What about school? Do you want to finish that last year?" She quizzed him gently, as if letting him know that he didn't have to have the answers now.

"I haven't even thought of that. I think it would be hard to fit in with the other seniors now, after all I've been through." Daniel almost panicked at the thought of trying to act normal around students who were two years younger and even more than that in experience.

"Hey, hon, don't worry about it now. How about you kind of shadow Benny today while he works? Watch what he does, help him out if he asks, and see if you think you can handle it for a while, until you're more settled. Does that sound like a plan?" Mama was getting up as she asked this.

"Yes, ma'am. That sounds like a good idea. Thanks for letting me help out."

"That's fine, baby. I know you need to feel like you're getting your life back, being your own man. Glad to help, but you make sure your stomach is okay, first. Eat some breakfast and don't try to do a full day's work right away. Okay? Do that for Mama?"

Like he could turn down anything she asked, even if he had any other kinds of plans. He tried a smile for her and nodded, getting a soft pat on the shoulder as she headed to the kitchen. Before he could get up, Benny was at the tableside with his breakfast and a teasing smile.

"Got your Mama talk, huh? Isn't she great?" Benny grinned as he set the bland but delicious food down in front of Daniel.

94."Yeah, she's pretty cool." Daniel must have sounded as reserved as he felt.

"I get why you're holding back on getting to love her like everyone else does." Daniel was shocked at the words from Benny. He started to deny it, but took a second and realized it was true, a little.

"It's okay, man. She's such a fan of your dad, and that just doesn't sit well with you, and that makes perfect sense to me." Benny said, leaning down as he prepared to step away from the table to add, "I'm the one who knows what you go through every night. It's going to take some time before you warm up to anyone, especially someone who accepts your dad."

Daniel wanted to apologize for waking Benny every night, but he felt so stupid, so needy. He didn't know what to say.

"Hey, don't take that wrong. I don't mind being there for you, Daniel. I mean that. It means a lot to me that I can help you feel better. We're not hurting anything or anyone. I'm glad we're the only ones in the dorm right now, though. I hear that sometimes there are as many as five guys in there, all with s.h.i.+t-luck stories like ours, in varying degrees of suckitude, you know?" Benny patted his shoulder, too, his hand lingering a little longer than Mama's had. Daniel wanted to lean into Benny for that little bit of comfort that he knew he would find being close to the other young man.

"Thanks, Benny. I know I cling too much. I hate that I can't get through a night without freaking out. I don't get it. I know I'm safe now. I should be over this silly fear." Daniel hated feeling weak.

"Oh, yeah. You should get over two years of h.e.l.l in less than a week. Uh-huh. Give yourself a break, Daniel." Benny suggested.

95."Okay. All of it wasn't that bad. The time I spent with Tony and Randall was at least a safe time, though I was always worried about being found out because I wasn't in school or something like that, but they were both okay guys. They didn't hurt me or try anything with me like Jack wanted. They weren't really warm men, if you know what I mean, but they were good to me. I missed them for a long time after they died. They saved me and took care of me pretty well." Daniel sat for a moment, thinking of the two men and how his life had been with them.

"I'm glad you had them, Daniel. The time you spent with Jack was so much worse, and I'm sure it's made a more lasting impression on you. That fear that he caused you made you sick. I really wish they'd done something to him, charged him with something." Benny looked righteously indignant.

"Mama said I could shadow you today, maybe help a little and learn from you so I can start helping out."

Daniel realized that he had started to eat as he talked with Benny and was already about finished. He was so much more comfortable around Benny than anyone. He liked Mano a lot, but he was gone so much at the place he worked.

"Cool, man. When you finish, you can bus your own table, huh?" Benny laughed, and Daniel joined him. He stopped, surprised that he was actually laughing, and over something so small.

Benny noticed and winked. Daniel knew that Benny got it, how shocked he was that he was laughing and how good it felt. Daniel wanted to stand up and hug his friend but thought he'd better not. It was a gay-friendly place, but not everyone was accepting, he figured, knowing that some truckers were very bigoted.

96.Benny left to get someone coffee, and Daniel began his job that day by bussing his own table as Benny had suggested. Later that afternoon, during a quiet time, Boddy took him on a tour of the whole place, including the store that was connected to the diner and used by the truckers and travelers who came through. It contained everything from clothes, to small truck parts, to all the snacks and drinks that people on the road stopped in to pick up as they filled up their cars before going on with their journeys. Daniel decided he'd like working in the diner, closer to Benny and Boddy, because he was beginning to feel comfortable around both of them.

Two weeks later, Daniel had only seen his dad twice.

It bugged him that he watched for him. He didn't want to see him or talk to him, but somehow he kept an eye out for him. It wasn't as easy these days, since he was spending most of his time in the kitchen with Mama and Boddy.

Evidently, he was taking Mano's place with the pie-making, which he had to admit was interesting and fun.

It was rewarding to mix all those good ingredients and put the pies in the oven. When they came out, transformed and smelling like heaven, he felt such a sense of accomplishment. He'd learned that Mano had spent a lot of his time helping Mama do just this. He liked even better not having to be out front in the diner.

It became clear after only two days that working with Benny out front was not going to work. Every time the door opened, Daniel jumped, jerked, dropped something, or just froze in place. No one had to wonder what the problem was. Daniel was scared that every man who opened that door might be Jack Basham, coming to Take It Slow 97.take him back. Daniel knew that Jack had waited all that time for a payout that he'd never received. Daniel was living in fear, afraid that Jack hadn't given up on getting what he wanted.

Daniel was grateful to Mama Sasy for declaring she needed his help in the kitchen and that he could learn to cook with Boddy. He was actually enjoying the fast pace of the short order cook. He liked to hear Mama singing along with the musicals that seemed to always be playing on the small TV in the corner of the big kitchen.

Mano and Easy had gone to Florida on a quick trip to make arrangements for Mano's mother to come to Nashville. Next week, Easy had taken the week off to help make it happen. It seemed that Mano's mother was wheelchair bound due to severe arthritis. They'd all worked on making Mama Sasy's apartment accessible for Mama Rosa.

"Hey, gotta minute?" Benny stuck his head in the kitchen door and smiled at Daniel.

"Actually, I do. Pies are cooling, and Boddy has it under control. What do you need?" Daniel washed his hands after clearing the counter of all the pie-making utensils. He was getting pretty good at this, and it made him feel good.

"Wanna go do something fun?" Benny laughed at the shocked look on Daniel's face.

"Fun? Now? But, we can't leave work," Daniel said, following it with, "Can we?" A smile started. Fun? How long had it been since the word fun had any meaning in his life? And it was Benny asking.

"Mama suggested we take a few hours and do something. You in?" Benny asked, brows raising and lowering in an exaggerated expression.

"You're crazy." Daniel actually laughed. That was becoming a little easier these days. He took off the big Take It Slow 98.white ap.r.o.n and folded it. A grinning Boddy took it and shooed the two of them out of the kitchen.

Benny laughed and took Daniel's hand, pulling him out the back door.

"Wait, where are we going?" Daniel asked.

He stopped and stared. Right by the door was Easy's big blue Ford, and he and Mano were inside, smiling, the back door open.

"Ready for an adventure?" Mano asked, through the window, his eyes s.h.i.+ning.