Takeoff. Part 29

It is only as we approach the end of the Antedeluvian Age that another void appears.

The naval architect Zuizudras built his great vessel during the reign of King d.a.m.nir. fifteenth and last of his name. King d.a.m.nir XV died only ten months before the onset of the Great Catastrophe. leaving his only son as heir. But since this sovran had no opportunity to build monuments to himself. as was the custom. his name has not been preserved.

Nonetheless, because of this custom of monument building or a millennium and a quarter. we have a nearly complete list of he Kings of Mehk-Pyget, from Ahlmos I to d.a.m.nir the Last,

-The Annals of Unrecorded History

"REVIEWS IN VERSE".

By Randall Garrett

I started writing these things in 1951, with no notion whatever that they were publishable, except perhaps, in a fanzine. (A "fanzine," for those of you who do not dig the slang of science fiction fans, is a "little" magazine published by a fan or fans in order to get things in print which the professional magazines ("prozines") won't buy. Many of them are very good. Those which are not die quickly and are called "crudzines." Back in '51, most of them were mimeographed or even hectographed. Today, most are offset. With the exception of a very few, payment is in free copies of the issue in which one's work appears. Nearly every professional author has had offbeat work appear in a fanzine.) My inspiration for this work was a New Yorker named Newman Levy. By profession, he was a lawyer, but as a hobby he constructed light verse. (And "construct" is the word! Good light verse is an engineering problem, since, unlike "serious" poetry, it should be absolutely perfect in meter, rhyme, and sense.) During the Roaring Twenties, Newman Levy turned out dozens of them, and many were, like mine, "Reviews in Verse"-although he never used that phrase that I know of.

Levy's Opera Guyed, published by Alfred Knopf, is almost a textbook on How To Do It. So is his Theater Guyed.

Many of his works are quoted and printed today (the copyright has run out) without giving the author's name. Do you remember "Thais"?

One time in Alexandria, in wicked Alexandria, Where nights were wild' with revelry, and life was but a game, There lived, so the report is, an adventuress and courtesan, The pride of Alexandria, and Thais was her name.

Or his takeoff on W. Somerset Maugham's "Rain," the story of the Immor(t)al Sadie Thompson, which begins:

On the isle of Pago Pago, Land of palm trees, rice, and sago, Where the Chinaman and Dago Dwell 'mid natives dusky-hued.

Lived a dissolute and shady Bold adventuress named Sadie; Sadie Thompson was the lady, And the life she lived was lewd.

And the final line is an absolute smasher!

Levy was a master of double and triple feminine rhyme, and of mosaic rhyme ("report is, an"-" courtesan"). His stuff rolls off, the tongue.

So I decided to try to do for science fiction what Newman Levy had done for opera and the theater.

One evening, at a party in New York, someone asked me to recite one of my reviews for the group. Since I am about as bashful and modest as Isaac Asimov, and for similar reasons, I acceded to the request.

There is an old one-liner: "He asked me if I like card tricks; I said no; he showed me ten."

I think I had to be shut up with a fire extinguisher.

But sitting in that crowd was a gentleman named Robert A. W. "Doc" Lowndes, who wasthen editor of Original Science Fiction Stories, Future Science Fiction, and Science Fiction Quarterly.

Doc Lowndes, bless 'im, said: "If you'll type those up and bring them to my office, I'll buy 'em."

And he did.

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE ORIGINAL STORY, PLEASE DON'T READ.

MY VERSE FIRST. GO OUT AND BUY, BEG, OR BORROW A COPY OF THE ORIGINAL WORK.

AND READ IT. THEN READ THE VERSE.

AFTER ALL, WHO WANTS TO KNOW THE WHOLE PLOT OF A STORY BEFORE.

READING IT?.

ISAAC ASIMOV'S.

"THE CAVES OF STEEL".

By Randall Garrett

Many years ago, John Campbell made the flat statement that it was impossible to write a science fiction detective story. The hero can always whip out his hyperinductivizer and re-create the scene of the crime in toto, or he can get into his handy-dandy time machine and go back to watch the murder being committed, or he can read all the suspects' minds, or...

In other words, since anything can happen in a science fiction story, the job is too easy. No suspense. And no need for a detective.

Now, every time John made a flat statement like that, at least one of his authors would try to prove him wrong. And very often succeeded. The idea was to prove John wrong and make him pay for it. It was a game we all loved.

The first to succeed at the detective story game was Hal Clement, with "Needle." The question was: "Where is the alien hiding?" It was strictly fair; all the clues were given and the reader had a fair, honest chance of finding out where the critter was hidden before the author told him.

But...It wasn't a formal detective story.

In the strictly formal detective story, there must be a detective, either amateur or professional, and he must solve the crime -usually murder. In "Needle" the crime is an alien one, and so is the detective. There is no murder, and the detective does not solve the puzzle. His host, a human boy, does. Don't get me wrong; it's a good story, but you have to stretch things pretty thin to call it a formal detective story.

However, "Needle" paved the way. You can write a formal detective story of science fiction, but first you must define your parameters! You must make it perfectly clear that the detective can not pull rabbits out of hats or superscience gadgets out of his home lab.

Even in a society where good old-fas.h.i.+oned magic works, the job can be done. I've done it myself, in Too Many Magicians and other Lord Darcy stories.

But the man who showed me how was Isaac Asimov in The Caves of Steel.

In the future, when the towns are caves of steel Clear from Boston, Ma.s.sachusetts, to Mobile, There's a cop, Elijah Baley, who's the hero of this tale. He Has a s.p.a.cer robot helper named Daneel.

For it seems that there's some guys from Outer s.p.a.ce (They're descendants of the Terran human race), And allover Terra's globe, it seems they're giving jobs to robots, Which are hated by the people they replace.

So a certain s.p.a.cer, Sarton, gets rubbed out, And the Chief says to Elijah: "Be a scout; Go and find out just whodunit, and, although it won't be fun, it Will result in your promotion, without doubt!"

The a.s.signment puts Elijah on the spot.

He must do the job up right; if he does not, It not only will disgrace him, but the robot will replace him If the robot is the first to solve the plot

In the city, there's a riot at a store.

R. Daneel jumps on a counter, and before Baley knows it, pulls his blaster. Then he bellows: "I'm the master Here, so stop it, or I'll blow you off the floor!"

So the riot's busted up before it starts, And Elijah's wounded ego really smarts.

"Well," he says, "you quelled that riot, but a robot wouldn't try it!

Dan, I think you've got a screw loose in your parts!"

Baley doesn't see how R. Daneel could draw Out his blaster, for the First Robotic Law Says: "No robot may, through action or inaction, harm a fraction Of a whisker on a human being's jaw."

Since Daneel, the robot, has a human face, And he looks exactly like the guy from s.p.a.ce Who has been a.s.sa.s.sinated, Mr. Baley's quite elated, For he's positive he's solved the murder case!

"The Commissioner ," he says, "has been misled, 'Cause there hasn't been a murder! No one's dead!

Why you did it, I don't know, but I don't think you are a robot!

I am certain you are Sarton, sir, instead!"

"Why, that's rather silly, partner," says Daneel, "And I'm awful sorry that's the way you feel."

Then, by peeling back his skin, he shows Elijah that, within, he Is constructed almost totally of steel!

Well, of course, this gives Elijah quite a shock.

So he thinks the whole thing over, taking stock Of the clues in their relation to the total situation, Then he goes and calls a special robot doc.

Says Elijah Baley: "Dr. Gerrigel, This here murder case is just about to jell!

And to bust it open wide, I'll prove this robot's homicidal!

Look him over, doc, and see if you can tell."

So the doctor gives Daneel a thorough test While the robot sits there, calmly self-possessed.

After close examination, "His First Law's in operation,"

Says the doctor, "You can set your mind at rest."

That leaves Baley feeling somewhat like a jerk, But Daneel is very difficult to irk; He just says: "We can't stand still, or we will never find the killer. Come on, partner, let us buckle down to work."

Now the plot begins to thicken-as it should; It's the thickening in plots that makes 'em good.

The Police Chiefs robot, Sammy, gives himself the double whammy, And the reason for it isn't understood.

The Commissioner says: "Baley, you're to blame!

Robot Sammy burned his brain out, and I claim That, from every single clue, it looks as though you made him do it!"

Baley hollers: "No, I didn't! It's a frame!"

Then he says: "Commish, I think that you're the heel Who's the nasty little villain in this deal!

And I'll tell you to your face, I really think you killed the s.p.a.cer, 'Cause you thought he was the robot, R. Daneel!"

The Commissioner breaks down and mumbles: "Yes- I'm the guy who did it, Baley-I confess!"