Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 2

The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.

"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

"Honey, what's for supper?" No response.

So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response.

So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response.

On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?". No response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

"For the fifth time, chicken!"

Engineer In h.e.l.l.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of h.e.l.l and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in h.e.l.l, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, G.o.d calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in h.e.l.l?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

G.o.d replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

G.o.d says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Saddammed!.

Enjoy the Following...

The latest breaking news from White House ..they have disclosed the sentence which Sadaam spoke at the moment when he got caught by the Us soldiers at Iraq..and the Us soldiers got shocked to hear that sentence.

...... it is really disgusting to hear from a dictator who got caught after a long man hunt ..wanna know what it is just scroll ..

This is definitely significant like Gandhi's last words "Hey Ram".....

The whole U.S. and Iraq have stunned on hearing this scroll down.....................

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"Yeppidi Eruntha Naan.....Eppidi Ayitten"

vj.

Married Couple.

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circ.u.mstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."

1970 - 2000.

Difference b/w panties of 1970 & 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to see the b.u.t.tocks, In 2000, you have to seperate the b.u.t.tocks to see the panties.

What is the difference between a Cricketer and a Condom?

Cricketer drops the catch, and a Condom catchs the drops.

Did you know that Condoms have serial nos?It's on the rim.....U dont know that...?

It's okay...It's probably becoz you dont roll them that far anyway....

Why are women known as the best architects?

Coz theyare the only one who can demolish an erection without damaging the structure...

Q.Why does the pleasure of s.e.x diminish after marriage?

A: Because the realisation hits u that u are in bed with a relative.

Whats the difference between a Kiss,a Car, & a Monkey?

A kiss is so Dear, A car is too Dear, & the Monkey is you Dear.

What do u call a dead drunk Parsi? BEJAAN DARUWALA What do u call a parsi pimp? NAARI CONTRACTOR What is a parsi test tube baby known as? BATLIBOI Husband ask,"Do u know meaning of WIFE - Without Information Fighting Everytime!!!"

Wife replies,"It means - With Idiot For Ever!!!"

Cat Goes To Heaven.

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. G.o.d meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'

The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' G.o.d says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. G.o.d meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' G.o.d says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, G.o.d decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. G.o.d gently wakes him and asks, 'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best.

Alligator Shoes.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" att.i.tude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "d.a.m.n it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Marketing.

>Hi, >Ways of marketing ...Jst go thru > >You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

>You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"

>That's Direct Marketing.

> >You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous >girl.

>One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, >"He's very rich.Marry him."

>That's Advertising.

> >You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

>You go up to her and get her telephone number.

>The next day you call and say, "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."

>That's Telemarketing.

> >You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

>You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and >pour her a drink.

>You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she >drops it, offer her aride, and then say, >"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"

>That's Public Relations.

> >You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

>She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."