Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 18

When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of gla.s.ses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sus.h.i.+?

What's another word for synonym?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

How can there be self-help groups?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a s.h.i.+pment, but when you transport something by s.h.i.+p, it's called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?

When you open a new bag of cotton b.a.l.l.s, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When your pet birds sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Washroom Grafitti.

Here I lie in stinky vapor, Because some b.a.s.t.a.r.d stole the toilet paper, Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Washroom Graffiti 3.

Here I sit Broken hearted Tried to s.h.i.+t But only farted

Washroom Graffiti 4.

You're lucky You had your chance I tried to fart, And s.h.i.+t my pants!

Washroom Graffiti 5.

I came here To s.h.i.+t and stink, But all I do Is sit and think.

Washroom Graffiti 6.

Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to s.h.i.+t and stink, But I come here to scratch my b.a.l.l.s,< and="" read="" the="" bulls.h.i.+t="" on="" the="">

Washroom Graffiti 7.

(written high upon the wall) If you can p.i.s.s above this line, the Hillsboro Fire Department wants you.

Washroom Graffiti 8.

We aim to please!

You aim too! Please!

Washroom Graffiti 9.

Seen above a urinal: Please do not throw cigarette b.u.t.ts in our urinal.

We don't p.i.s.s in your ashtrays!

Washroom Graffiti 10.

Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words: 'Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber.'

Washroom Graffiti 11.

On the inside of a toilet door: Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

Washroom Graffiti 12.

A sign at a swimming pool bathroom: We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in our pool!

Washroom Graffiti 13.

Another sign seen at a swimming pool: Welcome to our ool.

Notice there's no P in it.

Please keep it that way.

Washroom Graffiti 14.

Sign seen at a restaurant: The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Real Laws.

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke!

Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

California: 1. Community leaders pa.s.sed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

4. [SARASOTA] It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Indiana: 1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.

2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.