Jokes Book Collection Part Vi Part 30

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, cla.s.s, who discovered America?

CLa.s.s: George!

TEACHER: w.i.l.l.y, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

w.i.l.l.y: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

Teacher: "George Was.h.i.+ngton not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

Student: Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your

brother's. Did u copy his?

Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.

Are You An Indian.

ARE YOU INDIAN

You are Indian if...

1. Everything you eat is savored In garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, ts.h.i.+ck,ts.h.i.+ck,tschick, tschick.

4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.

6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.

7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.

8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Honey & Money, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam.) 9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"

11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

14. Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.

15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.

16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some household items).

20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law and now...are after Software and only Software no matter which field you belong to.

24. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

25. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

26. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.

27. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

28. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

29. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

30. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.

31. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

32. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."

33. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

34. Your parents don't realise phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

35. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them away from getting dirty.