Jokes Book Collection Part Vii Part 7

The father was crushed.He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and it is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for many years and whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us as humans have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, friends, family or G.o.d. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew, I'd like to welcome you onboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard (right) side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the Port (left) wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Thank you for flying British Airways"

A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby.

She said " Let's start with the boys first.

The Boys start giving their intro.......

First boy : "My name is john, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub." The Teacher was confused to listen and said, "Interesting -well, ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John. Yes, next-"

Second boy : "Myself Peter, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub" The Teacher now got surprised and said, "Gooodd.. I like the spirit of supporting a friend . Ok, next -"

Third boy : "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub"

Teacher : "Guys, are u joking or what ? Please be sincere. Ok, next -"

This continues, and the last boy stands up : "I'm Harry, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub" Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach u ungrown boyz for long. Any way, now the girls please -"

First girl : "I'm July and my hobby is to watch birds" Teacher : "Gooodd. At last I got something different. Ok next-" Second girl : "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes" Teacher : "Now its like educated grown-up girls. Ok, next- you, sweet girl- yes, you.."

The most gorgeously beautiful girl of the cla.s.s : "Maa'm, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to bathe three times a day".......!!!

A b.u.m approaches a man pa.s.sing by for money.

Man: "Are you going to use it to buy booze?"

b.u.m: "No."

Man: "Will you use it to buy cigarettes?"

b.u.m: "No, sir."

Man: "Are you going to gamble it away?"

b.u.m: "Why, no!"

Man: "Then will you come home with me and show my wife what happens to a man who doesn't drink, smoke, or gamble?"

This is Cute!

CHOCOLATE MATHEMATICS

This is pretty neat how it works out.

This is cool chocolate math!!!!!!!

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute.......

Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun..

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate. (try for more than once but less than 10) 2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold) 3. Add 5. (for Sunday) 4. Multiply it by 50 (being a bit stupid) I'll wait while you get the calculator................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1751....

If you haven't, add 1750 ..........

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. (if you remember)

You should have a three digit number .....

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are your age.

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2001) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS. IMPRESSIVE ISN'T IT?

What's the difference between Biology and Sociology?

A: When the baby look like the father, its Biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, its Sociology!

=== A wife one evening drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple ? How loving they are ? He kisses her every time they meet.

Why don't you do that ? she asked. The husband replied " I tried once but she slapped me.

=== The nervous blonde sat on the dentist's chair to have her tooth extracted. Seeing so many instruments, she got frightened. "Doc, I would rather have a baby than have my tooth pulled out."

The dentist retorted, "Well, make up your mind so that I can adjust the chair accordingly."

=== Q: What is the difference between a good secretary & an excellent one?

A: A good secretary says, "Good morning, sir." & an excellent secretary says, "It's morning, sir."

Bill Clinton died and went to heaven. When he was stop by saint peter at the gates, Peter asked him...what have u done in your life so as to impress me and let you in?

"Well i was the best d.a.m.n president this world has ever seen!" St. Peter was impressed and let him in.

When Bill entered heaven...he didn't picture it to be this way. Everywhere he looked there were clocks ticking with names of people who were on earth. He noticed that they would tick in an uneven pattern. He asked St. Peter.

"Why is it that these clocks aren't ticking in a normal pattern?"

"well, u see everytime SOMEONE TELLS A LIE the second hand ticks once"

Bill scratches his head...he looks for his to see how his end of the bargin is holding up. Bewildered he doesn't see his at all, and he was even the president! So he asks "ST Peter...i don't mean to ask so many questions but...where is my clock? i mean...i must be popular...i'm surprised mine isn't the first one on the wall!"

ST Peter says..."Well since your so special...we've set it up in G.o.d's office!"

Bill was really surprised to hear that!

"WOW u really mean that? can i see it?"

"sure thing" says St Peter.....they walk to G.o.d's office and low and behold he sees his clock spinning wildly!!!!!!

St Peter says...you see your clock is so special because G.o.d uses it as his celing fan!!!!

The lovers pa.s.sionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own beat. The woman c.o.c.ked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.

The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. "What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.

"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you," she replied with a knowing smile.

"Great," he said, "I'll just step into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.

"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.

"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.

"But.. but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.

The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, "The little b.a.s.t.a.r.ds!"