Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 3

2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just pa.s.ses quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3) Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'

Q: Did he kill you?

4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6) Were you alone or by yourself?

7) How long have you been a French Canadian?

8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9) Q: I show you exhibit and ask you if you recognize that picture.

A: That's me.

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? 11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: I'll be three months on November 8.

Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?

13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14) So you were gone until you returned?

15) Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there girls?

16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the bas.e.m.e.nt?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleas.h.i.+ng a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

Two law partners hire a new cute, young secretary and a contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. "So what did you think?" he asks.

"Ahh," replies the first lawyer, "my wife is better."

Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary.

"So," asks the first guy, "what did you think?"

The second guy replies, "You were right."

That's not right. - Sum Ting Wong.

Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me as soon as possible. - k.u.m Hia Nao.

Stupid Man. - Dum Gai.

Small Horse. - Tai Ni Po Ni.

Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?

I b.u.mped into a coffee table. - Ai Bang Mai Ni.

I think you need a face lift. - Chin Tu Fat.

It's very dark in here. - Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet. - Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King.

You are not very bright. - Yu So Dum.

I got this for free. - Ai No Pei.

Please stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?

Stay out of sight. - Lei Lo.

He's cleaning his automobile. - Wa s.h.i.+ng Ka.

Your body odor is offensive. - Yu Stin Ki Pu.

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were going in an auto. They met with an accident and all three of them die. Yama Dharma Raj was waiting for this moment.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to h.e.l.l.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All three of them served public. Similarly, took bribes, misused public post etc. He felt that there should be a formal test or a concrete way to decide this, and should not be just based on opinion.

Yama agrees to this and asks all three of them to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too pa.s.ses.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

It is not fair that he is given a tough question and thus forced to fail.

Yama agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance a.s.suming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi is ideal).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and pa.s.ses.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too pa.s.ses. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR........." Tough one.

Fails.

Laloo is not happy. Being a historystudent, he preferred only to be tested in History. Yama saysthis is the last chance and he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied"1947"

and pa.s.sed.

Advani is asked "How many people died in it?". He gets nervous.

Yama asked him to choose from 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000 (clue). Advani catches it and says 200,000 and pa.s.ses.

It's Laloo's turn now.

Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died. LALOO accepts defeat and agrees to go to h.e.l.l.

MORAL:

IF SOMEONE IS DETERMINED TO SCREW YOU, ANTIc.i.p.aTE IT AND BE PREPARED TO ACCEPT IT. THERE IS NO ESCAPE .(MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE AS IT EXISTS TODAY).

If you are in the USA ...............

U don't open conversation(on telephone)with a "h.e.l.lo" but with a "Hi"

The telephone is never "engaged", it's always "busy".

U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply "hang-up".

U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up".