Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 13

3. Hiros.h.i.+ma & Nagasaki are very complicated names for kids learning history in India , I think Karachi & Islamabad will be easier for them to remember.

4. I know you must be thinking Pakistan will not bomb New Delhi & Bombay. Your guess may be right, but then, what better a way to reduce population that has been the cause of all evil in India.

5. You too have so many nukes under your belt. May be that is what you always try to show off, by pulling your pants down to your female colleagues in your whitehouse. But you see i am too old for all that now.

Saar, please rest a.s.sured that the series of tests are limited in number and pose no danger to USA or to j.a.pan or any other country besides INDIA. Already some nuts have medical problems around the region of the testing area, but not to worry we are asking WHO to look into the matter. As for the sanctions this is not fair. Our commitment to partic.i.p.ate in non-discriminatory and verifiable global disarmament measures is amply demonstrated by our adherence to the two conventions on Biological and Chemical Weapons, where we refused to sign the CTBT (or whatever). But first you disarm then I. I enclose for your information the text of the press statement issued after the nuclear tests were carried out today. I close with the statement of my highest consideration for your country and yourself.

Before I close I would like to ask you for a favour, my nephew has been trying hard to go to US to study MS. Please use your good offices to secure him a seat (donation is no problem). However, he would prefer only Nuclear Physics as he sees a great future, back home, Ii dont know why. Please dont say NO-When you can educate Saddam why not him. I promise to give your daughter or relative 3 stories of the newly constructed Software development park in Hyderabad plus 100 software professionals at their beck and call.

Please convey my regards to bhabiji & love to beti & an extra bite of Pedigre for Buddy.

Yours sincerely, A B Vajpayee (Latest PM of India asof May 19 1998 @ 12.00 IST.

The problems with GUYS :

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him; If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him; If you Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN; If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll Lose FACE; If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he Tries to POSSESS u; If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?) If u don't Let him KISS u, he says u don't Love him; If u let him KISS! ! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME; If u Don't, he says dat u don't TRUST him If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him; If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED; If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl; If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your Exams, he says it's LUCK; If he does Well, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL; If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE! !

so, what u think about guys????

i think u know and i know the answer clearly.....hahahehehe....

How various products help you in proposing to a girl.

Want to propose a girl - Just do it - Nike.

Before going to propose to a girl - Believe in the best - BPL.

If you are hesitating before proposing to a girlgirl - Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.

If you are going to propose to a girl Chances are - 50-50 - Britannia.

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to hergirl - Take it easy - Limca.

Girl says NO !girl - Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

Those who succeed in love always saygirl - We dream because we do - Daewoo.

If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriendgirl - Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

If you love someone girl - Go get it - Visa power .

Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl Neighbors girl - envy owner's pride - Onida Not satisfied with your dategirl - Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

A guy having a number of girl friendsgirl - The Complete Man - Raymonds.

A smart girl having a number of boy friendsgirl - Yeh hai hamara suraksa chakra - Colgate.

For those lost in love girl - Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whiskey For a guy who hasn't yet found one girl - Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Exel.

A good pun is its own reword.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Is a pessimist's blood type always b-negative?

My friend really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my ma.s.seuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you.

You seek problems because you need their gifts.

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only a half.

The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."

As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".

The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, "Minnesota sir".

"Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just wh.o.r.es and hockey players up there."

"My wife is from Minnesota!"

The boy replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"

Answers appear after the questions... NO CHEATING!!!

1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it;and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

2. A child is born in Boston, Ma.s.sachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Ma.s.sachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?

3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leaders.h.i.+p. World War I. From the Men of Battalion 8."Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?

6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?

7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?

8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?