Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 28

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

This is HILLARIOUS!!!!

An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, b.u.t.ter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation: Pakistani : "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian (in a bad mood): " Of course."

Pakistani : (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan , we only eat what's inside.

The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India." The Pakistani has a smirk on his face.

The Indian listens in silence.

The Pakistani persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian : "Of Course." Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling), "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India ."

The Indian then asks: "Do you have s.e.x in Pakistan ?"

Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Pakistani says with a big smirk. Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Pakistani : "We throw them away, of course."

Indian : "We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan.

Pa.s.s THIS TO EVERYONE IF YOU ARE TRUE INDIAN.

> Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"

> "Sure."

> "Give me a green one, please."

> > Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"

> Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

> > EMPLOYMENT..

> Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly > filled the columns t.i.tled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.

> Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : > He was not sure as to what to be filled there.

> After much thought he wrote : Yes > * * * * * *

> > CROCODILE BOOTS..

> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of > crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a > search is > being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a > huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily > exclaims > "71st and *again* barefeet!"

> > A sardar goes into a store and sees a s.h.i.+ny object.

> He asks the clerk, "What is that s.h.i.+ny object?"

> The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."

> The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, > "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar > says, > "I'lltake it!"

> > The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.

> His sardar boss sees him and asks, > "What is that s.h.i.+ny object with you?"

> He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, > "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold > things > cold."

> The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"

> The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a c.o.ke."

> > A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere > in > Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting > complaints "like why this phone is not telling the people that we are > not at > home?" (he has not even recorded any message!!!) > * * * * * *

> > What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?

> He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

> > What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of > paper ?

> (he already has one and he wants one more..) > He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!

> > Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.

> They were planning for free Punjab.

> Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how > would we develop it?"

> That was a difficult question indeed.

> Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would > take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll > automatically > get developed."

> > All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old > surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't > happy.

> The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF > BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

> > ============================================= > > Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

> "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.

> "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home > removed his > turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the > salesman "I > would like to buy this TV."

> > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "d.a.m.n, he > recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, > haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sungla.s.ses, then waited a > few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to > buy > this TV."

> > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.

> Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"

> "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

> > Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?

> Because below 18 was not allowed.

> > How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?

> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear > * * * * * *

> > What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?

> Pull the pin and throw it back.

> > What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like > crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

> > How do you make a Sardar laugh on Sat.u.r.day?

> Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

> > What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his > ears?

> Trying to hold on to a thought.

> > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?

> So you don't have to re-train them on every Monday.

> > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?

> They always forget the recipe.

> > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?