Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 25

How Indians are Named.

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?"

She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"

She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"

The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Indian Headdress.

A female reporter was doing a doc.u.mentry on American Indians, when the question arose "Why they had so many feathers in their headdress?"

Reporter (asking one brave) "Why do you have one feather in your headdress?"

Brave: "Me have one squaw."

The reporter figures that this did not have everything to do with it.

Reporter: (to another brave) "Why do you have four feathers in your headdress?"

Brave: "Me have four squaws."

Report says to herself "I KNOW that can't have everything to do with it". So she goes to Big Chief.

Reporter: "Big Chief, Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

Big Chief: "Me Big Chief, me f.u.c.k em all, fat, skinny, tall. Me Big Chief, me f.u.c.k em all.

Reporter: "You should be hung!"

Big Chief: "Me is hung like the buffalo."

Reporter: "Why so hostile?"

Big Chief: "Hostile, doggy style, kitty style me Big Chief me f.u.c.k em all!"

Reporter: "Oh Dear!"

Big Chief: "No deer, a.s.shole too tight, runs too fast!!"

Indian in Horseback.

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. Right away she noticed the Indian was trying to get the horse to trot. If the horse slowed to a walk the Indian would kick it; if it started to lope he would slow it down. The jiggling up and down was a little much, but she didn't want to complain. After all she did have the saddle horn to hang onto.

The ride was uneventful otherwise except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, " that Indian was riding bareback.".

Indian Mating Season.

Two Indians and a computer geek were walking along in the desert when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up this hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The geek was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something? "No," said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you.

Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he went.

The geek started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger than the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!" Well... he took off up the hill at a super AST speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day, in the newspaper, the head lines read, NAKED COMPUTER GEEK RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!!!

Indian Watch.

The cowboy was walking in the woods one day and he comes to a clearing. There on a blanket was a naked Indian with an erection.

"What are you doing?" the cowboy asks.

The Indian answers, "Me tell time."

"OK. If you are so good, what time is it?"

The Indian looks down at his p.e.n.i.s and the shadow it made and said, "It 2o'clock."

The cowboy looks at his watch and says, "By Golly, you are right!" The cowboy starts walking again and comes upon another naked Indian laying on a blanket.

"Don't tell me.... You telling time also?"

The Indian looks up at him and says, "Yes, me telling time."

"Okay smart a.s.s, what time is it?"

The Indian looks up at the sun and down at his p.e.n.i.s and says, "It 4'clock."

The cowboy is amazed at the Indian. He keeps walking and hours later he comes upon an Indian on a blanket, masturbating.

"Don't tell me you are telling time!!??"

Indian looks up at him and says, "No, me winding watch!"

Price of Women in Texas.

Back in the good ol' days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red-blooded born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.

The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a b.l.o.w. .j.o.b." The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city-slicker on the spot.

The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!"

Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, h.e.l.l! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of women in Texas!"

Real Cowboy.