Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 37

Use the Word Fascinate.

Little Johnny was in school one day and the teacher asked the cla.s.s to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "When I went to the zoo, the elephants fascinated me."

"That's good" said the teacher, "but I want you to use the word fascinate."

Another little girl raises her hand and says, "The clouds in the sky are very fascinating"

"That's good" said the teacher, "but I want you to use the word fascinate."

Finally Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thought to herself, "There is no way he can say anything dirty with this word."

Little Johnny says "My older sister has this sweater with ten b.u.t.tons on it, but her b.o.o.bs are SO large that she can only fascinate"

What their Dad do for a Living.

A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living.

Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail."

Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick peoplebetter."

All the kids in the cla.s.s had their turn except Little Johnny.

The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"

Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?"

"He turned blue and s.h.i.+t on the carpet."

Which Part Went to Heaven First?

Little Johnny was sitting in cla.s.s one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her cla.s.s which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in G.o.d."

The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand.

He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because G.o.d is all about love."

"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up.

"Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet."

The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh G.o.d, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.

Word on the Blackboard.

One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'p.e.n.i.s' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the cla.s.s looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began cla.s.s.

The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'p.e.n.i.s' again; this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for about a week, she went into the cla.s.sroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one.

Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

Words in a Sentence.

Use TENACIOUS in a sentence.

I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS. Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT,and DETAIL in a sentence.

DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE,first DEFEAT and then DETAIL. Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.

I hear dripping in the sink. I think DEPOSIT is leaking. Use PERSUADING in a sentence.

Jack and Jill got married on Nov. 1, 1997. So on Nov. 1, 998, theyare going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary. Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.

Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION. Use IRAQ, EGYPT, and IRAN in a sentence.

I threw IRAQ at EGYPT and then IRAN. Use PAUL four times in a sentence.

PAUL, be carePAUL, you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL. Use CUISINE in a sentence.

I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a CUISINE math. Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in a sentence.

At the gas station, some people PAMPERS and some PAPERS. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.

(phone rings).....h.e.l.lo? Who SCHOOLING? Use AFFECT in a sentence.

Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring. Use ADIEU in a sentence.

If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you. Use DECANTER in a sentence.

You can order that medicine over DECANTER. Use DEFLATE in a sentence.

Can you please wash DEFLATE for me? Use DELETION in a sentence.

The balat of DELETION is crispy. Use DESPISE in a sentence.

Who baked all DESPISE? Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.

I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic.

AND NOW FOR THE PINOYS WHO CAN READ AND UNDERSTAND FILIPINO Use BORROW in a sentence.

Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.

Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.

Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, CONTEMPLATE. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA) Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero, ma-ARTESIA. Use CADET in a sentence.

CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi._ Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya. Use CARDIAC in a sentence.

Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi. Use CENTURION in a sentence.

Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya. Use DEDICATE in a sentence.

Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan. Use DEFIED in a sentence.

What is 2 + 3?_ Eh DEFIED, dali naman niyon Use DELICACY in a sentence.

Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.

Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya pwede na tayong k.u.main. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.

Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok. Use LAITY in a sentence.

Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos. Use MENTION in a sentence.

Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.

18 & 54.