Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 7

Bakers Job.

A baker's job is a piece of cake. Of course if it's a special job he will rise to the occasion. It's the yeast he can do. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

But they stop making donuts when they get tired of the hole thing. In a bakery, buns usually play a small roll. But tell a baker his dough has fallen, and you'll get a rise out of him. To find out how the business is doing, look at the pie chart. Old bakers never die.

They just keep on making more dough.

Ice-cream.

A guy walks past an ice cream stand that advertises, "Every ice cream flavour in the world."

"Yea right," thinks the guy and walks in. "So you say you have every flavour of ice cream in the world?"

"That's right," says the a.s.sistant.

"O.K. Then, I'll have three scoops of p.u.s.s.y flavoured ice cream, please."

"No problem, sir." As he puts three scoops in a cone and hands it to the guy.

The guy takes a good long lick then grimaces. "Hey, this doesn't taste like p.u.s.s.y, it tastes like s.h.i.+t!"

The a.s.sistant replies, "Of course it tastes like s.h.i.+t, you need to take shorter licks!"

s.e.x and Travel.

I guy walks up to a really pretty girl at the bar and says, "Hey, babe can I buy you a drink?"

She says, "Do you like s.e.x?"

The guy says, "Sure! Of course, I like s.e.x."

Them she asks, "Do you like to travel?"

The guy replies, "Yeah, I love to travel."

"Well" she says, "Then f.u.c.k off some where else."

I'm Not Saying She's Easy, But...

She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.

She's been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.

She's done more s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g than Black and Decker.

She's responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.

She's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.

She's been boarded more times than a train.

She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.

She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube She's spent more time under men than all the country's barstools.

She's had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.

She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

Her body has been declared a national recreation area.

Her gynaecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.

Her pantyhose have a trap door.

Police Dogs.

Two Police officers George and officer Mary had been a.s.signed to walk the beat.

They've only been out a short while when Mary says, "d.a.m.n, I was running late this morning after my workout and shower, I forgot to put on my knickers on! We have to go back to the station so I can to get them."

"No problem", George replies, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit dog a quick sniff, and he'll go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't feel like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. The dogs nose shoots between her legs, sniffs and snorts. After 10 seconds of sniffing, the dog's ears pick up and he sniffs the wind. Then off in a flash he runs towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.

Ten minutes pa.s.s, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

Fifteen minutes pa.s.s, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido runs rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's d.i.c.k in his mouth.

Fertilizer.

A farmer is driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

A little boy, playing in front of his house, see him and shouts, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replies.

"What are you going to do with it?" asks the little boy.

"Put it on my strawberries," answers the farmer.

"You ought to live here," the boy advises him. "We fresh cream on ours."

A Quick eye exam.

This will blow your mind Just try it but no cheating!

Count the number of F's in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS

Managed it?

Scroll down only after you have counted them!

OK?

How many?

Three?

Nope, there are six - no joke!

Try again!

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS

The reasoning is further down...

The brain can't process the word "OF".

Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius Three is normal.

A Blonde guy is driving down the road got pulled over by a policeman. The policeman says, "Hey pal You're drunk!"

The guy replies, "Thank G.o.d for that, I thought the steering had gone."

Hit the fan.

A guy is really desperate to take a dump, so he goes into a nearby bar and asks the bartender where the toilets are. The bartender says, "Go upstairs and it's the second door on the right."