Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Part 26

"What?regular?"

"Yes?regular. His pew's right over opposite ourn?on t'other side the pulpit."

"I thought he lived in London?"

"Well, he does. Where _would_ he live?"

"But I thought _you_ lived in Sheffield?"

I see I was up a stump. I had to let on to get choked with a chicken bone, so as to get time to think how to get down again. Then I says:

"I mean he goes to our church regular when he's in Sheffield. That's only in the summer time, when he comes there to take the sea baths."

"Why, how you talk?Sheffield ain't on the sea."

"Well, who said it was?"

"Why, you did."

"I _didn't_ nuther."

"You did!"

"I didn't."

"You did."

"I never said nothing of the kind."

"Well, what _did_ you say, then?"

"Said he come to take the sea _baths_?that's what I said."

"Well, then, how's he going to take the sea baths if it ain't on the sea?"

"Looky here," I says; "did you ever see any Congress-water?"

"Yes."

"Well, did you have to go to Congress to get it?"

"Why, no."

"Well, neither does William Fourth have to go to the sea to get a sea bath."

"How does he get it, then?"

"Gets it the way people down here gets Congress-water?in barrels. There in the palace at Sheffield they've got furnaces, and he wants his water hot. They can't bile that amount of water away off there at the sea.

They haven't got no conveniences for it."

"Oh, I see, now. You might a said that in the first place and saved time."

When she said that I see I was out of the woods again, and so I was comfortable and glad. Next, she says:

"Do you go to church, too?"

"Yes?regular."

"Where do you set?"

"Why, in our pew."

"_Whose_ pew?"

"Why, _ourn_?your Uncle Harvey's."

"His'n? What does _he_ want with a pew?"

"Wants it to set in. What did you _reckon_ he wanted with it?"

"Why, I thought he'd be in the pulpit."

Rot him, I forgot he was a preacher. I see I was up a stump again, so I played another chicken bone and got another think. Then I says:

"Blame it, do you suppose there ain't but one preacher to a church?"

"Why, what do they want with more?"

"What!?to preach before a king? I never did see such a girl as you.

They don't have no less than seventeen."

"Seventeen! My land! Why, I wouldn't set out such a string as that, not if I _never_ got to glory. It must take 'em a week."

"Shucks, they don't _all_ of 'em preach the same day?only _one_ of 'em."

"Well, then, what does the rest of 'em do?"

"Oh, nothing much. Loll around, pa.s.s the plate?and one thing or another. But mainly they don't do nothing."

"Well, then, what are they _for_?"

"Why, they're for _style_. Don't you know nothing?"

"Well, I don't _want_ to know no such foolishness as that. How is servants treated in England? Do they treat 'em better 'n we treat our n.i.g.g.e.rs?"

"_No_! A servant ain't n.o.body there. They treat them worse than dogs."

"Don't they give 'em holidays, the way we do, Christmas and New Year's week, and Fourth of July?"