How to Ruin Series Part 86

"Ani ohevet o'tach, " I tell him.

"You just said I love you to a girl.

Oat'cha is for a boy."

"Ani ohevet oat'cha. "

"Ani ohevet o'tach. I love you, Amy Nelson-Barak."

We kiss, and I start to move against him.

My pulse is racing, and Avi's heart is pounding against my skin ... and the earth is shattering into two pieces.

No, seriously.

The earth is shattering.

And we're falling.

I realize pretty quickly, through my haze of teenage s.e.xual l.u.s.t, that the earth isn't moving. Our beds are. They're moving apart and Avi and I are falling in between them. Before I know it, Avi falls to the hard cement tile floor. I'm straddling him, so lucky for me his body breaks my fall.

"Ouch," Avi says, his head banging on the tile. "I think I just got a splinter from the bed frame."

"Do you think this was a sign from G.o.d?" I ask. We are in the Holy Land.

G.o.d can't be far away.

"More like a sign from your dad," Avi says, helping me up. "He always warns me not to touch your parts."

Whether it's G.o.d or my dad or some other divine intervention, Avi and I decide it's late and we should probably get as much sleep as we can before we have to head back to the base. Instead of sleeping with our beds pushed together and having another mini-disaster, Avi sleeps on his bed and I sleep on mine.

We bridge the gap between our beds by holding hands until we both fall asleep.

24.

If you don't know where you've come from, it's hard to know where you're going.

"Have you ever been to the Western Wall?" I ask Avi in the morning when we wake up.

"Many times. I got my Bible during my army induction ceremony there."

"What's it like? Rabbi Gla.s.sman told me it's super mystical and spiritual."

Avi sits up, and I think how unfair it is that someone can look so good in the morning. Of course he doesn't have to worry about bed-head because his hair is so short.

He rubs his chin pensively.

"Well?" I say, urging him to respond.

He puts up a finger. "Yeah, um, it is spiritual. I'm not orthodox, but I definitely feel closer to G.o.d when I'm there."

I narrow my eyes. "So what's all the chin-rubbing about? Don't you think I'll be spiritually moved there?"

"Definitely. But ... "

"But, what?"

Avi scratches his head. "But it's got a mechitza.

You know, a part.i.tion, separating the men from the women."

"I'm okay with that. Rabbi Gla.s.sman said it's tradition in more religious synagogues to separate men and women so they can concentrate on praying and not each other. If you're with me, I'll definitely be distracted."

"And you're okay with it even if the men's side is four times the size of the women's?"

Think positive, Amy. "Um, sure."

"And women aren't supposed to pray out loud."

"And men ... "

" ... pray out loud," he says, wincing in antic.i.p.ation of my reaction.

Truth is, I'm okay with it. I'm going with the flow. Even if I don't observe all of the Jewish rules and traditions, I respect the people who do.

"We have time this morning, if you want me to take you there. We'll be backtracking a bit, but it's okay."

"Really?"

"Sure."

"What time does it open?"

"It's always open, Amy. Come on, let's get ready so we can get back to the base on time. Make sure you wear something that covers your knees and shoulders. No tanks or shorts."

It doesn't take long before we're showered, dressed, and heading back toward Jerusalem.

We park a few blocks from the Western Wall. The scenery mixes the old with the new. When we come up to the Wall, the big ancient stones stacked one on top of another reach out to the sky.

I breathe in slowly as I take in the scene.

There's a big area farther from the Wall where people can walk, but if you want to go closer, there's a part.i.tion.

Directly in front of the Wall, people are praying. The men bob up and down, deep in prayer, facing the Wall. Women, on the right side of the part.i.tion, pray just as fervently (albeit more quietly) on their side.

"Jerusalem was destroyed nine times,"

Avi explains as he covers his head with a small, round kippah. "But through it all, the Kotel survived."

Kind of like the Water Tower that survived the Great Chicago Fire, which started when Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked over a lantern (although that historical fact has been hotly debated by the descendants of Mrs. O'Leary). n.o.body debates the fact that this wall has been here for three thousand years.

"They say G.o.d is here, right?" I ask Avi. Because I'm feeling the enormity of the Wall and the attachment my Jewish ancestors have to it.

"It's the holiest of holy places for us.

That's why, even when you're in America, Jews pray facing east-toward the Wall.

Even in Israel, no matter where we are, we pray facing Jerusalem and the Wall. Open up and pour your heart out to G.o.d here, Amy." Avi hands me a small piece of paper and pen.

I tell Avi to go to the men's side while I head to the women's. I look up at the Wall, its chalky yellow boulders neatly stacked one on top of one another. Each boulder is as tall as my chest. The closer I get, the more I see little pieces of paper wedged in between the cracks of the stones.

Don't ask me why tears come to my eyes when I'm a few inches away from the Wall. I feel my faith getting stronger here, especially when I think about the Jews being forbidden here as recently as 1948, when Jews could only view the Wall through barbed wire. In the Six Day War, Israeli soldiers fought and died for this wall.

It makes me feel privileged just being here.

Reaching out, I touch the Wall. The ancient stones are cold, even though it's hot outside. For thousands of years, my ancestors prayed here. In the future, I hope my children come to Israel and feel this wall, considered "the gate to G.o.d."

I scribble my prayers on the paper, words to be shared only between me and G.o.d. In my head, I say the She'ma, the holiest Jewish prayer. She'ma Yisrael!

Adonai Eloheinu! Adonai Echad! Hear O Israel! The Lord is our G.o.d! The Lord is One! and squeeze my paper inside a crack between the boulders.

I look over to the men's side and spot Avi. He's in his military uniform, touching the Wall with his hand and forehead, deep in prayer. The scene touches my heart.

G.o.d, take care of him, I pray silently.

Because he's my past, and my future.

25.

There's no shame in admitting you're an American Princess.

"How's your safta?" Jess asks me in the late afternoon when I join the rest of our unit in the barracks after Avi and I arrive back on base.

I organize my cubby and slide my suitcases under my bed. "She's okay. Her white blood cell counts are low, but they've stabilized her. She told me to go back and finish the program ... something about Baraks not being quitters."

"Well, I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too. By the way, Avi and I are back together."

"I knew it was just a matter of time. You guys are meant for each other."

I look at the gun resting on her lap. Guns are used as a means to help Israelis protect their land and their people. I'm sure these guns mean something totally different to the Palestinians. "Jess, what do you think will happen between you and Tarik in the future?"

I've never asked her this before, because I know she loves him and doesn't want to think about life without him. But if it's not going to work out, why torture yourself by falling more in love with a guy you know you can't have a future with?

"I don't know," Jess says. "I don't think about it."

I think about my future all the time, and always imagine Avi in it. "Have you ever gotten in a fight and thought of breaking up?"

Jess chuckles. "Sure, but I can't stop dating Tarik any more than you can stop dating Avi. When the time comes to talk about the serious stuff, maybe we'll decide it won't work. Until then, I'm not stressing about it. Don't tell me you and Avi talk about the future."

I smile at her. "Yeah, we do."

Her mouth opens wide. "Wow. Please tell me you're not gonna get married at eighteen and skip college."

"I'm not getting married or skipping college. But I hope one day ... " My voice trails off, thinking about what our life might be like in the future.

" ... you'll have little Amys and Avis running around the house," Jess finishes for me.

"Maybe. But we won't name them Amy and Avi-you know most Jewish people don't name their kids after a living relative." Rabbi Gla.s.sman told me it's because of an old superst.i.tion that the Angel of Death will accidentally take the baby instead of the older relative of the same name. As if the Angel of Death would be confused. Maybe I don't believe it, but I'm not taking any chances. There won't be an Amy Jr. or Avi Jr. in my house. Naming zits is another story.

"So when did you and Avi have this discussion?"

"Last night. We stayed at a hotel in Ein Gedi."

"Just the two of you?"

"Yeah." I pull out my suitcase and pretend to rearrange my stuff.

"So? Come on, Amy. Don't keep me in suspense."

I look around to make sure n.o.body is eavesdropping. "We didn't have s.e.x, if that's what you're getting at," I whisper. "I mean, I wanted to. And he wanted to."

Jess hasn't been a virgin for years, ever since she and Michael Greenberg did it soph.o.m.ore year. But Jess isn't the result of two people getting together one night out of l.u.s.t and nothing else; I am.

Jess waves her hand in a "come on, spill the beans" gesture. We seriously have less than five minutes before the next activity. I can't possibly describe how amazing it is that Avi and I reconnected. My body is still humming from the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice whispering s.e.xy things in my ear, making me s.h.i.+ver with excitement. I'm definitely applying to colleges in Israel so we can be together whenever possible. I can't wait until our next boot camp activity just so I can see him again ... even if we can't be "with"

each other. As long as we can see each other, I'm totally psyched.

Ronit comes into the barracks with Liron and they tell us to line up outside. I actually smile at Liron and don't fear that she's my rival. I pick up George II and head outside. The guys are waiting for us. I know we're going to the shooting range to practice, but I don't see anyone from Avi's unit besides Liron here.

Liron taps me on the shoulder. "Avi's not here. He wanted me to let you know that he was sorry he couldn't say goodbye."

What? Avi's not here? For how long?

"Will he be back tomorrow?"