Dog Handling Part 9

"Dog handling, dog handling. Didn't I tell you, darling?" he practically sang down the phone.

"No, I'm not interested in dog handling anymore, Davo. What I want is to know if it's really awful to be wanting to kiss someone else's boyfriend. I mean I know that it is, but he was once mine and possession is nine-tenths of the law and so maybe I still have a stake in him and I'm really only reclaiming my right. Right?"

"Shut the f.u.c.k up a minute, honey. For starters, where Amelia Fraser is concerned we have no qualms about morality. She wears fur and once s.h.a.gged a friend of mine whose pregnant wife was actually in labour as she was getting her gums around his plums. So lose that concern."

"Holy moley. That's fantastic. G.o.d, thanks, Dave, now it's all going to be fine and-"

"I said hush. Has something really significant not occurred to you here?" Dave asked, now getting out of bed to locate a can of c.o.ke-this was going to require energy.

"Like what?" asked Liv, but she was losing interest. She'd heard all the good bits, and the best was surely just filler. Now she needed her beauty sleep.

"Like the fact that you have completely proved my theory on dog handling."

"How?" Liv wondered.

"Okay, you went to the party and because you saw the fat guy at the other end of the room you were so busy trying not to be seen by him that you completely abandoned Ben Parker. Right?"

"Well, yes, but I didn't mean to. I mean I would have stayed and talked to him if I hadn't seen Will."

"But Ben didn't know this. All Ben sees is a girl who doesn't want to talk to him. A girl with a ball who doesn't want to play." Dave was very excited at the confirmation of his closely held theory. "So naturally our dog is intrigued. He wants more, so he comes back to the girl as she's about to run out of the door and leave the party and begins to sniff her."

"I was only going to leave because I was so worried about escaping Will." Liv frowned; she really should be asleep now if she wasn't going to have shopping bags under her eyes in the morning.

"And then . . . G.o.d, my darling, you were abso-b.l.o.o.d.y-lutely wonderful. Because then came the piece de resistance. My clever dog handler gave away just a little; she strolled out onto the beach in an insouciant fas.h.i.+on with her cardigan cleverly b.u.t.toned up and she chatted sweetly and showed our dog what a lovely, loveable girl she was and then . . . she refused to kiss him. Perfection. I couldn't have done it better myself."

"But, Dave, I would have kissed him if I didn't pong to high heaven," Liv said, though she was beginning to see a pattern.

"But he was still on your case, wasn't he? He didn't think oh, she doesn't want to kiss me, so I'll go eat worms and die. He invited you to his party and then-how I love you, my darling clever Liv-when you didn't show tonight he dashed into the bedroom when Amelia wasn't looking and called you, desperate to know you better, to have you. And all because he thinks he can't have you." Dave collapsed back on the bed in a heap. "This is almost better than Brad's perfect little legs wrapping themselves around me in my dream. I'm so glad you called me."

Actually, Liv wasn't terribly glad she'd called Dave at all now.

"Does that mean that he doesn't fancy me and it's only because I'm dog handling that he wants me?" Liv was a bit concerned.

"No, he doesn't do this to check out chicks in the supermarket. Just that if he does fancy you and you press the right b.u.t.tons and don't give him what he wants when he wants it then YOU RULE."

"I do?" Liv was unconvinced and nervous. "Then how do I get to kiss him and carry on ruling?"

"So simple you'll choke. All you need to do tomorrow is rock up on the jetty wearing something divine, not look at him at all, and barely even acknowledge his presence. But when you do, you have to be heaven on a pole or he'll just think you're a b.i.t.c.h."

"But do I get to kiss him?" Liv was bursting to know. "Or else really what's the point?"

"The point comme toujours is that you make him fall in love with you. You're not just a one-night stand or some floozy in a bikini. You're the real McCoy. The love of his life. But the good news is that you do get to kiss him tomorrow. But then you have to back off. Right away. Say thanks, but no thanks, I could not possibly, as you have a girlfriend and, frankly, this isn't on my agenda right now."

"I say that?" Liv was not convinced.

"Not in so many words. But this isn't until you've shown him that you're a very competent girl in the bedroom department and can do whizzbang tricks. Or at least just give him the impression that you might. Don't actually perform for him yet."

"f.u.c.k. Like what?"

"I don't know. Improvise. But make it good. Listen, I have to go, otherwise I'll never be up and I've got to paint my float for Carnival tomorrow, but call me and let me know how it goes, okay?"

"Promise. And thanks, Davo." Liv put down the phone. "I think."

Chapter Twelve.

And Sit By the time the party began to a.s.semble on the harbour, the sun had scorched the mist off the morning and climbed to dazzling heights over the city. Rose Bay was dotted with tiny craft and the neighbouring beaches were dappled with languid p.r.o.ne bodies. Liv had been up for her surfing hours ago. Spurred on by nerves and romance, she'd even honed her skills somewhat, and today had been a breakthrough for Justin, as Liv hadn't screamed and swum in the other direction when the wave came towards her.

Still flushed with triumph, she'd gone home and decided to wear her new swimsuit. Before she'd fallen asleep last night she'd finished a latter-years Liz Taylor number that was designed to hide all the places Betty Ford couldn't reach. Thus with the help of the purple feathers and expanses of something new and formidably tough called techno-fabric Liv had fas.h.i.+oned a swimsuit-and-sarong ensemble that boasted a cleavage-to-lower-body ratio of something like 7650000:1. You see, mathematical ability was good for some things. Cleavage was good for others.

An hour later, Liv wasn't sure that she'd done the right thing in wearing her new bathing suit on the bus. She'd had one proposal of bigamy, two offers to carry her bags (she had none, merely a rolled-up towel under her arm), and an invitation to join an agency for surrogate motherhood between the Oxford Street stop and Watson's Bay. Quite how the upper echelons of Sydney society, namely Amelia and crew, would react to Liv's Liz look remained to be seen. Thankfully, the second she stepped off the bus the first person Liv spied was Alex, sitting on the jetty with her head buried in a book.

"Hey, Ally Bongo, it's me." Liv sauntered towards her, though the spring of elastic in her suit could well have catapulted her all the way.

"Ooh, baby!" Alex yelped as she caught sight of Liv. "And G.o.d created Liv."

"It's not too much?" Liv scowled shyly.

"Of course it's too much. But it's heaven." Alex winked.

"So why were you so distracted last night? What's going on?" Liv asked Alex as they clambered aboard the Millie with the help of the harbourmaster. None of the others had shown yet, but Amelia had staff who arranged the boat in her stead.

"I'll have to tell you later. Too many spies," Alex said, grinning wickedly. They found a s.h.i.+ny piece of deck with an unparalleled view of the harbour and laid their towels down.

"Then I can't tell you my news, either, in case anyone hears. G.o.d, I had such a funny chat to Dave last night though; he's still going on about all that making-men-fall-in-love-with-you-by-treating-them-like-naughty-dogs stuff. I know you think it works, but honestly, I can't do that manipulative thing. Anyway, I reckon it's just coincidence that it's worked so far. Really, it's a load of c.r.a.p," Liv said, readjusting her techno-fabric.

"Actually, I totally agree with you, I think. I mean with some men it probably works, but love and romance can't be engineered; it always happens when you least expect it," Alex said, and looked towards the car park, where the guests were beginning to arrive.

"You've changed your tune."

"Just living and learning," Alex said mysteriously. "So I a.s.sume that Ben called you and asked you to this? Clearly has the hots," Alex whispered to Liv.

"How do you know he called?" Liv asked. "I didn't tell you that."

"No, you great idiot, who do you think gave Ben your phone number?" Alex said as she lay back on the towel.

"Well, I don't suppose I did think. Was it you?" Liv asked.

"Actually, it was Rob. It was quite funny, 'cause Rob called Ben from the mobile last night to see what time we had to be here this morning and they were chatting and Ben wanted to know what we'd been up to and, anyway, somehow Rob ended up telling what you'd been saying about being dedicated to your career and didn't want a boyfriend and stuff, so Amelia didn't have to worry."

"Amelia was worried?" Liv asked.

"Nah, not really I don't think. She only worries about her roots showing. Anyway, then Ben asked for your number and said he wanted to invite you along today. So we gave it to him," Alex finished.

"Great. Now I'm a charity case," Liv groaned in embarra.s.sment.

"Oh, come on, Liv, stop being so down on yourself. You reckon that you'd never stand a chance next to Amelia, but she's not as amazing as you think, you know. She's really a bit rough, and I think she takes Ben totally for granted. You're sweet and lovely, so get over yourself. Have some faith."

"Well, he'll be completely put off anyway, as he thinks I'm a celibate workaholic thanks to Rob. Just my b.l.o.o.d.y luck."

The boat began filling up. Liv turned casually to see who was there. Amelia was just coming up the gangplank onto the gleaming deck, followed closely by Ben, who seemed to have a.s.sumed the role of porter, carrying at least two handbags, a picnic hamper, and a small suitcase.

"G'day, ladies." His brown arms swinging, propelling him expertly up the ladder, Rob appeared at their side. "Bit late 'cause I've been mucking out at the stables and fancied an early-morning ride. Alex, you want to borrow my s.h.i.+rt? Your arms are gonna fry," he said as he unb.u.t.toned his s.h.i.+rt and draped it over Alex's shoulders. Liv waited for Alex to hand it back in a fit of feminist pique, but she didn't; she merely smiled sweetly at Rob.

"So, Robbie, can I come and help you with the horses one day? I haven't been on a horse since I went to Bridlington on holiday when I was seven," asked Alex enthusiastically.

"Yeah, but we have to muck out before. I'll lend you a pitchfork. Mind," he said, scratching the back of his calf with his foot, "it might muck up yer clothes a bit."

"Oh, I love getting mucked up." Alex laughed and turned back to admire the harbour view. Liv looked at Alex and then at Rob and wondered if they really could be having a fling. Alex's bit of rough? With his filthy fingernails and workman's torso Rob certainly qualified.

"So what was that all about?" Liv asked as Rob wandered over to help the deckhand haul in the anchor.

"He's sweet, isn't he?" Alex neither confirmed nor denied. "And really interesting, Livvy. I was telling him all about my thesis last night. He gave me some good ideas." Alex watched as Rob's back muscles flexed under the weight of the anchor.

"So a bit of rough with a brain. Where does that leave Charlie?" Liv asked.

"Exactly where he's always been. In my bed but eyeing up other women. Rob's just like my brother. And he is quite s.e.xy, isn't he?"

"Who's s.e.xy?" Liv looked up to see Ben Parker's crotch presiding over them. She turned away but not before he caught her looking. Well, if he would wear white shorts, have long brown legs, and stand inches from her head.

"Well, not you, that's for sure. Could you move the obscenity from my line of vision?" Alex yelled as Ben laughed and sat down next to them.

"Oh, by the way, Ally, Charlie's just arrived. He was looking for you a minute ago. Over by the bar." He pointed over to where a group was forming: sun hats, beachwear, and ubiquitous sungla.s.ses at the other side of the boat. "I'll look after Liv if you like. How's the ankle?" He smiled as Alex wandered off giving Liv a told-you-he-fancied-you glance over her shoulder.

Liv sat up and decided that his concern and phone calls had been purely medical. And actually, she wished he would go away. He made her feel about seven and all shy and stupid, and suddenly the last thing in the world that she wanted was to kiss him; it was all much too scary.

"Fine, thanks." Liv nodded curtly and pretended to concentrate on a mosquito bite that was a.s.suming epic proportions on her arm.

"It was fun last night. It's a real shame you couldn't make it." Ben made himself comfortable beside her on Alex's towel.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," she said. "So, erm, how's work?" She thought she should make a bit of an effort, though she could only seem to manage dumb things.

"Great, but actually I want to hear about yours. I gather you're really into this business idea with Alex. Rob said you guys are going to have some huge empire in no time."

Liv just smiled; she couldn't think of a single interesting or even dull thing to say. Her vocabulary had totally deserted her. So instead of being scintillating, she just lay down on her towel like a mute idiot and pretended to be enjoying the heat rash that was breaking out on her cheeks.

"Have you seen much of Australia yet?" Ben persisted. G.o.d, he just wouldn't give up, would he? Like a terrier with a rat . . . or G.o.d . . . even a dog with a ball. This was so weird; maybe Dave was right. Ben was behaving like a total panting dog. Even if she were to lie down and die she suspected he might just sit there in the same way that faithful Alsatians sit by their dead masters' graves for years and years. Liv couldn't quite believe it. It just seemed that as long as she smiled sweetly occasionally she didn't actually have to do anything else to keep him hanging on there, trying to win her round. I mean there were about twenty other much prettier, definitely more interesting girls on board who would be willing to dance attendance and hair-flick adoringly at him and he was sticking to her side like a limpet. But Liv wasn't fooled for a second. She contemplated telling him that he'd got the wrong girl; in case he'd forgotten, she wasn't five-foot-eight in stocking feet and when she took her hat off she was-surprise, surprise-a brunette. No leggy blonde about her. But it was a hot day and the last thing she wanted was to be made to walk the plank into shark-infested waters for having a barney with the boyfriend of the yacht's namesake. And besides, she was quite enjoying her day on the ocean waves. The Millie was almost as lovely as her owner. In fact, they could have been separated at birth. They were both a glossy teak colour, phenomenally expensive to run, and safest kept on the right side of. So Liv opted for civility.

"Oh, I've been pretty flat out on the stall, seeing friends, don't seem to have time to breathe," she said without raising her head for fear he'd see her disgusting rash.

"That's a shame," Ben said as he looked out onto the harbour. "I mean you not being around. You really should see some more of the country. You know, Sydney's great, but it's a playground. You need to check out some of Melbourne, Queensland, Alice Springs. See the real stuff."

"I think Amelia's about to be eaten alive. If I were you, I'd go and rescue her," Liv muttered, and cast a glance at Amelia, who was indeed being circled by seven predatory males.

"When it comes to sharks it's the ones who travel alone you have to watch out for. And they usually get their prey in the end." He laughed and tried to catch Liv's eye, but she pretended to immerse herself in a book she'd found in Alex's bag, The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky. In Russian.

"Later," Ben said finally as he got up to leave, getting the message, she hoped. The gulls circled the mast hoping for a mouthful of filet mignon or sus.h.i.+ canapes or whatever delights everyone else seemed to be tucking into at the bar. Too shy to go over and ask for a bite to eat, Liv attempted to ignore the mouthwatering smell of the barbecue and tried to get some beauty sleep.

In fact, it was a hugely successful attempt at sleep. But a little more beetrooty than beauty sleep. Liv woke up two hours later to find the boat totally silent. She lifted her stiff head and rubbed her cheek. She'd fallen asleep on her watch, and, sadly, had Marks and Spencer imprinted on her jowls. If she'd been any of the other glamour-p.u.s.s.es on the boat it would have been Cartier, naturally, but the only thing they were ever likely to fall asleep on was the finest goose-down pillows. Certainly they wouldn't dream of waking up with the kind of sunburn Liv had managed to achieve across her shoulders and the backs of her legs.

"h.e.l.l." She sat up quickly, the proverbial scalded cat, as if another second in the sun would make any difference. She was fried and there was little else to it. But, actually, of more concern to her right now was that she seemed not to be aboard the Millie anymore but the Marie Celeste. As she stood up and wrapped her jeans around her shoulders for emergency sun protection she saw no sign of life.

"h.e.l.lo?" She whispered at first, looking down the staircase into the berths below. "Anybody there?" Her voice got louder as she approached the bar. Champagne gla.s.ses sat untouched. A Fendi baguette bag glittered abandoned on the floor and a gold macrame bikini bottom. But no apparent owners. The deck was gleaming in the sun, and in the distance the Harbour Bridge stretched across the horizon. Other yachts bobbed on the flecked surface of the water, but Liv was very definitely alone on board. She thought of the possibilities: either they were sinking slowly and everyone had jumped s.h.i.+p in a lifeboat, mistaking her sleeping form for an inflatable Day-Glo raft, or they'd been picked up by some glamorous friends in a helicopter and taken to the bar at The International for c.o.c.ktails while she slept.

"Oy, Liv, you not coming in?" someone yelled from somewhere far away and m.u.f.fled. Liv ran towards the edge of the boat and looked out. There in the water, dotted like currants in an eccles cake, were the heads of the entire party. Laughing, doing duck dives, splas.h.i.+ng one another. Liv waved down as Stephanie, Amelia's personal a.s.sistant and dearest friend, bobbed up. At Liv's feet was a pile of the finest undergarments and bathing suits money could buy. As she smiled down on the watery fun she contemplated picking up a few of the bits and bobs and examining them for st.i.tching and lining and any other details that might help her further in her design of Greta's Grundies. She longed to know whether the interlaced Gs on a Gucci bikini were real gold or just clunked like plastic when you knocked them against your front teeth. But it might be inviting just a little too much attention if she were caught munching heartily on Amelia's bikini bottom.

Instead Liv took the opportunity to slink off and find a real bite to eat. Something other than $400 bikini bottoms or Ben Parker's boxers. And besides, she'd feel a bit like a spare p.r.i.c.k at a wedding if they all came back on board in the nude and she was standing there with her jeans wrapped around her shoulders. Even though she would dearly have loved a dip in the c.o.c.ktail blue water, she dismissed the idea before it could even form. How, but how, she would ever manage to leap into the water in the altogether without those down below getting a full gynaecological viewpoint was too perilous to contemplate. She did have a supercool Stripper Wax to her name, but she'd be b.u.g.g.e.red if that was going on public view.

Instead she negotiated the steep, polished steps down into the berth and sighed with relief as the cool darkness soothed her scorched skin. In fact, this was much preferable to bouncing around in the refres.h.i.+ng waters of the harbour because she got to have a peek through the keyhole of Amelia's life. A glimpse of which Liv knew was going to be just like flicking through the pages of cuttings again, but with the added bonus of being able to check out what brand of mascara Amelia really wore when she wasn't being bribed by Chanel to say it was thanks to them that her eyelashes had been voted Most Battable in last year's Cleo magazine's readers' poll. In fact, as she glanced around the glistening gla.s.s shelves of the tiny but perfectly formed bathroom Liv discovered it was Chanel. She couldn't resist; she picked up the wand and stroked a little onto her piggy pink morning eyes to see if she became Battable. Not a hope but certainly an improvement. She ran her hand over the cool marble and checked out her sunburn in the mirror behind her. Ooh, if her piddly little eyes didn't make her a complete pig, then the broad pink rump she was looking at now did. She didn't dare touch it for fear of unimaginable pain.

She walked along the low, cream silklined corridor hoping to find the kitchen and a few leftover canapes. What she found instead was the main bedrooom, lit as dimly and flatteringly as if by candlelight. She dreamed she would be allowed to spend the rest of her days in here. Not your average superyacht-type ensemble of naff luxury and dripping gold. Not that Liv really knew what the inside of the Christina or the Britannia or any old oil tyc.o.o.n's yacht would look like, but she had seen her share of biopics of the rich and famous and had to say the decor on those silly-money boats was generally pretty vulgar. Miserably, Amelia didn't seem to have a bad-taste bone in her body. The bed was draped in acres of white and cream silks and the small mountain of cool linen pillows was made for lounging like a languid courtesan. In fact, the whole place was b.l.o.o.d.y amazing.

Liv plumped down on the antique stool at Amelia's dressing table. She reached over and picked up a jar of something cool and moisturising-looking and slipped off the lid. She inhaled deeply and practically pa.s.sed out with pleasure at the smell of white jasmine. Knowing she shouldn't but feeling the backs of her legs begin to p.r.i.c.k, she stuck in a fingertip and rubbed the small blob of cream onto her forearm. It was so cool and soothing, she gasped. Then she stuck in a few more fingers and began dolloping the cream on her shoulders. As she rubbed it gently into her searing skin she heard a noise outside the door. Probably someone come to use the loo. She was about to put the cream back on the dressing table and fake a fit of heatstroke when the door opened. G.o.d, talk about being caught with your hand in the cookie jar. She turned around hoping that it would be Alex or, at worst, Rob. It was, unfortunately, worse than worst. It was Ben. Naturally. And G.o.d, he looked natural. He was wrapped in a towel and his chest and face were covered in glistening drops of water. His hair was damp and a small pool of water was forming at his feet.

"It was a first-aid measure," said Liv, juggling the cream from one hand to another as she tried to look as innocent as possible. He smiled as he rubbed his arms with the thick white towel. "I mean, I wouldn't have cared if it was cold cream or fresh cream or Savlon; I just needed to rub something cool into this sunburn," she warbled on, and tried to rub the vast, expensive, stolen blobs of cream into her legs and shoulders before he could make out the extent of the theft and perform a citizen's arrest.

"Christ, you're fried there." He left his pool of water and moved closer to her.

"Shouldn't you be drinking champagne or swimming or something?" she said, and covered up her legs with the pair of jeans she was still wearing around her neck.

"Can I help with that cream?" he asked as he took the jar from her hand.

"You know what? I think it's very expensive and I probably shouldn't have taken any in the first place, so why don't we just put it back and go upstairs for something to eat?" Liv blabbered, and as if on cue, her stomach rumbled like an air-raid siren.

"Not a chance." He pushed the flopping wet hair out of his eyes and reached towards her. Liv jerked back and Amelia's perfumes and potions clattered behind her on the dressing table. "That shoulder needs attention," he said as he rested his hand on the sunburn. "Painful?" he asked.

Liv nodded and held her breath in fear. Painfully embarra.s.sing. "Listen, Dr. Kildare, I think we should go back upstairs. You've tended to my wounded ankle and that was very kind of you, but I reckon this is taking things a bit too far. Besides which, you have a girlfriend about six feet above us."

"Yeah, well, Amelia's a problem I'm going to have to face up to eventually." He sighed and Liv thought actually looked miserable. Yeah, right, the big faker. Like any man could call Amelia a problem to be faced up to.

"Nice try," Liv muttered under her breath, and walked towards the door. But he put a hand out on her arm and she really did just stick to the spot.

"Just let me rub some cream into your back. I promise I'll be a complete gentleman."

Oh, h.e.l.l, what could she say to that? Now he was being all Victorian and honourable and she had to trust him. And besides, it would look bigheaded if she said, "No, sorry, but I think I'm so irresistible that you're going to have to pounce on me because you won't be able to help yourself." And last, well, there was no denying that she wanted him to do it.

"See, it feels better already, doesn't it?" he said, lightly stroking the gorgeous cream into the back of her neck.

"I suppose," Liv murmured like a petulant teenager.

"Okay, so trust me. Lie down and I'll give you a proper ma.s.sage. I took a course in Thailand a few years ago. Purely professional."