The Funny Philosophers Part 40

"I wish Tom Seddon was here; we might send him to witness the interview between the widow and M. T. Pate."

"His absence is to be deplored. Ida has done the sect of Funny Philosophers great injury by carrying off one of its most efficient members, who is so much needed in this emergency. But when that young lady returned to Bella Vista she took Mr. Seddon's heart with her; and, of course, it was not to be expected that he should exist in one locality, and that important organ, which is supposed to be the seat of vitality, in another."

The Professor here proceeded to animadvert on the conduct of young ladies in appropriating other people's hearts, and was making sundry remarks on the subject, when he was interrupted by Toney, who exclaimed,--

"Why, yonder comes Clement and his clerk from the direction of the Widow Wild's house! Good-morning, Mr. Clement. Have you seen Mr. Pate?"

"I saw him ride up the avenue leading to Mrs. Wild's house, and dismount," said Clement.

"I saw him pull the bell at the front door," said the clerk.

"Was the door opened to him?" asked the Professor.

"It was opened by the widow herself, who, with a smiling countenance and an extended hand, seemed to bid him welcome," said the clerk.

"That is strange!" said the Professor.

"Not so strange as it may seem," said the clerk; "for, though Pate is sometimes bad-mannered among men, he will purr as softly as a p.u.s.s.y cat as soon as he comes in proximity to a petticoat. It is just as likely as not that the widow has taken a fancy to him."

"Women are enigmas," said Toney.

"The Widow Wild certainly is," said the Professor. "She would puzzle the brain of an Oedipus."

The deadly hostility of the widow to M. T. Pate was well known to the people of Mapleton, and a crowd collected around Clement; and, in a prolonged discussion, endeavored to solve what now appeared to be a mystery.

"She was glad to see him!" said one.

"Shook hands with him!" said another.

"Invited him in!" said a third.

"But why does he stay so long?" said Clement.

During the day this question was often repeated by the gossips, who a.s.sembled in groups, with their gaze fixed on the road leading from the widow's mansion to the town.

Suddenly a horse and rider are seen approaching from that direction at a furious speed. As they come nearer, the man seems to be without a hat, and with a heavy suit of black hair, and huge black whiskers. The steed is spotted like a leopard. The people behold the strange horse and rider with amazement as they enter the town with the speed of Tam O'Shanter.

At this moment a shout goes up from the crowd.

"Stop! stop!, stop!" cried a number of voices.

But, Mazeppa-like, the mysterious apparition dashes through the town; and while men, women, and children are gazing in gaping wonderment, the bare-headed rider and spotted steed disappear beyond a distant hill.

"Who do you think it was?" said a group of astonished people to the Professor.

The Professor shook his head and was silent.

"What is your opinion, Mr. Clement?" asked a man in the crowd.

Clement was puzzled, and said nothing.

"Who was that hatless and hugely-whiskered rider?" said Toney to the Professor.

"It is a mystery yet to be solved," said the Professor, as he took Toney's arm and walked with him to the latter's office.

CHAPTER x.x.xI.

"What may be the subject of your meditations?" said Toney to the Professor on the following morning, as he dodged aside to avoid coming in collision with the latter, who was walking with his gaze apparently fixed on the toes of his boots.

"I beg pardon!" said the Professor, with a look of surprise. "I had no intention of converting myself into a battering-ram. I am in no belligerent mood, I a.s.sure you. To tell the truth, Toney, I am very sad."

"What may be the cause of your melancholy?"

"Disappointment in my fondest wishes."

"In love?"

"No, not in love. I was once disappointed in love, and I know what that is. It is a sore trial, but nothing to the affliction which I now endure."

"I cannot imagine the nature of your trouble. From what does it proceed?"

"Breach of promise."

"What?"

"Breach of promise unadvisedly made to five respectable maiden ladies."

"To all five? Why, you must be a Turk!"

"What am I to do?" said the Professor, with a look of despondency. "I cannot fulfill my promise."

"I should think not, unless you emigrate to Salt Lake."

"I wish Tom Seddon were here. He could a.s.sist me."

"Do you suppose he would abandon Ida?"

"Toney, my dear fellow, you can help me."

"By taking one of the respectable maiden ladies off your hands? I beg to be excused. There is but one woman in the world I would marry, and that I would do quickly enough if I had a hundred thousand dollars."

"I was not speaking of marriage."

"Did you not say that you had promised five respectable maiden ladies?"