The Funny Philosophers Part 48

As the s.h.i.+p moved away from the wharf, and was towed by the steam-tug into the stream, M. T. Pate stood upon the deck, humming a stanza of Byron's celebrated adieu to his native land, when he heard a strain of music as if coming from the clouds. From the foretop, in clear and mellifluous tones, was heard the following melody:

Farewell! farewell! but ever, When wand'ring o'er the sea, Though worlds of water sever, This heart shall turn to thee.

Though thy sweet smile be hidden Unto my soul so dear; Though I be then forbidden Thine angel voice to hear;

Though stern fate bid me wander Away from thee afar, Yet hope will turn the fonder Unto its one bright star.

The bird that on the bough, love, So sweetly sang of late, Hath often been ere now, love, Thus driven from his mate;

But still he wakes his song, love, Returning there anew; And thus, oh, thus, ere long, love, Will I return to you.

"A sweet little cherub sits up aloft to cheer us with his soothing symphony," said Professor to Toney.

"It is Tom Seddon," said Toney, glancing upward. "Just now he climbed up the rigging, inserted his person through the lubber's hole, and seated himself in the foretop."

"Where he is laudably exercising his lungs for the entertainment of the company below," said the Professor.

"Poor Tom is not thinking of the company below," said Toney. "His thoughts are far away."

"With Ida?" said the Professor. "Yet one of the company below seems to be wonderfully excited by his music. Did you ever hear such a clatter of hoofs?"

"You refer to the young gentleman on the top of the cook's galley, who is occupied with certain saltatory movements which appear to be an awkward imitation of dancing?" said Toney.

"Who is he?" asked the Professor.

"Sam Perch," said Toney.

"The verdant youth who is sometimes called the Long Green Boy?" said the Professor.

"The same," said Toney.

"This extraordinary lad seems to possess the chameleon-like faculty of occasionally changing his color," said the Professor.

"How so?" said Toney.

"He has ceased to be green for the present, and has become exceedingly _blue_."

"Is punning allowable?" said Toney.

"That depends entirely on circ.u.mstances," said the Professor. "If on dry land a man makes a pun in your presence, knock him down if you are able."

"And at sea?" said Toney.

"Pun away as much as you please. In Neptune's dominions the area of liberty is ample, and freedom of speech is seldom interfered with."

"Do you recognize that solemn personage standing at the bow and gazing so intently over the broad waters?" said Toney.

"It is Moses," said the Professor. "He hopes soon to get a glimpse of the land of promise."

"I heard him tell Hercules just now that he only wanted four bushels of gold-dust,--two for himself and two for his father. He said that he expected to fill his two sacks in about a week after he reached the mines, and should then immediately start for home."

"His absence will be of short duration," said the Professor. "But who is Hercules?"

"The big fellow to whom Botts has just administered a potation from the black bottle which he now holds in his hand," said Toney.

"The giant smacks his lips in approval at the quality of the contents,"

said the Professor.

"I certainly recognize that nose," said Toney, pointing to an individual whose face was covered with an impenetrable thicket of black beard, leaving only two twinkling eyes and his nasal protuberance visible.

"That extraordinary nose belongs to William Wiggins," said the Professor.

"To Rosebud?"

"No longer Rosebud," said the Professor. "As soon as he came on board the sailors called him Old Grizzly. He will be known by no other name at sea, for when the jolly tars are in the nominative case, the designation they give a man always clings to him. Hereafter we may as well cease to call him Wiggins, and speak of him as Old Grizzly."

"He must have been at enmity with the barbers for the last four weeks,"

said Toney.

"When he determined to seek his fortune in the auriferous regions of the far West, he made a solemn vow not to allow a razor to come in contact with his countenance until he had dug two barrels of gold, which he said was enough for any one man. So his beard must continue to grow longer until he gets his two barrels of gold."

"It will be long enough before he gets the gold," said Toney.

"Pun away boldly," said the Professor; "we are now on the water. But come, let us go below, and look after our goods and chattels."

During the night the s.h.i.+p anch.o.r.ed in the bay; and next morning the pilot was sent off, and she stood out to sea.

Coming on deck at an early hour in the morning, Toney and the Professor were watching the silvery spray darting off from the bow, when they heard a singular sound, as if proceeding from some huge sea-monster seized with a fit of the colic. Looking along the bulwarks, they beheld poor Hercules, with outstretched neck and dilated eyes, pouring out libations to the inexorable G.o.d of the seas. And soon, with pallid cheeks, M. T. Pate appeared, followed by the Long Green Boy, Old Grizzly, and Moses, who, with many others, silently glided to the side of the giant, who, as he stood thrusting out his head and neck with certain indescribable jerks, and towering above his companions, engaged in similar exercises, resembled some tall and bulky Shanghai rooster, with all his numerous progeny around him, grievously afflicted with that terrible visitation of the poultry-yard which hen-wives denominate the gapes.

The Professor was a benevolent little fellow, with a high opinion of his medical skill; so he proceeded to the cabin, and brought forth a bottle containing a beverage much more potent than that in which Adam was accustomed to drink the health of Eve when in the garden of Eden. He first applied to Hercules; and holding the neck of the bottle in close proximity to his lips, earnestly exhorted him to try the infallible remedy of absorption, a.s.suring him that it was a sovereign cure for his ailment in particular, as well as for nearly every other ill in this sublunary state of existence. But Hercules, grinning "horribly a ghastly grin," turned quickly away, and gave expression to his abhorrence of the proposition in loud and boisterous sounds, which seemed to come from the very bottom of a soul intimately acquainted with sorrow.

The kind-hearted Professor then proceeded to the Long Green Boy, who was rapidly projecting out and drawing back his head in a horizontal direction, and giving utterance to a succession of sounds which resembled a small hurricane of hiccoughs. The verdant youth cast a look of disgust at the sparkling fluid, and waving his hand impatiently, turned away, and continued in the awkward but faithful performance of his part in the exercises of the morning. Moses gave the Professor a look of indignation, while Old Grizzly so far forgot himself as to advise the benevolent little fellow, in the emphatic phraseology usually employed by the sons of Belial, to locate himself in a certain remote quarter of the universe not proper to be mentioned to "ears polite."

The Professor then entreated M. T. Pate to imbibe from the bottle containing his catholicon. But poor Pate was busily engaged in the performance of sundry remarkable and difficult evolutions; thrusting out and drawing in his head with unexampled vigor.

"He is trying to swallow his own head," said Toney, taking the Professor aside and pointing to Pate.

"And actually seems to entertain the most sanguine hopes of succeeding in his hazardous undertaking," said the Professor.

"What undertaking?" asked Tom Seddon, who just then came on deck.

"He is seeking to swallow his own cocoanut," said the Professor.

"Who?" asked Tom.

"M. T. Pate," said the Professor. "Look at him! I am apprehensive that he will succeed."