The Funny Philosophers Part 57

"I would prefer a beefsteak smothered in onions," said Seddon.

"_De gustibus non disputandum est_," said the Professor as he entered the eating-room, and, seating himself at a table, ordered his lizards.

CHAPTER XLIII.

On the bright Sabbath morning Toney Belton and his companions were following an immense crowd of people along the banks of the Rimac, in the direction of the bull-fight, when they were compelled to halt and listen to a polemical controversy between the Professor and M. T. Pate.

The latter had followed along quietly, and without observation, until accidentally discovering their destination, he stood still and refused to proceed. In vain did the Professor try argument and blandishment to remove his scruples of conscience. On the first day of the week Pate was immovably pious.

"Come along, Mr. Pate!" said the Professor, in a coaxing tone.

"This is the Sabbath," said Pate, "and a day of rest."

"But," said the Professor, "in this country the churches are always open, and the people are praying every day in the week, and the only way for them to rest is to stop praying on Sunday and do something else.

When you are in Rome do as Rome does."

"Everybody is going to the bull-fight," said Toney.

"Yonder is a carriage-load of bishops," said the Professor.

"And look at those two shovel-hats jogging along on their mules," said Tom Seddon.

"This is Sunday," said Pate, solemnly shaking his head.

"I have been informed by the oldest inhabitant that Sunday has never yet got around Cape Horn," said the Professor.

But Pate was deaf to their sophistical arguments, and, shaking his head with a melancholy look, turned on his heels and took his departure.

The Professor and his companions were soon seated in the amphitheater, which formed an immense circle, with seats rising in tiers, one above the other. A strong barricade of stout timbers protected the twenty thousand men, women, and children who, with the Priests, the President, and the Congress of the country were here a.s.sembled, and waited with impatience until a gate was opened and several of the combatants appeared, some on horseback armed with long lances, and others on foot.

"Great thunder! what are those?" exclaimed Tom Seddon, pointing to four uncouth shapes stalking into the arena wearing ugly masks with enormous beaks, and having dusky wings ingeniously fitted to their sides.

"They look like very large turkey-buzzards," said Toney.

"Half men and half birds," said Moses.

"They are Peruvian fairies," said the Professor, turning round and imparting this information to Moses.

"Fairies!" exclaimed Moses, his eyes opening in astonishment.

"A gigantic species of fairy peculiar to this country," said the Professor.

"What are they going to do?" asked Moses.

"They are exceedingly fond of bull-beef," said the Professor. "They will wait until the animal is slain, and then dine on the carca.s.s."

"After which," said Toney, "they will spread their wings and fly away to Fairy-land, supposed to be located somewhere among the peaks of the Andes."

"And which was never visited by mortal man," said the Professor.

Moses now gazed at the fairies with wonder and awe; while Tom Seddon exclaimed, "Look at that handsome woman standing in the center of the arena!"

"She is splendidly dressed," said Toney.

"Who is she?" asked Moses.

"The President's wife," suggested Toney.

"Is she going to fight the bull?" asked Moses.

"That may be her intention," said Toney.

"She has no weapon," said Wiggins.

"She will take the bull by the horns," said Toney.

"She is in great danger," said Moses.

"It is the Blessed Virgin,--you may behold a miracle," said the Professor.

"Is she alive?" asked Moses.

"She does not move," said Wiggins.

"She stands stoutly on her feet," said Toney.

"Look yonder!" exclaimed Tom Seddon, as a gate flew open, and in came, with a bound and a bellow, a huge black bull, with his eyes fiercely glaring, as if he were smarting under some recent insult and expected other indignities to be offered. But beholding the image, he moved towards it, bowing his head and sc.r.a.ping his foot.

"He seems disposed to be very polite in the presence of a lady," said Toney.

"He is making a very profound obeisance," said Tom.

"Only in mockery," said the Professor as the bull rushed forward, and, thrusting his horns through the robes of the Holy Mary, lifted her from the earth. But hardly had he touched her sacred person when a succession of loud reports ensued, such as are heard when idle urchins have fastened their fire-works behind the flanks of some venerable parent of puppies.

"A miracle!" exclaimed the Professor.

"A miracle!" cried Toney.

"A miracle!" shouted Tom.

The eyes of Moses widely dilated, and he gazed in intense wonder. Off went the bull with the image hanging on his horns, roaring and running around; while ever and anon the Blessed Virgin would emit an explosion which added an increase to his speed. Finally she fell to the ground, and was sacrilegiously trampled under hoof, and lay with her gaudy robes scorched, and smoking, and torn to tatters.

"What a shocking sight!" exclaimed Tom Seddon.

"Will n.o.body go to her rescue?" said Toney.