Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 22

FOOTNOTES:

[161] The original has _who so ever that_.

[162] Baillie or magistrate, from the old French word _bailli_.

[163] This form of _it_, though it does not occur in the _C. Mery Tales_, is very common in old English works; see the _Seven Sages_, edited by Wright, 1845, for the Percy Society, and the _Anglo-Saxon Pa.s.sion of St. George_, 1850 (Percy Soc.).

-- _Of him that was called cuckolde._ xvii.

-- A certayne man, whiche vpon a tyme in company betwene ernest and game was called cuckolde, went angerly home to his wife and sayde: wyfe, I was this day in company called k.o.c.kolde; whether am I one or nat? Syr, truly, sayde she, ye be none. By my fayth (sayde he), thou shall swere so vpon this boke; and helde to her a boke. She denyed it longe; but whan she sawe there was no remedy, she sayde: well, sythe I must nedes swere, I promyse you by my faythe, I will swere truly. Yea, do so, quod he. So she toke the boke in her hande and sayd: By this boke, syr, ye be a c.o.kolde. By the ma.s.se, h.o.r.e, sayd he, thou lyest! thou sayste it for none other cause but to anger me.

By this tale ye may parceyue, that it is nat best at all tymes for a man to beleue his wife, though she swere vpon a boke.

-- _Of the iolous man._ xviii.

-- A man that was ryght iolous on his wyfe, dreamed on a nyght as he laye a bed with her and slepte, that the dyuell aperd vnto him and sayde: woldest thou nat be gladde, that I shulde put the in suretie of thy wife? Yes, sayde he. Holde, sayde the dyuell, as longe as thou hast this rynge vpon thy fynger, no man shall make the k.o.c.kolde. The man was gladde therof, and whan he awaked, he founde his fynger in * * * * * * *.

-- _Of the fatte woman that solde frute._ xix.

-- As a greate fatte woman sate and solde frute in a Lente, there came a yonge man bye, and behelde her frute ernestly, and specially he caste his eyes on her fygges. She asked him, as was her gyse: syr, wyll ye haue any fygges; they be fayre and good? And whan she sawe he was content, she sayde, howe manye? wyll ye haue fyue li? He was content.

So she wayed him oute fyue li. into his lappe: and whyle she layde aside her balaunce, he wente his waye faire and softely. Whan she tourned to haue taken her[164] money, and sawe her chapman go his waye, she made after apace, but faster with her voice than with hir fote. He, dissemblinge the mater, wente styll forth on. She made suche a cryenge and folkes gathered so faste, that he stode styll. So in the preace he shewed to the people all the matter, and said: I bought nothing of hir; but that that she vnbyd gaue me, I toke; and if she wyll, I am contente to go before the Justice.

-- _Of a poller that begyled a prest._ xx.

-- Vpon a tyme in Andwarpe a false pollynge[165] felowe came vnto a certeyne preste, that hadde his purse hangynge at his gyrdell strouttinge[166] oute full of money that he a lytell before had resceyued, and gentilly gretynge hym sayde: good Mayster, our parysshe preste bad me bye him a palle[167] (which is the vppermoste vestement, that a preste syngeth ma.s.se in); if it wolde please you to go with me, I were moche bounde to you: for our curat and you be of one stature. The preste was contente. Whan they came there where he wolde bye it, the palle was broughte forth, and the preste dyd it on: the poller loketh and toteth[168] thereon, and preyseth it, but he layde a wyte,[169] that it was to shorte before. Nay, quod the syller, the faute is nat in the vestement, hit is the strouttinge purse vnderneth that beareth hit up.

Shortely to speake, the prest dyd of his purse, and layde hit by, and than the vestiment they behelde agayne. Whan the poller sawe the preste was tourned, he s.n.a.t.c.hed vp the purs, and toke his legges and to go.[170] The preste rounne after with the vestement on his backe: and the vestement-maker after the prest. The prest bad stop the thefe, the siller bad stop the prest, the poller bade holde the mad preste, and euery man wende[171] he had ben mad in dede, bicause he had the vestement on his backe; and so whyle one letted an other, the false poller went his waye.

FOOTNOTES:

[164] The original has _whan she turned her to have taken money_.

[165] Cheating.

[166] The word seems to be here used in a rare sense. The meaning is _bulging_.

[167] This word (Latine _pallium_) was originally used in a special and exclusive signification.

[168] Singer explains this to mean _gazeth_.

[169] Found fault with it.

[170] There is probably some corruption here. We ought perhaps to read: "and toke _to_ his legges _as if_ to go."

[171] Weened.

-- _Of Papirius pretextatus._ xxi.

-- AULUS GELLIUS[172] reherseth, how the Senatours of Rome on a tyme helde a great counsaile. Before which tyme the senatours chyldren, called of their garmentes _Pueri pretextati_, vsed to come into the parlemente house with theyre fathers. So at this tyme a chylde, called Papyrius, cam in with his father and herde the great counsayl the which was straytely commaunded to be kept secrete, tyll hit was decreed. Whan this chylde came home, his mother asked him what the counsaile was. The chylde answered, hit oughte nat to be tolde. Now was his mother more desyrous to knowe hit than she was before; wherfore she enquered more straitly and more violentlye. The chylde, beinge sore constrayned of his mother, shortelye deuysed a propre merye leasynge.[173] It is reasoned in the parlemente (quod he), whether of both[174] shulde be more profytable for the comon welth, a man to haue ii wiues or els a woman ii husbandes. Whan she harde him saye so, her mynde was pacified: and forth-with she wente and tolde hit to the other matrones.

On the morowe, a great company of the moste notable wyues of Rome came to the parlemente house weping, and humbly prayeng, that rather one woman shuld be maryed vnto ii men than ii wemen to one man. The Senatours entringe into the court, what with the sodayn a.s.sembling of the wyues and of their request, were right sore astonied. Than the childe Papyrius stode forth, and enformed the senatours, how his mother wold haue compelled him to vtter the secrete counsayle: and howe he, to contente her mynde, feyned that leasynge. For which dede the Senatours right hyghly commended the childes fydelite and wytte. And forth-with they made a law, that no child after that (saue only Papirius) shuld come in to the parlement house with his father. And for his great prudence in that tender age he hadde gyuen to hym, to his great honour, this surname _Pretextatus_.

Whereby ye may se, that the hygh treasure of man, and greattest grace, rested in well-ordrynge of the tonge. The moste prudent poete Hesiodus sayth: The tonge shulde not ronne at large, but be hydde as a precious treasure: for, of all the membres of man, the tonge yll-ordered is the worste. The tonge blasphemeth G.o.d. The tonge slaundereth thy neyghbour.

The tonge breaketh peace, and stereth vp cruell warre, of all thynges to mankynde moste mischefull; the tonge is a broker of baudrye; the tonge setteth frendes at debate; the tonge with flatterynge, detraction and wanton tales enfecteth pure and clene myndes; the tonge without sworde or venome strangleth thy brother and frende; and brefely to speake, the tonge teacheth cursed heresyes, and of good Christiens maketh Antichristes.

FOOTNOTES:

[172] _Noctes Atticae_, translated by Belue, vol. i. p. 86. The _Historie of Papyrius Praetextatus_ is related in the 18th Novel of the 1st Tome of Painter's _Palace of Pleasure_.

[173] Deceit, or what would now be called a _white lie._

[174] _i.e._ which of the two.

-- _Of the corrupte man of lawe._ xxii.

-- There was a man of lawe, whiche on a tyme shulde be iudge betwene a poure man and a ryche: the poure man came, and gaue hym a gla.s.se of oyle (whiche was as moche as his power wold stretche to) and desyred, that he wolde be good in his matter. Yes, quod he, the matter shall pa.s.se[175]

with the. The riche man, perceyuynge that, sente to the same iudge a fatte hogge, and prayed hym to be fauorable on his syde. Wherfore he gaue iudgement agaynst the poure man. Whan the poure man sawe that he was condemned, pytously complaynyng he sayd to the Judge: syr, I gaue you a gla.s.se of oyle, and ye promysed by your faith, the matter shulde pa.s.se with me. To whom the iuge sayde: for a trouth there came a hogge into my house, whiche founde the gla.s.se of oyle, and ouerthrewe and brake it: and so through spyllynge of the oyle I cleane forgot the.

Wherby ye may se, that euermore amonge The ryche hath his wyll, the pore taketh wronge.

FOOTNOTES:

[175] Go easily.