Confessions of a Young Lady Part 35

There was a pause. The lady had seated herself on the arm of the chair on which her lover sat, and was smoothing his hair with her dainty little hand.

"Joe, would you like to do that?"

"I'd sooner do anything--anything! I'd sooner sweep a crossing; I'd sooner be a s...o...b..ack. I hear that some of them s...o...b..acks earn six and seven s.h.i.+llings a day when there's plenty of mud about."

"I don't think I should care for you to be a s...o...b..ack, even when there's plenty of mud about. I'd almost rather you did anything than that."

"But there's nothing I can do."

Another pause; this time a longer one. Joe Lamb sat with his hands thrust deeply into the pockets of his Sunday trousers; a frown upon his brow. The lady continued to smooth his well-brushed hair.

"Joe, suppose I were to see my way to earn some money."

"You! Are they going to raise you to fifty s.h.i.+llings, and give you a line to speak: 'The carriage waits,' or something of that sort?"

She suffered his ungraciousness to pa.s.s unheeded.

"Suppose I were to see my way to earn, say, five thousand pounds."

Mr Lamb, withdrawing his head from the neighbourhood of the lady's caressing hand, sat bolt upright in his chair with a start.

"Five--what?"

"I know a public-house which is to be bought cheap, if bought at once.

Never mind how I know, but I do. We could get it for five thousand pounds and have plenty over to go on with. You and I might work the business up and in two years sell it for twice as much as we gave for it. Joe, what do you think?"

"I think--it's no use my telling you what I think, because you wouldn't like it. You might as well talk about buying the moon."

"I'm not so sure of that. I believe I could earn the money if I liked."

"You earn five thousand pounds! Well! I don't want to say anything--not a word; but might I just ask how you propose to set about it?"

"By bringing an action for breach of promise of marriage."

"What!"

"I shouldn't be surprised if I got at least five thousand pounds by way of damages."

Joe Lamb, who had risen from his seat, was staring at her with, on his countenance, an expression of increasing stupefaction.

"From whom?--from me?"

"The idea!" She laughed, as if the notion tickled her. "In the first place, I shouldn't dream of suing you, even if you were to prove false; and you know very well that you're not worth half as many farthings if I did. No; I propose to obtain my five thousand pounds from Sir Frank Pickard."

"Who's Sir Frank Pickard?"

"He's a young gentleman--a very young gentleman, just turned twenty-one, who's fallen head over heels in love with me."

The lady was looking down at her skirt, as she smoothed it with the tips of her fingers, with an air of the most extreme demureness. Mr Lamb's face, as he regarded her, was rapidly a.s.suming the hue of a boiled lobster.

"So you've been encouraging him, have you?"

"I have been doing nothing of the kind. So far, I haven't spoken to him a single word. I've declined to receive his presents--even his flowers."

"So he's been sending you presents, has he!--and flowers."

The lady sighed, as if she found the gentleman a little trying.

"My dear Joe, all sorts of people fall in love with me to whom I have never spoken in my life, or they say they do. They send me flowers and presents, and all kinds of things, which I always refuse to accept, although some of the other girls call me a goose for my pains. I can't help their falling in love with me, can I?"

She looked up at him with an air of innocence which was almost too perfect to be real. So far from it appeasing him, he began stamping up and down the room, clenching and unclenching his fists as he moved.

"A nice sort of thing for a man to be told by his young woman! You shall leave that confounded theatre this week!"

"To do so is part of my plan. I shall hand in my notice to-morrow--that is, if I am engaged to Sir Frank Pickard by then."

"What?"

"Joe! don't be silly! Why are you glaring at me like that? Won't you understand? Already, in three separate and distinct letters Sir Frank has asked me to marry him."

"Has he?"

"Though, of course, I've paid no sort of attention to his insane request."

"I should think it was insane!"

"I don't fancy I use the word in quite the same sense in which you do.

However, I've been making inquiries about him. I find he's of a very old family, and tremendously rich. His father is dead. He's the only child of his mother; she can't prevent his doing anything he chooses to do, and she wouldn't if she could. She idolises him. During his minority the income has acc.u.mulated, until now he has at his command a perfectly enormous sum of ready money. Five thousand pounds is nothing to him, or ten either. My idea is to ask him to call on me to-morrow, and then to get him to repeat in person the proposal which he has already made by letter. Having accepted him, I shall see that he puts it all down in black and white, so that everything is quite s.h.i.+p-shape. And then I shall hand in my notice at the theatre."

During the lady's remarks Mr Lamb's countenance was a panorama of disagreeable emotions.

"And where do you suppose I shall be while all this is going on?"

"You'll be at the shop."

"Not much I sha'n't. I'll keep on hanging about your front door until I catch sight of your fine gentleman; and then I'll break his neck."

"Don't be silly. After we're engaged and everything is signed and sealed and settled I shall begin to behave in a fas.h.i.+on which will soon make him as anxious to break his promise as he was to make it."

"I bet he will! You wait till I get within reach of him, that's all."

"You will not appear upon the scene. You would spoil all if you did. I shall manage everything."

"I fancy I see myself letting you do it! You've got some pretty ideas of your own!"

"You'll find by the time I've finished that I've some very pretty ones indeed. You don't know what a treasure you possess. When Sir Frank begins to show signs of wanting to back out of his promise I shall begin to talk about my injured feelings; to which, however, he'll find it possible to apply a soothing plaster in the shape of--well, say five thousand pounds."

"You're a nice piece of goods, upon my word! I ask you again where do you suppose I shall be while all this is going on?"