Three Plays by Granville-Barker Part 88

AMY. [_Turning on him._] Don't lecture me! If you're so clever put a stop to this horror. Or you might at least say you're sorry.

TREBELL. Sorry! [_The bell on the table rings jarringly._] Cantelupe!

_He goes to the telephone. She gets up cold and collected, steadied merely by the unexpected sound._

AMY. I mustn't keep you from governing the country. I'm sure you'll do it very well.

TREBELL. [_At the telephone._] Yes, bring him up, of course . . isn't Mr. Kent there? [_then to her._] I may be ten minutes with him or half an hour. Wait and we'll come to a conclusion.

KENT _comes in, an open letter in his hand_.

KENT. This note, sir. Had I better go round myself and see him?

TREBELL. [_As he takes the note._] Cantelupe's come.

KENT. [_Glancing at the telephone._] Oh, has he!

TREBELL. [_As he reads._] Yes I think you had.

KENT. Evans was very serious.

_He goes back into his room._ AMY _moves swiftly to where_ TREBELL _is standing and whispers_.

AMY. Won't you tell me whom to go to?

TREBELL. No.

AMY. Oh, really . . what unpractical sentimental children you men are!

You and your consciences . . you and your laws. You drive us to distraction and sometimes to death by your stupidities. Poor women--!

_The Maid comes in to announce_ LORD CHARLES CANTELUPE, _who follows her_. CANTELUPE _is forty, unathletic, and a gentleman in the best and worst sense of the word. He moves always with a caution which may betray his belief in the personality of the Devil. He speaks cautiously too, and as if not he but something inside him were speaking. One feels that before strangers he would not if he could help it move or speak at all.

A pale face: the mouth would be hardened by fanaticism were it not for the elements of Christianity in his religion: and he has the limpid eye of the enthusiast._

TREBELL. Glad to see you. You know Mrs. O'Connell.

CANTELUPE _bows in silence_.

AMY. We have met.

_She offers her hand. He silently takes it and drops it._

TREBELL. Then you'll wait for Frances.

AMY. Is it worth while?

KENT _with his hat on leaves his room and goes downstairs_.

TREBELL. Have you anything better to do?

AMY. There's somewhere I can go. But I mustn't keep you chatting of my affairs. Lord Charles is impatient to disestablish the Church.

CANTELUPE. [_Unable to escape a remark._] Forgive me, since that is also your affair.

AMY. Oh . . but I was received at the Oratory when I was married.

CANTELUPE. [_With contrition._] I beg your pardon.

_Then he makes for the other side of the room._ TREBELL _and_ MRS.

O'CONNELL _stroll to the door, their eyes full of meaning_.

AMY. I think I'll go on to this place that I've heard of. If I wait . .

for your sister . . she may disappoint me again.

TREBELL. Wait.

KENT'S _room is vacant_.

AMY. Well . . in here?

TREBELL. If you like law-books.

AMY. I haven't been much of an interruption now, have I?

TREBELL. Please wait.

AMY. Thank you.

TREBELL _shuts her in, for a moment seems inclined to lock her in, but he comes back into his own room and faces_ CANTELUPE, _who having primed and trained himself on his subject like a gun, fires off a speech, without haste, but also apparently without taking breath_.

CANTELUPE. I was extremely thankful, Mr. Trebell, to hear last week from Horsham that you will see your way to join his cabinet and undertake the disestablishment bill in the House of Commons. Any measure of mine, I have always been convinced, would be too much under the suspicion of blindly favouring Church interests to command the allegiance of that heterogeneous ma.s.s of thought . . in some cases, alas, of free thought . .

which now-a-days composes the Conservative party. I am more than content to exercise what influence I may from a seat in the cabinet which will authorise the bill.

TREBELL. Yes. That chair's comfortable.

CANTELUPE _takes another_.

CANTELUPE. Horsham forwarded to me your memorandum upon the conditions you held necessary and I incline to think I may accept them in principle on behalf of those who honour me with their confidences.

_He fishes some papers from his pocket._ TREBELL _sits squarely at his table to grapple with the matter_.

TREBELL. Horsham told me you did accept them . . it's on that I'm joining.

CANTELUPE. Yes . . in principle.

TREBELL. Well . . we couldn't carry a bill you disapproved of, could we?

CANTELUPE. [_With finesse._] I hope not.

TREBELL. [_A little dangerously._] And I have no intention of being made the scapegoat of a wrecked Tory compromise with the Nonconformists.