Ore no Kanojo to Osananajimi ga Shuraba Sugiru Vol 2 Chapter 8

#8: Toast Attack is Mayhem

The next day first cla.s.s was physical education.

It was neither swim cla.s.s nor a mixed-gender cla.s.s. We were playing basketball in the gym —a game of knockout. The person of each group who made their ball in second was considered the loser and then a different group would go up and play.

Since I already lost, I had some free time, so I leaned against the wall near the entrance and sat down.

I unconsciously looked outside through the open door —the girls of cla.s.s 2 were on the field doing group-stretching. They were split up into pairs. One. Two. Three. They turned and stretched their bodies. When I came back to my senses, I noticed that all the boys around me were watching the scene with longing eyes. Ah, that’s right. We did it unconsciously. There wasn’t anything we could do about it.

At this moment— I noticed a doll left out of the circle of stretching girls, as she stood alone in the shade of a tree.

It was Hime.

"She couldn’t find a partner?"

But in this kind of situation, wouldn’t the physical education teacher form a pair with you?

I looked again at the circle they were forming and I spotted the teacher wearing a red sports jersey stretching with another girl already.

In other words, there were already enough girls to form pairs with everyone already.

Even so, Hime was left out? —Did that mean her existence was completely forgotten?

Not only students, but also even the teacher forgot her?

"Hmmm..."

How was that possible?

Isolated in the shade of a tree, Hime still wore a poker face. Was she lamenting the situation? Or was she indifferent? It was difficult to comprehend from her expression. Maybe she wanted to be alone, or maybe her heart was trapped with no way out.

At these times, Chiwa would probably have said: 'Why are you standing blankly? Come on, let’s go—' And then drag Hime away.

But me——

"Hey, sensei!"

I shouted to our physical education teacher who was currently acting as referee.

"Hmm? Mr. 'Kidou[1]'Popular, what’s wrong?"

"[...]"

Mr. Popular Kido...

Have some rumors about me spread even amongst the teachers?

I’ll temporarily ignore it for now.

"It’s about the girls who are stretching on the field over there."

"Oh, there’s a girl you like there? If you do, you want to mingle with them?"

"Gahahaha!", he released a great laugh worthy of his tall stature.

Again, I'll ignore it.

"Look, over there. One of the girls seem left out."

"Eh? Where?"

I pointed to the shade of a tree and the physical education teacher noticed her.

"Oh, she is left out."

"I think cla.s.s 2’s teacher hasn’t noticed yet."

"Right! I’ll go say something."

I replaced the teacher as referee and he immediately ran to the field. He really was a good teacher. Before at the swimming pool, he also saved Yamamoto-kun from the football club and Masuzu.

The teacher from cla.s.s two finally noticed Hime and ran to the shade while apologizing: "S-Sorry!"

So it had been resolved.

The teacher pulled Hime with her hand and brought her into the circle of girls.

Due to the distance it wasn't possible to see clearly —but from the side, her eyes seemed to gleam with tears.

"...Tche!"

This was the kind of time one ought to have 'no need for sympathy, because warriors are always alone'.

And even she insisted that she was an active duty warrior.

Yet, why do you have to look so happy?

...Isn't that cute?

♦

A day pa.s.sed uneventfully. After school.

When I arrived at the club room, Hime was already there writing something. Masuzu and Chiwa said they would be late, so I thought I would be the first to arrive.

"Yo, Hime, you are extremely early."

"After cla.s.ses ended, I immediately leaped into s.p.a.ce, since I wanted to see Eita as soon as possible."

"...R-Really?"

As soon as I sat down on the seat opposite to her's, Hime immediately moved into the chair next to mine. Even though we’ve known each other for a few days, she already seemed very intimate. If she could be like this with her cla.s.smates, then everything would be all right.

"Was my relations.h.i.+p with you in our past life that good?"

"Certainly. We had five children."

"Huh? We were married?"

Hime continued to wear a poker face as she shook her head and said:

"Because the Dimensional Logic System disapproved of Eita’s low annual income, you didn’t register our household."

"This setting is too pitiful, isn’t it?"

Normally, you would make your annual income one hundred million, or something like that!

To say I was a citizen with low income, yet had five children! That’s just tras.h.!.+

"It’s not a setting, it’s our past life."

Her Royal Highness Hime said very coldly. Living in the past life must have been very difficult.

"What is this 'Dimensional Logic System'? Your parents?"

"I deny this. This body exists to monitor the living beings on this planet from the Milky Way, with the objective to increase evolution. I was appointed to one of its subunits, which had the official name, 'Adjustment of Earthly Biological Unit for the Adjustment of Earthly Biological Matrixes'."

"I don’t quite understand, but didn’t you say 'Adjustment of Earthy Biological' twice?"

"—!"

Hime flashed a 'darn!' expression for an instant.

But it quickly changed back into a poker face and she said:

"This body exists to monitor the living beings on this planet from the Milky Way, with the objective to increase evolution..."

"We’re starting again at the beginning?"

We should just leave this part out.

I don’t have time, okay?!

Because I was in a bad mood, I went and pinched Hime’s face.

Soft! Extraordinarily flexible!

"R-Retret from Braight Monk Moundo Thing Zonne, and take advantague of the bare window!"

Even so, she still finished speaking.

It made me admire that perseverance of such strong eighth-grade syndrome.

"Oh, what were you writing before?"

"The subject that the president a.s.signed yesterday."

"Ah —any progress?"

Hime rubbed her face as she vigorously shook his head.

"I was just applying to the Higher Dimensional Logic System to re-evaluate the difficulty of this mission from A to S."

"Meaning, making progress has been difficult for you?"

"It was a powerful enemy that exceeded my expectations."

Maybe that was the case. After all 'deciding what kind of maiden you want to be' is a bit abstract.

"You don’t need to make it complicated. Just write about something you want to do, or something you feel is interesting. If you just write like that, you’ll be fine."

"...I will do some research."

At this time the door opened, Masuzu and Chiwa walked into the clubroom. It was quite strange that these two were together.

After confirming the presence of Hime’s figure, Masuzu smiled and said:

"How about it, Harusaki-san? Akis.h.i.+no-san did come today."

"I-I wasn’t worried!"

It seemed like they had been in a discussion about whether Hime would come today.

"That comes from the one that said things such as 'weren’t you a little harsh with what you said yesterday?'"

"I just said I wasn’t!"

After putting her bag in the corner of the room on two large j.a.panese-style tatami mats, Masuzu sat down as Chiwa stood in front of the whiteboard… Normally, it was the other way around.

"For today's extracurricular activities, I heard that Harusaki-san already had something planned."

"Eh, Chiwa?"

"This is, um, Ei-kun, a test for the temporary member."

Chiwa looked at Hime, gave a 'humph'-snort with her nose, and said:

"Let me warn you first, I'm very strict, so are you mentally prepared?"

"As long as I’m with Eita, there won’t be a problem."

Hime hugged me again.

The muscles on Chiwa’s face became rigid.

"T-Today, using Ei-kun as a partner, we will have club activities with the subject being..."

Chiwa wrote several large words on the whiteboard:

Eating Toast'-Attack to Become Popular! Fight!'

"What is 'Eating Toast'-Attack?"

When I raised this inevitable question, Chiwa gave an amazed look, straightened her chest and said:

"While dangling toast on your mouth, surprise!"

"Ah?"

"While eating toast, attack the boy that you like! Fight!"

"[...]"

My childhood seems to be be beyond help…

"But, haven’t you already tried this in the past?"

Before 'Jien-Otsu' was established, Masuzu had Chiwa do 'Fighting is Popular' schemes which had certain peculiar 'results'. Most of the things we did were on par with this proposal.

"Back then, I just ran to school while dangling toast in my mouth, but that’s not enough. When I was re-reading shoujo manga a few days ago, I realized that if one does not collide with anyone, there’s no opportunity to have an encounter!"

Chiwa wrote on the whiteboard below 'Toast-Attack to Become Popular! Fight!'.

Step 1: While dangling toast in the mouth, say: 'Ah— I’m late! I’m late—!' while running on the street.

Step 2: Hit a handsome guy.

Step 3: 'I'm so sorry! I’m really clumsy, giggle~'

Step 4: 'What an interesting girl... What's your name?'

Step 5: Become popular!

"[...]"

I want to say this sentence that I haven’t said in a long time.

This is exactly —exactly like 'Jien-Otsu'!

"So, the key point is the 'Colliding Method'."

Masuzu proposed a suggestion that suited her position as president.

"So we’re using a 'Colliding Method' to display a beautiful encounter? This would probably be very challenging without a considerable amount of practice."

"Therefore, Ei-kun, can we count with you as the the 'Colliding person'?"

"Eh, so it was this kind of a.s.signment..."

We left the clubroom, and went to the neighboring building near the science preparation room and audiovisual cla.s.sroom, also known as the 'Practice Floor' building. Even though it was a bit noisy here, we would not disturb the other culture clubs, so we could practice all we like.

Dangling toast...

Hit the handsome guy...

...Practice.

It was so bad, I couldn’t even cry!

Depending on the result of rock-paper-scissors, either Chiwa, Masuzu, or Hime would hit me in order.

For the toast dangling from the mouth, they used sweet bread that Chiwa stocked up on as a subst.i.tute, since the 'cooperative store doesn’t sell toast and it would be too much trouble to go to the convenience store'. Somehow, this sounds wrong from even before the start.

"Ei-kun, I going nooow——"

Chiwa moved about fifteen meters away, next to the stairs, as she waved her hands dramatically.

"Please go easy on me, Chiwa."

"To put all of my resolution on this, right[2]—?"

"Please go easy on meeeeeeee!"

Regardless, she went off without any reservation!

With her mouth dangling jam-covered bread, Chiwa cried 'I’m late! I’m late—!' while running towards me.

Frightened out of my wits, I turned the opposite way.

Even though we arranged to have the collision in front of the science room, Chiwa soon ran past where we planned, since she was running too fast.

"Oi, wait, Ei-kun! Why are you running?!"

"Of course I would flee!"

If I were hit by her with that kind of momentum, before falling into love I would be thrown into coma!

I ran with all my strength, but soon ran into the southern end of the school building.

But Chiwa still did not slow down on her momentum in the least.

I could probably dodge out of the way just before she hit me —but if I did, Chiwa would hit the wall!

"d.a.m.n, come at me theeeeen!"

I prepared myself mentally and opened my arms. I used my entire body to catch the Chiwa who jumped at me while crying 'Huhahu—♪'. Because of the ferocious momentum, the two of us immediately rolled into the ground.

I didn’t know why her eyes were watery, but she hugged me tightly.

"E-Ei-kun!"

"W-What?!"

"I knew you would definitely catch me!"

"...Well——"

This somehow seems like a scene used in the first episode of a romantic comedy, however, for some reason I can already see the ending.

I can't understand this at all...

"Ah, somehow I'm supposed to play the part of the cool guy on his way to school?"

"Ah, right, I forgot."

"Well!", Chiwa hurriedly prepared herself.

"I'm sorry, I’m so clumsy! Kunkun[3]."

Kunkun.

Chiwa’s nose was pressed against my chest… What was this girl thinking?

Anyways, I have to say the lines:

"S-So cute —You, what's your name—"

"Kunkun. Kunkun~"

Chiwa made noises like a puppy as she casually rubbed me with her nose.

"Oi— You, what's your name?!"

"Kun, Ei-kun! Kun..."

That was Chihuahua for you.

The bread that was dangling from her mouth was already in her stomach.

—Uh, what kind of club activity was this?

"Chihuahua-san please leave. Chihuahua-san please leave."

Masuzu used a broom to whack and smack Chiwa on the back.

"Malicious virus invading Eita detected, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete."

With her normal mechanical sound mixed with resentment, Hime desperately pulled at Chiwa’s uniform.

Chiwa finally stood up, tapped herself on the head as she stuck out her tongue and said:

"I'm sorry! I’m so clumsy, *tehe~*"

—Thus, the circle comes to a close.

Chiwa used a towel to wipe her sweat as she smiled, and said:

"How was it? Ei-kun?"

"What?"

"Do you feel light-headed?"

"...Well."

That’s because my head hit something due to the force of the impact!

"Yeees♪ I successfully became popular!"

Chiwa happily jumped and bounced, but the truth was I couldn’t say anything.

"How about that, Natsukawa? My battle tactics aren’t bad, right? You should show a little more respect, right? Otherwise you can kneel to me, eh?"

Somehow, Chihuahua-san seemed to be getting carried away.

Masuzu gave a 'fuh' and shrugged:

"Well, that’s about all you can do after using all your effort."

"What? Are you saying you can do even better?"

"Actions speak louder than words, and as president I will demonstrate this to you."

Then it was Masuzu’s turn.

Masuzu came to my side as she opened a package of red bean bread:

"Eita-kun, please don’t be too harsh on me."

"Aah, I request the same."

Masuzu lowered her voice, and brought her lips close to my ear:

"Because I forgot about it today."

"Heh?"

When I gave her that response, Masuzu only gave me a flirtatious look.

"Not wearing it, that's the case."

——!?

Not wearing it?

What?

A-Aaaah, The knee socks, right?

I looked at Masuzu as she walked back towards the starting position.

...Naturally, she was wearing knee socks.

Then, the 'not wearing it'—

"Anyway, I’m starting——"

"Wait a moment! Youuuu!"

I cried at Masuzu who waved at me next to the stairs, but it was too late.

She started running as the bread dangled from her mouth, 'Hihohu, Hihohu[4]'!

"Are? You? Comming? Any? Way? Er— I said wait! Waaaaait!"

With my mind in confusion, I also began running.

If Masuzu was 'not wearing it', then what would happen?

She would collide into me?

We would fall down?

Her skirt might lift off?

If that happened, you would see Masuzu’s very important 'girl’s'—

"I’m a little late——♪!"

"Wuaaaaaaaaaaaah! Masuzu, dooooooon’t!"

I used my entire body to catch Masuzu who was rus.h.i.+ng at me!

Because of the momentum's force we rolled along the floor!

During that time, like a matter of life or death, I grabbed the edge of her skirt that nearly lifted up! I used all that I had!

We continued to stumble —rolled just like that, until our backs. .h.i.t the wall and we finally stopped.

'Girl’s important parts' —no problem.

Thanks to the fact that I was tightly holding onto her skirt, it was not revealed!

G-G-Great...!

Masuzu held me as she whispered:

"Please forgive me, somehow, I’m a little clumsy, *tehe*!"

"There’s a limit to how clumsy you can be!"

Such as forgetting to wear that kind of thing.

Don't forget to wear thaaaaaaat!

"Let me say something first, Eita-kun."

"Ah?"

"That bit from before, was a little lie♪."

"Aah?!"

Masuzu stuck out her tongue.

"Really, how could I possibly be forgetting to wear it? Again and again, this little Eita-kun; Just how far are you going to take those hopes of me 'not wearing it'. That's just so extremely perverted."

"Y-You!"

"If you doubt me, want to take a look? Here..."

"Wuahh, don’t! Don’t lift it!"

Chiwa and Hime came to our side, as we hugged each other on the ground still arguing with each other.

"It already ended, right? How long do you intend to stick there until, Natsukawaaaa?!"

"Evil spirt TISN[5], evil spirits TISN, evil spirits TISN—"

With that, the two of them pulled Masuzu away. Saved! Transdimensional language seems quite reliable today!

"How was that? Harusaki-san?"

Masuzu brushed away the dust on her skirt, smiled and said:

"Eita-kun rushed towards me to hug me tightly, unlike that time with you when he ran away."

Chiwa gave a 'Uuuuu!' sound.

"This is because my colliding technique is quite developed. Even though we both performed the same toast attack, our 'skill levels' as maidens are so far apart, that such a large difference in the result can't be helped."

"H-H-How Frustrating—!"

No...

Earlier I was just protecting her skit.

But somehow I suppose that it shows why Masuzu’s skill were greater than Chiwa’s?

Finally, it was Hime’s turn.

…She was the one I was the most anxious about.

It wasn’t the same kind of 'anxiety' that I had for Chiwa or Masuzu. I was mostly worried about her physical strength.

Thinking back to the rooftop scene, she gives the impression that she's practically too weak to stand up against the wind.

"Hey, Hime, will you really be alright? Don’t overdo it, okay?"

"No problem, I'll just hug Eita tightly."

"[...]"

Somehow, hasn’t the goal completely changed?

But looking at her sparkling eyes, as Hime eagerly and excessively waved her arms, I couldn’t bear to ask her to stop it.

Now, what I should do is just catch her, without letting her get hurt.

At the starting position, Hime a.s.sumed an 'absurd eagle pose'.

"With 'Holy Dragon Princess of Dawn' as my name, I will lead this campaign to expel the A-Rank deity Barbarossa, with the souls of heaven and earth everywhere——"

"You can leave out the eighth-grade-like opening prologue."

Hime momentarily pouted with 'humph', but immediately reverted to her deadpan expression and began munching on her red bean bread.

"Himecchi —You don’t actually have to eat the bread."

"Yeah, it’s fine if you just dangle it from your mouth."

"Undierstuud."

As per Chiwa and Masuzu's words, Hime used her small mouth to hold her half-eaten red bean bread.

She started running.

...Very slowly.

Even though Masuzu ran fairly slow, Hime was even slower. Her athletic ability seemed to be quite low.

Though, if this is the case, she’ll be very easy to catch. But just when I thought that——

"Mu, Gu, Fu!"

Hime suddenly grimaced and stopped.

She painfully clutched her chest and fell to her knees.

I ran over to her.

"Hey, what’s wrong, Hime? Are you okay?"

"Fuanfua..."

"Heh?"

Hime’s face looked pale and she pointed at her own throat.

"Fuanfua, Fuahama."

"[...]"

She seems to have choked on the bread.

Hime twitched like a fish stranded on land, trembling and shaking.

Aaah, certainly not good. This fellow surely won't reach popularity...

—But now's not the time to say that!

"Chiwa! Water! Quickly bring water from the clubroom!"

"W-Will do!"

"No, won’t it be faster to scoop water from the science room?"

Maybe another club informed them, but a large group of disciplinary committee members ran over from the other set of stairs. Even from a distance, you could tell that their faces were flushed and extremely angry.

Apparently, we exceeded the 'slightly' part of 'being slightly loud won’t be a problem'.

...Oh dear.

I felt as if our club was one step closer to disbanding.

♦

Masuzu and Chiwa were taken away by the furiously enraged disciplinary committee members.

Presently, they were probably being severely reprimanded in the committee headquarters, but I knew them well, and those two girls definitely would not sincerely reflect on their actions from just this little incident. While receiving their scolding, they would definitely think in their hearts: 'It's that idiot Natsukawa’s fault!', 'It's that brawns-over-brains Chihuahua-san's fault!'. Somehow I could already hear the inner voice of their hearts.

As for me, I was responsible for Hime who currently laid on a j.a.panese-style tatami mat in the clubroom (and thus saved from being taken away by inevitable fate[6]). Even though the bread was very quickly taken out of her choking throat, we were taking extra precautions and letting her rest.

"Is it serious, Hime? Do you need to go to the health center?"

"No need to."

Even though she says that, Hime’s face still looks a little pale, so letting her lie down will probably make her feel better.

"You don’t need to force yourself to partic.i.p.ate in club activities, right? You don’t need to listen to what those two say."

"I..."

Hime looked up to me, who sat next to her pillow and said:

"Is it not all right for me to stay by your side, Eita?"

"...Well, it’s not like it's 'not all right'..."

This was kind of hard to explain.

Even though I was anti-love, when such a cute girl said that kind of thing, it would be a lie to say I wasn’t even a little happy.

But, the person who Hime liked was not 'me' as I am right 'now', but rather 'me' in the Golden Age of my Eighth-Grade Syndrome. This was the same as the time when Chiwa had said the 'He' from the 'notebook' was 'very cool'.

So I could not accept her love so easily.

"...Hey, why do you like me?"

"Why, is it?"

"Even though I was your boyfriend in your past life, that doesn’t mean I have to be your boyfriend in this life?"

Would Hime be disillusioned by me?

If she saw me ordered around by Chiwa and Masuzu, as they climbed on my head, wouldn’t she think 'my delusion and reality aren’t the same'. That would be a strong slap from reality.

Hime sat silently for a while and then said:

"Before I entered Hanenoyama Prefectural High School, I once held very small expectations."

"Expectations?"

"A new world."

Hime’s mechanical voice wavered slightly.

"I thought that entering this 'High School' system would open a new world, albeit small, but I still mustered that hope."

"...Then, how about it?"

"There was no change at all."

Hime’s voice returned to its mechanical tone.

"Other than the name change from middle school to high school, there was no other change at all. The gray-colored everyday life, the gray-colored crowd, the gray-colored time, and my own gray-colored self —everything was gray, and it continuously acc.u.mulated into this gray snowflake world."

"But...", Hime grabbed my sleeve and said:

"Eita is different. At EKME point, you alone s.h.i.+ned in the gray-colored landscape, as you battled to protect a lady. Your figure was unshakable even as you were hurt——"

Hime’s poker face crumbled, revealing her ashamed self.

"It was really cool."

"[...]"

Ahh.

How could I react?

I felt very sorry for misleading her.

If I were to draw an a.n.a.logy, it was like the mood from someone praising a 'cat' painting and saying 'it’s a cute dog'!

Even so, I felt a little happy.

...I really am so immature.

"But, I’m not the 'Holy Dragon Knight of Dawn' anymore. I graduated from that kind of thing in middle school."

"Graduated? I don’t understand what you mean."

"I mean, I’m no longer part of the Holy Dragon race, and I’m not a prince from the Holy Dragon Star. I’m just an everyday human."

"No. Bonds from a past life can’t be cut apart, even by magic swords."

"No, that’s why——"

Hime immediately grasped my hand.

"Believe."

"Eita is a valiant warrior, braver than anyone else and you’re someone who can cleave this gray world apart —as long as Eita is willing to believe it."

Hime looked at the 'a.s.signment' notebook on the table.

"Then maybe, I think I'll be able to have some courage."

Translator notes and references Jump up↑ The teacher is teasing him by mixing up his name "Kidou" (季堂) with the word "Popular" (モテ), using "モテ堂". Jump up↑ She miss-heard Eita's "Oteyawaraka" with "Omoikkiri". Jump up↑ Sound of sniffing. Jump up↑ She reads "遅刻" strangely, it can mean "being late". Jump up↑ TISN is supposed to be an abbreviation for retreat/scatter/dispel. Jump up↑ Pun on death-by-choking or being taken away by the disciplinary committee.