All the Days of My Life: An Autobiography Part 45

"So it is, Doctor," I answered. "If we write good words, and write them well, it is the work G.o.d gives to His beloved."

"You talk mystically," he said, "but you write plain enough. Don't go away again."

As he left me, a tall, pale young man brought his lunch in his hand, and sat down to eat it beside me. It was Wolcott Balestier, the brother of the young lady whom Rudyard Kipling married, and no mean writer of fiction. He was employed in the Patent Department, and he never told me he was writing. He liked to eat his lunch beside me, and discuss the people around, and what they were doing. Sometimes he gave me some of his marshmallows, and I gave him half of my apple. We always had a happy moment over these exchanges, and he used to banter me for being so extravagant as to buy apples, when they were five cents each. Well, when I first came to New York, I had sometimes hesitated between the apple and the ride home. If I got my apple, I had to walk up to Eighteenth Street, if I could do without my apple I could afford the cars home. Always the apple won, for I told myself, "I ought to walk home after sitting so long. It is really a question of health, and not of apples." I wonder how it would have affected me, if I had been then made sure, that the day was coming when I would have apple trees of many kinds, that were all my own, and apples without stint to eat, and to sell, and to give away. Would it have been good for me to know this? No. It would not. Every one's experience will teach them that much.

Above all other visitors in my alcove, I liked Frank Norton. He also was in the Patent Department, but I never saw a man so far out of his place. It was hard enough for young Balestier to be working over some old mechanical patent, when he was dreaming of love and ladies and great adventures; but the darkly handsome Professor N---- dwelt constantly among the stars, and believed himself to be spiritually related to them. He came into my alcove one day, and began talking about our earth having once been part of the sun, and he declared that her day and night, her tides and seasons, and simplest phenomena, would be unintelligible without taking into account her heavenly companions. He then attempted to prove to me how these extra-telluric influences, have also dominion over the phenomena of mind, because man, being a product not only of the earth but of the universe, is influenced by the stars as well as the earth. I confess that his wisdom was mostly beyond me, but I was greatly delighted with the word "telluric" and when he talked of "extra-telluric influences" I was eager and anxious to know what the word might mean. As soon therefore as he left me, I went to a dictionary and found out. I might have asked him, and saved some stair-climbing and research, but I knew if I compelled myself to look for the meaning, I would never forget it.

Ever since the word has had a charm for my ear, and I have wanted to use it in the books I have written; but this is the first opportunity I have found. Professor N---- was then a young, handsome man, enthusiastically full of dreams, and of an extra-telluric nature; yet apparently under very good telluric influences, for he was always happy, always well dressed, and always had the air of a man well supplied with money. I wonder where he is today, and I hope sincerely that the stars and all other extra-telluric powers, have been very kind and generous to him.

And on the evening of the day on which this conversation with Professor N---- occurred, after thinking it over, I said to myself, "This earth, with its days and nights, its change of seasons, its tides and earthquakes, and magnetic storms, may be under extra-telluric influences; but the phenomena of the soul, is beyond all such control. By some mysterious exercise of its own powers, it moves on from phase to phase, from gloom to suns.h.i.+ne, from doubt to faith, from repose to activity, and natural laws are of no importance to it. What telluric, or extra-telluric influence, _can govern thought_?"

Lilly had always been the manager of our home affairs, and now that this employment was taken away, her mind reverted to mission work; and she went on a journey for the American Missionary Society that promised her a great deal of the kind of adventure she liked. She was to go to the southern states where schools and home missions had been established to report on the work they were doing, and the success or failure that had attended it. I do not remember how long she was thus occupied, but it was not long, for she was soon busy in her own way "among southern cabins;" for in Charleston she met Mr. Tourgee, and he advised her to go to John's Island, which lay some miles off the coast of South Carolina and was famous for its long staple cotton. Here, he told her, she would find negroes far different from the usual type, and natural surroundings of great beauty and interest.

On this island there was a fine old manor house called "Headquarters,"

then owned by a Mr. and Mrs. Peck, and she went there to see it. Every brick in this house had been brought from England by Lord Fenwick its builder, and its n.o.ble entrance hall, leaded library windows, and magnificent cypress paneling were still in beautiful preservation. It received its name from having been headquarters during the war of the Revolution, the war of A.D. 1812, and twice during the war of A.D.

1860. A very sincere friends.h.i.+p grew up between its owners and Lilly, and she stayed at "Headquarters" more than a year, writing charming papers about its woods and lagoons, its birds and reptiles, and its picturesque and exceedingly interesting negro life and character.

These papers were all bought by the _Independent_ and _Harper's Weekly_.

Immediately after her settlement at "Headquarters," she began to dream of, or to see in a kind of vision, an old lady and gentleman who appeared to be much interested in her. Their dress was that prevalent among the n.o.bles and gentry during the reign of Queen Anne, or the early Georges, and they impressed her with a strong persuasion of their constant care and guardians.h.i.+p. She was sure that it was not only interest, but love that prompted them. Phantoms, of course! Yes, but phantoms of remarkable clearness and evidence, and all the time she was at "Headquarters" she saw, or she dreamed of them.

Now the singular point in this experience, was not known until this summer, when I received officially from the county clerk a list of all the references to my family, the Huddlestons of Millom, to be found in the county histories of the s.h.i.+res of c.u.mberland and Westmoreland. It will be remembered that I have just stated, that this fine old mansion was built by Lord Fenwick, and in the historical list just referred to, I find the following record:

"John Huddleston, son of the above-named Richard, who succeeded his father in 1337, married a daughter of Henry Fenwick, Lord of Fenwick, county of Northumberland."

These few lines gave me food for some very pleasant thoughts, which I followed further than I can do here, but it was evident that these early Fenwicks who built "Headquarters," still remembered that their family and the Huddlestons were kindred. After more than five hundred years had elapsed, as we count them, they remembered it, and knew that the alliance still influenced the Huddleston strain. Well, then the dead do not forget in the next life what happened in this life. Also, the affections of the dead remain in the same channel as when they were on earth. Far off from the original strain as Lilly was, they knew her, and they felt an interest in her welfare and safety. My readers can of themselves follow out these trains of thoughts; they may find comfort and explanations in so doing. And I think those of our families who are in another world like us to remember them.

Truly Lilly needed some protection, for she was surrounded by many dangers; the climate was dangerous, the reptile life was dangerous, and the negro element was tremendously in the ascendant; there being only forty white families on the whole island, while the negroes probably numbered four thousand, more or less. And Lilly knew not the word fear; she stood an hour in the hot swamp one day, and watched the long battle between a very large rattlesnake and an equally large black snake, watched them at close quarters until the black snake tore the skin off his antagonist, and left him flayed from head to tail in the burning sun. It never struck her that there was any danger to herself. "The snakes," she said, "paid no attention to me. They were too busy with themselves. I was in no danger whatever."

And at that time, in that lonely island, the white man and woman had no fear of the black man; nor did Lilly see while she was there any ill will of the black man to the whites. They still regarded with liking and respect the white families to which they had belonged, as the following incident will exemplify. One woman had worked four years after her freedom for her master, and he had never paid her any wage.

Lilly asked "Why do you not sue him, Mary? The law would give you your wage, for he is able to pay it."

"O Miss Lill," was the answer, with a positive shake of the head, "we couldn't hab a suit in the fambly."

So much trust was there then in the old servants, that Lilly accompanied by Mrs. Peck, often went to Charleston in the long boat, rowed by four black men. Their leader was a gigantic negro called Binyard, and to his impromptu songs and recitatives the oars kept time all the sixteen miles. Thus when Binyard saw a steamer approaching, his stentorian voice hailed it thus:

"Git out ob de way, you steamboat!

Binyard's on de ribber!

Binyard's on de ribber, steamboat, Git out ob Binyard's way!"

Then when the steamer swept across their bow and left them rocking in its wash he continued,

"Go on dis time, little steamer, I let you pa.s.s dis time, Dere's white ladies on Binyard's boat, So he let you pa.s.s dis time--

"But keep out ob de way, steamboat, When no white ladies wid him; He sink you sure, little steamboat; He sink you wid his oar!"

As soon as they cleared Ashley River, and got fairly around the bend and into Stono River, they met many boats coming from John, James, and Edisto Islands, and then invariably the singing began, the leading boat flinging out the challenge,

"Gwine to hang up de sword in Zion?"

and the rest answering,

"Yes, Lord! 'Tis a great camp meeting In de Promised Land!"

And this spiritual was followed by others, until they went singing into "Headquarters" landing. It is all changed now. The negro has been to the university and got "eddicated" and the white man no longer trusts him, and the white woman fears him.

In the evening hours while Mary was out at various houses, or entertainments I wrote a novel, one of the very best I ever wrote. It was called "The Last of the McAllisters." I sent it to Henry Holt, being moved to do so by a feeling I could not resist, and cannot explain. He returned it with a letter saying, "If you will write me an American novel as clever and interesting, I will gladly publish it."

This letter, so kind and wise, set me thinking of the possibilities of American history for fiction, and was in fact the seed thought of "The Bow of Orange Ribbon," and consequently of the series of American historical tales which followed it. The origin of novels is often very interesting, and far to seek.

Early in November, 1880, I had an almost fatal attack of inflammation of the brain, followed before I recovered consciousness, by double pneumonia. At the crisis of the sickness, I was for five days neither _here_ nor _there_. Where was I? I was in a land where all was of fine s.h.i.+fting sand, a land of such awful silence, that I could _feel_ the deadly stillness. And I wanted to pray, and could not pray. I was conscious of no pain, and no desire, but this terrible, urgent longing to pray, and yet not being able to cry to G.o.d for help. To want G.o.d, and to have no power to call Him, or to go to Him, was an agony there are no words to express. At last, as I stood helpless and hopeless among mountains of sand, there was a whisper, and the pang of unpermitted prayer was taken away. Then I cried out, "Spare me, Lord, that I may recover strength, before I go hence and be no more forever." Instantly I was conscious. I knew that I was on earth, in my own room, and I spoke one word, "_Mary!_"

Mary was kneeling beside me, kissing my almost clay hands and face, and moistening my lips with drops of water. And I knew that I was saved. I knew that G.o.d had really given me a new life--a new physical and mental power. Physicians had said, I would never be mentally well again. I was dictating poems and other work to Mary, before I was permitted to have any light in my room--when I lay in my bed, while Mary stood at the open door, writing down my words. My convalescence was rapid and sure. I was in the Astor Library on the twenty-first of March, making notes for an article on "Nollekins, the Sculptor," for _Harper's Monthly_. The next week I went again for notes on "Beating the Bounds" for Mr. Munroe, the editor of _Harper's Young People_.

I had been four months in my room. I felt now an urgent necessity to be at work again. I have a list beside me of the work I did in this month of March, and of the work done in the nine months following. It may interest some of my friends to read the list for March, because I was then scarcely out of the shadow of the grave. It includes twelve poems, four for _Harper's Weekly_ and eight for the _Ledger_, as follows:

"An old Man's Valentine."

"'Tis G.o.d's World After All."

"Blue and Gray Together."

"John's Wife."

"The Fortune Teller."

"The Best I Can."

"The Lover that Comes in the Morning."

"No Room for Me."

"When To Drop the Bridle."

"We've Always Been Provided For."

"When Mother and I Were Married."

Beside these twelve poems, I went to the library and procured the material for the Nollekins article, a lengthy one which depicted the Georgian life and celebrities; wrote two articles for _Lippincott's_, and the school paper called "Beating the Bounds," for the editor of _Harper's Young People_. For the year following, I have a list which shows one hundred and thirty-one poems, eight stories, two of which were long enough to be called novelettes, and twenty-five articles referring mostly to remarkable people, places or events.

[Ill.u.s.tration: MRS. BARR, November, 1880]

But when the home is broken up the family scatters. I felt this painfully, for I missed Lilly constantly, and Mary was a great deal with friends, or away, so that Alice and I were really much alone. I had most of the office work to do, and was obliged to leave her when about it, though I took her with me to the library, if the weather was favorable.

Under these conditions it was as easy for me to go to England as to remain in New York during the summer, and in May, 1882, having just finished and sold to Appleton, my book on the "Children of Shakespeare's Dramas," I took Alice and went first to Glasgow and afterwards to Yorks.h.i.+re; remaining away until Christmas was approaching. During that summer vacation, so-called, I sent back to New York eighty-one poems, stories, and descriptive articles, and this number does not include poems and stories written for English papers and magazines during the same period, but of which I have kept no list. These eighty-one poems and stories were sent to Mary, who managed their sale so well, that all were placed and mostly paid for, when I returned home.

This voyage is memorable to me because of a great salvation. On May the third, 1882, I dreamed that a Presence whose enmity I felt, stood by my bedside and said, "You are going to be lost! You are going to be lost! You are going to be s.h.i.+p-wrecked!" And I answered, even as I slept, "I do not believe you. G.o.d is able and willing to keep me in all my ways, and my soul trusteth in Him forever." Then I awoke, and I said consciously over and over, the words I had said in my dream, and so fell asleep again, fighting the fear in my heart with trust and faith. And again I dreamed a Presence stood by my side, a holy loving Presence, and it said confidently "Go, and the Lord be with thee" (1st Samuel, 17:37). And I opened my eyes full of happiness, and there was no shadow of fear in my heart, and three days afterwards Alice and I sailed in the _Devonia_ for Glasgow. We were, as before said, in Scotland and Yorks.h.i.+re all summer; but took pa.s.sage for New York again on the eleventh of November. I held fast to the promise given me, and in pleading it for our return voyage, I was suddenly affected in a remarkable way, by the wording of the promise. For the first time I noticed the word "_be_" in it. It seemed to stand out more plainly than any other word. Then I understood. G.o.d had promised not only to go with me, but to _be_ with me. That was sufficient. There were very few saloon pa.s.sengers. I remember only two ladies beside Alice and myself, an actress, and a Mrs. Orr of Cornwall-on-Hudson. No one comes into your life for nothing, and the next year being advised to go to the mountains for a month or two, I remembered what this lady had said about Cornwall, and I wrote and asked her if she knew of a house I could rent. She advised me to come and see Cornwall. I did so, took a house for six months, and have been here twenty-eight years.

Our first three days at sea were fine, and the wind favorable; the next day the sea was rough, and I was thrown against the bra.s.s pipe of the saloon stove, and my right hand painfully burned. On the eighteenth of November, at eleven o'clock at night, we broke our machinery, and in the morning, when I went on deck, I was appalled by the sight of the deck covered with pieces of iron, and wreckage of every kind; and my heart for a moment failed me. For nine days we drifted helplessly about the Atlantic, but all the time, day and night, men were working steadily to repair our engine. Captain Young, a devout man and a fine sailor, was speechlessly anxious, but he clung to Alice whenever he saw her, for she had told him the s.h.i.+p would reach New York safely; and he believed her.

On the night of the twenty-seventh, after dinner, he asked Alice and me to pray for the s.h.i.+p. "At eight bells," he said, "listen and pray!

We are then going to try the engine. If she works, we may, if G.o.d wills, reach our harbor in safety----"

"And if not, Captain?"

"We shall still be in G.o.d's hands."

With these words he turned away, and Alice and I watched faithfully with the anxious man. At eight bells we were on our knees, and as the bells began to strike, _the thud of the engine began with them_.