Aunt Judy's Tales Part 15

"Now there is no time," continued Aunt Judy, "for my telling you all Mr. Franz's funny sc.r.a.pes and adventures. When we get to the end of the journey, you must invent some for yourselves, and sit together, and tell them in turns, while we are busy unpacking. I will only just say, that wherever he went, the same sort of things happened to him, because he was always thrusting himself forward, and always getting pushed back in consequence.

"Out of the public gardens he got fairly turned at last, because he would talk politics to some strange gentlemen on a bench. They got up and walked away, but, five minutes afterwards, a very odd-looking man looked over Franz's shoulder, and said significantly, 'I recommend you to leave these gardens, sir, and walk elsewhere.' And poor Franz, who had heard of such things as prisons and dungeons for political offenders, felt a cold shudder run through him, and took himself off with all possible speed, not daring to look behind him, for fear he should see that dreadful man at his heels. Indeed, he never felt safe till he was in his bed-room again, and had got the waiter to come and talk to him.

"'Dear me,' said the waiter, 'what a very silly young gentleman you must be, to go talking away without being asked!'

"'But,' said Franz, 'you don't consider what a superior education I have had. I can talk and make myself heard--'

"'Oh, pooh! bother talking,' interrupted the waiter; 'what's the use of talking when n.o.body wants to listen? Much better go to bed.'

"Franz would not give in yet, but was comforted to find the waiter did not think he would be thrown into prisons and dungeons; so he dined, and dressed, and went to the theatre to console himself, where however he MADE HIMSELF HEARD so effectually--first applauding, then hissing, and even speaking his opinions to the people round him--that a set of young college students combined together to get rid of him, and, I am sorry to add, they made use of a little kicking as the surest plan; and so, before half the play was over, Mr. Franz found himself in the street!

"Now, then, I have told you enough of Mr. Franz's follies, except the one last adventure, which made him alter his whole plan of proceeding.

"He had had two letters of introduction to take with him: one to an old partner of his father's, who had settled in the capital some years before; another to some people of more consequence, very distant family connections. And, of course, Mr. Franz went there first, as there seemed a nice chance of making his fortune among such great folks.

"And really the great folks would have been civil enough, but that he soon spoilt everything by what HE called 'making himself agreeable.'

He was too polite, too affectionate, too talkative, too instructive, by half! He a.s.sured the young ladies that he approved very highly of their singing; trilled out a little song of his own, unasked, at his first visit; fondled the pet lap-dog on his knee; congratulated papa on looking wonderfully well for his age; asked mamma if she had tried the last new spectacles; and, in short, gave his opinions, and advice, and information, so freely, that as soon as he was gone the whole party exclaimed:-

"'What an impertinent jackanapes!' a jackanapes being nothing more nor less than a human monkey.

"This went on for some time, for he called very often, being too stupid, in spite of his supposed cleverness, to take the hints that were thrown out, that such repeated visits were not wanted.

"At last, however, the family got desperate and one morning when he arrived, (having teazed them the day before for a couple of hours,) he saw n.o.body in the drawing-room when he was ushered in.

"Never mind, thought he, they'll be here directly when they know I'M come! And having brought a new song in his pocket, which he had been practising to sing to them, he sat down to the piano, and began performing alone, thinking how charmed they would be to hear such beautiful sounds in the distance!

"But, in the middle of his song, he heard a discordant shout, and jumping up, discovered the youngest little Missy hid behind the curtain, and crying tremendously.

"Mr. Franz became quite theatrical. 'Lovely little pet, where are your sisters? Have they left my darling to weep alone?'

"'They shut the door before I could get through,' sobbed the lovely little pet; 'and I won't be your darling a bit!'

"Mr. Franz laughed heartily, and said how clever she was, took her on his knee, told her her sisters would be back again directly, and finished his remark by a kiss.

"Unfortunate Mr. Franz! The young lady immediately gave him an unmistakable box on the ear with her small fist, and vociferated

"No, they won't, they won't, they won't! They'll never come back till you're gone! They've gone away to get out of YOUR way, because you won't keep out of THEIRS. And you're a forward puppy, papa says, and can't take a hint; and you're always in everybody's way, and I'LL get out of your way, too!'

"Here the little girl began to kick violently; but there was no occasion. Mr. Franz set her down, and while she ran off to her sisters, he rushed back to the hotel, and double-locked himself into his room.

"After a time, however, he sent for his friend the waiter, for he felt that a talk would do him good.

"But the 'officious fellow' shook his head terribly.

"'How many more times am I to tell you what a foolish young gentleman you are?' cried he. 'Will you never get up wiser any morning of the year?'

"'I thought,' murmured Franz, in broken, almost sobbing accents--'I thought--the young ladies--would have been delighted--with--my song;- -you see--I've been--so well taught--and I can sing--'

"'Oh! pooh, pooh, pooh!' interrupted the waiter once more. 'Bother singing and everything else, if you've not been asked! Much better go to bed!'

"Poor Franz! It was hard work to give in, and he made a last effort.

"'Don't you think--after all--that the prejudice--is owing to--what I told you about:- people do so dislike a snub-nose?'

"'Oh, pooh! bother a snub-nose,' exclaimed the waiter; 'what will your nose signify, if you don't poke it in everybody's way?'

"And with this conclusion Mr. Franz was obliged to be content; and he ordered his dinner up-stairs, and prepared himself for an evening of tears and repentance.

"But, before the waiter had been gone five minutes, he returned with a letter in his hand.

"'Now, here's somebody asking something at last,' said he, for a servant had brought it.

"Franz trembled as he took it. It was sure to be either a scolding or a summons to prison, he thought. But no such thing: it was an invitation to dinner. Franz threw it on the floor, and kicked it from him--he would go nowhere--see n.o.body any more!

"The 'officious fellow' picked it up, and read it. 'Mr. Franz,' said he, 'you mustn't go to bed this time: you must go to this dinner instead. It's from your father's old partner--he wishes you had called, but as you haven't called, he asks you to dine. Now you're wanted, Mr. Franz, and must go.'

"'I shall get into another mess,' cried Franz, despondingly.

"'Oh, pooh! you've only to keep out of everybody's way, and all will be right,' insisted the waiter, as he left the room.

"'Only to keep out of everybody's way, and all will be right,'

e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Mr. Franz, as he looked at his crest-fallen face in the gla.s.s. 'It's a strange rule for getting on in life! However,'

continued he, cheering up, 'one plan has failed, and it's only fair to give the other a chance!'

"And all the rest of dressing-time, and afterwards as he walked along the streets, he kept repeating his father's words softly to himself, which was at first a very difficult thing to do, because he could not help mixing them up with his mother's. It was the funniest thing in the world to hear him: 'ALL YOU HAVE TO ATTEND TO, WITH YOUR ADVANTAGES IS TO--MAKE YOURSELF--no, no! not to make myself agreeable--IS TO--KEEP OUT OF THE WAY!--that's it!' (with a sigh.)

"When Franz arrived at the house, he rang the bell so gently, that he had to ring twice before he was heard; and then they concluded it was some beggar, who was afraid of giving a good pull.

"So, when he was ushered into the drawing-room, the old partner came forward to meet him, took him by both hands, and, after one look into his downcast face, said:-

"'My dear Mr. Franz, you must put on a bolder face, and ring a louder peal, next time you come to the house of your father's old friend!'

"Mr. Franz answered this warm greeting by a sickly smile, and while he was being introduced to the family, kept bowing on, thinking of nothing but how he was to keep out of everybody's way!'

"He was tempted every five minutes, of course, to break out in his usual style, and could have found it in his heart to chuck the whole party under the chin, and take all the talk to himself. But he could be determined enough when he chose; and having determined to give his father's rule a fair chance, he restrained himself to the utmost.

"So, not even the hearty reception of the old partner and his wife, nor the smiling faces of either daughters or sons, could lure him into opening out. 'Yes' and 'No;' 'Do you think so?' 'I dare say;'

'Perhaps;' 'No doubt you're right;' and other such unmeaning little phrases were all he would utter when they talked to him.

"'How shy he is, poor fellow!' thought the ladies, and then they talked to him all the more. One tried to amuse him with one subject, another with another. How did he like the public gardens? Were they not very pretty?--He scarcely knew. No doubt they were, if THEY thought so. What did he think of the theatre?--It was very hot when he was there. Had he any friends in the town?--He couldn't say friends--he knew one or two people a little. And the poor youth could hardly restrain a groan, as he answered each of the questions.

"Then they chatted of books, and music, and dancing, and pressed him hard to discover what he knew, and could do, and liked best; and when it oozed out even from his short answers, that he had read certain books in more than one language, and could sing--just a little; and dance--just a little; and do several other things--just a little, too, all sorts of nods and winks pa.s.sed through the family, and they said:-

"'Ah, when you know us better, and are not so shy of us as strangers, we shall find out you are as clever again as you pretend to be, dear Mr. Franz!'

"'I'll tell you what,' added the old partner, coming up at this moment, 'it's a perfect treat to me, Mr. Franz, to have a young man like you in my house! You're your father over again, and I can't praise you more. He was the most modest, un.o.btrusive man in all our town, and yet knew more of his business than all of us put together.'

"'No, no, I can't allow that,' cried the motherly wife.