Plays of Near & Far Part 29

SIR WEBLEY: What's all this we hear about this Mr. Shakespeare, Trundleben?

TRUNDLEBEN: Oh, ah, well yes, yes indeed. Well, you see, Sir Webley, he was put up for the Club. Mr. Henry put him up.

SIR WEBLEY (_disapprovingly_): Oh, Mr. Henry.

NEEKS: Yes, yes, yes. Long hair and all that.

SIR WEBLEY: I'm afraid so.

NEEKS: Writes poetry, I believe.

SIR WEBLEY: I'm afraid so.

TRUNDLEBEN: Well then, what does Mr. Newton do but go and second him, and there you are, Sir Webley.

SIR WEBLEY: Yes, a pretty state of things. Has he ... Does he ... What is he?

TRUNDLEBEN: He seems to write, Sir Webley.

SIR WEBLEY: Oh, he does, does he? What does he write?

TRUNDLEBEN: Well, I wrote and asked him that, Sir Webley, and _he_ said plays.

SIR WEBLEY: Plays? Plays? Plays? I'm sure I never heard ... What plays?

TRUNDLEBEN: I asked him that, Sir Webley, and he said ... he sent me a list (_fumbling_). Ah, here it is.

[_He holds it high, far from his face, tilts his head back and looks down his nose through his gla.s.ses._

He says--let me see--"Hamelt," or "Hamlet," I don't know how he p.r.o.nounces it. "Hamelt, Hamlet"; he spells it "H-a-m-l-e-t." If you p.r.o.nounce it the way one p.r.o.nounces handle, it would be "Hamelt," but if----

SIR WEBLEY: What's it all about?

TRUNDLEBEN: Well, I gathered the scene was in Denmark.

NEEKS: Denmark! H'm! another of those neutrals!

SIR WEBLEY: Well, I wouldn't so much mind where the scene of the play was put, if only it was a play one ever had heard of.

NEEKS: But those men who have much to do with neutrals are rather the men--don't you think, Sir Webley?--who ...

SIR WEBLEY: Who want watching. I believe you're right, Neeks. And that type of unsuccessful play-wright is just the kind of man I always rather ...

NEEKS: That's rather what I feel, Sir Webley.

SIR WEBLEY: It wouldn't be a bad plan if we told somebody about him.

NEEKS: I think I know just the man, Sir Webley. I'll just drop him a line.

SIR WEBLEY: Yes, and if he's all right there's no harm done, but I always suspect that kind of fellow. Well, what else, Trundleben? This is getting interesting.

TRUNDLEBEN: Well, Sir Webley, it's really very funny, but he sent me a list of the characters in this play of his, "Hamelt," and, and it's really rather delicious----

NEEKS: Yes?

SIR WEBLEY: Yes? What is it?

TRUNDLEBEN: He's got a _ghost_ in his play. (_He-he-he-he-he_) A ghost!

He really has.

SIR WEBLEY: What! Not on the stage?

TRUNDLEBEN: Yes, on the stage!

NEEKS: Well, well, well.

SIR WEBLEY: But that's absurd.

TRUNDLEBEN: I met Mr. Va.s.s the other day--it was his four hundredth presentation of "The Nighty"--and I told him about it. He said that bringing a ghost on the stage was, of course--er--ludicrous.

SIR WEBLEY: What else does he say he's done?

TRUNDLEBEN: Er--er--there's an absurdly long list--er--"Macbeth."

SIR WEBLEY: "Macbeth." That's Irish.

NEEKS: Ah, yes. Abbey Theatre style of thing.

TRUNDLEBEN: I think I heard he offered it them. But of course----

SIR WEBLEY: No, quite so.

TRUNDLEBEN: I gathered it was all rather a--rather a sordid story.

SIR WEBLEY (_solemnly_): Ah!

[NEEKS[5] _with equal solemnity wags his head._

TRUNDLEBEN (_focussing his list again_): Here's a very funny one. This is funnier than "Hamlet." "The Tempest." And the stage directions are "The sea, with a s.h.i.+p."

SIR WEBLEY (_laughs_): Oh, that's lovely! That's really too good. The sea with a s.h.i.+p! And what's it all about?

TRUNDLEBEN: Well, I rather gathered that it was about a magician, and he--he makes a storm.

SIR WEBLEY: He makes a storm. Splendid! On the stage, I suppose.

TRUNDLEBEN: Oh yes, on the stage.