Super Man and the Bug Out Part 3

The Minister's office was guarded by: a dignified antique door that had the rich finish of wood that has been buffed daily for two centuries; an RCMP constable in plainclothes; a young, handsome receptionist in a silk navy power-suit; a slightly older office manager whose heart-stopping beauty was only barely restrained by her chaste blouse and skirt; and, finally, a pair of boardroom doors with spotless bra.s.s handles and a retinal scanner.

Each obstacle took more time to weather than the last, so it was nearly an hour before the office manager stared fixedly into the scanner until the locks opened with a soft clack. Hers.h.i.+e squelched in, leaving a slushy dribble on the muted industrial-grade brown carpet.

Woolley knelt on the stool of an ergonomic work-cart, enveloped in an articulated nest of displays, comms, keyboards, datagloves, immersive headsets, stylii, sticky notes and cup-holders. His posture, hair and expression rivaled one-another for flawlessness.

"h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo," he said, giving Hers.h.i.+e's hand a dry, firm pump. He smelled of expensive talc and leather car interiors.

He led Hers.h.i.+e to a pair of stark Scandinavian chairs whose polished lead undersides bristled with user-interface k.n.o.bs. The old Minister's tastes had run to imposing oak desks and horsehair club-chairs, and Hers.h.i.+e felt a moment's disorientation as he sank into the brilliantly functional sitting-machine. It chittered like a roulette wheel and s.h.i.+fted to firmly support him.

"Thanks for seeing me," Hers.h.i.+e said. He caught his reflection in the bulletproof gla.s.s windows that faced out over the Rideau Ca.n.a.l, and felt a flush of embarra.s.sment when he saw how clownish his costume looked in the practical environs.

Woolley favoured him with half a smile and stared sincerely with eyes that were widely s.p.a.ced, clever and hazel, surrounded by smile lines. The man fairly oozed charisma. "I should be thanking you. I was just about to call you to set up a meeting."

_Then why haven't you been taking my calls_? Hers.h.i.+e thought. Lamely, he said, "You were?"

"I was. I wanted to touch base with you, clarify the way that we were going to operate from now on."

Hers.h.i.+e felt his gorge rise. "From now on?"

"I phrased that badly. What I mean to say is, this is a new Cabinet, a new Ministry. It has its own modus operandi."

"How can it have its own modus operandi when it was only created last night?"

Hers.h.i.+e said, hating the petulance in his voice.

"Oh, I like to keep lots of contingency plans on hand -- the time to plan for major changes is far in advance. Otherwise, you end up running around trying to get office furniture and telephones installed when you need to be seizing opportunity."

It struck Hers.h.i.+e how _finished_ the office was -- the staff, the systems, the security. He imagined Woolley hearing the news of his appointment and calling up files containing schematics, purchase orders, staff requisitions. It wasn't exactly devious, but it certainly teetered on the meridian separating _planning_ and _plotting_.

"Well, you certainly seem to have everything in order."

"I've been giving some thought to your payment arrangement. Did you know that there's a whole body of policy relating to your pension?"

Hers.h.i.+e nodded, not liking where this was going.

"Well, that's just not sensible," Woolley said, sensibly. "The Canadian government already has its own pension apparatus: we make millions of direct-deposits every day, for welfare, pensions, employment insurance, mothers'

allowance. We're up to our armpits in payment infrastructure. And having you fly up to Ottawa every month, well, it's ridiculous. This is the twenty-first century -- we have better ways of moving money around.

"I've been giving it some thought, and I've come up with a solution that should make everything easier for everyone. I'm going to transfer your pension to the Canada Pension Plan offices; they'll make a monthly deposit directly to your account. I've got the paperwork all filled out here; all you need to do is fill in your banking information and your Social Insurance Number."

"But I don't have a Social Insurance Number or a bank account," Hers.h.i.+e said. Of course, Hers.h.i.+e Abromowicz had both, but the Super Man didn't.

"How do you pay taxes, then?" Woolley had a dangerous smile.

"Well, I --" Hers.h.i.+e stammered. "I don't! I'm tax-exempt! I've never had to pay taxes or get a bank account -- I just take my cheques to the Canadian Union of Public Employees' Credit Union and they cash them for me. It's the _arrangement_."

Woolley shook his head. "Who told you you were tax-exempt?" he asked, wonderingly. "_No one_ is tax-exempt, except Status Indians. As to not having a bank account, well, you can open an account at the CUPE Credit Union and we'll make the deposits there. But not until this tax status matter is cleared up.

You'll have to talk to Revenue Canada about getting a SIN, and get that information to Canada Pensions."

"I _pay taxes_! Through my secret ident.i.ty."

"But does this. . ." he made quote marks with his fingers, "_secret ident.i.ty_ declare your pension income?"

"Of course I don't! I have to keep my secret ident.i.ty a _secret_!" His voice was shrill in his own ears. "It's a _secret ident.i.ty_. I served in the Forces as the Super Man, so I get paid as the Super Man. Tax exempt, no bank accounts, no SIN.

Just a cheque, every month."

Woolley leaned back and clasped his hands in his lap. "I know that's how it used to be, but what I'm trying to tell you today is that arrangement, however longstanding, however well-intentioned, wasn't proper -- or even _legal_. It had to end some time. You're retired now -- you don't need your _secret ident.i.ty,_"

again with the finger-quotes. "If you already have a SIN, you can just give it to me, along with your secret ident.i.ty's bank information, and we can have your pension processed in a week or two."

"_A week or two_?" Hers.h.i.+e bellowed. "I need to pay my _rent_! That's not how it works!"

Woolley stood, abruptly. "No sir, that _is_ how it works. I'm trying to be reasonable. I'm trying to expedite things for you during this time of transition. But you need to meet me halfway. If you could give me your SIN and account information right now, I could speed things up considerably, I'm sure.

I'm willing to make that effort, even though things are very busy here."

Hers.h.i.+e toyed with the idea of demolis.h.i.+ng the man's office, turning his lovely furniture into molten nacho topping, and finis.h.i.+ng up by leaving the man dangling by his suit from the CN Tower's needle. But his mother would kill him.

"I can't give you my secret ident.i.ty," Hers.h.i.+e said, pleadingly. "It's a matter of national security. I just need enough to pay my rent."

Woolley stared at the ceiling for a long, long time. "There is one thing," he said.

"Yes?" Hers.h.i.+e said, hating himself for the note of hope in his voice.

"The people at DefenseFest 33 called my office yesterday, to see if I'd appear as a guest speaker with the Patron Ik'Spir Pat. I had to turn them down, of course -- I'm far too busy right now. But I'm sure they'd be happy to have a veteran of your reputation in that slot, and it carries a substantial honorarium. I could call them for you and give them your comm. . .?"

Hers.h.i.+e thought of Thomas, and of the rent, and of his mother, and of all the people at the Belquees who'd stared mistrustfully at him. "Have them call me,"

he sighed. "I'll talk to them."

He got to his feet, the toe of his boot squelching out more dirt pudding.

"Hers.h.i.+e?"

"Yes, Mama?" She'd caught him on the way home, flying high over the fleabag motels on the old Highway 2.

"It's Friday," she said.

Right. Friday. He told her he'd come for dinner, and that meant getting there before sunset. "I'll be there," he said.

"Oh, it's not important. It's just me. Don't hurry on my account -- after all, you'll have thousands of Shabbas dinners with your mother. I'll live forever."

"I said I'll be there."

"And don't wear that costume," she said. She hated the costume. When the Department of Defense had issued it to him, she'd wanted to know why they were sending her boy into combat wearing red satin panties.

"I'll change."

"That's a good boy," she said. "I'm making brisket."