Herein is Love Part 6

The acquisition of a sense of industry is a decisive step in learning to do things with others and alongside others. This will become a major source of satisfaction and the area of his greatest service.

_Sense of Ident.i.ty_

A fifth objective of love is to nurture in the human being a sense of ident.i.ty which is acquired and consolidated in a new way during adolescence. Dr. Erikson describes ident.i.ty as the "accrued confidence that one's ability to maintain inner sameness and continuity is matched by the sameness and continuity of one's meaning for others."[20]

As an individual develops and acquires skills, he thinks of himself as one who can do things, and his important people may hold a variety of expectations of him: "He's clumsy," "He never can do anything right"; or, "I can always count on him," "He's got the right stuff in him." Out of his achievements and the att.i.tudes of others toward him, his sense of self-esteem and prestige is built, little by little. As crisis after crisis is pa.s.sed and the individual meets each of them with reasonable resourcefulness and receives the encouragement and recognition of others, he begins to believe in himself, to have a consistent expectation of what he will do in the face of various circ.u.mstances and relations.h.i.+ps. In this way he begins to acquire a style of living which is his own and which contributes to his sense of ident.i.ty and to others'

identification of him.

In the achievement of a sense of self-ident.i.ty, the child needs models with which to identify himself. Especially is this true during his adolescence. He needs a.s.sociation with men who are clear about being men, and women who are clear about being women, and who are capable of and practice a reasonably wholesome relations.h.i.+p with each other. He needs men and women who have convictions, who can distinguish between right and wrong, who hold these convictions firmly, and yet not rigidly.

He needs guides and counselors who can help him bring together and concentrate his various and fluctuating drives and interests, and who are not dismayed or misled by the inconsistencies and fluctuations that may accompany his development. He needs help in choosing a job, because self-identification is dependent upon some kind of occupational ident.i.ty. Finally, he needs help in acquiring, as a part of his sense of self-ident.i.ty, a sense of vocation, of being called to something that is greater than himself, which will draw him forth as a partic.i.p.ant in the deepest meaning of life. The providing of this kind of relations.h.i.+p to help the individual acquire an indispensable sense of ident.i.ty is another of love's objectives.

Unfortunately, however, in our complex and technical society, the models after which the youngsters may now pattern themselves are not as clear as they might be. People are having to undergo tremendous adjustments in a time of rapid technical growth, as a result of which their image of the world in which they live is changing; producing, therefore, uncertainties in themselves, and making it more difficult for adolescents. Our changing age creates many difficulties for changing adolescents. Cultural conditions often force young people to band together in groups or movements that provide them with a point of focus by means of which they stereotype themselves and their ideals. This is one way in which they acquire stability and a sense of direction. We need, however, to be tolerant of this and to recognize its purpose; we need to realize also that if we provide them with alternatives, their need for these stereotypes may disappear.

The church has a special role here. Most of the committee whose discussion we read in Chapter I, gave no evidence of being able to provide young people with the kind of models they need, for there was nothing heroic, clear-cut, or creative about them. Their faith was defensive, and it did not deal with the realities of life. Young people turn away from that kind of "religion." And quite rightly. They need men and women whose religion, instead of being a defense against life, provides them with the courage to move into life and become a part of it, to accept its problems and wrestle honestly for its meanings; whose style of Christian living is not compulsive, but liberated; not pretentious, but honest; whose reverence for G.o.d is not confined to the sanctuary, but is exhibited in responsible relations with people. They need models who, because of their religious faith, are able to admit when they are wrong and can ask for forgiveness without feeling a loss of personal dignity. They need religious teachers who can portray, both by word and by example, the great personalities of the tradition, the heroes and saints; teachers who are clear about what their contribution really is, who can make clear to youth the heroism of a man of faith and let it stand forth without all the confusions of superst.i.tious veneration. They need a church and religious teachers and members that have a sense of mission, a reason and purpose for living that is related to all the exciting meanings of human life, instead of being concerned with such irrelevancies as churchism, parochialism, inst.i.tutionalism, and other modern idols. In the context of this kind of example, adolescents, even in complex, modern, industrial America with all its confused values, will have the aid they need in order to move through the intricacies of their development and emerge with a sense of personal ident.i.ty and a capacity for relations.h.i.+p.

_Sense of Integrity_

A final objective of love is to help the individual, who by now has become an adolescent and is fast approaching the threshold of adult life, to achieve a sense of integrity. The acquisition of the senses of trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, and ident.i.ty through the years of his development should prepare him for responsible living with himself and others. Much depends, as we have seen, on the ability and willingness of those in his environment to accept, respond to, and guide him. But there is still unfinished business with which we must help him; namely, the achievement of a sense of integrity.

A sense of integrity includes a capacity for intimacy with others. More than s.e.xual intimacy is meant, although that is of more importance than many religious people want to admit. For the moment, however, we are thinking of intimacy in a general sense, of our capacity to partic.i.p.ate in the meanings of one another's lives, to fuse into relations.h.i.+ps without losing our respective ident.i.ties. We see young people striving to achieve this kind of relation with each other through their talking things over endlessly, by confessing what one feels like and what the other seems like, and by sharing dreams, ideals, and ambitions. Where this is not achieved by early adulthood, the individual may find himself separated from others except for formal and stereotyped interpersonal relations.

Only the person who is capable of intimacy can become a partner in any relations.h.i.+p. People who marry with the hope of achieving the power of intimacy are often disappointed, because mutually fulfilling s.e.xual intimacy requires a capacity for personal intimacy. What we are trying to say here is that before one can become a partner, one must first be a person. With this we have reached a kind of summary in the development of our thesis which might be stated as follows: A person is called into being out of relations.h.i.+p, but the person in his separateness is necessary to the achievement of a new relations.h.i.+p.

Intimacy is not only platonic, but s.e.xual as well. The growing person needs help in acquiring a potential capacity for mutual, satisfying intimacy with a partner of the opposite s.e.x. Heteros.e.xual mutuality has religious significance, since s.e.xual intimacy is supposed to be an outward and visible sign of personal intimacy. Yet religion is often strangely silent in this area, and our young people are often misled. A teen-ager recently said, "I don't go much for this platonic stuff." When asked why, he said, "I guess I'm too much of a wolf." When asked what he meant by being a wolf, he said that he was interested only in making love to a girl. His view of intimacy, which is similar to that of many other young people, reveals at least two misunderstandings: first, the separation in his mind between the platonic kind of relations.h.i.+p and the s.e.xual, and secondly, his a.s.sociation of the s.e.xual with "wolf," which is a symbol of the subhuman. Religious teaching needs to affirm s.e.xual intimacy as a part of people's lives, and nurture them so that their s.e.xual relations.h.i.+ps may be a means of grace rather than a source of guilt.

The achievement of intimacy, general and specific, leads to the development of another capacity essential to integrity; namely, the capacity for generation, whether of offspring or creativity of some other kind. Generative capacity is basic to an individual's a.s.sumption of responsibility, and to his ability to initiate and bring to fulfillment new life or new expressions of life. The power of origination is open to anyone, and we can either affirm the power or deny it. If we deny it, we shall have to find subst.i.tutes which usually are subpersonal and which involve us in a kind of superficial but unfulfilling intimacy. On the other hand, the person with integrity is one who can initiate creativity of his own, or consent to and partic.i.p.ate in the creativity of others. As Dr. Erikson has pointed out, he can be both a leader and a follower. These are qualities and values needed by all men, and the cultivation of them is the task of the church and the purpose of its teaching.

The objectives of love, we see, are not abstract, but specific and concrete. Love calls forth persons and reunites life with life by providing the relations.h.i.+ps in which the created needs of men are met.

The environment of saving love is needed to produce out of our biological nature and the physical world in which we live the image of G.o.d in each of us and the Kingdom of G.o.d for all of us.

[17] _Man's Need and G.o.d's Action_, Reuel L. Howe, The Seabury Press, Greenwich, Connecticut, 1953, Chapter V.

[18] _Growth and Crises of the Healthy Personality_, Erik H. Erikson.

Pamphlet from _Problems of Infancy and Childhood_, Josiah Macy, Jr. Foundation, New York, 1950. Used by permission.

[19] Ibid.

[20] Ibid.

V

THOSE WHO WOULD LOVE

"We know that we have pa.s.sed out of death into life, because we love the brethren."--_1 John 3:14_

Thus far in our discussion we have considered the nature of love, the development of the needs of the individual, and the objectives of love in calling persons into being. Now we turn to a discussion of the lover, or of the person or persons who are the instruments of that love, such as parents, teachers, ministers, and every man of whatever function. We shall also consider the nature of the relations.h.i.+p in which healing and reconciliation take place, and consider some of its resources.

_The Power of the Personal_

The doctrine of the Incarnation, which underlies the whole Christian life, is really the doctrine of the personalization of love. By it is meant the embodiment in man of the life of G.o.d Who is love. The Incarnation makes this life personal, and persons, therefore, are of primary importance to its existence and its meaning. In each generation the Christian is called upon to reaffirm his faith in the power of persons living in relation to G.o.d and man.

Our own generation has a special need for a reaffirmation of the personal because of our preoccupation with science and technology, and with vast s.p.a.ce and enormous power. One wonders, and hears others wondering, what good is a person in the face of all these ma.s.ses, s.p.a.ces, and complexities. But it was revealed in Christ, and every now and then it is revealed to us afresh, that the whole vast structure of life is dependent upon the power of persons and upon our exercise of the power of the personal. The character of man, expressed in his relations with his fellow man, will finally determine whether we will use our vast powers creatively or for our destruction.

The primary vocation of the Christian in this time is to respond to the call of the person to be personal. The church members with whose conversation we began this book, seemed oblivious to the personal nature of the church's purpose. They were concerned about subst.i.tutes for the personal, about inst.i.tutions and professional groups, about a legalistic morality, and about knowledge for its own sake. Any one of their concerns, if caught up in the vitality of the personal, could have valuable meaning. Law, as we have seen, has its role, if it is a part of love. Human effort is important as personal response to what G.o.d has done for us. Dependence upon the clergy is a part of the life of the church, but the work of the clergy, as we have seen, cannot be a subst.i.tute for the ministry of the whole church. The church is important, but it does not find its meaning in its isolation from the world. And knowledge about G.o.d, His creation, and redemption is necessary to the Christian life, but such knowledge must find its meaning in our living relation with G.o.d.

The recent emphasis on the interpersonal and group process has contributed much to our understandings of the human relations.h.i.+ps of Christian fellows.h.i.+p. As a result of the emphasis, a new polarity operates in the life and teaching of the church: one pole is the content of the Good News; the other pole is the encounter between men in which the Good News is realized. Unfortunately, the image of the relations.h.i.+p between the encounter and the content of the Christian faith has been and still is that of opponents in a battle. This concept is erroneous, for any dialogue must have content. The conversation between two people that is not informed by learning produces nonsense. Discussion groups have revealed their poverty when they have not been informed by responsible knowledge; fellows.h.i.+p for the sake of fellows.h.i.+p becomes tiresome; and relations.h.i.+p without good discipline, whether in the home or elsewhere, becomes chaos and anarchy. So, there are some disciplines that we need to observe as persons in whom the Spirit of G.o.d seeks to incarnate His love.

_We Need Informed Christians_

First, if we are to embody and express the love of Christ in our generation, we must keep our minds alert and our interests alive. At this point, church people fail in several ways. Instead of having minds that search for the meaning of life in Christian terms, they sometimes have minds filled with musty opinions and prejudices. An otherwise alert lawyer, for example, said that he did not want his church to take a stand on any of the great social issues, but stick to its subject, namely, religion. This preoccupation with the subject matter of religion apart from its relevance to life is a characteristic failure of many church people.

As Christian churchmen, we do not need to be scholars in religion, but we should be interested in the issues of life, open to new understandings, and engaged in some kind of reading or study that will keep us informed and intellectually awake. Only in this way can we keep ourselves from falling into narrow little ruts and pulling the world in after us. A part of our ministry is to partic.i.p.ate in and help to keep alive the dialogue between man and man, between the church and the world, between Christian thought and the problems of existence.

Emotional and opinionated thinking about religion, values, and social issues is appallingly prevalent among "religious" people. The conversations of church members often are pitiful in their concern for the trivial affairs of the local church and inst.i.tution, about its building and organizations, its suppers and bazaars. What a pathetic and inconsequential way of serving Christ! He needs, instead, men and women who are out on the frontiers of modern life, representing His message to the world.

The accomplishment of an intellectually and socially responsible ministry calls for some effort on the part of the local church. In the first place, the minister will have to preach, and teach out of, the gospel in its relation to life. Instead of talking so much about religion as an end in itself, he ought to talk about life in the context of the teaching of religion. The content of his sermons and instructions should be the affairs of men, for these raise the questions for which the gospel was given. The discussion of religion apart from life produces a laity who, in their life in the world, are unable to represent the message of the gospel, because they do not know that the message of the gospel has any relation to the affairs of life. Then we hear such laymen say to any minister who might try to speak relevantly to human questions: "Stick to your subject; I don't think these things are the business of the church."

Church members, as a part of their devotion to Christ who had love for the world, should try to understand the life of the world in terms of its deepest meanings, and not be content with merely its superficial values. They will read articles and books and editorials, and listen to speeches and forums on television and radio, not only that they may be informed, but also that they may be informed for G.o.d and may serve Him better in the world. Religion that seeks escape from the world, and similarly the person who will not a.s.sume responsibility for G.o.d in the world, is sinful and idolatrous. Protection against this sin and idolatry is partly secured by serving G.o.d with our minds and our interests.

_Prayer and the Life of Devotion_

A second discipline of the responsible Christian is the discipline of prayer and devotion. We cannot live in relation to G.o.d and serve Him if we do not communicate with Him. Prayer is one of the indispensable forms of the dialogue between man and man, man and G.o.d, and G.o.d and the world.

Unfortunately, however, many people, including some clergymen, have given up prayer, because it seems unrealistic and unfruitful in this scientific age. A part of our trouble may be that we tend to separate our acts of prayer from our life of devotion. Or, to use a concept we have employed earlier, we separate the forms of prayers from the vitality which provides the life of devotion. Both public and private prayer lose their vitality by this separation of form from life, and by the separation of G.o.d from the world, so that we make Him the monarch of religion instead of the creator and redeemer of life. Because of our belief in love as G.o.d's chosen relation to the world and in the incarnation of love in the personal, it becomes possible for our prayers and wors.h.i.+p to be quickened through our devotion to the purposes of G.o.d in the world.

An a.n.a.logy may help us here. Every relations.h.i.+p has its devotional rituals and observances which are important to it. Husband and wife, for instance, because of their love and devotion to each other, develop little rituals and ways of doing that are designed to express their devotion to each other. They come together for this purpose. There is the kiss, the touch of the hand, the gifts on special occasions and those which come as surprises; their physical union is the symbol and instrument of their spiritual union and becomes the sacrament of their relations.h.i.+p as persons. But these acts of love presuppose and depend upon their over-all and lifelong devotion to each other in everything that they do. Their life of devotion to each other provides the content and drive for their acts of devotion, and their acts of devotion are a means of expressing their life of devotion. Their life of devotion needs these acts of devotion, and without the life of devotion their acts of devotion will dry up and become meaningless.

So it is in our relation to G.o.d. We cannot fall on our knees and cry with any meaning: "O G.o.d, O Father, O Judge, O Savior," if our whole lives are not lived in the context of the meaning of these exclamations.

Then our words become empty and cannot rise above our lips, and we are overcome by the despair and futility of our prayers. Prayer may not be recovered by going to a school of prayer to learn various techniques and kinds of prayer, but by rekindling our devotion to the people and the world for whom Christ died. Then, by practicing our acts of devotion in the context of such a life of devotion, we may rediscover the meaning of prayer. Our acts of devotion cannot be quickened by the intensification of our prayer activity alone. Many people who are frantically trying to whip up their prayer life would do better to get up off their knees and go out and do something about their loveless, purposeless, and undevoted lives. The devotion of the so-called "children of darkness" to the pursuit of their scientific or industrial purposes may be more impressive than the vain babblings of the so-called "children of G.o.d"

about their souls. The trivial concerns of some religious people stand in uncomplimentary contrast to the heroism of the researcher's devotion to his project and to the scientist's devotion to his experiment.

Perhaps the purposes of G.o.d are more served by them than by us, although by them His purposes may not be served consciously.

How can the life of devotion and the acts of devotion be brought together? When employer and labor leader meet to work out the problems of fair employment, they may do so either as a necessary part of their business, which of course it is, or as a way of expressing their devotion to G.o.d. G.o.d's love is concerned with justice between employer and employee, and the employer and the labor leader partic.i.p.ate in the work of G.o.d in the world by their devotion to these problems. This is both their way of being responsible businessmen and citizens, and their way of loving G.o.d and a.s.suming responsibility for Him. To whatever degree they recognize this as being true, they will find satisfaction and meaning in the offering of their effort as an act of reverence to G.o.d, together with a private prayer for His guidance that each may be open not only to what G.o.d is trying to do through him, but open also to what He is trying to do through the other.

In our acts of devotion, therefore, we pray for a life of devotion in which we may be the instruments of G.o.d's purposes in the incarnations of His Spirit. We pray also for others, for our children, for our pupils, for our a.s.sociates, whether they be employees, peers or superiors, that they too may be incarnations of G.o.d's Spirit and instruments for the accomplishment of His purpose.

Acts of devotion, in the context of this kind of life of devotion, change the whole focus of human relations and get them off their self-centered, compet.i.tive, and alienating basis. Acts of devotion are revitalized by being restored to a relation to the life of devotion, and the life of devotion is given an opportunity in acts of devotion to articulate its meaning, and to be guided and renewed in the dialogue between G.o.d and man as expressed in wors.h.i.+p. And the union of the acts of devotion with the life of devotion will illumine anew for us the meaning of daily life, and our relations.h.i.+p with one another. It will improve our dialogue with one another and with G.o.d.

_The Practice of Creativity_

A third discipline to be practiced by the person through whom the Spirit would work is the cultivation of creative activity. By the discipline of creativity, I mean the discipline of learning and perfecting some skill in art or music or handicraft or sport in which there is opportunity to co-ordinate motor and mental powers and to gain therefrom some sense of achievement. A creative approach to life, of course, is a part of a life of devotion. Creative activity is indispensable to the health of the human soul, especially in this day when there is an increasing gap between our efforts and their result.

Mothers are often frustrated and unhappy because they do not see immediately in their children the good results of their long and painful efforts in their behalf. Teachers can work with a pupil for months and years and still not have a clear-cut sense of achievement. The man in his office may be but a part of a huge organization, and the results of his labors are neither conclusive nor a source of immediate satisfaction to him. The researcher may have to work for years before he achieves the results for which he is looking. Indeed, he may never gain them for himself, because the work that he does may only lead to the work of others, and still others will reap the harvest. Then there are many engaged in work from which little sense of achievement can be gained, and yet it is necessary work and provides them with a living. Lack of response or delayed response to human effort can be profoundly frustrating to the human spirit, and frustrated people do not make good instruments for the expression of love. It is imperative, therefore, that those who would be lovers of man and G.o.d should find subst.i.tute ways in which to close the gap between their effort and their achievement.