De Turkey and De Law Part 10

WILLIE Aw Haw! Copy cats! (Makes face) Dat's right, follow on behind us lak uh puppy dog tail. (They start walking toward right exit switching their clothes behind.)

(Baptist children stage a rush and struggle to get in front of the methodists. They finally succeed in flinging some of the Methodist children to the ground and some behind them and walk towards right exit haughtily switching their clothes.)

WILLIE (whispers to his crowd) Less go round by Mosely's lot and beat 'em there!

OTHERS All right!

WILLIE (Yelling to Baptists) We wouldn't walk behind no ole Baptists! (The Methodists turn and walk off towards left exit switching their clothes as the Baptists are doing.)

_SLOW CURTAIN_

ACT II

SCENE II

SETTING: Interior of Macedonia Baptist Church, a rectangular room, windows on each side, two "Amen Corners", pulpit with a plush cover with heavy fringe, practical door in pulpit, practical door in front of church, two oil brackets with reflectors on each side wall with lamps missing all but one, one big oil lamp in center.

ACTION: At the rise, church is about full. A buzz and hum fills the church. Voices of children angry and jeering heard from the street.

The church bell begins to toll for death. Everybody looks shocked.

SISTER LEWIS Lawd! Is Dave done died from dat lick?

SISTER THOMAS (to her husband) Walter, go see. (He gets up and starts down the aisle to front door. Enter Deacon Hambo by front door.)

WALTER Who dead?[Note: correction to e]

HAMBO (laughing) n.o.body--jus' tollin' de bell for dat Meth'dis gopher dat's gointer be long long gone after dis trial. (laughter from the Baptist side)

WALTER Y'all sho thinks you runs dis town, dontcher? But Elder Simms'll show you somethin' t'day. If he don't, G.o.d's uh gopher.

HAMBO He can't show us nothin' cause he don't know nothin' hisself.

WALTER He got mo' book-learnin' than Rev. Singletary got.

HAMBO He mought be unletter-learnt, but he kin drive over Sims like a road plow.

METHODIST CHORUS Aw, naw! Dat's a lie!

(Enter Rev. Simms by front door with open Bible in hand. A murmur of applause arises on the Methodist side, grunts on the Baptist side.

Immediately behind him comes Lum Boger leading Jim Weston. They parade up to the right Amen Corner and seat themselves on the same bench, Jim between the Marshall and the preacher. A great rooster crowing and hen cackling arises on the Baptist side. Jim Weston jumps angrily to his feet.)

(Enter by front door Rev. Singletary and Dave. Dave's head is bandaged, but he walks firmly and seems not ill at all. They sit in the left Amen Corner. Jeering grunts from the Methodist side.)

SISTER THOMAS Look at ol' Dave trying to make out he's hurt.

LIGE Everybody know uh Baptis' head is hardern uh rock. Look like they'd be skeered tuh go in swimmin', do they heads would drown 'em. (general laughter on Methodist side)

(Enter Bro. Nixon with his jumper jacket on his arm and climbs over the knees of a bench full of people and finds seat against the wall directly beneath empty lamp bracket. He looks around for some place to dispose of his coat. Sees the lamp-bracket and hangs up the coat, hitches up his pants and sits down.)

SISTER LEWIS (rising and glaring at Nixon) Shank Nixon, you take yo' lousy coat down off these sacred walls. Ain't you Methdis' n.i.g.g.e.rs got no gumption in de house of Wash-up!

(Nixon mocks her by standing akimbo and shaking himself like a woman.

General laughter. He prepares to resume his seat but looks over and sees Deacon Hambo on his feet, and glaring angrily at him. He quickly reaches up and takes the coat down and folds it across his knees.)

(Sister Taylor looks very pointedly at Sister Lewis then takes a dip of snuff and looks sneering at Lewis again.)

SISTER TAYLOR Some folks is a whole lot more keerful bout a louse in de church than [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] they is in they house. (Looks pointedly at Sister Lewis.)

SISTER LEWIS (bustling) Whut you gazin' at me for? Wid your pop-eyes looking like skirt ginny-nuts.

SISTER TAYLOR I hate to tell you whut yo' mouf looks like. I sho do you and soap and soap and water musta had some words.

SISTER LEWIS Talkin' bout other folks being dirty--yo' young 'uns must be sleep in they draws cause you kin smell 'em a mile down de road.

SISTER TAYLOR Taint no lice on 'em though.

SISTER LEWIS You got just as many bed-bugs and chinches as anybody else, don't come trying to hand me dat rough package bout yo' house so clean.

SISTER TAYLOR Yeah, but I done seen de bed-bugs munchin' out yo' house in de mornin', keepin' step just like soldiers drillin'. An' you got so many lice I seen em on de dish-rag. One day you tried to pick up de dish-rag and put it in de dish water and them lice pulled back and tole you "Aw naw, d.a.m.ned if I'm going to let you drown me." (Loud laughter from the Methodist side)

SISTER LEWIS (furious--rises akimbo) Well, my house might not be exactly clean, but there's no fly-specks on my character! They didn't have to sit de sheriff to make Willie marry _me_ like they did to make Tony marry _you_.

SISTER TAYLOR (Jumping up and starts across the aisle. She is pulled back out of the aisle by friends.) Yeah, they got de sheriff to make Tony marry me, but he married me and made me a good husband, too. I sits in my rocking cheer on my porch every Sat'day evening and say "here come Tony and them--

SISTER LEWIS Them what?

SISTER TAYLOR Them dollars. Now you sho orter go git de sheriff and a shot-gun and make some of dese men marry yo' daughter Ada.

SISTER LEWIS (Jumping up and starting across the aisle. She is restrained, but struggles hard.) Lemme go, Jim Merchant! Turn me go! I'm going to stomp de black heifer till she can't sit down.

SISTER TAYLOR (Also struggling) Let her come on! If I get my hands on her I'll turn her every way but loose.

SISTER LEWIS Just come on out dis church, Lucy Taylor. I'll beat you on everything you got but yo' tongue and I'll bit dat a lick if you stick it out.

(to the men holding her) Turn me go! I'm going to fix her so her own mammy won't know her. She ain't going to slip _me_ into de dozens and laugh about it.

SISTER TAYLOR (Trying to free herself) Why don't y'all turn dat ole twist mouth 'oman loose. All I wants to do is. .h.i.t her one lick. I betcha I'll take her 'way from here faster than de word of G.o.d.

SISTER LEWIS (to men holding Mrs. Taylor) I don't see how come y'all want let ole flat-behind Lucy Taylor aloose--make out she so bad, now. She may be red hot but I kin cool her. I'll ride her just like Jesus rode a jacka.s.s.

(They have subsided into their seats again, but are glaring at each other. Enter Mayor Clarke thru the pulpit door and is annoyed at the clamor going on. He tries to quell the noise with a frown.)

SISTER TAYLOR Dat ain't nothin' but talk--You looks lak de Devil before day, but you ain't so bad--not half as bad as you smell.