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At least, not yet.
CHAPTER 24.
Mr. Eric's Amy was a nice lady. Since arriving on Thursday, she'd not only made her bed but also left Penny a small tip every morning.
Penny was coming to understand that these types of thoughtful gestures were typical of Amy, who had gone out of her way to be nice to everyone she came in contact with during her long weekend at the inn.
Amy was also a talker. Hardly a minute could be spent in her company without hearing how beautiful Florida was, or how adorably quaint she found Pinecraft. She also loved the gorgeous, fragrant flowers, and couldn't wait to stroll on the incredible, so-sandy beach again, or have just one more slice of the almost-irresistible, perfect pie at Yoder's. Amy, it seemed, enjoyed incorporating both adjectives and alliteration into her vocabulary.
The flowery, effusive compliments amused Michael, enamored Mr. Eric, and annoyed Miss Beverly to no end. One could almost see Beverly gritting her teeth when Amy started discussing how cute and charming the Amish were when playing shuffleboard at Pinecraft Park.
Though Penny wasn't really exactly sure how the older men could be thought of as cute, she didn't mind Amy's description. It wasn't mean-spirited. Rather, it seemed to be indicative of the way she went through life: constantly commenting on everything.
There were worse ways to be, Penny figured.
Since Amy's room was the last to clean for the day, once she was done she put away her supplies in the hall closet, then joined Michael on the back patio.
Now that over a week had pa.s.sed since his surgery, he was supposed to be walking as much as possible in order to get used to his new prosthesis, but instead she found him sitting on a comfy lounge chair. A cat lay curled on his lap, and both his real and metal foot were propped on an ottoman in front of him. His eyes were closed and he looked completely content-far more comfortable than he'd looked in days.
Unable to help herself, she paused in front of him and took the opportune moment to simply stare. He really was such a handsome man. But now, in repose, he seemed different. She realized it was really his personality that drew her to him. When he was nearby, everybody else in the world ceased to exist.
Just as she'd decided to let him rest, those attractive hazel eyes of his opened.
"Penny," he said. "Hey."
"Hi. Sorry to interrupt," she said, then jumped back as the cat leapt off Michael's lap, hissed at Penny, then lazily sauntered away. "Looks like I upset that cat, too."
"Oh, that was just Serena. She's Winnie Sadler's cat-Beverly told me that she has a regrettable tendency to roam the streets of Pinecraft."
"She seemed to like you."
He grinned at her. "I've been told I have a way with birds as well."
She couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "Obviously. Well, um, I'll just let you go . . ."
"Please don't. I was just thinking about you."
"I hope they were good thoughts."
"Of course." He smiled and gestured for her to come sit near him.
"I finished cleaning rooms, so I'll be going home soon." But as she walked to his side, she noticed that his expression was strained.
"Before you go, I need to tell you something." His chin lifted then, as if he was focusing on a spot just above her head instead of looking her in the eyes. "I've decided to leave at the end of the month. Probably on the twenty-ninth or so."
She didn't even try to hide her dismay. "But that's so soon."
"I know."
"You won't have even stayed here a month!"
"I don't have much of a choice. I talked to my bruder and he needs me."
"But . . . but what of everything we talked about? About you taking a step back? About you doing what you wanted?" Of course, what she wanted to ask was What about me?
"I meant what I said, Penny, but I can't live with my head in the sand at Siesta Key. I need to do what is expected of me."
"What about us?" she blurted before thinking better of it.
"Us?" Pain filled his eyes before he deliberately pulled himself together again. "We can still be friends, of course."
She realized then that he was determined to gloss over his wants in order to save them both further pain. But what he might not realize was that their separation was going to hurt no matter what they said or how they acted. Therefore, wouldn't it be better for them to at least be honest? One of them was going to have to be brave enough to mention what was obviously occurring between them.
"Michael, I may be shy and a little unworldly, but even I know that what we have is more than just friends.h.i.+p."
"You know what? You're exactly right." Meeting her gaze again, he stared hard. "Why don't you come with me?"
That was the last thing she'd expected him to say. "I couldn't."
"Why not? It would be perfectly fine." His voice turning more enthusiastic, he added, "I don't know why we haven't thought about this before. You can share a room with Molly. It will be great. She'd love the company."
For a split second, his eagerness infected her. It would be so exciting! She'd be traveling the world, meeting crowds of people out to see the Knoxx Family. She could make friends with his sister and brother and his parents. But best of all, she'd get to be near Michael all the time.
It would be everything she had imagined when she'd daydreamed about him.
It would be everything she'd been yearning for when she'd wished to live life to the fullest. No, it would be more than anything she'd ever imagined. It would be fantastic.
But it would also . . . absolutely scare her to death.
After all, she was just now learning how to have a job and do things with friends. No matter how much she might want to travel or experience new things this was just too much.
"Michael, thank you for the offer. It's wunderbaar. Truly. But, well, I simply can't."
His frown deepened. "Why not?"
She picked the easiest excuse. "I can't leave my parents."
He frowned. "You're not a child. And they'd get used to you being gone."
"I don't think they would. Actually, I fear it might break them."
"Penny," he said gently, "they'll get used to it. People adapt and change. After all, look at my family. Until I lost my leg, we were just a normal Amish family."
She wondered if that was ever really the case. Michael, at least, had such a magnetic personality, she couldn't imagine him ever being "normal"-at least not in the way she thought of the word.
Definitely not in the way she was normal.
Or maybe she'd just stumbled onto the truth. He was "normal," but she wasn't. She would never look at crowds or strangers the same way everyone else did. She couldn't; she'd lived for over a decade being afraid to even step outside of her house alone. She was too scarred by Lissy's abduction and death to ever be completely like everyone else.
In many ways she was still learning to cope with this reality by working at the Orange Blossom Inn, and here she had Miss Beverly, Mr. Eric, and even Tricia for support. How would she ever overcome those limitations when she was out on tour with the Knoxx Family?
Choosing her words carefully, she ventured, "Michael, I'm not ready for your life, either. I wish I was. But it's a big world out there and I'm still learning to do things here in Pinecraft by myself." She tried to smile in order to hide her embarra.s.sment. Unfortunately, her lip was quivering so much, she was very likely making a parody of it.
"You wouldn't be figuring it out alone. I'd be with you and so would my family."
"But I don't know them. And we've known each other less than a month. Barely that."
He flinched. "That might be how long it's been on the calendar, but I think we both know that what we've shared has made our relations.h.i.+p far stronger than the date reflects."
She agreed and she knew he was right. However, she still didn't want to risk disappointing him when he saw just how awkward and weak she might very well be. "Perhaps, but I still must say no."
"I see."
"You can't blame me, Michael. You're the one who is rus.h.i.+ng off."
"I don't have a choice. My family depends on me."
"Well, my parents depend on me to be there for them."
His expression turned carefully blank. "It seems there is nothing left to say, then."
Feeling as if he'd just pushed her away from him, she jumped to her feet. Yet still, like a desperate, love-sick fool, she paused, hoping against hope that he would change his mind and ask her again. Push a little harder. If he did that, she might even give in and say she'd try touring with him.
But he didn't.
So she rushed back inside the inn. With any luck, she would be able to tell Beverly good-bye and be on her way home in mere minutes. Then, and only then, would she be able to let herself dwell on what she needed to do.
And what she'd just given up.
MICHAEL SAT STIFFLY UNTIL Penny was out of sight. Then he hung his head and called himself the world's biggest jerk.
He'd known her past.
He'd known how timid she was and how each step forward into independence took tremendous courage. Yet with his demands, he'd made her accomplishments seem completely inconsequential.
The crux of it was that her viewpoint made perfect sense, too. No gently bred Amish girl was going to go travel around the world with a man who'd made her no promises and a family who were virtual strangers. Why had he been so eager to ignore that?
"Because you're a selfish fool," he told himself. "Because, yet again, you were putting yourself first. Thinking only of what you wanted."
"That sounds pretty serious."
He gritted his teeth as he recognized the voice behind him. This hour kept getting worse and worse. Turning her way, he said, "How much did you see and hear, Tricia?"
She stumbled. "I saw Penny leaving, then heard you mumbling to yourself. Sorry. I was only coming out here because my aunt wondered if you'd like any pie or cake left over from afternoon tea."
"Danke, but I'm not hungry."
She backed up a step. "All right . . ."
"Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you," he said quickly, before he managed to act like a jerk to two women in two minutes. "I, uh, just had a difficult conversation with Penny."
After gazing at him a moment, she stepped forward. "Did you two get in a fight?"
"Not that, exactly. I had to tell her that I'm leaving pretty soon."
She glanced at his leg and frowned. "Really?"
"It's time." The right decision was probably to stop talking, but he continued. It seemed he was destined to be a regular chatterbox this afternoon. "I was hoping she would come with me. You know, stay with my sister and travel with us."
"Why?" she asked as she sat down.
"Why?" He'd thought it was obvious.
She shrugged, as if she was making perfect sense, and he was not. "Well, jah. Why, exactly, do you want her to go on tour with you?" Looking at his prosthesis, she said, "Do you want her there to take care of you?"
"Of course not." He'd been hoping to take care of her for a change. To show her that she could do anything because he'd be there to make sure she was safe.
"Then why do you want her to be there?"
"Because I care about her." And because, otherwise, he felt like he would be leaving part of himself behind in Pinecraft.
She met his gaze. "Do you love her?"
Her question caught him off guard. "You're being awfully personal," he chided, mainly to give himself an extra minute or two to regain his composure. Did he love her? Or did he simply admire her very much?
"You don't have to answer. I was only asking."
"Well, I know that I'm going to miss her." And that he liked her a lot.
"That's it?"
He supposed she had a point. "I am developing strong feelings for her, too," he added, inwardly wincing at how, well, full of himself he sounded.
"I'm so glad we got that straight," she teased. "I'm sure she'll be glad to hear that you're developing those strong feelings."
"Fine. I like her. A lot." And the moment he heard those words, he felt better. Lighter. Amazing how being honest with oneself did that.
Seeing that Tricia was now smiling, too, he said, "Enough about me. How are you doing?"
"I'm actually doing a lot better. I like working for Aunt Beverly, and my family has forgiven me for not doing what they wanted."