Journal of a Residence at Bagdad Part 9

The dead weight about a missionary's neck in the first years of his labour is the language. So difficult is it to hear so as to understand, or to speak so as to be understood; for not only is it necessary to use right words, but with right accents, or you may often convey the very reverse of what you mean. Certainly, if I were quite alone, the plan I should pursue, would be to go into some family or place where the language I wish to learn alone is spoken, as brother King did in Syria to learn Arabic:--this being attained, a missionary is certainly not without the most interesting opportunities of usefulness.

_July 2._ _Sat.u.r.day._--Dear baby has suffered so much from her eyes to-day, that it tried my heart to the very bottom. And in addition to all this, the state of things here is a.s.suming an alarming aspect.

Without the city walls, the numbers of those who wish to plunder the city are increasing; and within, the same tendency is manifested among those who are intended for its protection, so that my heart has been at times very much pressed down; yet the Lord has sustained me. In the evening, as I was looking out, I saw the man come into the court yard, who brings and collects letters for Aleppo, and in his hand a letter for me. With what eagerness did I seize it, and antic.i.p.ate its contents. Yet though good tidings, because tidings of the Lord's blessing them, and being in the midst of them, it contained tidings peculiarly heavy for me to receive at this moment, as it not only led me to antic.i.p.ate no present prospect of seeing my dear brethren from Aleppo, but that it seemed very doubtful if it would be their path to come at all; at least if they did, it would be purely to join me, and this surely would not be the path of duty. I, however, receive this last trying providence at my loving Father's hands, adoring his love whilst I know not the modes of his going forth. It has not weighed me down so much as I thought it would; and the Lord allows me to feel a.s.sured he will yet do something for me. They seem to wish me to join them, but I do not yet see my way clear to leave this place to which the Lord has brought me. I feel daily more and more that my place in the church is very low, and it matters very little where I am for any good that is in me: yet by remaining, I keep the way open for those who are more able, and whose establishment is more important. I know my Lord will not cut me off from personal improvement by all his darkly gracious dealing, and perhaps I am now learning another part of that hard lesson, neither to glory in or trust in man. But still I bless G.o.d he is giving my dear brethren a door of utterance and prospects of usefulness where they are, and may my joy ever be in proportion to the glory that is brought to his blessed name, and the prosperity of his kingdom. Until the Lord, therefore, raises his fiery cloudy pillar, and bids me forth, I shall pursue my plan of endeavouring to converse in Arabic till the Lord is pleased to open my mouth by degrees, or as he please, to publish his whole truth. Should he send me some dear brother to help and comfort me, may he give me grace to praise him; if not, to hope in him and find in himself all I need. To the dear boys it has been a great disappointment, for it was the constant theme of their conversation, and a cheering expectation to see friends from England. However, our dear Father will order all things well; and I bless him exceedingly for sending out to Aleppo, our dear brethren and sisters. The Lord may make this event, which now seems so awakening and trying, yet for the furthering of the gospel in these lands: in fact, I should be almost sorry for _all_ of the brethren to leave Aleppo.

_July 5._ _Tuesday._--I have had some interesting conversation with three poor people from _Karakoosh_,[35] a town about five hours from Mosul, composed of Roman Catholic Syrians. Every information I receive from that quarter, convinces me that Erzeroum, Diarbekr, and Mosul, would be most interesting head quarters for a missionary. The man told me that the Nestorians of the mountains, (like the Scotch) go once a year to receive the sacrament, whether upon their erroneous principle, or that from living scattered among the mountains they cannot make it convenient to meet often, I know not. The Syrians of the villages near Mosul speak among themselves Syriac, but in asking them if they understood the old Syriac, which is read, they reply, imperfectly; so that I have no doubt, for any instructive purpose, it is perfectly unintelligible, what with the mode of reading, and the difference of language. These are deeply interesting countries to those who can be happy in bestowing all their strength in planting under the prospect that others will reap the fruits. The Lord will water their way with little streams of comfort, and manifestations of the prospect of the future; but the preparatory work in these countries must occupy at least many, many years of missionary life. I shall never feel a missionary till I can deliver my message clearly and intelligibly; till then, I endeavour to drop a word, as it may be offered, and to instil a principle as an occasion may occur, or by seeking an occasion. The difficulty of this first step I daily feel to be increasing--I mean only that my sense of the difficulty is increasing; but the Lord daily comforts me, amidst the delays and trials of faith, by the clearest conviction of the large sphere of usefulness there is when once this is attained.

[35] _Karakoosh_ is a small town within twelve miles of Mosul, containing about nine hundred houses, inhabited entirely by Syrian or Jacobite Christians, many of whom are become Roman Catholics. They speak Syriac, but so corrupted, that it is with great difficulty they understand the Syriac of the Scriptures. There are seven churches, four of which belong to the Roman Catholics, and the remainder to the Jacobites. The road between Karakoosh and Mosul, pa.s.ses through the striking remains of Nineveh.

All things in the city continue in the most unsettled state.

Some of the lawless depredators came again to our house the day before yesterday, and wanted arrack; but they went away quietly, and they only talked about cutting off my head; but all this in mere bravado.

The Lord thus graciously takes care of us. They look on me as a sort of dervish, because I do not drink arrack, nor use weapons of war, nor take men to guard my house.

_July 9._--The camp of those without the city is moving down to-day towards us; and we hear a continued firing of cannon. It is reported they are come within half an hour's march of the city. The issue is in the Lord's hand. Nothing can exceed the fear and want of confidence that prevails throughout the city, every man's heart failing him for fear of those things which may be coming on us. Oh! what a resting place is the Lord's experienced love, and the a.s.surance that all shall work together for good to those that love him; yet living thus in the midst of constant alarm, makes my heart sometimes long for that sweet, quiet Christian communion which I left behind in England.

_July 10._ _Sunday._--In conversation to-day on the subject of invoking the Virgin Mary, with some Armenians and a Jacobite, I was struck with the readiness with which they all submit to Scripture; and this seems universal among all those who are not ecclesiastics by profession, or Roman Catholics. The curse of obstinate blindness seems to be left to those who join this apostate church, for truly it may be said of them, they come not to the light, because their deeds are evil--not their deeds as members of society, but as professed members of the mystical body of Christ.

Our Lord's days are solitary--none to tune Zion's harps. Oh! how it makes the soul long for the courts of the Lord, where we may go up with the crowds to keep holiday; how precious now would appear some of those seasons of Christian communion which we enjoyed in dear England and Ireland. When dear Mary was with me, we had an unceasing source of happiness in conversing on our common hopes in our common Lord. Our communion also with our dear friends was thus rendered vivid, aided as it was and encouraged by the help of correspondence and conversation; but now letters have almost ceased to come, and I have no one to commune with. In addition to all this we are besieged, and every necessary of life is nearly three times its usual price, very bad, and to be got with difficulty. All night we hear nothing but firing and drums beating, and men shouting--all this, too, at present, without any prospect of termination, for those who are come against the city, are not strong enough to enforce the change they design, and those within have little to fear, so long as they have money and provisions to give the soldiers, which they say they have for two years;[36] so those who suffer are the poor people, who cannot help themselves. The Pasha of Aleppo is about an hour's distance; it does not seem to be his wish to act offensively against the city, but only to get into his power those few whom he wishes to displace and behead. Yet how much have I to bless G.o.d for, in that he keeps the little boys so free from alarm. Blessed Lord! these are indeed scenes and times that lead the soul to desire thy peaceful happy reign. Sometimes the sense of my dear, dear Mary's peace, safety, and joys, makes me feel my burthens lighter than though she had been with me; for to have those you love in such scenes is trying in proportion to this very love, which so sweetens times of mere labour or peace. I am sure the Lord _has_ dealt lovingly, and _will_.

[36] This report of the provisions of the city appeared, in the sequel, to be unfounded.

_July 14._--Since the ninth we have had little occurring but firing of guns from the citadel, and the noise and confusion at night occasioned by the soldiers.

A circ.u.mstance has occurred to-day which a little tries me. The Armenian Priests are both dead; and the Armenian servant of Mrs. T.

has asked if she might receive the communion with us, the next time we received it. Now, while I feel in my own soul that she knows nothing of the power of the divine life, yet how far I have authority from G.o.d's word to set up this, my private feeling, in the absence of any thing palpable to fix on as an objection, I do not see. I feel so utterly unworthy to place myself in the situation of a judge in such a case. I feel so exceedingly low in the divine life--I experience so little of the power of that life which was in Christ, subduing all things to the obedience of the Father's will--that I feel she may object more to my being accepted than I could to her. Yet, notwithstanding all this, I am conscious there is a difference--though I am only on the lowest step of Jacob's ladder, yet I do desire to ascend higher into the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to descend lower in my own esteem, so to be able to say without the pollution of affected humility, I feel myself less than the least of all saints.

The divine life appears to me daily more and more a deep internal personal work, without which all external exertions and exercises will come to nothing; however fair, it will be at best but a fruitless blossom, that withers as soon as blown. Oh! how difficult it is not to deceive oneself with the appearance of Christian graces instead of the substance; how difficult not to subst.i.tute the _act_ for the _spirit_; that monster pride, how hard it is to kill, how chameleon like it changes its colour and seems to live on air, yea, on very vanity.

_July 18._ _Lord's Day._--The warlike sounds of the cannon and mortars have abated within these three days. Oh that the Lord would quickly terminate this hateful civil strife. Yet at present there seems no prospect.

How hard I feel it to-day to rise above the loss of my dear, dear Mary--it seems like a new wound just opened. It is so hard to feel the great honour and great proof of love the Lord has manifested towards me, in removing her I loved from the trials and sorrows of this earth to the ease and joy of his own Paradise, to join our dear little Mary, and sing there together his praise who washed them in his own blood, prepared them as vessels of honour, and then took them to himself.

Sometimes I think I ought not to have gone out of our house during the plague, about Major T.'s affairs, but that I should have left them to their own fate; yet, at other times, I think, after all the kindness I had received from him, I ought not to have declined the dangerous service. Then again, I think that when I did go, I should have taken more precautions, and not have joined my dear family immediately, but remained apart; yet at last my heart comes round to the full a.s.surance, that my dear and loving Lord would not have visited undesigned neglect, which sprang mainly from confidence in his loving care, with such a privation, had he not designed by it her speedy glory and my final good: now I shall go to her, but she shall not return to me.

The dear little boys are very anxious to leave Bagdad, yet they do not complain, nor appear on the whole otherwise than happy, which is indeed a great mercy. My poor dear little nursling, the object of ceaseless care, seems rather gaining than losing ground, yet is still so frail, that a blast of wind seems enough to extinguish the little fire that burns; but if the Lord will, even this little fire shall yet burn brighter and brighter, and defy in his name the rudest blasts.

Sometimes when I think on the complete stop the Lord has in his infinite wisdom seen fit to put to my little work here, I am astonished. Among those who are dead, is one who was translating the New Testament into the vulgar Armenian of this place, and had gone as far as Luke; and another gentleman, who was educated in Bombay, who was writing for me an English and Armenian Dictionary, in which he had proceeded about half way (10,000 words). In this dictionary there were not only the ancient and modern parallel words, but an explanation in vulgar Armenian, with examples. The probability of my meeting with one similarly qualified, able and willing again, is very small indeed; but with this, as with all the rest, it is the Lord, let him do what seemeth to him good. I wait to see his future pleasure manifested, and though I am now under a cloud of sorrow and separation from his service, may he sanctify it, and advance his glory by whomsoever he pleases, only giving me a heart to rejoice in their labours, and to love my Lord fervently, and then I hope I shall not complain. I never felt fit for much, and I daily now feel fit for less than I once thought I was, yet the Lord will not deny me a place in the body, and oh, may he give me a heart willing to take the lowest--that of was.h.i.+ng the disciples' feet. Oh, for the spirit of our dear humble Lord in that wonderful transaction so calculated to stain human pride with the name of madness, but especially the pride of those who call themselves his.

The weather is now getting intensely hot, and our cellars, which were our retreating places last year, are not habitable, the water being in them at least three feet high, and this, with the overflowing of the river, brought such swarms of mosquitos, that for several weeks it was almost impossible to sleep, and although now they are far less numerous, they are still very troublesome, so that if not on your guard every moment, you get stung by them.

_July 20._--The weather is intensely hot, and we now begin seriously to miss the Serdaubs;[37] but I feel it most for dear little baby, to whom the heat is very, very trying. I also feel it very difficult to do any thing that requires the least exertion, and for the next six weeks we have no hope, of any mitigation, but rather an increase. The prospect too of affairs around us, leaves no resting place but in the love and favour of our Lord. The city is full of prophecies of the sorrows and desolations that are to come on this land; from the Pasha downward, this people seem devoted to astrology, believing lies, while they refuse to hear the truth; yet all their visions are of sorrow, lamentation, and woe.

[37] Cellars under ground, to which the inhabitants of Bagdad retire during the heat of the day, from the months of June to September.

I feel sometimes very much tried with respect to my future pursuit of missionary labours; for I have not only lost the encouragement and comfort of a sweet society that made every place a home; but all these domestic cares, which she so willingly and so entirely bore, have fallen on me, and I hardly seem, at least during the weakness of my dear little baby, to have time for any thing but to attend to them.

Had I been joined by our dear brothers and sisters from Aleppo, it would have been comparatively light; but now, I can take no step, and before I may be able, the Lord may graciously afford me new light; for this I will therefore, with his grace and help, patiently wait.

_July 21._--In some conversation I have just had with the old father of our late schoolmaster, I have been encouraged to feel that it is almost impossible for a missionary, even of the humblest pretensions, and in the lowest degree qualified for his calling, which I can I think with unaffected truth say, I feel to be my own case--to live among these people, and not to lead them to some most important principles. This old man is not only theoretically persuaded of the sufficiency of the Scriptures, but in his understanding fully convinced. His acquaintance with Scripture is very extensive and accurate, and on my servant coming to ask him the explanation of words in the translation lately set forth by the Bible Society, it led to a conversation on the importance of having a translation that every woman and child can understand. He said, "Yes, and it is only the pride of the learned and of the bishops which prevents it: if books once became published in the dialects of the people, the old language would cease to be cultivated." This would doubtless be an infinite benefit, not only to the Armenians but to the Syrians and Chaldeans, and every Church of the East, among the people; a few learned men may, and most likely will, be found to extract what is valuable from the old language, if they have only enlightened judgment enough to leave the ma.s.s of rubbish behind. He mentioned the sermon on the Mount, which we received from Shushee, and said, that it opened the eyes of the children--yet even this dialect is very different from the one used here. I think this aged man understands and feels there is but one Church in the world; and he quoted that interesting pa.s.sage, "Paul may plant and Apollos water, but G.o.d giveth the increase," to prove it.

_July 22._--I have to-day received letters from London and Aleppo, and I have reason to bless G.o.d for all; yet they all come armed with sorrow; for they are full of her of whom the Lord has emptied me. In my strength I thought I could so entirely give her up to him, did he desire it, since he had made her so strong in himself, and filled her so full of his blessings; well, and even now, my soul doth magnify the Lord, though in so many ways, I still feel my great and trying loss.

Perhaps the Lord has meant to teach me that the 91st Psalm, as dear brother Cronin writes, relates only to Christ's humanity, specially shewing how, from his cradle to his grave, his father watched over him, so that at last he laid down his life, but none took it from him; and he, in this great act, has made it over spiritually to us: he has left the natural plague because of sin, but destroyed the spiritual because of righteousness, even that righteousness which is by his own most precious blood.

The Pasha of Aleppo, hearing of dear Edward Cronin, as an English physician, wis.h.i.+ng to come to Bagdad, wished to engage him to come with him as his physician, and offered him 1500 piasters a month; but, anxious as they were to come, the circ.u.mstances of their party did not, on mature deliberation, allow them to separate, and Ali Pasha was unwilling to undertake the responsibility of the females with his camp. And, oh, how my soul blesses the Lord, now I think on it, that these obstacles were so graciously interposed; disease, delay, and trouble would have accompanied them, and, till now, they would have been detained in the desert, with little prospect of speedy admission into the city, which is firing against the camp, and the camp firing against the city, and they would have been exposed to the full power of a sun, which no one can tell how to estimate, but by actual exposure to it.

I have also received a letter from Bussorah, stating that on the drying up of the inundations there, a fever has been spreading, and carrying off numbers. Major T.'s family had most of them been ill, but they were recovering. Mr. Bathie was very weak, and his wife dead. Dr.

Beagry, the new surgeon of this station, also died, and immense numbers of those who had fled from the plague. Bussorah is still besieged, but expected soon to fall into the hands of the Motezellim.

A letter has also reached me to-day by the same conveyance, from the Bible Society, dated 27th July last year, mentioning the sending of three cases of Arabic and Persian Scriptures to my dear brother Pfander. When I consider how G.o.d, in his infinite and unsearchable providence, has seen it fit to bring to nought all our plans by the disorganization of this at all times lawless land, I cannot but feel it a strong call to form very few plans for the future, and just to work by the day. Our hope was, when we came to Bagdad, to have been able to travel pretty extensively both in the mountains of Kourdistan and in Persia; but the state of the country, and other considerations, brought all these plans to nothing, so my dear friend and kind brother left me for Shushee, having been able to obtain much of the information he desired, without the journey. And I, instead of having a large present field of useful employment, and one prospectively increasing, am now without employment or prospect, and if it were not that I feel getting on a little in the colloquial language of the country, I should be almost without hope of remaining with advantage here; but while I feel this, my heart does not sink. The Lord will yet let his light s.h.i.+ne out of the darkness, and will one day enable me to speak of his promises; for I daily feel more a.s.sured this is the great gift after which an evangelist is to press--it is the very instrument of his labour. And let such a missionary feel infinitely happier to hear it said he speaks very low Arabic, but that every body understands him; than very pure, but which is unintelligible, except to the Mollahs. If he speaks not in a very mixed dialect of Turkish, Persian, and Arabic, he will not be understood here; there is, however, still an immense preponderance of Arabic over the others.

The British and Foreign School Society have also very kindly offered to afford what a.s.sistance their limited means will allow to the furtherance of Scripture instruction in the East. I shall endeavour to repay this free kindness by obtaining the best information I can, before I call on their aid, for nothing is so discouraging as failures from precipitate attempts; but so variable is the state of affairs in these countries, that previous to your judgment being matured by experience, you may be led, with the best intentions possible, to undertake, on a bright day, plans which, before they can be executed, prove as baseless as a vision, and which will leave nothing behind but the remembrance of useless expense and unproductive labour.

_July 22._--I had with me to-day, for the last time as a patient, an officer of the Pasha's household who had the plague, and a large wound from a carbuncle, but is now quite well, and he was talking of the state of the city and country, and said, "Why do we wish to give our country into the hands of the Ghiaours,[38] and not to the Persians?

It is because we know they will neither take our wives or daughters from us, nor rob us of our money, nor cut off our heads, but in Islam there is no mercy, no pity." He added, "Did you ever see me before I came about my leg?" I said, "No." "Yet," he said "you had mercy upon me, and cured me and my daughter (who also had had the plague), and why? It was from your heart--there was mercy there." I took this opportunity to explain the reason, as emanating from the command of Christ, and not the goodness of my heart, and how truly could I say it; for the Lord knows how, but for this, it would be a weariness unto me. Now this impatience of their own government is not the feeling of a few discontented men, but I am persuaded it is very general--how can such a kingdom stand?

[38] This word Ghiaour, or infidel, is applied by Mohammedans to Christians without the least intention of personal offence; and what is still more extraordinary, the Christians commonly designate themselves by the same appellation.

The government, if government it can be called, is now sending the soldiers round to every house to seek for wheat and rice. From some they take half, from others a third of their little store, while they have enough for two years in their own corn cellars, and this too when the necessaries of life are raised to between four and five times their usual price; and as for fruit and vegetables, which const.i.tute in eastern countries, during summer, so large a portion of the food of all cla.s.ses, not a particle is to be seen.

Yesterday and to-day I have had two Roman Catholic merchants with me, and in quoting Scripture to them, I found them ready with the context; but the deadly evil is the separation of religion and its principles from the government and rule of every day and every moment. In these countries, where religious expressions are in every one's mouth, a missionary has most valuable employment, as he is able to bring their minds back to their own expressions, to their own import and power, as we are desired to do to those who heartlessly use that beautiful form of dedication in the communion service of the Church of England, "We here present unto thee our bodies, souls, and spirits to be a reasonable, holy, and lively sacrifice unto thee." Oh! that all who use these blessed words felt their power, and lived under it. Christ's name would soon be magnified from land to land.

_July 23._--The Pasha has just sent me a fish, with his compliments, and a request that I will dress it for him: this is the way he collects the daily provisions for his household; one person sends him a dish of rice, another a dish of kebaub, another bread; at other times all this takes place because of custom, but now from necessity, for he has no servants scarcely to attend to him. This is the first time I have been so honoured, and when the fish was cooked and sent, he desired the servant to come back, and bring him a few kustawee dates to eat with it; that, however, you may not think these any very extravagant luxury, I may add, their value is somewhat less than a penny a pound. I note this as a little trait of manners that one would hardly credit, had not the fact come under his own observation.

_July 24._ _Lord's Day._--Nothing among the perverted use of scriptural terms has ever struck me as more remarkable than the use the Church now makes of the expression, tempting G.o.d. In G.o.d's word it is uniformly placed among the sins of unbelief; but the Church now, by universal consent, places it among the sins of presumption, to which it is the very antipodes. For instance, it is one of the great crimes of Israel, their tempting G.o.d in the desert, and limiting the Holy One of Israel. How? By presumptuous confidence? No--but by saying he hath given bread, but _can he give meat_ also? This is the only sense I know in scripture given to tempting G.o.d, and that famous pa.s.sage from which the erroneous impression has mainly sprung, in the interview of Satan with our Lord, is quite kindred. The object of Satan was to get our Lord's mind into a condition of doubting G.o.d, by leading him to argue, G.o.d has certainly said so, but will he do it? for our blessed Lord was manifestly as much tempting G.o.d by attempting to walk upon the water, as to cast himself into the air. What proves this to be the meaning is our Lord's quotation, "It is written, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy G.o.d." Now, where is this written? Why, in the Old Testament, where it uniformly implies doubt and distrust; in Exod.

xvii. 2. "Therefore the people did chide with Moses, and said, Give us water that we may drink. And Moses said unto them, Why chide ye with me? Wherefore do ye tempt the Lord? And he called the name of the place Ma.s.sah and Meribah, because of the chiding of the children of Israel; and because they tempted the Lord, saying, _Is the Lord among us, or not?_" (verse 7.) And it is in reference to this very pa.s.sage, that in Deut. vi. 16. it is said "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy G.o.d, as ye tempted him in Ma.s.sah." And that we may not have a doubt of the meaning, see the application of the word tempting, as applied to our dear and blessed Lord. Is it ever in the sense of presumptuous confidence? Never; but always of scepticism and doubt. I do not mean to say there is not such a sin as presumptuous confidence; I am sure there is; but that is never called tempting G.o.d. The Israelites were guilty of this sin, when they went up contrary to the command of G.o.d to fight their enemies, after he had p.r.o.nounced upon them the forty years wandering in the wilderness.

I think that rightly understanding this is a matter of no small moment; for many are affrighted, and made sad in the ways of the Lord by the erroneous application of this Scripture; for to whom does the Church and the world alike now apply this term? Why, if they hear of a man selling his property, and becoming poor, like Barnabas, according to the exhortation of the apostles, and the _example of our Lord_, he is considered as tempting G.o.d by all according to the degree in which they wish to keep all or part of their own property. Again, if he exposes himself to dangers he might avoid, troubles he might escape, for what he believes the Lord's service, far from receiving any comfort or encouragement, he is again accused of tempting G.o.d. But tempting G.o.d is the deadly sin of an unregenerate mind, and is never charged on any saint, either in the Old or New Testament, that I recollect. Certainly, Peter did not tempt Christ, when he said, "If thou be he, bid me come unto thee on the water;" for he did not doubt our Lord's power; yet there was a measure of false confidence in himself, as well as of unbelief; but these are compatible with the holiest affections as a state. Tempting G.o.d belongs to the family of the tempter, and is a part of no child of G.o.d at any time. After his conversion, Peter asked a miracle of Christ; but it was in faith, however weak. When the sceptical Sadducees and the Pharisees, sought a sign it was to try him, can he do it? Therefore he said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites? shewing it was a sin to tempt him as well as it was a sin to tempt his Father.

I feel now that I had been led to expect a greater measure of freedom from the troubles which fall on the people, in the midst of which I find myself, than the dispensation under which I live warranted; I do not mean from those which spring directly out of the Lord's service, but those natural and national evils which G.o.d sends as judgments on the unG.o.dly. This error arose from considering the temporal promises of the 91st Psalm, and other similar ones in mult.i.tudes of places, as the legitimate objects of faith: whereas I have been now led to see that they, like the curses, are but typical representations of that kingdom in which the saints of the Lord shall rejoice and be safe when his enemies are swept away as the chaff of the summer thres.h.i.+ng floor.

Yet even now, spiritually they are all ours. Not a hair of our head shall fall to the ground without our heavenly Father's permission.

Therefore I feel these thoughts ought neither to trouble us, nor any more prevent our hand undertaking for Christ any service, than if a greater exemption was promised; for we know that whatever is allowed to befall us, whether natural or spiritual, if Christ is ours and we are his, they shall only so operate as to work out for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; for these sufferings and trials must be among all the things that work together for good to those who love Christ.

_July 28._ _Thursday._--Up to this time the sh.e.l.ls and b.a.l.l.s of the besiegers have done us no harm. Two sh.e.l.ls have pa.s.sed just over us.

The one fell on the roof of the house of an Arab family at a little distance from us, who were all asleep, and on bursting killed three: one cannon ball has just pa.s.sed over us, besides musket b.a.l.l.s innumerable, only two of which, however, I have felt so near as to endanger us. The one just pa.s.sed by me and struck the wall, the other, by bending my head, pa.s.sed just over me: yet dangerous as it seems in such circ.u.mstances to sleep on the roof, the suffocating heat of the rooms is insupportable. I recollect Mr. Wolff, when here, mentions it as so hot that he could not write his journal, and indeed such is the heat, that one unaccustomed to it feels almost perfectly unfitted for any laborious service either of mind or body, but particularly the former, for at least my own experience is, that the body is much less affected by it than the mind.

Famine is making its destructive way here among the poor. All the necessaries of life are raised from four to six times their usual price, and often are not to be obtained at all, and in addition there is no labour going on in the city: every shop is closed, and every one's concern is to take care of his life or property. They are constantly killing persons in the streets, without the least inquiry being made after the perpetrators; nay, they are publicly and notoriously known, and no one regards it. Nothing can exceed the misery and fear that pervades the city. Yet amidst all these perplexities and troubles, the Lord reigns, and without him they can do nothing.

_July 31._ _Lord's day._--A day that always dawns with sweet peace on my soul: I seem more especially to bring before my mind those with whom I think I took sweet counsel, and went to the house of G.o.d in company; and though now deprived of all that the heart can desire from holy fellows.h.i.+p on earth, there is something that brings me near those I love, when I think on their places of a.s.sembly, and their times of prayer. Though my dear Lord has broken my heart in pieces, and his hand is still resting on me in the person of my dear little dying baby, whose love and preference for the little care I know how to show, renders it one of those exquisitely painful trials, that the feelings know not how to obey the Lord in, when the spiritual judgment is brought quite down. Yet I can never help feeling it to be a mercy eternally to be thankful for, that the sense of my Father's love and Saviour's sympathy has never been taken from me amidst all my trials; nay, I do feel that the Lord is fitting me, by suffering and separation, for the work to which he has called me; he leaves me without a home, or the desire of one, and in that way prepares me for situations, which, during the life-time of my dearest Mary, would have been deeply trying. I bless G.o.d for the fourteen years uninterrupted domestic happiness we enjoyed together, above all, for the seven years spiritual communion in a common gracious Lord, who led us in unity of faith and spirit to that work from which he has taken her so early to himself, and from which, when the Lord dismisses me, I trust to ascend and sing the song of Moses and the Lamb with her for ever and ever. My great want is, more of Christ, more of his whole character; this I purpose, by the Spirit's help, more to meditate on, that all that hateful concern about self, that pollutes all I do, may be absorbed in one only thought of how he may be glorified. What I feel I want, is more holiness of spirit. I know the Lord is fitting me for his holy presence, and that he is the chief desire of my soul; yet, oh! the weakness of faith, the coldness of communion, the reserves of dedication. Oh, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!

A Mohammedan has been with me to-day, who is much alarmed at the state of the city, and wants to fly, but sees not now any opening.

He told me, it was not this or that Pasha he cared about; but his property, his life, and the females of his family. Oh, what a relief to know, that my dear Mary is with her Lord; how light this makes my present trials. Yesterday they were fighting from before sun-rise till the afternoon, but could not effect an entrance into the city. The Lord preserves us all in simple dependence on himself.

_August 2._ _Wednesday._--Accounts have arrived from the Hajjaj (Mecca and Medina, &c.) stating the mortality from plague and cholera to be most tremendous; many families that left this place on pilgrimage to escape the troubles, in the midst of which we have so long been, have, as we hear, suffered dreadfully. Thus G.o.d seems in wrath, making bare his holy arm against this wretched nation in all its length and breadth. My heart sometimes trembles for the dear brethren at Aleppo, lest at the conclusion of the hot season it should break out there. My only resource is G.o.d. The poor people here are beginning to sell their little all to buy bread, and in consequence of the badness and scarcity of provisions, dysentery is spreading its ravages in every direction, as well as fever.

I have had with me to-day the translator to the late French Bishop, and two or three Roman Catholic merchants, all overwhelmed with fear.

They say, the Sultan, on hearing of the death of the Pasha of Mosul, and the Vaivode of Merdin, has written to the Pasha of Aleppo, to spare neither man, woman, nor child in the city; but to let the very name of Bagdad be swept from his dominions. Though this is not altogether unlike the Sultan, I rather think it the report of those within the city, to make the inhabitants dread delivering it up into the hands of those without. How blessed a portion is ours, in the midst of all these perplexities, to stay ourselves on our G.o.d, and to confide in the sympathizing love of our Lord, who, worthless and vile as we are, will not overlook us; but for his name's sake, will take care of the very hairs of our heads, either in life or death. Amidst it all, what chiefly troubles me is, that I love my Father and my Lord so little, and that although there is not an object in the world, but his service and glory, for which I would desire to live; yet that, notwithstanding this I live so little for it. Three months have now pa.s.sed since my dearest Mary has entered into her rest, which I have spent mostly in the sorrowful nursing of my poor dear sinking babe, and though her love and preference repays a hundred-fold all the trial, yet it pierces, while it pleases the heart, to see that connection so soon must cease. I often wonder at my strange indifference to my situation, which, but for my dear children, I think would be greater. I am afraid to think it is the fruit of faith I feel, in every other respect so weak; it seems more like the physical insensibility of one who is without a stake in what is pa.s.sing. Oh, may my dear Lord, in every earthly tie he breaks, bind my poor soul doubly strong to himself for eternity, and to his service while here.

_Aug. 3._--Some of the princ.i.p.al Christian families sent to me to-day, to request me to subscribe for guards to our quarter of the city, so that every night we might have about 40 on guard. This I saw my way clear in declining, believing that for Christ's servants the sword is not a lawful defence; whatever it may be the Lord's holy will I suffer, let it not be in acting against my convictions of his holy and blessed will, for though I feel as a sheep in the midst of wolves, the Lord does not allow my heart to be disturbed with any sense of personal insecurity. How beautifully all our blessed Lord's precepts hang together, and fit the one the other; if your consent to follow him in his poverty as he has commanded, you have little to fear in following his other commands of non-resistance: if you accept not the first, you will not accept the second, except in such circ.u.mstances as expose you to perhaps little comparative danger. May the Lord make me willing, whatever it costs, to learn all his will, and give me grace to love it. I have heard such instances to-day of hateful and abominable oppression and wickedness against the poor Christians, by the followers of those who have the name of rulers within the city, that my heart aches, and my soul loathes the place. But what can we expect, when these very persons robbed last night the house of Saleh Beg, himself from whom they receive their pay.

A little b.u.t.ter and some sheep have been brought into the city; but they ask so enormous a price, that they have not yet been bought.