More Toasts Part 114

"Let it out."

"Not at all," replied the General; "he hadn't done his kind act: he thought of the cat."

Kindness is wisdom. There is none in life But needs it and may learn.

--_Bailey_.

Beauty lives with kindness.--_Shakespeare_.

KINGS AND RULERS

_Kings and Emperors_

Kings and Emperors shall pa.s.s Like the sands within the gla.s.s.

See them pa.s.sing even now, Shorn of power, and bent of brow!

Purblind they who saw not Fate Standing by the palace gate; Deaf were they, and their reward Is the Justice of the Lord!

--_Clinton Scollard_.

SAM--"Who was the first Kaiser?"

BULL--"How do I know? Ask me something easy."

SAM--"Something easy?"

BULL--"Yes; ask me who's the last."

The Kaiser said, "What shameful fears I'm now compelled to feel; I stacked the cards for thirty years And then mussed up the deal!"

"Can you tell me," said the Court, addressing Enrico Ufuzzi, under examination at Union Hill, N.J., as to his qualifications for citizens.h.i.+p, "the difference between the powers and prerogatives of the King of England and those of the President of the United States?"

"Yezzir," spoke up Ufuzzi promptly. "King, he got steady job."

In the English royal library at Windsor, in the center of the magazine table, there is a large alb.u.m of pictures of many eminent and popular men and women of the day. This book is divided into sections--a section for each calling or profession. Some years ago Prince Edward, in looking through the book, came across the pages devoted to the pictures of the rulers of the various nations. Prominently placed among these was a large photograph of Colonel Roosevelt.

"Father," asked Prince Edward, placing his finger on the Colonel's picture, "Mr. Roosevelt is a very clever man, isn't he?"

"Yes, child," answered King George with a smile. "He is a great and good man. In some respects I look upon him as a genius."

A few days later, King George, casually glancing through the alb.u.m, noticed that President Roosevelt's photograph had been removed and placed in the section devoted to "Men and Women of the Time." On asking the Prince whether he had removed the picture, the latter solemnly replied: "Yes, sir. You told me the other day that you thought Mr. Roosevelt a genius, so I took him away from the kings and emperors and put him among the famous people."

KISSES

Jack disliked being kissed. One day he had been kissed a lot. Then, to make matters worse, on going to the picture-palace in the evening, instead of his favorite cowboy and Indian pictures there was nothing but a lot more hugging and kissing. He returned home completely out of patience with the whole tribe of women.

After he had been tucked into bed mother came in to kiss him good-night.

He refused.

Mother begged and begged, till in disgust he turned to his father, who was standing at the doorway, looking on, and said:

"Daddy, for heaven's sake, give this woman a kiss!"

People who throw kisses are mighty near hopelessly lazy.

"If you kiss me again," declared Miss Lovely firmly, "I shall tell father."

"That's an old tale," replied the bold, bad young man. "Anyhow, it's worth it," and he kissed her.

Miss Lovely sprang to her feet. "I shall tell father," she said and left the room.

"Father," she said softly to her parent when she got outside, "Mr.

Bolder wants to see your new gun."

"All right, I'll take it to him," said her father, and two minutes later he appeared in the doorway with his gun in his hand.

There was a crash of breaking gla.s.s as Mr. Bolder dived through the window and departed in all haste for the railway station.--_Judge_.

Before introducing Lieutenant de Tessan, aid to General Joffre, and Colonel Fabry, the "Blue Devil of France," Chairman Spencer, of the St. Louis entertainment committee, at the M. A. A. breakfast told this anecdote.

"In Was.h.i.+ngton, Lieutenant de Tessan was approached by a pretty American girl, who said:

"'And did you kill a German soldier?'

"'Yes,' he replied.

"'With what hand did you do it?' she inquired.

"'With this right hand,' he said.