More Toasts Part 70

An Employee, Dynamic, but not variable.

Tall--of excellent personality.

Aggressive--but tactful.

Sales type--but with a liking for detail.

Vision--looking ahead and discounting the future.

Loyal--always having the interest of his employer at heart.

Creative--but appreciating values--initiative balanced with caution, forseeing his employer's wishes and ideas.

Serious thinker--sunny disposition, looking ahead but mastering first the work on hand.

Interested in his salary--only as incidental--willing to leave that to the discretion of those above him.

Character--excellent, not a clock watcher--interested only in results, working night and day if necessary to secure his success.

Honest--clear thinking--hard-working--looking ahead fearlessly--with his eyes on the future, putting everything else second to his work--with supreme, sound confidence in his own ability-- Ah! Shucks--It's Impossible.

EMPLOYER (to clerk)--"If that bore, Smithers, comes in, tell him I'm out--and don't be working or he'll know you're lying."

_The Ten Commandments_ (_By A Wise Employer_)

First--Don't lie. It wastes my time and yours. I am sure to catch you in the end, and that will be the wrong end.

Second--Watch your work, not the clock. A long day's work makes a long day short, and a short day's work makes my face long.

Third--Give me more than I expect, and I will give you more than you expect. I can afford to increase your pay if you increase my profits.

Fourth--You owe so much to yourself you cannot afford to owe anybody else. Keep out of debt.

Fifth--Dishonesty is never an accident. Good men, like good women, never see temptation when they meet it.

Sixth--Mind your own business, and in time you'll have a business of your own to mind.

Seventh--Don't do anything here which hurts your self-respect. An employee who is willing to steal for me is willing to steal from me.

Eighth--It is none of my business what you do at night. But if dissipation affects what you do the next day, and you do half as much as I demand, you'll last half as long as you hoped.

Ninth--Don't tell me what I'll like to hear, but what I ought to hear.

I don't want a valet for my pride, but one for my purse.

Tenth--Don't kick if I kick. If you're worth while correcting, you're worth while keeping. I don't waste time cutting specks out of rotten apples.

--_The Rotarian_.

One of the bosses at Baldwin's Locomotive Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was pa.s.sing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Then, the following colloquy occurred:

"Didn't you get my letter?"

"Yis, sur, Oi did," said Pat.

"Did you read it?"

"Sure, sur, Oi read it inside and Oi read it outside," said Pat, "and on the inside yez said I was fired and on the outside yez said: 'Return to Baldwin Locomotive Works in five days.'"

"Well, George," said the president of the company to old George, "how goes it?"

"Fair to middlin', sir," George answered. And he continued to currycomb a bay horse.

"Me an' this here boss," George said, suddenly, "has worked for your firm sixteen year."

"Well, well," said the president, thinking a little guiltily of George's salary. "And I suppose you are both pretty highly valued, George, eh?"

"H'm," said George, "the both of us was took sick last week, and they got a doctor for the hoss, but they just docked my pay."

A plumber and a painter were working in the same house. The painter arrived late and the plumber said to him, "You're late this morning."

"Yes," said the painter, "I had to stop and have my hair cut."

"You didn't do it on your employer's time, did you?" said the plumber.

"Sure, I did," said the painter; "It grew on his time."

POSSIBLE EMPLOYER--"H'm! so you want a job, eh? Do you ever tell lies?"

APPLICANT--"No, sir, but I kin learn."

A man named Dodgin was recently appointed foreman at the gas works, but his name was not known to all the employees. One day while on his rounds he came across two men sitting in a corner, smoking, and stopped near them.

"Who are you?" said one of the men.

"I'm Dodgin, the new foreman," he replied.

"So are we," replied the other workers, "sit down and have a smoke."

ENEMIES

Speak well of your enemies. Remember you made them.

The fine and n.o.ble way to kill a foe Is not to kill him; you with kindness may So change him, that he shall cease to be so; Then he's slain.

--_Aleyn_.