More Toasts Part 90

GARDENING

"I suppose you are going to raise potatoes in your garden?"

"I was, but when I read the directions for planting I found that it would be impossible. They should be planted in hills, and my yard is perfectly level."

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS WIFE--"If you want a garden this year you had better hire somebody to make it. I'm not going to try it again. I've figured it out; and if I would spend on my business the time I put in on that garden I would make enough money to keep us in vegetables for fifty years. I am off it for life."

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS NEIGHBOR--"I don't think I'll bother with a garden this year. It doesn't pay; I may do a little; but the digging and the labor--I'm off that for life."

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS PARTNER--"Well, how's the garden coming along?

I'm not doing much with mine this year. What? How high did you say?

Already? What seed did you use?"

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS WIFE WHEN HE GOT HOME AN HOUR EARLY THAT DAY--"Call me when dinner's ready. I've got to get the garden started today or I'll never raise a thing."

GAS

DISSATISFIED HOUSEHOLDER--"Do you mean to say that this meter measures the amount of gas we burn?"

GAS COLLECTOR--"I will enter into no controversy, sir; but I may say that the meter measures the amount of gas you will have to pay for."

GENEROSITY

SUNDAY-SCHOOL TEACHER--"Now, Jimmy, I want you to memorize today's motto, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

JIMMY--"Yes'm, but I know it now. My father says he has always used that as his motto in his business."

TEACHER--"Oh, how n.o.ble of him! And what is his business?"

JIMMY--"He's a prize-fighter, ma'am."--_Life_.

Let us proportion our alms to our ability, lest we provoke G.o.d to proportion His blessings to our alms.--_Beveridge_.

In this world, it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.--_Beecher_.

GENIUS

WILLIE--"Paw, what is the difference between genius and talent?"

PAW--"Talent gets paid every Sat.u.r.day, my son."

Time, place, and action, may with pains be wrought, But genius must be born, and never can be taught.

--_Dryden_.

Who in the same given time can produce more than many others, has vigor; who can produce more and better, has talents; who can produce what none else can, has genius.--_Lavater_.

And genius hath electric power, Which earth can never tame; Bright suns may scorch, and dark clouds lower-- Its flash is still the same.

--_Lydia M. Child_.

Taste consists in the power of judging; genius in the power of executing.--_Blair_.

GEOGRAPHY

Edgar, aged five, was driving from the station on his first visit to Maine. His mother, noticing a troubled look on his face as he looked about, said:

"What's the matter, dear? Don't you like the beautiful country?"

"Yes, mother, but on _my_ map Maine is _red_!"

FATHER--"Now James, get ready. I'm going to hear your geography lesson. What have the various expeditions to the North Pole accomplished?"

JIMMY--"Nothin' 'cept to make the geography lessons harder."

The geography lesson was about to begin, and the subject of it was France.

Accordingly, the teacher started off with the question: "Now in this present terrible war, who is our princ.i.p.al ally?"

"France," came the answer from a chorus of voices.