The William Henry Letters Part 18

Your affectionate grandchild,

WILLIAM HENRY.

P.S. Bubby Short didn't mean to, but he sat down on my speckled straw hat, and we couldn't get it out even again, and I didn't want him to, but he would go to buy me a new one, and I went with him, but the man didn't have any, for he said the man that made speckled straw hats was dead and his shop was burnt down, and we found a brown straw hat, but I wouldn't let Bubby Short pay any of his money, only eight cents, because I didn't have quite enough. Don't shopkeepers have the most money of all kinds of men? Wouldn't you be a shopkeeper when I grow up? It seems just as easy! If you was me would you swap off your white-handled jack-knife your father bought you for a four-blader? My sister said to send some of W. B.'s good things. He wrote a very good composition about heads, the teacher said, and I am going to send it, for that will be sending one of his good things. It's got in it about two dozen kinds of heads besides our own heads. W. B. is willing for me to copy it off. And Bubby Short wrote a very cunning little one, and if you want to, you may read it. The teacher told us a good deal about heads.

W. H.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

_W. B.'s Composition._

HEADS.

Heads are of different shapes and different sizes. They are full of notions. Large heads do not always hold the most. Some persons can tell just what a man is by the shape of his head. High heads are the best kind. Very knowing people are called long-headed. A fellow that won't stop for anything or anybody is called hot-headed. If he isn't quite so bright, they call him soft-headed; if he won't be coaxed nor turned, they call him pig-headed. Animals have very small heads. The heads of fools slant back. When your head is cut off you are beheaded. Our heads are all covered with hair, except baldheads. There are other kinds of heads besides our heads.

First, there are Barrel-heads. Second, there are Pin-heads. Third, Heads of sermons,--sometimes a minister used to have fifteen heads to one sermon. Fourth, Headwind. Fifth, Head of cattle,--when a farmer reckons up his cows and oxen he calls them so many head of cattle. Sixth, Drumheads,--drumheads are made of sheepskin. Seventh, Heads or tails,--when you toss up pennies. Eighth, Doubleheaders,--when you let off rockets. Ninth, Come to a head--like a boil or a rebellion. Tenth, Cabbageheads,--dunces are called cabbageheads, and good enough for them.

Eleventh, At Loggerheads,--when you don't agree. Twelfth, Heads of chapters. Thirteenth, Head him off,--when you want to stop a horse, or a boy. Fourteenth, Head of the family. Fifteenth, A Blunderhead.

Sixteenth, The Masthead,--where they send sailors to punish them.

Seventeenth, get up to the head,--when you spell the word right.

Eighteenth, The Head of a stream,--where it begins. Nineteenth, Down by the head,--when a vessel is deep loaded at the bows. Twentieth, a Figurehead carved on a vessel. Twenty-first, The Cathead, and that's the end of a stick of timber that a s.h.i.+p's anchor hangs by. Twenty-second, A Headland, or cape. Twenty-third, A Head of tobacco. Twenty-fourth, A Bulkhead, which is a part.i.tion in a s.h.i.+p. Twenty-fifth, Go ahead,--but first be sure you are right.

_Bubby Short's Composition._

ON MORNING.

It is very pleasant to get up in the morning and walk in the green fields, and hear the birds sing. The morning is the earliest part of the day. The sun rises in the morning. It is very good for our health to get up early. It is very pleasant to see the sun rise in the morning. In the morning the flowers bloom out and smell very good. If it thunders in the morning, or there's a rainbow, 't will be rainy weather. Fish bite best in the morning, when you go a fis.h.i.+ng. I like to sleep in the morning.

Here is a letter which, judging from the improvement shown in handwriting, and from its rather more das.h.i.+ng style, seems to have been written during William Henry's second school year.

_William Henry's Letter about the "Charade."_

MY DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--

I never did in all my life have such a real tiptop time as we fellers had last night. We acted charades, and I never did any before, and the word was--no, I mustn't tell you, because it has to be guessed by actions, and when you get the paper that I'm going to send you, soon as I buy a two-cent stamp, then you'll see it all printed out in that paper. The teacher the fellers call Wedding Cake, because he's such a good one, asked all the ones that board here to come to his house last night, and we acted charades, and his sister told us what to be, and what things to put on, and everything. You'll see it printed there, but you must please to send it back, for I promised to return.

There weren't females enough, and so Dorry he was the Fat Woman, and we all liked to ha' died a laughing, getting ready, but when we were--there, I 'most told!

O if you could ha' seen Bubby Short, a fiddling away, with old ragged clothes and old shoes and his cap turned wrong side out, then he pa.s.sed round that cap--just as sober--much as we could do to keep in! I was a clerk and had a real handsome mustache done under my nose with a piece of burnt cork-stopple burned over the light. And she told me to act big, like a clerk, and I did.

Mr. Augustus was the dandy, and if he didn't strut, but he struts other times too, but more then, and made all of us laugh.

Old Wonder Boy was the boy that sold candy, and he spoke up smart and quick, just as she told him to, and the teacher was the country feller and acted just as funny, and so did his sister; his sister was the shopping woman. Both of them like to play with boys, and they're grown up, too. Should you think they would? And they like candy same as we do.

And when it came to the end, just as the curtain was dropping down, we all took hold of the rounds of our chairs, and jerked ourselves all of a sudden up in a heap together, and groaned, and so forth.

I wish you all and Aunt Phebe's folks had been there. We had a treat, and O, if 't wasn't a treat, why, I'll agree to treat myself. Three kinds of ice-creams shaped up into pyramids and rabbits, and scalloped cakes and candy, and _such_ a great floating island in a platter!--Dorry said 't was a floating continent!--and had red jelly round the platter's edge, and some of that red jelly was dipped out every dip. O, if he isn't a tiptop teacher! Dorry says we ought to be ashamed of ourselves if we have missing lessons, or cut up any for much as a week, and more too, I say.

And so I can't tell any more now, for I mean to study hard if I possibly can,

Your affectionate grandson,

WILLIAM HENRY.

Please lend it to Aunt Phebe's folks.

CHARADE. (_Carpet._)

FIRST SYLLABLE.

_Chairs placed in two rows, to represent seats of cars. Pa.s.sengers enter and take their seats. Placard stuck up, "Beware of Pickpockets," in capitals._

_First._ Enter two school-girls, M. and A., with books strapped about, lunch-box, &c. They are laughing and chatting. M. gives A. a letter to read. A. smiles while reading it, M. watching her face, then both look over it together. Afterwards, study their lessons. All this must be going on while the other pa.s.sengers are entering.

_Second._ Business man and two clerks, one at a time. One takes out little account-book, another reads paper, another sits quietly, after putting ticket in his hat-band.

_Third._ Fat woman, with old-fas.h.i.+oned carpet-bag, umbrella, and bundles tied up in handkerchiefs; seats herself with difficulty.

_Fourth._ A clergyman, all in black, very solemn, with white neckcloth and spectacles.

_Fifth._ Yankee fellow from the country, staring at all new-comers.

_Sixth._ Dandy, with yellow gloves, slender cane, stunning necktie, watch-chain, and eyegla.s.s comes in with a flourish, lolls back in his seat, using his eyegla.s.s frequently.

_Seventh._ Lady with infant (very large rag-baby, in cloak and sunbonnet) and nurse girl. Baby, being fussy, has to be amused, trotted, changed from one to the other. Lady takes things from her pocket to please it, dancing them up and down before its face.

_Eighth._ Plainly dressed, industrious woman, who knits.

_Ninth._ Fas.h.i.+onable young lady, dressed in the extreme of fas.h.i.+on. She minces up the aisle, looks at the others, seats herself apart from them, first brus.h.i.+ng the seat. Shakes the dust from her garments, fans herself, takes out smelling-bottle, &c. (Shout is heard.) "All aboard!"

_Tenth._ In a hurry, Lady that's been a-shopping, leading or pulling along her little boy or girl. She carries a waterproof on her arm, and has a shopping-bag and all sorts of paper parcels, besides a portfolio, a roller cart, a wooden horse on wheels, a drum, a toy-whip (and various other things). Doll's heads stick out of a paper. Lady drops a package.

Dandy picks it up with polite bow. Drops another. Yankee picks it up, imitating Dandy's polite bow. Gets seated at last, arranges her bonnet-strings, takes off the child's hat, smooths its hair, &c.

Steam-whistle heard. Every pa.s.senger now begins the jerking, up-and-down motion peculiar to the cars. This motion must be kept up by all, whatever they are doing, and by every one who enters.

Enter Conductor with an immense _badge_ on his hat, or coat. Calls out "Have your tickets ready!" Then pa.s.ses along the aisle, and calls out again, "Tickets!" The tickets must be large and absurd. Pa.s.sengers take them from pocket-books, gloves, &c. Fat old woman fumbles long for hers in different bundles, finds it at last in a huge leather pocket-book.

Conductor, after _nipping_ the tickets, pa.s.ses out.

Enter boy with papers, "Mornin' papers! Herald, Journal, Traveller!"

(Business man buys one.) "Mornin' papers! Herald, Journal, Traveller!"

(Clerk buys one.) Paper boy pa.s.ses out. Conductor appears, calls out, "Warburton! Warburton! Pa.s.sengers for Bantam change cars!" (Noise heard of brakes, jerking motion ceases, school-girls leave, with those little hopping motions peculiar to school-girls. Yankee moves nearer fas.h.i.+onable miss. Two laborers enter. Steam-whistle heard, jerking motion resumed.) Candy boy enters. "Jessup's candy! All flavors! Five cents a stick!" (Lady buys one for baby.) "Jessup's candy! All flavors!

Lemon, vanilla, pineapple, strorbry!" (Yankee buys one, offers half to fas.h.i.+onable miss. She declines. Crunches it himself.) Boy pa.s.ses out.