If Only etc. Part 45

SUSAN (_expostulating_).

But, sir, if you please, sir, really--

(_Enter_ HENRICH SCHERCL _followed by_ SUSAN.)

HENRICH SCHERCL.

I tell you I mean to see him. Now let us have the truth, girl, where is he?

SUSAN.

Mr. Tempenny, sir?

HENRICH SCHERCL.

"Mr. Tempenny, sir?" Yes, ma'am, who else? Now, is he at home?

SUSAN.

No, sir, he isn't; he has gone out.

HENRICH SCHERCL.

Not to his studio, for I've just been there.

SUSAN.

No, sir, he has gone to his dentist.

HENRICH SCHERCL.

Then I'll just sit down here till he comes back. You may go in and tell him so.

SUSAN (_confused_).

I hope you don't think I tell stories, sir? If Mr. Tempenny's out how can I take him your message?

(_Enter_ REMBRANDT TEMPENNY _R_.)

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY (_briskly_).

Now, you understand, Susan, I am out to everyone, and if a Mr. Schercl calls--(_seeing_ HENRICH SCHERCL--_aside_). Good gracious! (_Aloud_.) Beg him to wait till I return--I want to see him.

HENRICH SCHERCL (_sardonically_).

He _is_ waiting, sir.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY (_affecting surprise_).

My dear friend, how glad I am--how very glad! (_Aside_.) This is the very devil! (_Aloud_.) All right, Susan, you can go.

HENRICH SCHERCL.

I want a leedle talk with you, my friend, without delay.

SUSAN (_aside_).

I hope the master'll enjoy himself, I'm sure! I did _my_ best for him anyhow!

(_Exit L_.)

HENRICH SCHERCL.

Mr. Tempenny, I am here to demand an exblanation, sir--an exblanation of your strange behaviour of yesterday. And there is something else, sir. I find you are not Mr. Tempenny at all, sir, you are an imposter.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY (_aside_).

He did take me for Tempenny R.A., Addison was right! (_Aloud_.) An imposter, Mr. Schercl?

HENRICH SCHERCL.

Zertainly, sir. I took you for _the_ Mr. Tempenny--it was to _the_ Mr.

Tempenny, I brobosed to give my commission. You 'ave cheated me, you fellow.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

Now, now, take care! How was _I_ to know you took me for somebody else?

You came to me, and you made me an offer, and I accepted it. How could I tell you thought I was another--I may say an _inferior_--Tempenny? I say how could I know you were making a mistake?

HENRICH SCHERCL.

You knew it very well. I would not pay tree 'undred pounds to _you_!

What do you think I am--a fool? You 'ave obtained an order from me under false pretences, do you hear. I say you 'ave robbed me.

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

Gently! gently! this is slander, old gentleman. It will cost you a good deal _more_ than three hundred pounds if you aren't more guarded in your remarks.

HENRICH SCHERCL (_spluttering_).

What?

REMBRANDT TEMPENNY.

It will really. I shall owe it to myself to have you up for slander, and it would be a very good advertis.e.m.e.nt for me too.

HENRICH SCHERCL.

What! what! what!