A Bayard From Bengal Part 10

But all he caught distinctly was the melody of negro minstrels.

"It is some satisfaction to feel that we have both been sacrificed in a thoroughly deserving cause!" said the Brace-b.u.t.ton, complacently, to the Threepenny Bit, as they met in the Offertory Bag.

_Note._--This must be some local allusion, for I do not know what sort of receptacle an Offertory Bag may be, or why such articles should be inserted therein.--H. B. J.

Mistrust the Bridegroom who appeareth at his wedding with sticking-plaster on his chin [or "_without_ sticking-plaster," &c.--the Styptic is capable of either interpretation.--_Trans._].

_Note._--Then I will humbly say that it must be a peculiarly elastic tongue. But in _either_ form the Proverb is meaningless.--H. B. J.

"What!--My Original dead?" cried the Statue. "Then I have lost all chance of ever becoming celebrated!"

_Note._--This is an obvious mistranslation, since a Statue is only erected when the Original is already celebrated.--H. B. J.

"What is your favourite Perfume?" they asked the Hog, and he answered them, "Pigwash."

"How vulgar!" exclaimed the Stoat. "_Mine_ is Patchouli!"

But the Fox said that, in _his_ opinion, the less scent one used the better.

_Note._--This merely records the well-known physiological fact that some persons are born without the olfactory sense. Emperor Vespasian was accustomed to declare (erroneously) that "pecunia non olet."--H. B. J.

"I wonder they allow such a cruel contrivance as that 'Catch 'em alive, oh!' paper!" said the Spider tearfully, as she sat in her web.

_Note._--From this we learn that there may be a soft spot in the most unpromising quarters. Even Alexander the Great, who spent the blood of his troops like pocket money, is recorded to have wept at a review on suddenly reflecting that all his soldiers would probably be deceased in a hundred years. It is barely possible that Piljosh may have been a spectator of this incident.--H. B. J.

A certain Pheasant was pluming herself upon having become a member of the Anti-Sporting League.

"Softly, friend!" said a wily old c.o.c.k, "for, should this League of thine succeed in its object, every man's hand would be against us both by day and night; whereas, at present, our lives are protected all night by vigilant keepers, and spared all day by our owner and his guests, who are incapable of shooting for nuts!"

_Note._--This is a glaring _non sequitur_ and fallacy. I myself have never shot for nuts--but it does not necessarily follow that any pheasant would remain intact after I discharged my rifle-barrel!--H. B. J.

"It is not what we _look_ that signifieth," said the Scorpion virtuously, "it is what we _are_!"

_Note._--True enough--but the moral would have been improved by attributing the saying to some insect of more innocuous character than a Scorpion. Perhaps this is so in the original Styptic, for, as I have said, I cannot repose implicit faith in my young friend's version.--H. B. J.

"I have composed the most pathetic poem in the world!" declared the Poet.

"How can'st thou be sure of that," he was asked.

"Because," he replied, "I recited it to the Crocodile, and she could not refrain from shedding tears!"

"It is gratifying to find oneself appreciated at last," said the Cabbage, when the Cigar Merchant labelled him as a Cabana.

"Don't talk to _me_ about Cactus," said the Ostrich contemptuously to the Camel. "Insipid stuff, _I_ call it! No--for real flavour and delicacy, give me a pair of Sheffield scissors!"

"The accommodation might be more luxurious, it's true," remarked the philosophic Mouse, when he found himself in the Trap, "but, after all, it's not as if I was going to stay here _long_!"

"People tell me he can s.h.i.+ne when he chooses," said the Extinguisher of the Candle. "All _I_ know is, he's positively dull whenever he's with _me_!"

There was once a Musical Box which played but one tune, to which its owner was never weary of listening. But, after a time, he desired a novelty, and could not rest until he had exchanged the barrel for another. However, he sickened of the second tune sooner than of the first, and so he exchanged it for a third, which he liked not at all.

Accordingly he commanded that the Box should return to the first tune of all--and lo! this had become an abomination unto his ears, nor could he conceive how he had ever been able to endure it!

So the Musical Box was laid upon the shelf, and the Owner procured for himself a cheap mouth-organ which could play any air that was suggested to it, and thus became an established favourite.

_Note._--This is apparently designed to ill.u.s.trate the ficklety of the Musical Character.--H. B. J.

"_Do_ come in!" snapped the severed Shark's Head to the s.h.i.+p's Cat. "As you perceive, I am carrying on business as usual during the alterations."

The Bulbul had no sooner finished her song than the Bullfrog began to make profuse apologies for having left his music at home.

To a b.u.t.terscotch Machine the Penny and the Tin Disc are alike.

_Note._--Surely not if an official is looking on!--H. B. J.