Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 62

HENRIETTE. Frankly, no.

JACQUES. I don't please you?

HENRIETTE. As a cousin you are charming; as a husband you would be quite impossible.

JACQUES. What have you against me?

HENRIETTE. Nothing that you're to blame for. It is merely the fault of my character; _that_ forces me to refuse you.

JACQUES. But I can't see why you----?

HENRIETTE. [_With an air of great importance._] A great change is taking place in the hearts of us women. We have resolved henceforward not to be treated as dolls, but as creatures of reason. As for me, I am most unfortunate, for n.o.body ever did anything but flatter me. I have always been too self-satisfied, too----

JACQUES. You have always been the most charming of women, the most----

HENRIETTE. Stop! It's exactly that sort of exaggeration that's begun to make me so unsure of myself. I want you to understand once for all, Jacques, I have a conscience, and, furthermore, it is beginning to develop. I have taken some important resolutions.

JACQUES. What _do_ you mean?

HENRIETTE. I have resolved to better myself, to raise my moral and intellectual standards, and to do that I must be guided, criticised----

JACQUES. But you already possess every imaginable quality! You are charitable, cultured, refined----

HENRIETTE. [_Annoyed._] Please!

[_Turns away and sits on settee._ JACQUES _addresses her from behind chair_.

JACQUES. You are discreet, witty----

HENRIETTE. The same old compliments! Everybody tells me that. I want to be preached to, contradicted, scolded----

JACQUES. You could never stand _that_.

HENRIETTE. Yes, I could. I should be happy to profit by the criticism.

It would inspire me.

JACQUES. I'd like to see the man who has the audacity to criticise you to your face----

HENRIETTE. That is enough! I trust you are aware that you are not the person fit to exercise this influence over me?

JACQUES. How could I? Everything about you pleases me. It can never be otherwise.

HENRIETTE. How interesting! That's the very reason I rejected your proposal. I sha'n't marry until I am certain that I shall not be continually pestered with compliments and flattery and submission. The man who marries me shall make it his business to remind me of my shortcomings, to correct all my mistakes. He must give me the a.s.surance that I am continually bettering myself.

JACQUES. And this--husband--have you found him already?

HENRIETTE. What--? Oh, who knows?

JACQUES. Perhaps it's--Albert?

HENRIETTE. Perhaps it is--what of it?

JACQUES. Really!

HENRIETTE. You want me to speak frankly?

JACQUES. Of course.

HENRIETTE. Then--you wouldn't be annoyed if I said something nice about Albert?

[JACQUES _brings down_ C. _chair which is by desk, facing_ HENRIETTE.

JACQUES. Why, he's your friend!

HENRIETTE. Oh! So you, too, have a good opinion of him?

JACQUES. Certainly.

HENRIETTE. Well, what would you say of him?

JACQUES. [_Trying to be fair._] I'd trust him with money--I've never heard he was a thief.

HENRIETTE. But in other ways?

JACQUES. [_Still conscientious._] I believe him to be somewhat--somewhat----

HENRIETTE. Wilful? Headstrong?

JACQUES. Um--uncultured, let us say.

HENRIETTE. As you like--but for my part, I find that that air of his inspires absolute confidence. He knows how to be severe at times----

JACQUES. You're mistaken about that; that's only simple brute force. Go to the Zoo: the ostrich, the boa constrictor, the rhinoceros, all produce the same effect on you as your Albert----

HENRIETTE. My Albert? My Albert? Oh, I don't appropriate him so quickly as all that. His qualifications as censor are not yet entirely demonstrated.

[JACQUES _rises and approaches_ HENRIETTE, _who maintains an air of cold dignity_.

JACQUES. For heaven's sake, Henriette, stop this nonsense!

HENRIETTE. What nonsense?

JACQUES. Tell me you are only playing with me. That you only wanted to put my love to the test! To make me jealous! To torture me! You have succeeded. Stop it, for heaven's sake----

HENRIETTE. My dear friend, I'm very sorry for you. I wish I could help you, but I cannot. I have given you a perfect description of the husband I want, and I am heart-broken that you bear so remote a resemblance to him.

JACQUES. Only promise you will think over your decision.