The Memoirs of Cleopatra Part 18

"No." Rufio looked surprised that he would even ask. Wasn't that enough?

"I have been in Egypt eight months now," said Caesar slowly. "I came in pursuit of Pompey and became embroiled in another war. I have lost much valuable time."

"You were so out of touch with Rome that until December they did not even know of your whereabouts," said Rufio, almost scolding. "There were some who a.s.sumed you were dead."

"I was not dead," he said. "But in some ways entombed." He looked around at the richly furnished stateroom, and dismissed it with the wave of a hand.

"Egypt is like a gigantic tomb. Everything that stays here long enough becomes mummified. This is a country of dead men surrounded by monuments to death."

I could stand it no longer. "Am I a mummy?" I cried. "Is Alexandria--the foremost city in the world for learning, beauty, and the art of living--a tomb?"

He laughed. "Alexandria, as everyone knows, is not Egypt. But even it seems remote from everyday life--perhaps because it is so opulent, so civilized."

He had finished with us. He was ready to go. He was straining at his tether.

That night, in our sleeping chamber, he seemed thoughtful, almost sad that it had come to an end. He sat staring at his goblet, which he had uncharacteristically filled with wine. He had even drunk a cupful, and it seemed to soften his stern features. He toyed with its base, running his fingers over the raised decorations.

"Long ago I told you I avoided wine because it incited strange symptoms in me. Now, after that night on the desert, you know what they are. But tonight I do not care."

I stood behind him and put my arms around him. "What will you do? When--must you leave?"

"Soon," he said. "In a few days."

"A few days? Can you not stay for the birth of our child? It is only a few weeks from now."

"I cannot wait a few weeks." He sounded so certain that it was pointless for me to object.

"I see." So I would be left alone to bear this child. But there was no arguing with Caesar. I tried my best to keep my voice level and betray no tremor of emotion. It would serve no purpose but to annoy him. But what about Philae? But what about Philae? my mind cried. my mind cried. What did it mean to you? Anything? What did it mean to you? Anything? Would it be announced in any way? Would it be announced in any way?

"There is one thing more," he said, still turning the goblet in his hands.

"Yes?" My heart leapt up.

"You should marry little Ptolemy before my departure. You cannot rule alone, and must be nominally married."

"I am married!" I cried. I could not help myself. "It is already announced that this child--"

He laughed indulgently. "That is in the divine, mystical sense. But the Alexandrians are more jaded and skeptical. They will laugh at such a story. And those we laugh at, we lose fear and respect for. Without a husband, foreign princes will come courting you, and that will be tiresome."

"For me or for them?"

"For you and for me," he said. "I am hoping that you would find their attentions tedious, and for myself, I would find them . . . disturbing." He stood up and put down the goblet. At last he took me in his arms. "I find I cannot stand the thought of you with another man. This has never happened to me before. I excused Pompeia's liaison with Clodius, and frankly I wouldn't care if Calpurnia had been rolling around with Cicero himself the entire time of my absence. But you ... no Syrian princes for you. I could not bear it."

"So I am to wait, preserved, for you--like the mummies you say Egypt is filled with?"

"I will send for you to come to Rome as soon as it is safe."

"Which may be years!" The awfulness of what I was facing suddenly spread itself out before me. To bind myself to Caesar was indeed to make a mummy of myself, with all living forbidden, and no promise of any recognition as anything but his mistress. "The life you are offering is no life at all!"

"Trust me. In just a little while, things may be different." In an ordinary man, his tone would have been close to begging. But could Caesar beg?

"How can they be? The laws of Rome are as they are, and your nature is as it is."

"Trust me," he said, and this time the tone really was begging. "I have never known another person like you, found my counterpart in a woman. You have my spirit, my daring, my gambler's nature, my seeking for adventure. Wait and see what I can bring about."

"Wait and see," I murmured. "What if nothing happens?"

"If it is humanly possible for me to bring about a future for us and our child, I will," he promised. "But I must know you will wait, and that you trust me."

"I have no choice," I finally said. "My heart wishes me to, even though my head warns me not to."

"Because you are very young," he said, "they may be evenly balanced. At my age, it is a wonder that the heart speaks at all."

In two days we were back in Alexandria. From a distance it looked as perfect as ever, but after we had landed and were being transported in litters through the city, I could see the heaps of rubble and the charred timbers that choked the streets. There would be much to repair. The war had been a costly business--but if that was the price for keeping my throne, so be it.

As we alighted and entered the palace, I was aware of more than just welcoming looks. During the journey my pregnancy had advanced to the stage where it was clearly visible. We would have to make the Amun announcement immediately. Or just make no announcement at all? Caesar was right; such a claim would only cause the Alexandrians merriment. My city was known as a place where lovemaking and pleasure blended the sophistication of the Greeks with the sensual indulgences of the east; they would know well enough where this baby had come from. I blushed to realize that even their imaginations might fall short of the actual acts. Who could believe the old Roman soldier, so austere in all his other physical appet.i.tes, would be so inventive and vigorous in his amorous behavior? On the other hand, inventive inventive and and vigorous vigorous were the two words that best described his prowess on the military field as well. were the two words that best described his prowess on the military field as well.

Much as I hated to leave our private world on the s.h.i.+p, I was delighted to see Mardian and Olympos at the head of the officers waiting to receive us. And when I reentered my chambers, Charmian and Iras were there.

"Oh, my dear Charmian! My Iras!" I held out my arms and embraced them.

"Your Majesty! Welcome! Look! We have all in readiness! Goods are flowing into Egypt again, now that the war is over. There are new silk hangings for the bed; fresh incense from Arabia; the good Caecuban wine; and roses from Cyrene--both red and white." I could smell the distinct rose odor, piercingly sweet. Two bunches of them were in large gla.s.s vases. "We are so happy you are here," they said, simply.

"What have you done for Caesar's quarters?" I asked.

"Made ready a working table," Charmian said. "Mountains of doc.u.ments have come in for him."

I sighed. He would not care about, or notice, the new silks or the roses. Only the doc.u.ments. "There are undoubtedly doc.u.ments for me, too," I said.

"Many less," they said. Iras pointed to a table that held a little pyramid of them.

Yes, I did not rule the world, but only one country. And on this journey I had seen many of the concerns of that country with my own eyes. The business in Egypt was the same as it had been for the earliest Pharaohs: crops, harvests, taxes, soldiers. It was Caesar's world that was in flux, not mine.

"He thanks you for your efforts," I said. I felt tired, and sank down on a chair of citrus wood.

"Your . . . your . . . condition . . . ?" They flopped around, searching for words.

"I have had no problems except that now I am growing tired easily. The journey was restful for me," I said.

"And when is--is--?"

If my own dear ladies were so embarra.s.sed about it, how did the rest of Alexandria regard it? "I am not really sure," I said. "I must ask Olympos to do the calculations. I think in a month, or perhaps a bit longer. Caesar cannot stay." I had to say it then, so there would be no mistake about it. But the look on their faces told all. They disapproved. I found myself in the position of having to defend him--to myself and to them.

"There are urgent matters--" I began, but my voice trailed off. It was not convincing. "This is the drawback to loving the master of the world," I finally said. "One tends not to be as important to him as one would wish."

And that was the truth of the matter. I was a queen, descended from an old royal house, and my country was the richest one in the world. But he did not need to remind me that when we met, I had been reduced to living in exile in a tent. Without him I would still be there--or dead. He could have turned Egypt into a Roman province after Alexandria had surrendered, like every other country in the Mediterranean after a defeat: Greece, Syria, Judaea, Spain, Carthage. The fact that he had left me on my throne and had even spent precious weeks on our journey up the Nile spoke of his personal feelings for me. More than that I would not get.

Now we belonged to the world again, and our privacy was gone. Caesar read detailed reports of the insurrection in Pontus, the gathering of malcontents in Africa, the turmoil in Rome, and received a flock of messengers with current information.

He shook his head late one night as he sat in a wide chair and dropped each report on the left side as he finished reading it. Outside, the waves in the inner harbor were dancing in the moonlight. It was a soft night; the breezes barely swayed the flames in the wicks of the lamps. Probably all over the city people were sipping honeyed wine, listening to soft lute music, holding evening symposia symposia, reading quietly, or making love. That was what Alexandria was famous for: pleasures of the mind and body. Caesar worked on through the hours, stopping only to shake his head or stretch his arms occasionally.

It was well past midnight when he muttered, "That's all." The pile of papers on his right side had all been transferred to the left.

"Where have you decided to go?" I asked quietly.

"Pontus," he said. "I cannot return to Rome, leaving an enemy at my back. The east must be made secure."

"But you are already in Africa," I said. The Roman rebel forces were much closer.

"I always finish pesky side rebellions before turning to the main task at hand," he said. "That is why I reduced Spain before pursuing Pompey. It looked as if I were going in the wrong direction, but it was by intent. Now I must go to Pontus before returning here. It is almost sixteen hundred miles in the wrong direction." He stood up and made for the open roof terrace. I came and stood beside him, looking at the Lighthouse belching out its fire and smoke. It still had the power to move me with pride every time I looked at it.

"You will sail out of this harbor," I said, voicing the obvious. "When?"

"In a few days," he said. "I have decided to leave behind three legions to protect you, under Rufio. There will not arise another Pothinus."

"But--that will leave you only one legion to take to Pontus!" No, I could not let him endanger himself so. Better I should take my chances here.

"Yes, the Sixth," he said.

"That is not enough!"

"It will have to be," he said.

"No, not again! It happened once in Alexandria that you were undermanned. Do not repeat it!" Then I remembered something else. "The Sixth Legion is not even up to full strength! There are only a thousand men in it-- not even a fourth of its full quota!"

"Yes, I know," he said.

"You push your luck too far!" I cried. "I think you mean to force the G.o.ddess Fortune into abandoning you! It is insane to take only a thousand men!"

"That is my business!" He was starting to show irritation.

"No, it is my business as well, now!" I resorted to touching my belly.

"My military campaigns are my business," he repeated.

"Why do you tempt fate so?" I begged. "Why do you think you are immune to defeat and misfortune?" I could hear my voice rising, propelled by fear. "I think that fate spares us--spares some of us--for a good long time, to lull us into the trap she means to spring for us. Those she spares the longest, she may have the cruelest ending for."

"In that case, there is little I can do to sidestep it," he said. "Fate will have her way, whether I take one legion or twenty."

"Yes, and no." I knew that if fate wished otherwise, twenty legions would not protect you, but sometimes fate did not care one way or the other, in which case you were better off with your little human preparations.

"You are confused," he said, putting his arm around me. "I think it is fatigue that makes you talk so. Come, let us take some rest." He gently took my shoulders and turned them around.

Lying beside him in the dark, I found it hard to believe that he would soon be gone, away on another battlefield. He made me feel very safe. For that instant.

Just before he fell asleep, he said softly, "I think you must go ahead with the ceremony with Ptolemy."

The priest was waiting in the small chamber just off the banqueting hall, where Caesar and I had arranged for the vows to be exchanged. Ptolemy, only twelve years old, stood obediently ready to cooperate. He was the last of my five brothers and sisters; all the others had met violent deaths trying to take the throne, except for Arsinoe, who survived only in prison. Caesar planned to send her to Rome to be paraded through the streets in his Triumph. At the time I thought little of it. Now . . .

Ptolemy was a pleasant, light-featured boy. He seemed to have none of the guile and viciousness of the others; perhaps it had been scared out of him.

"O most gracious Caesar," he said, "most beloved sister, I am pleased to obey you in all things!" He fingered his carnelian and lapis collar nervously.

"Stand over here," said Caesar, pointing his finger at a floor mosaic of a hippopotamus. Ptolemy fairly flew across the floor to the spot.

"And you here," he said to me, indicating a mosaic crocodile. The entire design was part of a scene of the Nile, which included fish, birds, flowers, and boats. I stood on the crocodile's snout.

Olympos, Mardian, Rufio, Charmian, and Iras stood by as witnesses. The priest of Serapis uttered a few sentences that we repeated, and the deed was done. Ptolemy XIV and Cleopatra VII, Father-Loving and Brother-and-Sister-Loving G.o.d and G.o.ddess, were united as rulers of Upper and Lower Egypt. Caesar was beaming, and p.r.o.nounced a Roman benediction. Then we all turned to the feast tables that were prepared and waiting.

Caesar's last night had come. In the morning he would sail out of the harbor with his s.h.i.+ps and his thousand legionaries.

"I leave with great reluctance," he said. "You cannot know with how much."

"Your lingering here has caused great comment everywhere," I admitted. "What stronger proof could there be that you wished to stay?"

"I take with me many ideas to be transplanted to Rome. I see now what a city should be. Thank you for that."

"What do you mean? What would you change at Rome?" "Rome is a very primitive place," he said. "You will see when you come." He hurried over that, I noticed. "But now that I have seen the wide marble streets, the public buildings, the Library ... I would like to copy them. And your calendar is far superior to ours. I will certainly change all that when--"

"When the wars are over," I finished for him. "All the more reason not to tempt fate, but to help her."

"I will raise reinforcements once I get to Syria," he said. "You are right."

I watched as the last of the wars.h.i.+ps sailed out of the harbor and off toward the horizon. They grew smaller and smaller, and disappeared. I felt as if my life were departing. I had known him for such a short time, but in that short interval my world had changed forever--like everything he had touched. Neither Gaul nor Rome nor I would ever be the same as before he came. There was no going back; Caesar had remade the world.

HERE ENDS THE FIRST SCROLL.

Chapter 16.

THE SECOND SCROLL.

He had gone. I looked all around me, as if awakening from a dream. For what seemed the first time since I had left Alexandria to go upriver for the bull ceremony at Hermonthis, I saw the palace and the city as they were, through the eyes of an adult. I had left almost two years ago. At that time I had known little or nothing about ruling, and even less about what lay beyond our borders. Luck had seen me through--Caesar and I seemed to share that luck. But now more than luck would be needed. I had to rule a once-great nation single-handed, and bind up its wounds.

At least, I thought, all my efforts can now be directed toward Egypt, and not be squandered on civil wars and palace intrigues. I am given a free hand, but if I fail, I have nothing else to blame. Rufio and his legions will a.s.sure that free hand: Caesar's great gift to me. His greatest, next to the child.

I went out immediately to inspect the royal area, taking Mardian and Charmian with me. During my Nile journey, Mardian had carefully a.s.sessed the damage to the grounds and buildings, and now he acted as a guide to the dismal sights.

"Here is where--forgive me, Majesty--the soldiers camped out, destroying all the plantings." He pointed to what had once been a lawn planted with sweet gra.s.ses and flowering shrubs.

It stank. "And I see they have left behind enough fertilizer to ensure new plantings," I said. "Even the most delicate plant should find all its needs met for some years to come."