The Memoirs of Cleopatra Part 46

His perfect forearm, straight and strong, thrust the diadem toward Caesar. It trembled in the clear air, its whiteness making it s.h.i.+mmer a little.

Caesar looked at it as if he were eyeing a snake, something dangerous that was about to strike.

"Nay," he said, pus.h.i.+ng it aside.

A loud cheer went up, almost balanced by a loud groan of disappointment.

Antony stepped closer to Caesar. "Once again the people offer this!" he proclaimed.

Again Caesar put up the palm of his hand and turned it away.

This time the cheers were louder, and the cries of disappointment softer.

Antony held the diadem aloft and brandished it--he turned from one end of the Rostra to the other, pa.s.sing it before the eyes of the crowd. "Behold!" he said loudly. "For the third time we offer this. Do not refuse the wishes of the people!" He stepped boldly up to Caesar and attempted to remove the laurel wreath and replace it with the diadem. For an instant his hand hovered over Caesar's head.

Then Caesar stood up. "No," he said, seizing Antony's hand, making him release the diadem.

A deafening roar of approval went up from the crowd.

Caesar waved the diadem. "Jupiter alone is King of the Romans!" he said. "Pray, take this and crown the statue of Jupiter in his temple on the Capitoline!"

Wild shouts of approval exploded from the crowd, roaring now with excitement. Caesar took his seat again with deliberate movements; Antony jumped off the Rostra and ran toward the steps leading to Jupiter's temple, bounding up them like a mountain cat, waving the diadem.

Below me, I saw the heads turning among the dignitaries, as they whispered to their neighbors. They had witnessed what we had meant them to; had they believed it?

Chapter 33.

Alone that night, I received a message from Lepidus saying that from what he had observed, the thing (he did not identify it any further) had been well received. I hoped he was right, but only over the next few days would the truth unfold. Still later, near midnight, a message arrived from Caesar, saying simply, I can do no more. Let it be. I can do no more. Let it be.

I folded the letter and tried to imagine what he had meant. Perhaps it was just another way of saying, as he had said long before at the Rubicon, Let the dice fly high. Let the dice fly high. Things would have to take their course now; they would be what they must be. Things would have to take their course now; they would be what they must be.

Watching it all had drained me. I had not realized how every muscle had strained, how I had almost held my breath throughout, and how intensely I had focused my mind, willing every onlooker to believe what I desired them to believe. Now I was wrung out, and in solitude I poured myself a portion of sweet wine. It would dull my racing thoughts, I hoped, and soon I lay down on the straight, hard bed and closed my eyes.

One day pa.s.sed; two, three. In the villa on its hill high above Rome, I was s.h.i.+elded from what was being said in the streets and in the Senate. I remained where I was, waiting, but also beginning to make plans for my departure from Rome. Soon the seas would open again and we could make our way home.

A few brave s.h.i.+ps had been able to carry dispatches back and forth, and all was apparently quiet and in order in Egypt--one of the blessings of leaving good ministers in charge. But I was anxious to take the reins in hand myself; it is not good for a ruler to have prolonged absences, as I knew all too well from Father's experience as well as my own.

Walking along the straight paths of the vast garden surrounding the villa, I said farewell in my mind to the statues I had come to know so well, hiding themselves among the green clipped hedges and presiding over still ponds. Here was an Aphrodite s.h.i.+elding herself after bathing, here an athlete, bending, straining to throw the discus, there a fleet-footed Mercury, heels aloft. At the end of one avenue of green-black cypresses, there was even a Hercules, his luxuriant curly hair making a halo around his head, the lionskin deftly knotted so that the animal's paws crossed right over Hercules' breast, the wide club resting jauntily on his shoulder. Now that I knew Antony better, I no longer thought he resembled Hercules that much. Probably that would not please Antony.

I had grown fond of these shady walks; Caesarion had learned to run in this garden, and had a few baby scars from his falls on the rocks here. It had become part of us, and when I returned to Egypt I knew that some nights I would lie in bed and see it all in my mind. I shut my eyes now and breathed in deeply. It smelled like the change of seasons--a sharp sort of dried-mushroom smell.

Odd how quickly the seasons could change; the Lupercalia had been frosty, and now, only a fortnight later, the locked earth seemed to be melting. Persephone had been released from the underworld earlier than usual, and warmth was flooding back into the land.

As I opened my eyes I saw a messenger coming toward me, glistening a little from his exertion coming up the hill. He handed me a note from Caesar and then stood waiting.

Caesar was of a mind to take a long ride about the countryside on horseback. He would be most pleased if I would join him, he said, and he would allow me to select any horse I chose from his stable, where he would await me.

Well! So Caesar could not bear the city any longer, and must escape. It was a perfect day, with the sc.r.a.ps of winter being chased away by high, raking clouds. And I would never refuse an opportunity to see him apart from others; it was very rare, at least during daylight hours.

At the stable I found Caesar already holding the bridle of his horse, an animal of extraordinary size, and smoothing his gleaming hide.

"So this is your famous charger," I said, approaching him. As I came closer, I saw that there were white hairs mixed in with the black; the horse, though in good health, was old.

"Yes," said Caesar. "He is the one who wanted to run today. His war days are over, but who can resist racing on a spring day?"

"Where has he gone with you?"

Caesar laughed. "Where has he not? He was foaled on my private estate almost twenty years ago, and has been with me in Gaul, in Africa, in Spain. There was a prophecy about me, through him--but more of that later." He handed the reins to a stableboy and steered me toward the ring. "Choose any of these," he said, pointing toward a group of alert, well-conformed horses, mainly duns and browns. "They are all fleet of foot, and my horse is not so fast anymore."

I particularly liked a young gelding with trim, firm legs and a large chest. His golden brown hide looked like flecked amber, and his precise, high-stepping movements made me think he would be a challenge to ride. "That one," I said, pointing at him, and Caesar nodded to a stablehand to make him ready.

"What is his name?" I asked.

"Yours is Barricade--because he leaps over them. And mine is Odysseus, for all his battles and travels."

"And is he now retired? Back in Ithaca to stay?"

"As retired as a warrior can ever be," said Caesar.

It did not take long to leave Rome behind. For all its near-million inhabitants, it does not cover a very large area; not all of the seven hills have buildings, and soon after leaving the Capena gate in the city walls, we were in the open countryside. We had left the Via Appia after a very short distance, and gone eastward across the still-sleeping fields. They wore their winter-brown coats, but already farmers were plowing the earth, leaving furrows of blackish soil upturned to the sun. Overhead hawks soared, surveying us as we galloped across the fields, our shadows running under us.

I had heard what a superb horseman Caesar was, but I had never seen him riding fast.

"Hands behind your back," I cried. "I don't believe you can do it." This was a feat for which he was renowned--staying on a galloping horse with no bridle to direct it, no reins to hold, and no arms to balance himself.

With a smile, as if he hated to have to bother, he dropped the reins and folded his arms behind his back, urging Odysseus to run faster by a nudge from his knees. The horse leapt forward--who could have ever suspected he had such reserves?--but Caesar was not even slightly dislodged. He sat straight, his balance perfect, as the animal rose and fell with each long-legged stride. It was as if he were part of the beast himself.

I kicked my own horse after his but Barricade had trouble catching up. As I held the reins and leaned forward, I made up my mind that someday I would learn Caesar's trick myself.

"Stop!" I cried, as he seemed to disappear into a thicket of trees. Just then a hedge reared up before me, and Barricade excitedly jumped it, almost throwing me off. My face slammed into his mane, and for an instant I could see nothing; then I righted myself and saw that we were pa.s.sing through a stand of hazels, and that Caesar was already out pn the other side, still galloping with his hands behind his back.

Odysseus wanted to run, all right, and so Caesar let him have his way. The enormous spring sky made me think of the boundless ocean, urging us to gallop on and on forever. There were clouds racing in the opposite direction, their tops white and their undersides gray, and the wind blowing my hair was sharp and thin.

I had not ridden like this in years--not since I left my army behind in Ashkelon, and not really since my days west of Alexandria in the desert, when as a desperate child I had sought escape from the palace.

Wordlessly, soundlessly, in a silent world--silent except for the bleating of a few mischievous goats on the hills, and the cawing of crows--we rode on, far apart.

At length I saw what looked like a river, its banks marked by stands of trees, and beyond that, a wooded area with a ruined circular temple halfway up the side of a hill. Caesar had disappeared over the rise, and I followed, emerging over the crest of the hill to find a row of stately poplars lining a brook. Their tall, straight forms were like the caryatids on Greek temples. Caesar had halted beside one and was waiting. He pointedly still had his hands clasped behind his back.

"You can let your hands free now," I said, dismounting. "You have convinced me." There was no need to withhold the admiration he had earned. "You are the best horseman I have ever seen. And I was taught by the desert Arabs, who are practically born on horseback." *

He seemed genuinely pleased that I was impressed. "They taught you well,"

he said. "I would never have believed a woman could ride like a man. You are a very Athena." He patted Barricade's head. "I see you tried to throw her on that hedge," he said. "Better luck on the way home, friend."

"Now, Odysseus, what was that prophecy?" I asked the horse, who looked at me as if he would answer.

"See his divided hooves?" Caesar pointed to them, and indeed, they were oddly cloven. "When he was just a foal, they caught the attention of the augurs, who said that his rider would one day rule the world. Naturally, I made sure I was the first to ride him, and have been the only one so far."

"May I ride him?"

He hesitated a moment, then lifted me up and put me on his back. "Now this alters the prophecy a little," he said.

I rode Odysseus only a little way up and down the riverbanks, but what mattered was that I had ridden him. After all, Persephone had eaten only six seeds.

I dismounted and we tied the horses up. Caesar walked to the side of the little stream, flowing swiftly past. It tumbled and bubbled and laughed in a clear, childish voice. He found a boulder and sat on it, letting his legs hang down. "Come. Sit by me." He held out his hand and pulled me up.

The rock was oddly warm; it must have absorbed the thin sunlight and stored it somehow, magnifying it. I looked up to see Caesar watching me intently.

"I must tell you of my plans," he said. "But I am loath to ruin this clear blue day."

I waited. I knew he would speak.

"I am planning a military venture," he finally said, his eyes straight ahead on the stream, not on me. "I will set out for Parthia, to avenge the defeat of Cra.s.sus, to conquer it and add it to our dominions."

I had suspected this. It was the only region yet untouched by Rome, the only area that defied it. It was also valiant and remote, probably unvanquishable. Alexander had taken it. But those were different times.

"When?" was all I said.

"In March. That will allow me the luxury of actually starting a campaign early in the season."

"March!" I cried. March was upon us. " "But--it is nearly March now. How can you manage that?"

"I have been planning it for some time," he said. "I already have six legions, with their auxiliaries, ready in Macedonia."

"Where you sent Octavian and Agrippa to wait," I said. "Yes, I was told."

"I will raise another ten legions, and employ a cavalry of ten thousand. This cannot be a makes.h.i.+ft operation; that is what led to our previous defeats there. Cra.s.sus had only seven legions and four thousand cavalry."

"I thought it was the Parthian arrows that led to your defeat," I said. Everyone had heard the grisly story of how the Roman legions had been wiped out almost to a man.

"It was the Parthian supply supply of arrows," said Caesar grimly. "Their general, Surenas, equipped a corps of a thousand camels that carried nothing but replacement arrows for the ten thousand hors.e.m.e.n. Strange no one had ever thought of that before." He gave a bitter laugh. "Did you know that Ca.s.sius escaped? He saved himself by deserting and rus.h.i.+ng back to Syria, supposedly to defend it." of arrows," said Caesar grimly. "Their general, Surenas, equipped a corps of a thousand camels that carried nothing but replacement arrows for the ten thousand hors.e.m.e.n. Strange no one had ever thought of that before." He gave a bitter laugh. "Did you know that Ca.s.sius escaped? He saved himself by deserting and rus.h.i.+ng back to Syria, supposedly to defend it."

"The same Ca.s.sius who is now praetor?" The fierce Republican who glared whenever he saw us.

"Yes. He is part of the Roman disgrace that must be avenged. The victorious Surenas even staged a hideous parody of a Roman Triumph in the desert, with a mock Cra.s.sus dressed in women's clothes. We cannot rest until those eagles from the fallen legions are returned."

"But--now is not the time to leave Rome. There is still so much to be done. Don't leave it in the hands of your enemies!" I could not but question his thinking. "How long do you foresee being gone?" is not the time to leave Rome. There is still so much to be done. Don't leave it in the hands of your enemies!" I could not but question his thinking. "How long do you foresee being gone?"

"I envision three years," he said.

"No! No! I beg you, do not do this!" I gripped his upper arm. The muscles there were still hard and strong, but in three years he would be almost sixty. "It is insane!"

"What is more insane than Rome herself now? Oh, in the years I was away I have outgrown it--outgrown the stifling pettiness, the continual bickering, the lack of any vision or even foresight for the simplest things. The field-- out in the field I'll be free again, free to dare, to make decisions, to be obeyed. No one has ever loved me like my soldiers!" he burst out.

"True, if it's love you want, Rome will not grant it," I said. "But must you run away? That makes you just another Ca.s.sius!"

He started to say something, then sat silently. From far away I heard the low tinkle of sheep's bells on some hidden hillside.

"What are your military plans?" I finally asked.

"I have to settle a messy business in Macedonia," he said. "And then I will invade Parthia from the north, through Armenia. That route has not been tried; everyone always invades from the west or the south."

He turned to me, took my hand. "You are an essential part of my plan," he said. "While I am in Parthia, you will be in Egypt, my foremost ally. You will be my partner in conquest, for I will rely on Egypt's support and resources for the campaign. Will you agree?" He waited for my answer. "I do not need the support and approval of the Senate and the people of Rome, as long as I have you. Do I have you?"

"Do you have Egypt, do you mean?" Suddenly I was gripped by a horrible suspicion that perhaps he had seen me all along as only an incarnation of Egypt, someone to abet his ambitions and plans. He had not annexed Egypt to Rome because that would have put Egypt at the disposal of the Senate--- the last thing he would have wanted. "My country's resources?"

"Yes, of course that is what I mean!" He sounded impatient. "But as my partner." He grasped my hand tighter. "You are a queen; I come before you as your your client. If I had a crown and scepter, I would place them at your feet. Please consider my request." client. If I had a crown and scepter, I would place them at your feet. Please consider my request."

"And what do you foresee for us?"

"A kingdom that you and I can rule together, equally. And that our son can inherit, as sole ruler." Before I could say anything, he continued hurriedly, "You know he can have no inheritance at Rome. But what of it? There are grander things. Let him be King of Egypt and Parthia and all the regions in between. Then I--though not a king myself--will have given rise to kings. That is enough for me."

"You ask an enormous commitment. Egypt is at peace. Parthia has never attacked us. You ask that we spend men and money to chase your dreams."

"Your dreams, too."

"No, that is not my dream."

"Then what is is your dream?" your dream?"

"I have achieved it. Egypt at peace, independent, strong. Myself as sole ruler. I have no need of Parthia."

"Have you no need of me?" he asked. "For only away from Rome can we have a life together."

"Your price is very high. I must spend heaps of silver and gold, rivers of blood, in order for us to have a life together."

"We cannot reckon in those terms."

"I am afraid it is the only way I can reckon. Oh, I would give anything for you--except Egypt."

He looked at me with subdued respect. "Then you are a better queen than a lover. Your subjects are fortunate."

He climbed down from the rock and walked a little way down the stream. I came and stood beside him.

"I shall be your ally, I will provide a staging area for you, a place to rest, but I do not wish to fight Parthia," I told him. "I shall be the first to rejoice when you have conquered. You may stage the biggest Triumph in the history of the world in Alexandria."

I tried to keep my voice light and happy, when all the while I was seized with the dreadful fear that he would never return. Never, never return from the east, to die like Alexander in the shadow of Babylon. ... I felt sick.

"Perhaps that is enough," he finally said, hearing only my words and not my thoughts. At length, after many minutes of silence, he reached his hand into the bosom of his tunic and drew out a pouch of leather.

"This is for you," he said, handing it to me.