The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Part 9

Now Lycas began to be friends with me: and Tryphna, as a mark of her love, threw the bottom of her wine upon Gito: At what time, Eumolpus, quite drunk, aim'd at rallery on those that were bald and branded; till having spent his life-less stock, he return'd to his verses; and designing an elegy on the loss of hair, thus began.

Nature's chief ornament, the hair is lost, Those vernal locks, feel winter's blast: Now the bald temples mown their banish'd shade, And bristles s.h.i.+ne o' the sun-burnt head.

The joys, deceitful nature does first pay Our age, it s.n.a.t.c.hes first away.

Unhappy mortal, that but now The lovely grace of hair, did'st know: Bright as the sun's or Cynthia's beams, Now worse than bra.s.s, and only seems Like th' mushroom, that in gardens springs.

From sporting girls, you'll frighted run, And that death will the sooner come: Know that part of your head is gone.

He wou'd have condemn'd us to hear more, and I believe worse than the former; if an attendant of Tryphna, had not disturb'd him: who taking Gito aside, dress'd him up in her mistresses tower; and to restore him perfectly to his former figure, drawing false eye-brows out of her patch-box, placed 'em so exactly, Nature might have mistaken 'em for her own work.

At the sight of the true Gito, Tryphna wept for joy: Who, not before, cou'd hug him with so real a satisfaction.

I was glad to see his loss so well repair'd: Yet, often hid my head, as sensible I appear'd with no common deformity, whom even Lycas thought not worth speaking to: But 'twas not long e'er the same maid came to my relief, and calling me aside, dress'd me in a peruke no less agreeable: for being of golden locks, it rather improv'd my complexion.

But, Eumolpus, our advocate, and reconciler, to entertain the company, and keep up the mirth, began to be pleasant on the inconstancy of women: how forward they were to love, how soon they forgot their sparks: and that no woman was so chast, but her untry'd l.u.s.t, might be rais'd to a fury: nor wou'd he bring instances from ancient tragedies, or personages celebrated in antiquity: but entertain us, if we wou'd please to hear, with a story within the circle of his own memory: upon which the eyes and ears of all were devoted to him: who thus began.

"There was at Ephesus a lady, of so celebrated virtue, that the women of neighbouring nations came to join their admiration with that of her own country: This lady at the death of her husband not content with tearing her hair, or beating her breast, those common expressions of grief; but following him into the vault, where the body plac'd in a monument, she, after the Graecian custom, watch'd the corps, and whole nights and days continu'd weeping; the perswasions of parents nor relations cou'd divert her grief, or make her take anything to preserve life, the publick officers at last, she guarding the body for 'em, left the vault; and lamented by all for so singular an example of grief, liv'd thus five days without eating.

"All left her but a faithful maid, who with tears supply'd her afflicted lady, and as often as the lamp they had by, began to expire, renew'd the light; by this time she became the talk of the whole town; and all degrees of men confest, she was the only true example of love and chast.i.ty.

"In the meantime there happening a trial of criminals, the condemn'd were order'd to be crucify'd near the vault in which the lady was weeping o're the corps of her late husband. The soldier that guarded the bodies lest any might be taken from the cross and bury'd, the night after observ'd a light in the vault, and hearing the groans of some afflicted person, prest with a curiosity common to mankind, he desired to know, who, or what it was? Upon which he enter'd the vault, and seeing a very beautiful woman, amaz'd at first, he fancy'd 'twas a spirit, but viewing the dead body, and considering her tears and torn face, he soon guest, as it was, that the lady cou'd not bear the loss of her husband: he brings his supper with him into the vault, and began to perswade the mournful lady not to continue her unnecessary grief, nor with vain complaints consume her health: That death was common to all men; and many other things he told her, that use to restore afflicted persons to that calmness they before enjoy'd: But she mov'd anew at the comfort a stranger offer'd, redoubl'd her grief, and tearing her hair, cast it on the body that lay before her.

"The souldier however did not withdraw, but with the like invitations offer'd her somewhat to eat, till her maid o'recome, I presume, by the pleasing scent of the wine, no longer cou'd resist the soldier's courtesie. When refresht with the entertainment she began to join her perswasions to win her lady; 'and what advantage,' began she, 'wou'd you reap in starving your self? in burying your self alive? What wou'd it signifie to antic.i.p.ate your fate?'

"'D'ye think departed souls will value it?'

"'Will you, madam, in spite of Fate, revive your husband? Or will you shake off these vain complaints, the marks of our s.e.x's weakness, and enjoy the world while you may? The very body that lyes there might make you envy life. We don't unwillingly obey when we're commanded to eat or live.' The lady now dry with so long fasting, suffer'd her self to be o'recome; nor was she less pleas'd with her entertainment, than her maid, that first surrendered. You know with what thoughts encouraging meats inspire young persons. With the same charms our souldier had won her to be in love with life, he addrest himself as a lover; nor did his person appear less agreeable to the chaste lady, than his conversation; and the maid, to raise her opinion of him, thus apply'd her self:

"And arm'd with pleasing love dare you ingage, E're you consider in whose tents you are?"

"To make short; nor even in this cou'd the lady deny him any thing: Thus our victorious souldier succeeded in both; she receiv'd his imbraces; not only that night they struck up the bargain, but the next and third day: Having shut the door of the vault, that if any of her acquaintances or strangers had come out of curiosity to see her, they might have believ'd the most chaste of all women, had expir'd on the body of her husband. Our souldier was so taken with his beautiful mistress, and the privacy of injoying her, that the little money he was master of, he laid out for her entertainment, and, as soon as 'twas night, convey'd it into the vault.

"In the mean time the relations of one of the malefactors, finding the body unguarded, drew it from the cross and bury'd it. The souldier thus rob'd while he was in the vault, the next day, when he perceiv'd one of the bodies gone, dreading the punishment, he told the lady what had happened; and, added that with his sword he wou'd prevent the judges sentence; if so be she wou'd please to give him burial, and make that place at once the fatal monument of a lover and a husband.

"'The lady, not less merciful than chast; 'Nor wou'd Heaven allow,'

said she, 'that I shou'd at once feel the loss of the only two in the world I hold most dear; I'd rather hang up the dead body of the one, than be the wicked instrument of the other's death.' Upon which she order'd her husband's body to be taken out of the coffin, and fixt to the cross, in the room of that which was wanting: Our souldier pursued the directions of the discreet lady, and the next day the people wonder'd for what reason that body was hung on the cross."

The seamen were pleas'd with the story. Tryphna not a little asham'd, lovingly apply'd her cheek to Gito's, and hid her blushes: but Lycas wore an air of displeasure, and knitting his brows, said he, "if the governour had been a just man, he ought to have restor'd the husband's body to his monument, and hung the woman on the cross." I don't doubt it made him reflect on his own wife, and the whole scene of our l.u.s.t when we rob'd his vessel. But the articles he agreed to, oblig'd him not to complain; and the mirth that ingag'd us gave him no opportunity to vent his rage.

Tryphna entertain'd her self in Gito's arms, pressing oft his neck with eager kisses, and oft disposing his new ornament, to make it appear more agreeable to his face.

At this I was not a little out of humour, and impatient of our new league, cou'd neither eat nor drink any thing: but with side-looks wisht a thousand curses on them both; every kiss and every look she gave him, wounded me. Nor did I yet know whether I had more reason to repent the loss of my mistress, or my comrade; he having rob'd me of her; and she deluded him from my arms: Both were worse than death to me. And to compleat my misery, neither Tryphna spoke to me as her acquaintance, and once grateful lover; nor did Gito think me worth drinking to; or what's the least he cou'd, common discourse with him: I believe he was tender of the new return of her favours, and afraid to give her another occasion to fall out with him: Grief forc'd a flood of tears from my eyes, and I stifl'd my complaints, till I was ready to expire.

When Lycas perceiv'd how well, tho' in this trouble my yellow ornament became me, he was inflam'd afresh; and viewing me with lovers eyes, addressed himself as such, when laying aside the haughty brow of a master, he put on the tender complacency of a friend: but his endeavours were fruitless. At last meeting with an intire repulse, his love turning to a fury, he endeavour'd to ravish the favours he could not win by intreaty; at what time Tryphna unexpectedly came in, and observing his wantonness; in the greatest confusion he hid his head, and ran from her.

Upon which the more l.u.s.tful Tryphna askt, and made me tell her, what those wanton caresses meant; she was inspired with new heat at the relation; and mindful of our old amours, offer'd to revive our former commerce; but worn off my legs with those employments, I gave her invitations but an ill return; yet she with all the desires of a woman transported by her pa.s.sion, threw her arms about me, and so closely lockt me in her imbraces, I was forc'd to cry out; one of her maids came in at the noise, and easily believing I wou'd force from her the favours I had deny'd her mistress, rusht between, and loos'd the bands: Tryphna meeting with such a repulse, and even raging with desire, took it more grievous at my hands, and with threats at her going off, flew to Lycas; not only to raise his resentments against me, but to join with him in pursuit of revenge.

By the way observe, I had formerly been well receiv'd by this attendant of Tryphna, when I maintain'd a commerce with her mistress, upon that score she resented my converse with Tryphna, and deeply sighing, made me eager to know the occasion; when she, stepping back, thus began, "If you had any sparks of the gentleman in you, you'd value her no more than a common prost.i.tute; if you were a man you wou'd not descend to such a jakes." These thoughts not a little disturb'd her; but I was asham'd of nothing more, than that Eumolpus, suspecting the occasion, shou'd in his next verses make our suppos'd quarrel the subject of his drollery; and lest my care to avoid it shou'd prove no means of discovering it.

When I was contriving how to prevent his suspicion, Eumolpus himself came in, already acquainted with what was done; for Tryphna had communicated her grief to Gito, and endeavour'd at his cost to compensate the injury I had offer'd her. Upon which Eumolpus was on fire, and the more, because her wantonness was an open breach of the articles she had sign'd.

When the old doctor saw me, pitying my misfortune, he desir'd to know the whole scene from my self; I freely told him of the gamesomeness of the lewd Lycas, and Tryphna's l.u.s.tful a.s.sault, that he was already well inform'd of; upon which, in a solemn oath, he swore to vindicate our cause, and that Heaven was too just to suffer so many crimes to go unpunisht.

While we were thus ingag'd a storm arose; now thick clouds, and th'

inrag'd flood eclypst the day, the seamen fly to their posts as fast as fear cou'd make 'em; and, pulling down the sails, leave the vessel to the mercy of the tempest; for the uncertain winds made them hopeless of any direct course; nor did the pilot know which way to steer; sometimes the unguided s.h.i.+p was forc'd on the coast of Sicily, often by contrary winds 'twas tost near Italy; and what was more dangerous than all, on a sudden the gathering clouds spread such horrid darkness all around, that the pilot cou'd not see over the fore-castle; upon which all despair'd of safety; when Lycas threw himself before me, and lifting up his trembling hands, "I beseech you Encolpius," began he, "a.s.sist the distress'd, that is restore the sacred vest and timbrel you took from the image of the G.o.ddess Isis; be merciful as you are wont.'' At what time a whirlwind s.n.a.t.c.ht him up, and threw him howling midst the flood, and soon a spiteful wave just shew'd him us, and drew him back again.

Tryphna, hastily taken up by her faithful attendants, and plac'd with her chief goods in the skiff, avoided a most certain death.

I, lockt in Gito's arms, not without tears, cry'd out, "And this we have merited of Heaven, that only death should joyn us; but even now I fear fortune will be against it; for see the waves threaten to o'erturn the vessel; and now the tempest comes to burst the lov'd bands that unite us; therefore if you really love Encolpius, let's kiss while we may, and s.n.a.t.c.h this last joy even in spite of our approaching fate."

When I had thus said, Gito threw off his mantle, and getting under mine, thrust his head out at top to reach my lips; but that the most malicious wave might not ravish us asunder, he girt himself to me with the thong that bound his wallet; and "'tis some comfort," said he, "to think that by this the sea will bear us longer e're it can divorce us from each other's arms. Or, if in compa.s.sion it shou'd throw us on the same sh.o.r.e, either the next that pa.s.ses by wou'd give us a monument of stone, that by the common laws of humanity he wou'd cast upon us; or at least the angry waves, that seem to conspire our separation, wou'd unwittingly bury us in one grave, with the sand their rage wou'd vomit up." I was satisfy'd with my chain, and, as on my death-bed, did now contentedly expect the coming hour.

In the mean time the tempest, acting the decrees of Fate, had rent all the rigging from the vessel; no mast, no rudder left, not a rope or plank, but an awkward shapeless body of a s.h.i.+p tost up and down the flood.

The fisher-men that inhabited the sea-side, expecting a booty, in all haste put out with their boats; but when they saw those in the vessel that cou'd defend their own; they chang'd their design of pillaging to succouring.

After a salute on both sides, unwonted murmurs, lilre that of some beast, labouring to get out, proceeded from beneath the master's cabin; upon which, following the sound, we found Eumolpus sitting alone, and in his hand a large scroll of paper that he was filling, even to the margent, with verses; we all were amaz'd to see a man amuse himself with poetry, at a time when he had reason to think each minute wou'd be his last, and having drawn him, malcing a great noise, from his hole, we endeavour'd to recover him from his frenzy; but he was in such a heat to be disturb'd, that "'Sdeath," said he, "let me make an end of this couplet, it finishes the poem;" on which I took hold of the mad man, and order'd the still murmuring poet to be hall'd on sh.o.r.e.

When with some trouble we had got him on sh.o.r.e, we very pensively enter'd one of the fishermen's huts, and howe're we feasted on our meats the sea had corrupted, we had no comfortable night of 't.

The next day, as we were proposing how to bestow our selves, we discover'd an human body floating on a little wave that made to sh.o.r.e: I stood still concern'd, and began with more diligence to see, if what was presented to our view was real.

When, finding it to be a man's: and "who knows," I cry'd out, "but this wretch's wife, in some part of the world, secure at home, may expect his coming; or perhaps a son, ignorant of the fatal storm, may wait the wisht arrival of his father; who with so many kisses seal'd his unwilling parting: These are our great designs! vain mortals swell with promising hopes, yet there's the issue of them all! see the mighty nothing how it's tost!"

When I had thus bemoan'd the wretch, as one unknown, the sea cast him on land with his face, not much disfigur'd, toward Heaven; upon which I made up to it, and easily knew that the but now terrible and implacable Lycas was lying at my feet.

I could not restrain my tears; but, beating my breast, "Now where's,"

said I, "your rage? where your unruly pa.s.sions? now you're expos'd a prey to fish and beasts; and the poor s.h.i.+pwrackt wretch, with all his boasted power, now has not one plank of the great s.h.i.+p he proudly call'd his own. After this, let mortals flatter themselves with golden dreams, let the weary miser heap up ill-got wealth for many years; 'twas but yesterday this lifeless thing was priding in its riches, and had fixt the very day he thought to return. How short, alas! eyes the poor wretch of his design! but 'tis not the sea only we should fear: one the wars deceive; another by some accidental ruin, even at the altar, meets a grave; third by a fall in running antic.i.p.ates his arrival to the goal; eating oft kills the greedy; and abstinence the temperate. If we rightly consider it in this sea of life we may be s.h.i.+pwrackt every where; but we vainly lament the want of burial to a wretch that's drowned; as if it concern'd the peris.h.i.+ng carca.s.s, whether flames, worms, or fishes were its cannibals.

Whatever way you are consum'd, the end of all 's the same. But fish, they object, will tear their bodies; as if their teeth were less gentle than the flames; a punishment that we believe is the highest we can inflict on slaves that have provok'd us; therefore what madness is 't to trouble our lives with the cares of our burial after we're dead; when the best of us may meet the fate he vainly strives with so much diligence to avoid?"

After these reflections, we perform'd the last office for the dead, and tho' his enemies, honour'd him with a funeral pile; but while Eumolpus was making an epitaph, his eyes roam'd here and there, to find an image that might raise his fancy.

When we had willingly acquitted our selves of this piece of humanity to Lycas, we pursu'd our design'd journey, and all in a sweat soon.

reacht the head of a neighbouring hill, from whence we discovered a town seated on the top of a high mountain; we did not know it, till a shepherd inform'd us 'twas Crotona; the most ancient and once most flouris.h.i.+ng city of Italy; when we enquir'd of him what sort of people inhabited this renown'd place, and what kind of commerce they chiefly maintain'd, since they were impoverish'd by so many wars?

"Gentlemen," said he, "if you have designs of trading, you must go another way; but if you're of the admir'd sort of men, that have the thriving qualifications of lying and cheating, you're in the direct path to business; for in this city no learning flourisheth, eloquence has not a room here; temperance, good manners, nor any virtue can meet a reward; a.s.sure your selves of finding but two sorts of men, and they are the cheated, and those that cheat. A father takes no care of his children, because the having of heirs is such a mark of infamy, that he who is known in that circ.u.mstance, dares not appear at any publick game or show, is deny'd all publick priviledges, and only herds among those that all men p.i.s.s upon. But single men, who have no tyes of nature that oblige the disposal of their wealth, are caress'd by all, and have the greatest honours confer'd on 'em; they are the only valorous, the only brave; nay, and only innocent too. You're going to a city," added he, "like a field in a plague-time, where you can observe nothing but one man devouring another, as crows dead carca.s.ses."

The prudent Eumolpus, as a thing so surprizingly new, began to be thoughtful, and confest that way to riches did not displease him. I believ'd it the effect of a poetick gaiety, that had not left his years. When, "I wish," continued he, "I cou'd maintain a greater figure, as well in habit as attendants, 'twou'd give a better colour to my pretences: By Hercules, I'd throw by the wallet, and soon advance all our fortunes."

Promising therefore to supply his wants, "we have with us," said I, "the sacred vest of Isis, and all the booty we made at Lycurgus's village; and you have given me such hopes, Eumolpus," added I, "that were the G.o.ddess her self in my power, I'd p.a.w.n her for money to carry on the design."

Upon which, said Eumolpus, "why delay we the bringing of our hands in use? and if you like the proposal let me be called your master."

None e're condemned a project that was no charge to him; therefore to be true to his interests, we engag'd in an oath before we wou'd discover the cheat to suffer ten thousand racks; and thus like free-born gladiators selling our liberty, we religiously devoted both soul and body to our new master.

After the solemn ceremonies of our oath were ended; like slaves, at a distance, we salute the master of our own making. When beginning to exercise his authority, he commanded us to report that our ancient lord (meaning him) griev'd at the loss of a son, who was a great orator and comfort to his age, was unhappily forc'd to quit the place of his abode, lest the daily salutes of those that expected preferment under him, or visits of his companions, might be the continual occasions of tears; and the late s.h.i.+pwrack had added to his grief, having lost to the value of twenty thousand crowns; tho' he was not so much concern'd at the loss of his money, as of his large retinue; that, he fear'd, would make them not proportion their thoughts to his greatness; and to add, that our lord had mortgages on half the estates in Africa, and mighty sums at use on personal security; and cou'd raise of his own gladiators, disperst about Numidia, a force able to plunder Carthage.

After this, that his actions might agree with his condition, 'twas concluded necessary to wear an air of discontent; that he should with a stately stiffness, like quality, often cough, and spit about the room; that his words might come the more faintly from him; that in the eye of the world he shou'd refuse to eat or drink; ever talking of riches, and sometimes, to confirm their belief, shou'd break into these words; Strange that such or such a seat shou'd disappoint my expectation, that us'd to be blest with so large an increase! And that nothing might be wanting to compleat the humour, as often as he had occasion to call any of us, he shou'd use one name for another; that it might easily appear how mindful the lord was even of those servants he had left in Africk.

Matters thus order'd, having, as all that wou'd thrive in the world, implor'd the a.s.sistance of Heaven, we began our march, but both Gito did not like his new slavery, and Eumolpus's hir'd servant, bearing most of our baggage, in a little time beginning to be uneasie in his service, wou'd often rest his burden; and with ten thousand wry looks, and as many curses for our going so fast, at last swore he would either leave his charge, or go quite away with 't. "'Sdeath," said he, "d'ye think I'm a pack-horse, or a dray, that you load me thus? I was hir'd for a man, not a horse; nor am I less a gentleman by birth than any of you all; tho' my father left me in a mean condition." Nor content with reproaches, but getting before us, he lift up one leg, and, venturing his choler at the wrong end, filled our nostrils with a beastly scent.