Mr. Punch's Cockney Humour - BestLightNovel.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: _Lady._ "Half-a-crown, indeed! Your fare is eighteen-pence. I looked it up in Bradshaw."
_Cabman._ "Well, to be sure! Wot a good wife you _would 'ave_ made for a pore man!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: BACK TO THE LAND.
_Farmer's Wife (who has told the new lad from London to collect eggs)._ "Well, Jack, have you got many?"
_Jack (who has raided a sitting hen)._ "Rauther! One old 'en she's bin and layed thirteen, and I don't think she's finished yet!"]
LINES BY A c.o.c.kNEY
_Addressed to A Young Lady, but dropped by some mistake into Mr. Punch's letter-box._
Sweet hangel, whom I met last heve Hat Mrs. Harthur's 'op, I 'ope that you will give me leave A question now to pop.
I mind me 'ow when in the 'all Your carriage was hannounced, You hasked me to hadjust your shawl, Hon which with 'aste I pounced.
Then heager to your Ma you ran, She anxious to be gone, I 'eard 'er call you Mary-Hann, Or helse 'twas Mari-hon.
Now, Mary-Hann's a name I 'ate Has much as Betsy-Jane, I could not bear to link my fate With such a 'orrid name;
But Mari-hon I like as well As hany name I know; Then, hangel, I emplore thee tell, Dost spell it with a Ho?
[Ill.u.s.tration: POLITICS AND GALLANTRY
_First 'Arry._ "Hay, wot's this 'ere Rosebery a torkin' abaat? Bless'd if he ain't a goin' to do awy with the Lords!"
_Second 'Arry (more of a Don Juan than a Politician)._ "Do awy with the 'ole bloomin' lot o' Lords, if he likes, as long as he don't do away with the lidies!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "AND _SHE_ OUGHT TO KNOW!"
"That's supposed to be a portograph of Lady Solsbury. But, bless yer, it ain't like her a bit in private!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: 'ARRY'S AUNT UPON THE CLIFF
A study in perspective done by 'Arry with a 'and camera.]
ECHO'S ANSWERS
_To a c.o.c.kney Inquirer who consults her concerning the inevitable Annual "Outing" and its probable issues._
_Inquirer._ What subject sets me worrying and doubting?
_Echo. "Outing._"
_Inquirer._ My wife suggests for family health's improving?--
_Echo. Roving._
_Inquirer._ What's the first requisite for taking pleasure?
_Echo. Leisure._
_Inquirer._ The second (for a slave to matrimony)?
_Echo. Money._
_Inquirer._ You say that woman of all founts of mischief--
_Echo. Is chief._
_Inquirer._ What is this close agreement of _my_ women?
_Echo. Omen._
_Inquirer._ I fear for me they'll prove a deal too clever?
_Echo. Ever._
_Inquirer._ What is the manner of my buxom Mary?
_Echo. Airy._
_Inquirer._ And what's her goal in every hint and notion?
_Echo. Ocean._
_Inquirer._ How recommends she Ramsgate, shrimpy, sandy?
_Echo. 'Andy._
_Inquirer._ Whereas _I_ hold it at this season torrid?--
_Echo. 'Orrid!_
_Inquirer._ And hint, with a faint view to scare or stop her?--
