The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment Part 12

If you happen to be on the windward side, so that you throw dust upon your companion, you should change your position. When we pa.s.s by trees, the branches of which are about the height of the shoulders, the one who goes first ought to take care that the branches, in going back to their former situation, should not strike with violence against the person who follows.

If you are pa.s.sing a large stream, a small river, or a muddy pool, by fording, it is polite to go first; but if we have not taken precautions, and fall in the rear, we ought to keep at a distance, so that the horse's feet may not spatter the water or mud upon the gentleman before us. If your companion gallops his horse, you should never pa.s.s him, nor make your horse caper, unless he signifies that it is agreeable to him.

PART III.

OF PROPRIETY IN RELATION TO PLEASURES.

CHAPTER I.

_Of Entertainments._

Politeness ought, as we have seen, to direct and embellish all the circ.u.mstances of life; but it is, if possible, still more necessary in relation to pleasures, which, without it, would have no attraction.

Without intending to adopt the epigrammatic style, I will say that dining is almost an event, so many points of propriety have the master of the house and his guests to observe.

When we intend giving an entertainment, we begin by selecting such guests as may enjoy themselves together, or at least tolerate one another. If it is to be composed of gentlemen, there should be no lady present, except the lady of the house. The dinner being determined upon, we give out two or three days beforehand, verbal or written invitations.

During the carnival or other season of gaiety, it is necessary to do it at least five days in advance, on account of the numerous engagements.

When we receive a written invitation, we must answer immediately whether we accept or not, although silence may be considered equivalent to an acceptance. In the latter case, we should give a plausible reason of our declining, and do it with politeness. When the invitation is verbal, we must avoid being urged; for nothing is more foolish and disobliging; we ought either to accept or refuse in a frank and friendly manner, offering some reasonable motive for declining, to which we should not again refer. It is not allowable to be urged, except when we are requested to dine with someone whom we have seen only at the house of a third person, or when we are invited on a visit or other similar occasion. In the former case, if we accept, we should first leave a card in order to open the acquaintance.

Having once accepted, we cannot break our engagement, unless for a most urgent cause.

An invitation ought to specify exactly the hour of meeting, and you should arrive precisely at that hour. The table should be ready, and the mistress of the house in the drawing-room, to receive the guests. When they are all a.s.sembled, a domestic announces that the dinner is served up; at this signal we rise immediately, and wait until the master of the house requests us to pa.s.s into the dining-room, whither he conducts us, by going before.

It is quite common for the lady of the house to act as guide, while he offers his hand to the lady of most distinction. The guests also give their arms to ladies, whom they conduct as far as the table, and to the place which they are to occupy. Take care, if you are not the princ.i.p.al guest, not to offer your hand to the handsomest or most distinguished lady; for it is a great impoliteness.

Having arrived at the table, each guest respectfully salutes the lady whom he conducts, and who in turn bows also. It is one of the first and most difficult things properly to arrange the guests, and to place them in such a manner that the conversation may always be general during the entertainment; we should as much as possible avoid putting next one another, two persons of the same profession; for it would necessarily result in an _aside_ conversation, which would injure the general conversation, and consequently the gaiety of the occasion. The two most distinguished gentlemen are placed next the mistress of the house; the two most distinguished ladies next the master of the house; the right hand is especially the place of honor. If the number of gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, we should take care to intermingle them; we should separate husbands from their wives, and remove near relations as far from one another as possible, because being always together, they ought not to converse among themselves in a general party.

The younger guests, or those of less distinction, are placed at the lower end of the table.

In order to be able to watch the course of the dinner, and to see that nothing is wanting to their guests, the master and mistress of the house usually seat themselves in the centre of the table, opposite each other.

As soon as the guests are seated, the lady of the house serves in plates, from a pile at her left hand, the soup which she sends round, beginning with her neighbors at the right and left, and continuing in the order of their distinction. These first plates usually pa.s.s twice, for every one endeavors to make his neighbor accept whatever is sent him.

The master of the house carves or causes to be carved by some expert guests, the large pieces, in order afterwards to do the honors himself.

If you have no skill in carving meats, you should not attempt it; and never discharge this duty except when your good offices are solicited by him; neither can we refuse from his hand anything sent us.

A master of a house ought never to pride himself upon what appears on his table, nor confuse himself with apologies for the bad cheer which he offers you; it is much better for him to observe silence in this respect, and leave it to his guests to p.r.o.nounce eulogiums on the dinner; neither is it in good _ton_ to urge guests to eat nor to load their plate against their will.

I will now give a few words of advice to guests; puerile it may be, but which it is well to listen to, and observe. It is ridiculous to make a display of your napkin; to attach it with pins upon your bosom, or to pa.s.s it through your b.u.t.tonhole; to use a fork in eating soup; to ask for _meat_ instead of _beef_; for _poultry_ instead of saying chicken, or turkey; to turn up your cuffs while carving; to take bread, even when it is within your reach, instead of calling upon the servant; to cut with a knife your bread, which should be broken by your hand; and to pour your coffee into the saucer to cool.

Guests of the house of a distinguished personage are accompanied each by his own servant, who takes his place behind his chair. They should not address him during the entertainment, still less reprimand him. Before placing themselves at the table, they ought to direct him to serve the other guests also, and to retire as soon as the table is cleared, because the domestics of the house ought to eat by themselves.

During the first course, each one helps himself at his pleasure to whatever he drinks; but, in the second course, when the master of the house pa.s.ses round choice wine, it would be uncivil to refuse it. We are not obliged, however, to accept a second gla.s.s.

When at the end of the second course, the cloth is removed, the guests may a.s.sist in turning off that part of it which is before them, and contribute to the arrangement of the dessert plates which happen to be near, but without attempting to alter the disposition of them. From the time that the dessert appears on the table, the duties of the master of the house diminish, as do also his rights.

If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink, of procuring anything to eat, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table. He ought to be eager to offer them what he thinks to be most to their taste.

It would be impolite to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general. If the company is large, we should converse with our neighbors, raising the voice only enough to make ourselves understood.

Custom allows ladies at the end of an entertainment to dip their fingers into a gla.s.s of water, and to wipe them with their napkin; it allows them also to rinse the mouth, using their plate for this purpose; but, in my opinion, custom sanctions it in vain.

It is for the mistress of the house to give the signal to leave the table; all the guests then rise, and, offering their arms to the ladies, wait upon them to the drawing-room, where coffee and _liqueurs_ are prepared. We do not take coffee at the table, except at unceremonious dinners. In leaving the table, the master of the house ought to go last.

Politeness requires us to remain at least an hour in the drawing-room after dinner; and, if we can dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to devote it to the person who has entertained us.

We should not leave the table before the end of the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity. If it is a married lady, she requests some one to accompany her; if a young lady, she goes with her mother.

The question whether it is proper, or not, to sing at table, depends now upon the _ton_ of the master of the house. We do not sing at the houses of people of fas.h.i.+on and the high cla.s.ses of society; but we may do it at the social tables of citizens. In this case, we may repeat what has been said and proved a thousand times how ridiculous it is to be urged when we know how to sing, or to insist upon hearing a person sing who has an invincible timidity.

After dinner, we converse, have music, or more frequently, prepare the tables for games. In the course of the soiree, the mistress of the house sends round upon a waiter _eau sucree_ or refres.h.i.+ng syrups. During the week which follows the entertainment, each guest owes a visit to the person who has invited them. We usually converse at this time, of the dinner, of the pleasure we have enjoyed, and of the persons whom we met there. This visit has received the cant name of the _visite de digestion_.

CHAPTER II.

_Of Promenades, Parties, and Amus.e.m.e.nts._

The paragraphs contained in this chapter concern the most common relations of society. Complaisance and attentions ought therefore to embellish and adorn these relations with all the delicate shades of politeness.

SECTION I.

_Of Promenades._

A young man who walks with an elderly person, undoubtedly knows that his companion has not the same strength and agility as himself; he ought therefore to regulate his pace by that of the old person. The same precaution should be observed when we accompany a person of distinction to whom we owe respect. Decorum requires that a gentleman should offer his arm to a lady who walks with him; and politeness requires him to ask permission to carry anything which she may have in her hand, as a bag, a book, or a parasol (if the sun does not s.h.i.+ne;) in case of a refusal, he ought to insist upon it.

If there are more ladies than gentlemen, we should offer our arm to the oldest, and to a married lady rather than to an unmarried one. If we are accompanied by two ladies, we cannot dispense with offering our arm to each of them.

Place your company upon that side which seems to them most convenient, and beware of opposing their tastes or desires. When occasion presents itself, offer seats to your companions to rest themselves, and do not urge them to rise until they manifest a wish to continue their walk. If they accept your invitation to sit down, and it happens that there are not a sufficient number of seats, then the ladies should sit, and the gentlemen remain standing.

In a large public garden, chairs are seldom wanting; if it is necessary to go for some to the place where they are kept, this is the business of the gentlemen, who ought to take care not to place them before persons already seated, for this would be an incivility. When payment for the seats is called for, one gentleman of the company pays for the whole. It would be impolite to offer to reimburse him.

There is also a rule of politeness to be observed with regard to those whom we meet in walking. We ought to offend neither their eyes nor their ears. We must take care not to attract their attention by immoderate laughter, nor allow ourselves liberties which we cannot take in a private garden. To sing and skip about in walking, would expose us to the hootings of the mult.i.tude, and to unpleasant things for which we could only accuse our own folly.

If you are in a public promenade, converse upon general topics, which can offend no one, in order that your remarks may not be wrongly interpreted by persons who happen to hear them. Beware on the other hand, of listening to the conversation of those who are not of your party.

If you give your arm to a lady in the street, she ought to be next the wall. And if by chance, you are obliged to cross over, you should then change the arm. This deference is likewise due to all who are ent.i.tled to our respect. Two gentlemen do not take one another's arms in the street, unless they are young persons and intimate friends.

We never go in advance of the lady whom we accompany, and if she stops, we do so likewise, and remain with her in looking at whatever attracts her attention. If a mendicant comes up to ask alms, we immediately draw out our purse to satisfy his wants, so that the lady with whom we are walking may not be importuned by him.