The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment Part 14

Gentlemen whom the master of the house requests to dance with these ladies, should be ready to accede to his wish, and even appear pleased at dancing with a person thus recommended to their notice.

Ladies who dance much, ought to be very careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend to these less fortunate ladies, gentlemen of their acquaintance.

In giving the hand for ladies' chain or any figures, those dancing should wear a smile, and accompany it with a polite inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her place, bows and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She also curtsies in silence, smiling with a gracious air.

In these a.s.semblies, we ought to conduct ourselves with reserve and politeness towards all present, although they may be unknown to us.

Persons who have no ear for music, that is to say, a false one, ought to refrain from dancing.

Never hazard taking part in a quadrille unless you know how to dance tolerably. If you are a novice or but little skilled, you would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure. Being once engaged to take part in the dance, if the figures are not familiar, be careful not to advance first. You can in this way govern your steps by those who go before you.

Beware also of taking your place in a set of dancers more skilful than yourself.

When an unpractised dancer makes a mistake, we may apprise him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.

Dance with grace and modesty; neither affect to make a parade of your knowledge; refrain from great leaps and ridiculous jumps which would attract the attention of all towards you.

In a private ball or party, it is proper to show still more reserve, and not to manifest more preference for one lady than another; we should dance with all indiscriminately, but we may, moreover, invite the same lady more than once.

In public b.a.l.l.s, a gentleman offers his partner refreshments, which she very seldom accepts, unless she is much acquainted with him. But in private parties, the persons who receive the company, send round cake and other refreshments, of which each one helps himself as he pleases.

Near the end of the evening, in a well regulated ball, it is customary to have a supper, when the gentlemen stand behind the ladies who are seated.

In a soiree without great preparation, we may dispense with a supper, but refreshments are necessary; and not to have them would be the greatest impoliteness.

The waltz is a dance of quite too loose a character, and unmarried ladies should refrain from it in public and private; very young married ladies, however, may be allowed to waltz in private b.a.l.l.s, if it is very seldom, and with persons of their acquaintance. It is indispensable for them to acquit themselves with dignity and decency.

I have spoken of _public b.a.l.l.s_, in contradistinction to private ones, and I might also have mentioned _b.a.l.l.s by subscription_, for, in regard to the public b.a.l.l.s of Paris and other large cities, we have nothing to advise our readers but to shun them. As to masked b.a.l.l.s, it is an amus.e.m.e.nt altogether to be condemned, except those of the Opera. Neither should we appear there except in a domino.

We should retire _incognito_, not to disturb the master and mistress of the house; we should make them during the week, a visit of thanks, at which we may converse of the pleasure of the ball and of the good selection of the company.

SECTION II.

_Of Concerts._

The proprieties in deportment which concerts require, are little different from those which are recognized in every other a.s.sembly or in public exhibitions; for concerts partake of the one and the other, according as they are public or private. In private concerts, the ladies occupy the front seats, and the gentlemen are generally in groups behind, or at the side of them. One should observe the most profound silence, and refrain from beating time, humming the airs, applauding, or making ridiculous gestures of admiration. Very often a dancing soiree succeeds a concert, and billets of invitation distributed two or three days beforehand should give notice of it to the persons invited.

When a lady is going to perform, it is good _ton_ for a gentleman to stand behind the chair of the performer, and turn over the leaves attentively, if he knows how to read music.

We ought also after an invitation to a concert, to return a visit of thanks.

SECTION III.

_Of Public Shows or Spectacles._

One would be deceived if he imagined that there exist no rules of propriety to be observed in public places, where persons a.s.semble together, and at theatrical exhibitions. There are some general attentions which we should manifest to those persons whom we meet there.

It would be impolite to jostle continually, and in an importunate manner, those near whom we are placed, to step upon the dress of a lady, or run against those who are moving at a moderate pace.

If you go with a party to a theatrical entertainment, one of the gentlemen should carry the tickets to the door-keeper, in older to avoid any embarra.s.sment to ladies on entering; and when the box is open, they should place them in the front row, according to their age, or the consideration they deserve. Young persons should occupy the seats behind, and avoid leaning over too much, to the incommoding of those who are seated in front of them.

Gentlemen should address themselves to the attendants at the boxes, make them a compensation, and place under their care their hats, the cloaks and other articles of dress of the ladies; but we must not hang them over the boxes, whether it is a pocket-handkerchief, a tippet, or a shawl, &c.[18] Nor ought a person to turn his back to the stage; for in that case, he exposes himself to the derision of the pit, and to hear disagreeable remarks. Then the eyes of all would be fixed upon you; your imprudence would excite a disturbance, which would be troublesome to the audience.

When a spectator of kind feelings is affected at the sight of the misfortunes which the heroes of the play suffer, or has his sympathy touched by the virtues which are displayed, nothing can be more annoying to him, than to have constantly at his side, a morose critic, who, without mercy, finds fault with the finest parts of the performance, who sees nothing to his taste, and changes into a place of fatigue and ennui, resorts consecrated to amus.e.m.e.nt and pleasure. It is, moreover, almost as ridiculous to place no bounds to our applause.

When ladies enter a box where a gentleman is seated in front of them, propriety requires that he should offer his seat, notwithstanding they are strangers to him, and he should insist upon their taking it, even after they have once refused.

If the heat incommodes you, do not open the door of the box, without the consent of those who occupy it.

Be very reserved at the theatre, in order not to trouble those who are near you, and maintain a profound silence when the actors are on the stage, so as not to interrupt the attention of persons who take an interest in the spectacle.

It is improper to pa.s.s too positive and severe a judgment on the performance, or the playing of the actors, whether to make a eulogium, or to find fault with them. One may meet persons of a contrary opinion, and engage himself in a controversy which it is prudent to avoid.

Between the acts, gentlemen should ask the ladies if it is agreeable to them to walk in the entries, the saloon, or to take refreshments. They should also ask them if they wish for a journal of the theatre or play bill, or an opera gla.s.s; and if bouquets are sold at the door of the theatre, it would be proper and gallant to present them with one.

As soon as you have arrived at the outer door of the theatre, if in a carriage, you must take care to have your party all ready at the very moment the carriage drives up. It is necessary to do the same thing, if you send a porter to get a hired coach.

[18] In some of the theatres in Paris, this is however allowed.--_T._

CHAPTER IV.

_Of the Duties of Hospitality._

Those of my readers who from habit, or instinct, fear the least appearance of constraint, and perhaps even in this work have found lessons of politeness too strict, and have thought that civilization has augmented them beyond measure, will without doubt apply the same remark to the present chapter. But what in reality are these slight duties of modern hospitality, in comparison to the rigorous ones of ancient times?

When a billet of announcement has informed you, as is customary, that a preceding invitation on your part will bring guests to your house, you must begin and carefully arrange the apartment you intend for them. They should have a good bed, a bureau, a fire in the winter, and everything which can contribute to their comfort; a wash basin, water, gla.s.s tumblers, a bottle of cologne, a sugar bowl filled, or rather a gla.s.s of water prepared, several napkins, and everything which will contribute to neatness, or elegance, ought to be placed in the apartment.

These preliminaries being arranged, a little before the appointed hour, we must go and wait upon our guests; a domestic should go with you to bring their baggage to the house. You should embrace your friends and congratulate them; express the pleasure you enjoy in receiving them, inquire kindly about the incidents of their journey, and conduct them in an earnest manner, and introduce them, by requesting them to make your house their home; this finishes the second series of the duties of hospitality.

The third cla.s.s of obligations, is a.s.siduity to your guests; because otherwise, it would seem to them, that their presence was troublesome.

To you belongs the care of kindly offering to their view everything in your house, in the city or in the country, which is interesting; of making parties in honor of them, as dinner parties of their friends, or such as it is presumed will please them; these are obligations of hospitality which you cannot omit. When visitors show any intention of leaving you, you ought affectionately to endeavor to retain them; nevertheless, if their resolution seems immovable, you send to engage their seats at the coach office; you offer them delicate refreshment, and accompany them thither; then, taking leave of them, renew your invitations for another visit, and your regret at not having been able to succeed better in retaining them.

To do the honors of one's own house, it is necessary to have tact, address, knowledge of the world, and a great evenness of temper, and much affability. It is necessary to forget one's-self, in order to be occupied with others, but without hurry, or affectation; to encourage timid persons, and put them at their ease; to enter into conversation, directing it with address rather than sustaining it ourselves.

The mistress of a house ought to be obliging, of an equal temper, and attentive in accommodating herself to the particular tastes of every one, especially to appear delighted that they are with her, and make themselves perfectly at home.

Guests, on their part, should show themselves contented and grateful for the reception that is given them. They should, on departing, give a generous remuneration to the domestics, and immediately after arriving at home, write to the persons who have entertained them a letter of cordial thanks.

The duties of hospitality are of frequent recurrence, fatiguing and troublesome, but they are an indispensable obligation. To omit them, is to be willing to pa.s.s for a person of no education, and no delicacy, and in short it is to place people in a most embarra.s.sing and painful situation.