How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits Part 13

6. _Refusals._

If a lady finds it necessary to say "no" to a proposal, she should do it in the kindest and most considerate manner, so as not to inflict unnecessary pain; but her answer should be definite and decisive, and the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit. If ladies will my "no"

when they mean "yes," to a sincere and earnest suitor, they must suffer the consequences.

7. _Engagement._

The "engaged" need not take particular pains to proclaim the nature of the relation in which they stand to each other, neither should they attempt or desire to conceal it. Their intercourse with each other should be frank and confiding, but prudent, and their conduct in reference to other persons of the opposite s.e.x, such as will not give occasion for a single pang of jealousy.

Of the "getting ready," which follows the engagement, on the part of the lady, our fair readers know a great deal more than we could tell them.

8. _Breaking Off._

Engagements made in accordance with the simple and brief directions contained in the first section of this chapter, will seldom be broken off. If such a painful _necessity_ occurs, let it be met with firmness, but with delicacy. If you have made a _mistake_, it is infinitely better to correct it at the last moment than not at all. A _marriage_ is not so easily "broken off."

On breaking off an engagement, all letters, presents, etc., should be returned, and both parties should consider themselves pledged to the most honorable and delicate conduct in reference to the whole matter, and to the private affairs of each other, a knowledge of which their former relation may have put into their possession.

9. _Marriage._

It devolves upon the lady to fix the day. She will hardly disregard the stereotyped request of the impatient lover to make it an "early"

one; but she knows best how soon the never-to-be-neglected "preparations" can be made. For the wedding ceremonies see Chapter VII. A few hints to husbands and wives may be found in Chapter V.

FOOTNOTE:

[P] See "Physical Perfection; or How to Acquire and Retain Beauty, Grace, and Strength," now (1857) in the course of preparation.

X.

PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE.

The object of a meeting for deliberation is, of course, to obtain a free expression of opinion and a fair decision of the questions discussed. Without rules of order this object would, in most cases, be utterly defeated; for there would be no uniformity in the modes of proceeding, no restraint upon indecorous or disorderly conduct, no protection to the rights and privileges of members, no guarantee against the caprices and usurpations of the presiding officer, no safeguard against tyrannical majorities, nor any suitable regard to the rights of the minority.--_McElligott._

I.--COURTESY IN DEBATE.

The fundamental principles of courtesy, so strenuously insisted upon throughout this work, must be rigorously observed in the debating society, lyceum, legislative a.s.sembly, and wherever questions are publicly debated. In fact, we have not yet discovered _any_ occasion on which a gentleman is justified in being anything less than--a gentleman.

In a paragraph appended to the const.i.tution and by-laws of a New York debating club, members are enjoined to treat each other with delicacy and respect, conduct all discussions with candor, moderation, and open generosity, avoid all personal allusions and sarcastic language calculated to wound the feelings of a brother, and cherish concord and good fellows.h.i.+p. The spirit of this injunction should pervade the heart of every man who attempts to take part in the proceedings of any deliberative a.s.sembly.

II.--ORIGIN OF THE PARLIAMENTARY CODE.

The rules of order of our State Legislatures, and of other less important deliberative bodies, are, in almost all fundamental points, the same as those of the National Congress, which, again, are derived, in the main, from those of the British Parliament, the differences which exist growing out of differences in government and inst.i.tutions. It is in allusion to its origin that the code of rules and regulations thus generally adopted is often called "The Common Code of Parliamentary Law."

III.--RULES OF ORDER.

1. _Motions._

A deliberative body being duly organized, motions are in order. The party moving a resolution, or making a motion in its simplest form, introduces it either with or without remarks, by saying: "Mr.

President, I beg leave to offer the following resolution," or "I move that," etc. A motion is not debatable till seconded. The member seconding simply says: "I second that motion." The resolution or motion is then stated by the chairman, and is open for debate.

2. _Speaking._

A member wis.h.i.+ng to speak on a question, resolution, or motion, must rise in his place and respectfully address his remarks to the chairman or president, _confining himself to the question, and avoiding personality_. Should more than one member rise at the same time, the chairman must decide which is ent.i.tled to the floor. No member must speak more than once till every member wis.h.i.+ng to speak shall have spoken. In debating societies (and it is for their benefit that we make this abstract) it is necessary to define not only how many times, but how long at each time a member may speak on a question.

3. _Submitting a Question._

When the debate or deliberation upon a subject appears to be at a close, the presiding officer simply asks, "Is the society [a.s.sembly, or whatever the body may be] ready for the question?" or, "Are you ready for the question?" If no one signifies a desire further to discuss or consider the subject, he then submits the question in due form.

4. _Voting._

The voting is generally by "ayes and noes," and the answers on both sides being duly given, the presiding officer announces the result, saying, "The ayes have it," or, "The noes have it," according as he finds one side or the other in the majority. If there is a doubt in his mind which side has the larger number, he says, "The ayes _appear_ to have it," or, "The noes _appear_ to have it," as the case may be.

If there is no dissent, he adds, "The ayes _have_ it," or, "The noes _have_ it." But should the president be unable to decide, or if his decision be questioned, and a division of the house be called for, it is his duty immediately to divide or arrange the a.s.sembly as to allow the votes on each side to be accurately counted; and if the members are equally divided, the president must give the casting vote. It is the duty of every member to vote; but in some deliberative bodies a member may be excused at his own request. Sometimes it is deemed advisable to record the names of members in connection with the votes they give, in which case the roll is called by the secretary, and each answers "yes" or "no," which is noted or marked opposite his name.

5. _A Quorum._

A quorum is such a number of members as may be required, by rule or statute, to be present at a meeting in order to render its transactions valid or legal.

6. _The Democratic Principle._

All questions, unless their decision be otherwise fixed by law, are determined by a majority of votes.

7. _Privileged Questions._

There are certain motions which are allowed to supersede a question already under debate. These are called privileged questions. The following are the usually recognized privileged questions:

1. _Adjournment._--A motion to adjourn is always in order, and takes precedence of all others; but it must not be entertained while a member is speaking, unless he give way for that purpose, nor while a vote is in progress. It is not debatable, and can not be amended.

2. _To Lie on the Table._--A motion to lay a subject on the table--that is, to set it aside till it is the pleasure of the body to resume its consideration--generally takes precedence of all others, except the motion to adjourn. It can neither be debated nor amended.

3. _The Previous Question._--The intention of the previous question is to arrest discussion and test at once the sense of the meeting. Its form is, "Shall the main question now be put?" It is not debatable, and can not be amended. An affirmative decision precludes all further debate on the main question. The effect of a negative decision, _unless otherwise determined by a special rule_, is to leave the main question and all amendments just as it found them.

4. _Postponement._--A motion to postpone the consideration of a question indefinitely, which is equivalent to setting it aside altogether, may be amended by inserting a certain day. It is not debatable.