Scamping Tricks and Odd Knowledge Part 12

"Young Snipper got there in double quick time, and young Jack was there as well. I saw he had carried out my letter of instructions. Still, I knew the engineer would be likely to twig, as he was near to being hawk-eyed. Now, I felt sure they would be hanging about for an hour, perhaps two, as most of them had never been up there before, and they thought of carrying the line on further to somewhere or other, but they did not on account of the expense, for several tunnels, viaducts, high retaining walls, and other heavy work would be required. Here was the very place for a rack railway on some system like Abt's, it seemed to me. I saw one at work in Germany, and know they are safely used in Austria, Switzerland, Italy, and in North and South America. As you know, you cannot nicely work a railway by adhesion only much above a gradient of one in fifty with sharp curves upon it, or one in forty on a straight line, consequently the rack is the thing to use then, I fancy, for on the Abt rack railway the pinions on the engine can be easily put in and out of gear on the rack, and the journey be continued by simple adhesion, as by an ordinary locomotive, and the rack system works all right round moderate curves.

"I should think, in hilly parts of the country there are many places where 4 feet 8-1/2 inch gauge railways could be laid out almost on the surface of the ground, and at such gradients as about one in fourteen, and there should be no difficulty in working them safely, because similar lines have been worked for many years. There must be many little feeder lines that end nowhere almost now, that could be so continued over the hills to a main line, and thus join two large traffic trunk lines, and raise the feeder from obscurity to some importance, and from the state of a mere agricultural 5l. to 10l. per mile per week line of railway to one earning more than double. However, that's by the way. Now, my best game was to draw the swells away as quickly as I could, and yet not show them my hand. I started badly, though, for I said, 'Gentlemen, I think a shower is coming up over the hills, and if you command me, I will tell the engine driver to run you down quickly by himself, and come back for these empties. It won't delay the work in any way, gentlemen all.' They said, 'Never mind; if there was a shower they could stand upon the sleepers by the wagons and get sufficient shelter.'

"That meant on the sleepers I was trying to hide. Just fancy, the very half-rounds that troubled me. I felt I could sink through the earth, as I saw the engineer's eyes were doing full time as lighthouse revolving lights. I thought, he will have me chucked from this job, sure as half-rounds are not rectangulars, for he would not have bad work.

"Now the wagons did not quite reach all over the half round road, the swells took to walking between the roads. Why, I never knew, but they did. I felt certain, if any of them took to walking upon the half-rounds, they would find it all out. I got to young Jack, and on the quiet he returned to me my letter to him, which I burnt afterwards.

By luck, one of the directors--that's what they were--drew the attention of the engineer to something on the station road close by; and all except two of them pa.s.sed on, but two directors kept behind with me, and one started walking on the half-rounds, and on those too that were on their tops, as should have been uppermost, and one nearly got upset before he travelled five yards. So I went for him there and then, and said, 'Please, sir, the road is not packed yet, and has only just been put in to take these few empties. It will be as firm as a rock in two days, sir.' I left the rest to him. He looked at me and said, 'I hope it will be, or pa.s.sengers will think they are travelling over the Rocky Mountains.'

"I smiled, and looked as pleasant and truthful as I knew how, but thought, hope with you, as with me, is grand goods, but fact is better business. They were a smart lot, and no one was going to move them on till they had seen just about all they felt inclined to, but I had a bit of luck then, and ever after have liked birds."

"What was it?"

"Well, a c.o.c.ktail rose almost at our feet. The line pa.s.sed between two coppices. From that moment I was safe, as both the directors talked of nothing but shooting. I kept the game alive for all I knew and more than I did, that's certain, and before I had done had made out it was the finest part of the whole country for game, although they ran a bit wild, and wanted stopping. It is convenient to always ease down a strong sentence, then you can alter its meaning a bit when what you have said don't agree with what you are saying; so I warned them the birds wanted stopping. They all got talking and pointing about till they had no time to spare to get back so as to catch the train at the junction. I tell you it was a near squeak, and shook my const.i.tution more than a trifle, and no fault of mine, but it ended all serene."

"Your escape reminds me of one I had. It was a long while ago, must be about forty years back, when railways in many parts were a sort of novelty, and the natives used to turn out, swells and all, to see what was going on, and made a line a free show. One day about seven or eight swells came bearing down on me. One I knew had put a lot of money in the line, although he was not a director, and I have no doubt got it well back in a few years by the good the railway did his estate, for houses began to spring up all round soon after we had finished. I remember, and you will, that old Jack Slurry used to say married folks were nothing to a new railway for increasing the population in certain parts. It brings people together as never could come before, and so up goes the number of mouths, and no sooner do houses rise than shops follow, then churches and chapels and clubs and halls and so on like a procession, till the old folks almost wonder where they are. I'm talking a bit astray of my subject, and will now to it again.

"These swells came straight to me and asked me to show them through a few of the cuttings, and I did. I met my ganger in one, and managed to get in front of them and ask on the quiet who they were. He said, 'Them is n.o.bs. They be hanteaquariums. They are searching for as old goods as can be found!' I knew what he meant, so I broke a small boulder or two and showed them the impressions of sh.e.l.ls, and I called to my young Snipper and he got them a specimen each, and they were pleased. One gave me a quid when they left. They were real gentlemen, at least one was; and it is only charitable to suppose the others were in company, and this one was banker!"

"I agree with you."

"After looking at a few of the cuttings, and my putting in some pleasant words which seemed to be food to them, one of them opened a gate and they commenced to walk back along the fields and through the wood, near to where a culvert is, and close to a bit of marsh. They did not seem to mind the dirt or brushwood, and they asked me to come with them, and point out and say anything I thought they would like to hear, and I did. Perhaps they would have liked to have known what the prices were I was paid, but I had not the heart to distract their minds from their own true-love study to such a plain thing as _s._ _d._ I ought to have told you our engineer we used to call 'Old Fangbolts.' They were his hobby, and it is my opinion that if he has as long fangs to his teeth as the bolts he would have put down, when they get decayed he will know what pain is, and wish they were short spikes. He had his way, of course, although there was a great waste of metal. Now fangbolts are good things for getting a through grip of the sleepers when the fangs are screwed on tight, but still they don't keep the rails from spreading much more, if any, and I rather think less, than flat-faced spikes of fair length. At least, that is my experience."

"And so it is mine."

"Between you and me the chap that first had the stern end of a bolt put uppermost in the rail, so that he could be sure the nut was on, knew what he was about, because fangs are nasty goods to screw on, and, bless you, tricks are sometimes played that way. I have known them just turned round once and then wedged by a piece of ballast, and they appeared to be tight; and when a bit of the road had to be taken up and the fang had got loose it was on the premises--perhaps, it is truer to say, just outside and at the door--and then you could always say the threads were wrong and blame the maker, or wriggle out and wrestle with the subject in the direction that looked the most serene."

"You mean work your lay according to circ.u.mstances."

"Precisely. Besides I have had two fang bolts with triangular fangs to fix in the f.l.a.n.g.e of a rail almost in line, one each side of the web, and they could not be both screwed tightly, for the points of the fangs under the sleeper met when you turned them. This time, of course, none of these n.o.bs knew what a fangbolt was, and if I had told them I dare say at first they might have believed it was a Roman tooth, or a piece of chain armour, or part of an early Briton's war paint. Well, we were walking through a wood--it belonged to one of them--and clearing our way, for the brushwood was rather thick, when we came to a small mound, and I own I did not know what it was. One of the swells smiled, and said, 'How very interesting. This is a tumulus.' I said, 'Excuse me, gentlemen, but I am always glad to learn anything, and you don't mean to say some earth has tumours and, swells a bit, because if you will tell me how to work it it would save me and others money and a lot of work forming embankments, if it does not cost too much to start the swelling.'

"They smiled, and one said 'A tu-mu-lus was not a tumour, but an artificial mound raised over those who were buried in ancient times.' I touched my hat and said 'I thought there was something wrong, gentlemen;' and told them I knew there were a good many women round these parts that had wens and they swell up as big as marrows, but I did not know the ground had tumours, and was eager to learn it had, as I thought I saw a useful application of them, and they might be a new form of wonder produced by inoculation. One of them then said, 'No doubt the women have their whims and playful humours, but he trusted they were free from wens or other tumours.' Then they all laughed, and one of them hazarded a remark and said, 'This is the ... formation.' It sounded to me like upper railroadian formation. I forgot myself, and turned round sharp to him and said, 'It is nothing of the kind, gentlemen. There is no such thing as a upper railroadian formation.'

They did stare. I went straight on, and said straight out, 'There is no formation here at all, besides upper railroadian formation is utterly unknown on railways. The formation is at the bottom of the cuttings or the tops of the banks and nowhere else."

"They stared just as if I was going to shoot them, and one of them laughed and said, 'I am afraid there is a slight misunderstanding somewhere.' Then the others smiled. I thought it was time to stop my tongue. The same one turned to me and said, 'My friend was alluding to the geological character of the locality. It undoubtedly is Upper Si-lu-rian.' So I touched my hat, and said, 'I hoped they would excuse me, and would they kindly remember I was a bit rough.' They all said, 'Oh! certainly!' and they seemed to like the business that had just pa.s.sed, and were enjoying themselves, I could see that.

"Well, all this pa.s.sed when we pulled up at the mound, which was about fifty feet away from the line, and in the thick of the brushwood. One of them began poking about with a stick, and bless me, I saw about half-a-dozen fangs here and there. I thought to myself it is lucky Old Fangbolts is not here. He would have shot me, and killed himself right off, or gone loose. I twigged what the mound was made of. It was only a small one, but the gentleman was at first mistaken, and no wonder, because there are a lot of real ancient mounds round and about the wood. However, this mound was a mixture of fangs that should have been screwed on the bolts and were not, that's certain, and earth and turf, and had been artfully covered up, for it was quite green except one little streak. I expect some vermin had tried it, and found it no good, and scratched away a bit, and bared it. Anyhow, it might have been awkward for me, for one of the party picked up a rusty old fang, and turned to the other n.o.bs, and said, 'I don't think that is very ancient; at least, if it be so, it is a Birmingham-made ancient relic, and has been deposited upon the wrong battlefield.'

"I believe that was only a sly hint to me that he meant the battlefield to be the permanent way; but, of course, I took no notice. He threw down the fang, and then we all walked on. No patter is sometimes the best game to play, and look as if you were learning a lot. However, on being asked about the mound, I said, 'It's only an old earth mound that has grown over green. It may have been there fifty years, not more, perhaps less.'

"Really, it was full of fangs that ought to have been screwed on the bolts, a heap of them, too. So I gave the office in the right quarter, and two of us went next morning very early, and soon dug a hole, and buried the mound, and carefully cast the excavation as close by as possible, and covered it up with a nice green top, so as to look quite natural and pretty, and when we had done we considered we had improved the scenery. It was a near squeak though, and it was lucky no engineer was with them, or I should have been had.

"It is my opinion, from what I have noticed, that the engine does a good deal to keep down the rails, and as long as the rails and sleepers are right, and the ballast good, and the sleepers well packed, the fastenings have more to prevent the rails spreading, and the road bursting than keeping the rails down, although, of course, that is necessary and should be done as well."

"I think you are quite right there."

"Old Fangbolts was all for the through grip, and did not seem to care much about preventing spreading. Well, engineers work in all grooves.

Some have one way of thinking, some another, and all perhaps are partly right, and if they would but balance accounts, instead of harping on one string, it would be a smoother world."

"There we agree."

"Did you ever get a bit 'extra' out of rock ballast?"

"No; never had a chance."

"I did this way. Of course, rock ballast is not equal to s.h.i.+ngle and clean gravel, but there is more chance of 'extra' profit, for you can pitch it in big, if you have a nice cover of small ballast, so as to make it look pretty at the finish, and like a garden path, and as occasion offers you can pare off the cess between the ballast wall and the top of the slope in embankments and the foot of the slope in cuttings, a couple of inches or so and sometimes get paid the specified depth that way, although the real depth of ballast throughout is not within 2 or 3 inches of it on the average. When the guv'nors are walking over the line keep them on the outside rail on curves as much as you can, as the cant makes the ballast wall look big. You have to be careful with the packing under the rail, because, if you don't mind, it may happen the centre of the sleeper is on a bit of rock, and then the sleeper may split when doing the see-saw trick as the trains pa.s.s and sway about.

"Just so. You must be careful not to pack them upon a middle pivot."

"I had two chaps who would almost have done for masons. They used to pack the sleepers with a few lumps where the rails rested on them, just to get the rail top nice and the rest was filled up anyhow, like nature on the sea sh.o.r.e; and we can't do wrong in taking a hint there, you know, for the cue is right, particularly when it runs towards 'extra'

profit. Still, I don't like to chance breaking a sleeper's back, so I let them lie easy between the rails, or rather under the parts of the sleepers where no rails rest."

"I understand. You pack the sleepers only where they are under the rail-f.l.a.n.g.e."

"Yes. One day the engineer said to the inspector who was a kind-hearted man and bred right, 'Mind the sleepers are evenly packed and not with large pieces of rock.' He called me up and repeated it extra treble to me. 'Very well, sir; but some of the rock will soon weather, and don't you think it better to keep it a bit large rather than small? The quarry runs very uneven. Some of the rock is as hard as nails, sir, and some soft, and it is not exactly the best ballast to handle or in the world; and if you will excuse me, don't you think, sir, on these soft banks another 3 inches under the sleeper would be advisable?'

"He did not seem to want to agree, but after a week, an order came from my guv'nor for 3 inches extra depth upon all banks. That was a good stroke, as it enabled me to do with larger stuff, and lessened the breaking it up. He was right in what he did, and so was I. I like rock ballast for 'extras,' although the walling is a nuisance. There is more chance for expansion of profits than in gravel ballast, and that is a great recommendation to us, anyhow, and is good enough apart from what things really are. I gave the tip on the quiet in the quarry to send half the rock down a trifle bigger, and it did not want so much getting or handling in the quarry, so they liked the new order, and it saved some breaking. Consequently I prefer rock ballast that weathers quickly sometimes, although, of course, an engineer should avoid it for ballast if he can, and the money allows."

CHAPTER XIV.

"EXTRA" MEASUREMENTS. TOAD-STOOL CONTRACTORS, TESTIMONIALS.

"Have you managed to get a bit 'extra' out of measurements?"

"Yes, occasionally, but that game is about played out. In the good old times they used to let us all kinds of work, for we did business in company more then than we do now, and what one did not know the other did, and so we could do pretty nearly everything except metal work, so long as they supplied us with the materials.

"I have already named about the 'extra' depth of foundations in bridges, and pipes that were not so large as thought. I have also got a bit 'extra' from side ditching when they had taken no cross sections of the ground by leaving a few buoys or mounds at the highest parts. I have also had a trifle out of the cuttings by rounding off the slopes a few inches when they were long but working right to the slope peg at top and nicking in an inch or two at the foot of the slope; but the game is hardly worth the candle, as they have almost given up soiling the slopes. Then there was a chance both ways. You got more measurement than the actual excavation, and also a bit 'extra' for soiling that was not put in, but it does not run into enough money to make it pay safely, and as the slopes and formation are so much on show the fun is hardly worth the risk. There is more to be had, so far as earthworks are concerned, in road approaches than railway cuttings, and in docks than either."

"I think you are right there."

"You see the earthwork is not so much in patches in dockwork, but all together, and there is often as much in an acre or so of dock as in a whole railway four or five miles in length, and inches in dockwork are worth remembering. Besides they are not noticed so much, and the excavation is soon covered up; and if it is in clay, and found out, you can always say to the bosses--'I never saw such clay to swell in patches.' Be sure to say 'in patches' for then you have an excuse handy if the clay 'swells' nowhere else except at the place you have not excavated to the right depth. You can generally get the surface not exactly level throughout, and you have a large s.p.a.ce to work on then, and every inch means sovereigns. Really I think it does no one any harm, and does good to me if the bottom is a trifle elevated. It comes rather easy to most of us to make ourselves think a thing is good and nice when it would cost us something to think otherwise."

"Yes. Money and our wishes usually work on the same main line."

"I once got done out of a bit 'extra' measurement by an engineer really lovely."

"Did you. How was that?"

"I don't mind telling you, but there will be squalls if you blab. It happened like this. It was a line that had been commenced and most of the easy work done. It was in the days when every jerry-builder and parish sewer contractor, and big linen-draper too, thought he was a railway and dock contractor. You know they borrowed a bit from a local bank, and would take any contract from a bridge of balloons to the moon to a tunnel through the earth to Australia. Channel Tunnels, Forth Bridges, and Panama Ca.n.a.ls would have been toys to them, and they could have made them on their heads. They sprung up just like toad-stools--can't call them mushrooms, it would be a libel on the plants--and every one of them thought they were quite as good as Bra.s.sey, and could have given him points. They had cheek, that was all, just like quack doctors. Well, what with, so they told me, big local loan-mongers to work the oracle and swim with them, and general recommendations--which I never take much notice of unless I know what a man has seen or done--saying they were full of the sublimest honesty and wisdom as ever had been known, and were that clever as few indeed could hope to be, the game was worked trumps for a time. Tests, not general testimonials, is my motto. What you have done or seen done, not what people are kind enough to say they think you can do, and which they don't know you can do. The man that asks a chap that he is friendly with to write a recommendation has his sentimental feelings worked on, and then truth takes a back seat, and of course you are bound to say your friend is the best man that could be made for the place, just that and nothing else. It costs a chap nothing to write it, and it is only very few that care to refuse, because it does not do to tell a man whom you wish to be friendly with that you don't think much of him, and that he is quite sufficiently a s.h.i.+rker and polite humbug to suit a good many, or that your own private opinion is he is not far off being twin-brother to a mouse-coloured beast of burden that brays.

It is not good form, so we all, from kindness I suppose, write pretty of one another except when we are owed money and can't get it, then adjectives are often necessary, and as strong as you can find, with a few put in as are only known to chaps like you and me, and are not taught in schools, although they learn a lot there as they should not.

Do you know when I read general testimonials I always think what a lot of saints and Solomons there are wanting situations, and it must be only the sinners and fools as are in harness. What you want to know from a reliable source is, how did a chap get on upon any particular bit of work he had to do, and have it specified what it was, and in what position he was, and whether all was and is right. Therefore, if I asked for a testimonial I want one specially written for the occasion and with reference to the kind of work that is in hand, and not as if I was going to let a man walk out with my daughter. I name this because, between you and me, I've found when a man is praised up as a sort of saint, and nothing said as to what he has done in work that he is near to being either a humbug or an a.s.s. That was just the case here, for it was to one of these toad-stool contractors that the directors let the first contract, and engineers who do not advise their directors to have nothing to do with such public works contractors (!) I think deserve all the trouble they get into. Surely it is better to have a contractor who knows what work is and should be, even if he has but a small capital, than one who knows next to nothing about construction, and is financed by some loan-monger, or is at the mercy of some wire-puller?"

"I say, you are hot on the question."

"Well, I consider it about poisons some works that would otherwise have been made all right, and would have paid well too at the original capital. Besides it ought to be known a man must be specially educated to properly execute large public works, and should be bred an engineer, for one that can make shanties, dust-bins and privies, may blossom into a jerry runner-up of two-story stucco villas that have the faces and insides covered with lime and mud and half-penny paper, but it wants a contractor that is just about an engineer to know how to properly carry out railways, docks, bridges, ca.n.a.ls, harbours, and all sea works and similar undertakings, and not a bell-pull mender and drain maker, because then he hardly knows anything himself of what has to be done and he is at the mercy of others. He tenders at figures below what he ought, and then the work cannot be properly executed, or the easy portion is done somehow or other and then the man goes smash. It is just the difference between our sterling building firms and the jerry-shanty-raisers who ought not to be called builders. Well, this one started with a rattle and sc.r.a.ped about, and then went to splinters. That's why I have named it, and because on this railway there was a road diversion. About a quarter of it was excavated and it was in an awful mess. It was in gravelly sand, and taken out in dabs, and in and out, all widths and depths.