Scamping Tricks and Odd Knowledge Part 13

"I thought I saw a chance of a bit 'extra' and said nothing. One day I got rather fierce for 'extras,' and I sniffed out some small heaps at intervals up the approach. They were about a yard in height and four or five yards round. I felt sure they had not been put on the cross sections, which I got to know had been taken in some places as close as 15 feet apart, so I thought, 'Before I get the wagon roads in and move another heap, I will see the young guv'nor.'

"Well, I had to go to the office, and he knew of the heaps and said 'I will allow you 30 yards for those. I had not forgotten them.' Now that was what they were to a spadeful, so I thought it was good business as I knew they were not shown on the sections. He said 'In case anything should happen to you or me I will write what I mean and have it attached to the agreement.' I thought that was kind of him. Now, we had worked for about a week, and I was keen on plunder. He then dictated a few lines to the timekeeper, saying that it was agreed 30 cubic yards of earth were in the heaps and they were to be paid for as an allowance in addition to the 9239 cubic yards, the total measurement of the excavation I had to do under the contract. Of course it was worded right, but I give you the meaning. This I signed, and it was witnessed by the time-keeper and the young guv'nor. I made just about the same as he did of the total measurement, but was so eager after the 30 cubic yards in the heaps that I signed the paper off hand, but of course I knew then what was written, but thought no more about it. I left the office and had six of neat right off on the strength of those heaps. I will cut it short now.

"Well, I finished the job quickly, and one day, just before I had done, I thought to myself, 'There have not been any "extras" on this approach road, for what with slope and fence pegs being set out there has actually been no chance of a bit "extra."' After thinking I said to myself, 'It is an awkward place to measure. I will make my measurements so that they work out five hundred yards more, add a little all over, I can but give way in the end, have a nice, warm, genteel wrangle that will shake up the c.o.c.kles of my heart, and I may get half or something extra if I do the oily persuasive trick, and look wronged in my countenance.' So up I went to the office and said, 'I shall about finish to-morrow, sir, and I think you will say I have done the job well and quickly, and deserve another. It has been a tight fit, and has only just kept me going.'

"Usual patter followed that is required on such occasions, and is kept in stock for them. I was beginning to feel real happy, and thinking I had got twenty pounds at least, and no mistake for talking pretty. So I said, 'As I am here, sir, do you mind telling me what you make the measurement?'"

"'Certainly. 9239 cubic yards, and 30 yards allowed for heaps. Total, 9269 cubic yards.'

"That did not suit me, so I started on the injured innocence lay, and said meekly and persuasive like, 'You have left out something, I think, sir.'

"'No; I have not.'

"'Well, sir, I make 500 yards more than you; and if I don't get it it will be very bad for me, for I shall not be able to pay my men.' That did not seem to flurry him. He opened the safe, and read from the paper I had signed some months ago. Blessed if it ever occurred to me to think that I had signed for the total quant.i.ties, but I had, for I was then so taken up with the 30 yards. Like you, I am old enough to know that no contract is indisputable, and that many things in law have to be tried before they are law when a question arises, and that there is not much finality about the show; but here I was caught, and had made my own net, and no mistake; so, after putting in all I knew and saying to him, 'I did not take that bit of paper to mean the same as he did,'

I considered it best to shake down easy as I saw I was gra.s.sed, so I took his measurement; but I wished blue ruin to the heaps, and may where they were tipped be well worried by worms and vermin. Look out! I shall break something."

"Don't slap the table with your clenched fist like that, or we shall have to pay for damages, and have nothing left for drinks."

"Right you are; but it does make me wild to think of it."

"You were had at your own game there!"

"Yes; but after all said and done, except the ground is level throughout, I heard two engineers say earthwork measurements are generally a matter of fair averaging; and if tables are used, some like this table and others that, so all are happy; but they agreed cross-sections are the best, and unless a plaster cast is made of the surface of some ground, no one could say what the measurement really was to a few yards, and that it does not much matter as the price per cubic yard is so little compared with most prices of work, such as masonry, brickwork, concrete, &c."

"You have finished, I fancy?"

"Yes."

"Now I'll tell you how I once got a bit 'extra' from measurements in rather an odd way. The work was done without a contractor, it was princ.i.p.ally let in pieces to sub-contractors, and the rest day-work; but I heard they did not gain much, if anything, by it. Came to nearly the same thing, and all the bother and risk themselves, and about the same good work.

"Well, the funny way I made some extra profit, of course, as usual, very much against my will, was this. I happened to be in the engineer's office, and heard the resident say to his a.s.sistant, 'Mr. ----, please make a list of timber required for the quay sheds, and take out the quant.i.ties.' Now it is only fair to say the a.s.sistant knew his book and was up to snuff, but we are all caught tripping sometimes, and whether it was his anxiety to ascertain the exact quant.i.ties, I don't know, but he got mixed, and blessed if the timber was not ordered net lengths, and nothing allowed for mortises and making joints. Just as we were going to start on the sheds they took us away, and before the foundations were excavated for the walls. It was fortunate they did, as it happened, for it afterwards occurred to the a.s.sistant that he had forgotten to allow for mortises and joints. So the sheds had to be made about a foot less width than they should have been, and we got paid for the foot or so at each end that was left out; and the inspector got the tip, I suppose, for nothing was said, and it was not noticed, for they were wide store sheds, with a line of rails through the centre, and it really did not matter at all. So you see I was forced to take a bit 'extra,' but that is the only time in the whole of my life. Of course it worried me much."

"No doubt it caused another wrinkle to set on your forehead."

"Very likely; but an old partner of mine told me he once was paid for the corners of a lot of level-crossing lodges twice over by taking the outside wall measurements all round instead of two outside and two inside, but only once, when things had to be done at a great rush; it was a case of hurry up all round, for all the final measurements of the whole line had to be done in a fortnight."

CHAPTER XV.

MEN AND WAGES. 'SUB' FROM THE WOOD. A SUB-CONTRACTOR'S SCOUT AND FREE TRAVELLER.

"It is nearly midnight. I am game for another hour, are you?"

"Yes. I like talking on the quiet, it draws you together, you know; you feel for a time as if we all belonged to one family, although we do not, and don't want; that's a fact."

"Precisely, old pal. Let us grip and sip."

"Did any of your men ever play rough on you?"

"Not often; but I remember one. He was a good working hand, and I did not mean to lose him. Ted Skip was his name. This is how it occurred.

One Sat.u.r.day night I was in the village, and saw at the corner of a lane a man standing up in a cart spouting away fit to give him heart disease, or break a blood-vessel, and getting hot so quick, that I am sure he was going to beat record time. I believe he was fed on dictionaries and stewed Socialist pamphlets that did not agree with him. He was pouring it out. He said in effect that pretty nearly everybody was a thief except himself and his comrades, and that nearly all things were poison as they were, and unless we all did as he said we were fools and felons, and worse. Then he went on to say, beer was poison, tobacco was poison, and the way things were now, and all went on, was worse than poison. Then he talked about us, called us railway slave drivers and slaves, and I am sure there was no one or nothing that existed that was not poison to him except himself and what he possessed, and the fools that paid him. I got wild after a bit, hearing him lying away as fast as he could speak, and I shouted, 'You are all poison, you old bit of a.r.s.enic, for what is not a.s.s about you is from old Nick.' He was then shouting out 'Your const.i.tution is wrong. All the bills are of no use.' That was too much for me, so I pushed my way in and showed him my fist, and said, 'I'll soon show you whether all the Bills are of no use and whether my const.i.tution is wrong. My name is Bill Dark, and there are numbers of people here that know I have never been sick or sorry since I was born, and I have taken beer and smoked tobacco from the time I was fifteen. In moderation, I believe in this country it does good to most of us, and pretty well all except those that are built up peculiar, and if you want to see if I'm of no use, come on; only get a sack first, so that the pieces of you that remain, and are large enough to be found, can be taken away and burnt to-night instead of later on. You understand what I mean.'

"Our chaps cheered me like mad, and I suppose old a.r.s.enic thought his show was being wasted, for he threw up his arms and drove off, and we yelled him out of the village. Well, now you'll hear what came of it.

Teddy Skip was there, and heard me say that beer and tobacco in moderation in this country I believe did good to most of us. A week or so pa.s.sed, and I forgot all about old a.r.s.enic when Teddy Skip came to me, and said, 'Guv'nor, after hearing you down in the village, and feeling a bit cold now and then, I thought I would try a pipe. I find it suits me, and is quite a friend, but it costs me nearly twopence a day, at least that is what I reckon it does. I have been with you a long time, and hope you won't mind another twopence a day just to buy the tobacco as you recommended to be used in moderation.'

"He had me there, so I made no bones about it, and said, 'Very well then, another twopence from Monday;' but I gave him a parting shot in this way, 'I know you are courting Mary Plush, and may be joined soon, but don't you come to me for a rise after each lot of twins is born, and say you have done a kindness to me and the public generally; because the wife and ten children lay is played out for increase of wages, and folks do with them that show as much moderation in size of families as remember I said should be used with beer and tobacco.' He began to move, and said smiling, as he cleared out, 'All right, guv'nor, thank you, I understand.'"

"That was pretty for you; but did I ever tell you how I got well insulted by one of my chaps?"

"No. Out with it."

"It was in my early days, about the first work I had on the piece. It was clearing and forming through a wood, and there were more rabbits there than trees. The contract was just started, and you know what the chaps are then, they want 'sub' nearly to their full time. Well, I was not flush, in fact they nearly drained me out, so the rabbits were too much for me, besides they were wasted in my sight where they were, simply gold running loose; so I bagged a fair lot, in fact as many as I could catch. Now, my men finding I was subbing them nicely seemed to think I was the man they had been looking to serve since they took to work, so I considered I ought to stop their game with another variety of sport. It does not do to let wrong ideas rest quiet in any man. It is not kind. It was Thursday, and on Sat.u.r.day I should have a fairish draw for myself on account of work done; but as things were, I was nearly run out. About six wanted 'sub,' so I threw a rabbit to each of them, and said, 'That is tenpence, and it ought to be a s.h.i.+lling, for they are as big as hares and more feeding, and they are not half the trouble to cook.' They grumbled, so I growled out, 'Except on Sat.u.r.days, it is that this week and next most likely, or nothing, so choose your time.' One stayed behind, and said, 'Boss, just you look here: eightpence is enough for that, and too much, because I know it is poached, for I saw you doing a lift among the "furrers," and when I receive stolen goods I am paid for holding them, and chancing the consequences, and I don't pay for taking care of them. Do you understand? It is the last I take, and don't you mistake.'

"This 'riled' me, so I said, 'Off you go, or I'll flatten you out.' I was had there. Of course, he was at the same game as I had been, and rabbits to him were not exactly a novelty. Well, I carried on the fun there to such a tune that at last it became too hot. A dealer used to fetch them. He had an old cart. It looked like a baker's, and had some name on it, and there was a bit of green baize, and a basket or two, and a few loaves to keep up the illusion. We worked it till it turned on us, and the business had to be stopped."

"I never have done much at that. Not enough money for the risk to please me."

"Believe me, I have given up the game twenty years or more. I soon found in taking work by the piece I was bound to have a bit of capital, and, as a rule, what I want I get if it is to be had by anyone, and I generally find it is. I overdid it though, that's the worst of money, the more you get the more you want, and it's the biggest slave-driver out and spares no one. Well, complaints about poaching went up to head-quarters and I was called before the guv'nor. He said to me very sharp, 'I shall measure up your work unless from this day I hear no more of your poaching.'

"Of course I bluffed it a bit, but it was no good. However, knowing he always liked fun, he listened to me and I went off fond as a lamb.

After promising I would keep watch on the men, which he did not let me finish saying before he had advised me to have a.s.sistance, he meant someone to watch me, I went straight for some joking, just to get the venom out of the subject. There is nothing like flattery to start a talk easy, so I said, 'You, sir, know a host of things more than me, and no doubt can explain how it was my father told me when I was a boy that all the family had a natural power of attracting animals. He said it was born in us. One day, sir, he drew me close to him and whispered, after feeling my head, 'You have the family gift very powerful.' You'll excuse me, sir, but I just name this because game always follows me about, and when these rabbits come on the work there is no mistake they are trespa.s.sing, and so I punish them by taking them into custody according to the law. When I walk up and down the line they seem to be that joyful, sir, as is real touching. They will come, and the bigger they are the more they seem to like me (between ourselves, that is you and me, to-night talking quiet, small 'uns don't suit me). I have not got the heart to frighten them away, and so they come to me, and sooner than let them go back to their savage life I take them up and become like a parent to them. You cut me so hard in price for the work, sir, I cannot afford to keep them long, so they have to partly keep me."

"Did your guv'nor stand that?"

"Yes. He was a good listener and always gave a man enough rope to hang himself."

"I should have punched your head if I had been him."

"Very likely you would have tried to, but he did not, so I went on to say, 'Well, sir, it is my undoubted belief the big rabbits down here can tell the difference between some letters and others, in the same way, I suppose, as they know the difference between some shot through their ears and a cabbage leaf in their mouth, or a horse and a fox; for they always run away from every cart but mine. I was just thinking I had said enough when the guv'nor had his turn and said:--

"'After what you have told me, attach a dozen white boards to the fencing, and have these words painted upon them in six-inch black letters--"Rabbits are vermin," and have your name put underneath. As you say some of them can read, that will cause them to cease following you. I am determined that this poaching shall be stopped once and for all.'

"'Excuse me, sir, but suppose they still will come to me after the notices are up, and I can't keep them away?'

"He answered, 'In such an event fix notice boards painted thus: "Any rabbit found trespa.s.sing upon this railway will be prosecuted with the utmost rigour of the law, and any rabbit found destroying the fences or hedges, or committing any damage of whatsoever kind will be shot.' Have your name put on it as before.'

"After that I thought it was time to go, and as I went out I could hear laughter. He had me, you know, so I was compelled to take to butcher's meat again throughout, and only a spare rabbit now and then went home to see his relations by aid of my mouth."

"What a row there is outside?"

"It's my dog barking. He must have heard you talk of rabbits. He is clever. I trained him so that I always knew when any engineers or inspectors were on the prowl. I call him 'Spot,' because he can 'spot'

them so well. I made him do the spy business right round our end of the docks I was then on, and also on railway work."

"What did he do?"