The Dramatist; or Stop Him Who Can! Part 13

_Lord._ Mark me, madam,--nay, tears are in vain--to-morrow shall make you the wife of Willoughby; and he shall answer for your follies.--No reply, sir, [_To FLORIVILLE, who is going to speak._] I wou'dn't hear the chancellor.

_Lady._ Now, who is to blame? Oh, virtue is ever sure to meet its reward!--Come to meet a mad poet, indeed!--My lord, I forgive you only on condition of your signing a contract to marry me to-morrow, and Louisa to Willoughby, at the same time.

_Lord._ I will, thou best of women!--draw it up immediately--and Neville shall starve for his treachery.

[_LADY WAITFOR'T goes to the Table, and writes._

_Louisa._ [_Falling at the feet of LORD SCRATCH._] Hear me, sir, not for myself, but for a wrong'd friend, I speak:--Mr Neville knows not of my concealment; on my honour, he is innocent:--if that lady's wrongs must be avenged, confine the punishment to me--I'll bear it, with patience bear it.

_Lord._ Let go!--let go, I say!--Lady Waitfor't, make haste with the contract.

_Lady._ It only waits the signature.--Now, my lord.

_Flor._ Look ye, uncle--she's the cause of all this mischief, and if you are not lost----

_Lord._ Out of my way!--O'd--noise and nonsense!--don't fancy yourselves in the House of Commons! we're not speaking twenty at a time. Here! give me the pen--I'll sign directly; and now--

[_As he is going to sign, VAPID breaks the China in the Closet, and rushes out, with the Epilogue in his Hand._

_Vapid._ "Die all! die n.o.bly! die like demi-G.o.ds!"--Huzza, huzza! 'tis done! 'tis past! 'tis perfect.

_Flor._ Huzza!--the poet at last; "Stop him who can!"

_Lady._ Confusion!--tell me, sir, immediately, what do you mean by this new insult?

_Vapid._ "Die all! die n.o.bly! die like demi-G.o.ds!"--oh, it's glorious!--Ah, old Scratch, are you there?--Joy, joy! give me joy!--I've done your business! the work's past!--the labour's o'er, my boy!--"think of that, Master Brook--think of that!"

_Lady._ My lord, I am vilely treated.--I desire you'll insist on an explanation.

_Flor._ He can't speak, madam.

[_All this time, my LORD is slowly walking away._

_Lady._ How! are you going to leave me, my lord?

_Vapid._ [_Taking out his Common-place Book._] 'Faith this musn't be lost!--here's something worth observing. [_Exit LORD SCRATCH._

_Lady._ Oh, I shall burst with rage!--Mr Vapid, I desire you'll explain how you came in that closet.--Why don't you answer me, sir?

_Vapid._ Your pardon, ma'am, I was taking a note of the affair--and yet I'm afraid----

_Lady._ What are you afraid of, sir?

_Vapid._ That it has been dramatized before;--it is certainly not a new case.

_Lady._ Insupportable!--But I take my leave of you all!--I abandon you for ever!--I!--oh, I shall go wild! [_Exit in a rage._

_Flor._ Ay, ay, follow his lords.h.i.+p--virtue is ever sure to meet its reward. Now, Mr Vapid, tell us how you came in that closet?

_Vapid._ 'Faith, I can't.--I believe the servant hurried me there on your approach.

_Flor._ Then you didn't come to meet lady Waitfor't?

_Vapid._ Meet lady Waitfor't!--no, I came to read my epilogue to Neville; and a wonderful production it is--"The tyrant totters, and the senate nods." [_Walking about._

_Louisa._ To what a strange fatality of circ.u.mstances has her character been exposed!--but vice often finds its punishment for a crime it never committed, when it escapes for thousands it daily practises.

_Flor._ Well, Miss Courtney, I hope now your apprehensions are at an end?

_Louisa._ Yes, sir, I shall remain for the short time necessary to prepare for my journey, and beg I may detain you no longer. I'm afraid I have already been a great intruder.

_Flor._ No, you have been the occasion of more happiness than ever I experienced. But you won't leave Bath, till you've seen my brother?

_Louisa._ Oh, I have been cruelly deceived, Mr Floriville! I have injured your brother so much, that, though I wish, I almost dread to see him.

_Flor._ Then I'll go in search of him,--and if I don't reconcile you----Come, Mr Vapid, will you walk?

_Vapid._ With all my heart.

_Flor._ [_Taking him by the hand._] By Heaven, you are an honest fellow.

_Vapid._ Madam, good night!--if I can be of any service to you in the dramatic, or any other way, you may command me.

_Flor._ Ay, I'll answer for him,--he would die to serve you.

_Vapid._ Die to serve her! ay, "Die all!--die n.o.bly!--die like demi-G.o.ds!" [_Exeunt._

ACT THE FIFTH.

SCENE I.

_LADY WAITFOR'T'S Apartment._

_LADY WAITFOR'T discovered at her Toilette. LETTY waiting._

_Lady._ Mr Vapid not come yet, Letty?

_Letty._ No, ma'am,--but the servant, who found him at the tavern, said he would be here immediately.

_Lady._ I protest, I am almost weary of them all.--[_Noise without._]

See who's there. [_LETTY listens, and returns._

_Letty._ Mr Vapid at last:--now, pray your ladys.h.i.+p, insist on his explaining every thing to my lord.

_Lady._ Yes; but vilely as he has treated me, I must still be calm.