The Dramatist; or Stop Him Who Can! Part 3

_Nev._ Well, but, Vapid--young Lady Waitfor't--she loves you to distraction.

_Vapid._ As I hope for fame, I never heard her name before.

_Nev._ Then she has heard yours, and admires your genius; however, read the letter, and be satisfied she loves you. [_VAPID reads._

_Arrived at Bath--duty I owe--virtuous part of mankind--beheld your merit--wish to encourage--six this evening.--A. Waitfor't--Grove._

_Vapid._ Yes, yes, it's plain enough now--she admires my talents!--It isn't the first time, Neville, this has happened.--Sweet fond fool!--I'll go and prepare myself directly.

_Nev._ Ay do, Vapid,--she'll be all on fire to see you.

_Vapid._ All on fire! I suppose so.--Write a play, Neville, write a play--you see the effect of the muses and graces when they unite--you see, Neville, you see----but, hold, hold--how the devil came you by this letter?

_Nev._ That's true enough. [_Aside._] I'll tell you--I was at her party last night, and on coming out of the room she slipt it into my hand, and desired me to direct it, and give it to you--She has often spoke to me in your favour, and I did you all the good I could--however, to be sure it's no mistake, ask the servant, who admits you, if the name at the bottom is not her own hand-writing.

_Vapid._ Oh, no!--it's no mistake,--there's no doubt of the matter.--Write a play, Neville, write a play--and charm the ladies, you dog!--adieu! [_Exit._

_Ennui._ I've an idea--if we've common fortune, this will do every thing.

_Nev._ No,--Lady Waitfor't's arts are numberless--she is so perfect a hypocrite, that I even doubt her confessing her real sentiments to her minion Willoughby; and when she does a bad action, she ever pretends 'tis from a good motive.

_Enter VAPID._

_Vapid._ Gad, I forgot--you'll recollect the epilogue, Neville.

_Nev._ Yes,--I'll write to my cousin to-day.

_Vapid._ But, not a word of the love affair to him--any where else indeed it might do one a service--but never tell an intrigue to a dramatic author.

_Ennui._ In fact--why not sir?

_Vapid._ Because it may furnish a scene for a comedy--I do it myself.--Indeed, I think the best part of an intrigue is the hopes of incident, or stage effect--however, I can't stay.

_Nev._ Nay, we'll walk with you--I, in pursuit of my brother--you, of your mistress.

_Vapid._ Ay, Neville, there it is--now, do take my advice, and write a play--if any incident happens, remember, it is better to have written a d.a.m.ned play, than no play at all--it s.n.a.t.c.hes a man from obscurity--and being particular, as this world goes, is a very great thing.

_Nev._ But I confess I have no desire to get into print.

_Vapid._ Get into print!--pshaw! every body gets into print now.--Kings and quacks--peers and poets--bishops and boxers--tailors and trading justices--can't go lower, you know--all get into print!--But we soar a little higher,--we have privileges peculiar to ourselves.--Now, sir, I--I, for my part, can talk as I please,--say what I will, it is sure to excite mirth,--for, supposing you don't laugh at my wit, I laugh myself, Neville, and that makes every body else do the same--so allons!

_Ennui._ I've an idea--no bad mode of routing the enemy. [_Exeunt._

ACT THE SECOND.

SCENE I.

_An Apartment in LADY WAITFOR'T'S House.--Two Chairs._

_Enter VAPID and a SERVANT._

_Serv._ Sir, my lady will wait on you immediately.

_Vapid._ Hark ye, sir--Is this young lady of yours very handsome?

_Serv._ Sir?

_Vapid._ Is your young mistress, sir, very handsome?

_Serv._ Yes, sir.--My young mistress is thought a perfect beauty.

_Vapid._ Charming!--What age do you reckon her?

_Serv._ About twenty, sir.

_Vapid._ The right interesting age! and fond of the drama, I suppose?

_Serv._ Sir?

_Vapid._ Very fond of plays, I presume?

_Serv._ Yes, sir, very fond of plays, or any thing relating to them.

_Vapid._ Delightful!--now am I the happiest dog alive:--yes, yes, Vapid!

let the town d.a.m.n your plays, the women will never desert you. [_Seats himself._] You needn't stay, sir. [_Exit SERVANT._] That's a good sign, that fellow isn't used to this kind of business--so much the better--practice is the destruction of love----yes, I shall indulge a beautiful woman,--gratify myself, and, perhaps, get the last scene for my unfinished comedy.

_Enter LADY WAITFOR'T._

_Lady._ Sir, your most obedient.

_Vapid._ Ma'am. [_Bowing._

_Lady._ Pray keep your seat, sir--I beg I mayn't disturb you.

_Vapid._ By no means, ma'am, give me leave--[_Both sit._] Who the devil have we here? [_Aside._

_Lady._ I am told, sir, you have business for Lady Waitfor't?

_Vapid._ Yes, ma'am--being my first appearance in that character, but I could wait whole hours for so beautiful a woman.

_Lady._ Oh, sir!

_Vapid._ Yes--I am no stranger to her charms----sweet young creature!