Take Me for a Ride Part 27

"I didn't do well enough to remember," wrote Donald Kohl in 1984.

"Bye, Rama, see you next time."

Months later, Donald's father called me. "Do you have a few minutes?"

he asked. I knew that Rama would not want me to talk with Mr. Kohl.

But I was shocked by the image of blood spurting from Donald's wrists.

"I have time," I said. "I'm sorry about your son."

Mr. Kohl asked about Rama and the organization.

"I know what you're thinking," I said. "But Donald was not involved in a cult. We're not like that. Rama teaches us to accept or reject his recommendations based on our own perceptions.

He teaches us that he's no more important than anyone else."

I did not mention that Rama had distributed to each devotee a larger-than-life poster of his face.

"Rama asks that we help cover the cost of room rentals and things like that.

But we're in charge of our own money." I did not tell him that Rama actively sought gift money to supplement the skyrocketing "tuition."

Nor did I tell him that Rama wors.h.i.+pped and had named the organization "Lakshmi," the Hindu G.o.ddess of beauty and prosperity.

"Our goal is to teach people to meditate." I did not mention Rama's stated interest in finding students from his past lives, filling stadiums, and starting a world religion. Nor did I mention that Rama actively pursued these interests. He payed many thousands of dollars, for instance, for promotional photographs featuring a back-lit aura.

He s.h.i.+fted his advertising copy and name to reflect a growing sentiment that gurus were out while Zen masters were in (he called himself "Zen Master Rama"). And he persuaded thousands in the two years since the Stelazine experiment that he was a living legend, a rare presence, and a direct line to G.o.d.

"We normally meditate on our own for forty minutes in the morning, fifteen minutes at noon, and fifty minutes in the evening.

Once a week we meditate with Rama at a Centre meeting.

Sometimes we'll attend a public lecture or a field trip to the desert.

Sometimes we'll help out on a project like office work or postering.

But that's pretty much it. Basically, we're just a group of healthy individuals who happen to meditate. It's not like we live in an ashram or anything." I did not mention that Rama had been initiating disciples with names--Prema, Hanuman, Arjuna--taken from Hindu mythology.

Nor did I mention that Rama had been teaching us to flip between various "caretaker personalities." He taught, for instance, that within the hostile environment of the "outside world"

we should adopt the shrewd powerful personality of a warrior, whereas within the safe environment of a Centre meeting we should adopt the gentle, trusting personality of a child.

Nor did I mention the details of Rama's spiritual etiquette, some of which he described in his tape, "Welcome To Lakshmi" (see Appendix B).

"Rama teaches us a combination of spiritual paths like Taoism, mysticism, and Christianity." I did not describe what might happen at a typical Centre meeting. Rama, who usually arrived about forty minutes late, might begin with a discourse on the teachings of Lao Tzu, Castaneda's Don Juan, or Christ. Then, couching parables in modern terms, he might proclaim: "Short is the path of the fast lane on the freeway to enlightenment." Or he might say: "As the coyote tries to catch the road runner, so too tries the seeker to comprehend the life of a fully enlightened teacher through rational means."

He might make the several hundred disciples laugh with: "Many are cold (called) but few are frozen (chosen)."

He often lectured the men in the Centre that our untamed s.e.xual energy had been stunting the spiritual growth of our sister disciples.

He often lectured the women in the Centre that they needed to learn how to emotionally detach themselves from men. And he often lectured both s.e.xes that he attracted very powerful souls, that we were way too powerful for our own good, and that we had been making him physically ill by relentlessly attacking him in the inner world.

He lectured, too, about the inevitable eclipsing of the world's spiritual light, a process which seemed to be perpetually accelerating.

"Haven't you been feeling it?" he asked.

"Yes, Rama," came the inevitable response. "I feel it."

Rama quoted Chaucer, Roethke, and Shakespeare. He also told a story (from The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury) about a Martian who, when approached by humans, transformed into the object of their desires. The Martian became a woman's dead son, for instance, until someone else walked by. "I am like the Martian," said Rama.

"I am constantly being called upon to fulfill your desires."

Rama might question disciples with a portable microphone, a la Phil Donahue. "Why don't you share what you saw tonight,"

he said, roaming the aisles. He seemed to enjoy interrupting us when our response was spiritually or grammatically incorrect.

Then Rama sat in front of the auditorium, wiggling his toes and fielding questions, a la Chinmoy.

"Rama?" a woman might begin.

"Yes."

"The men where I work are constantly sending me s.e.xual energy.

Each day I come home completely drained."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a receptionist."

"Why don't you study programming?" he suggested. "Software professionals tend to be less visible and, therefore, less p.r.o.ne to psychic attack."

Rama often lectured on the nature of consciousness: "Consciousness, like a complex system of software, has thousands of levels of nested, self-accessing subroutines." He taught that the next step along the path to self-knowledge was to debug those subroutines hidden in our minds at an early age by our teachers and, in particular, by our parents.

Rama lectured on the nature of words: "Words are inaccurate pointers to reality and should by no means be trusted." Logic, he said, was based on the shaky foundation of words and was of primary value to those who could not access Truth directly. Since he had transcended these limited tools, attempts to comprehend his actions on a rational basis were meaningless. In fact, those doubting his behavior through a framework of words and logic were merely reflecting their own mediocre level of awareness.

Those who concluded that he was greedy were, therefore, guilty of greed themselves.

I felt confident as I listened to Rama's words that I was learning new, valuable ways of understanding knowledge. Just as often, though, I felt confused by the belief that words had no fixed, real meaning.

It was as if Rama were yanking the rug on which my descriptions of the world were centered. But then I recalled that confusion was an essential part of the process through which the Infinite dissolved our countless selves in the clear light of the void.

"If you think you have it figured," Rama often pointed out, "you have what we refer to as an inflated ego."

At one point during a typical Centre meeting, Rama frowned and said, "Okay, what's up?"

No response.

"h.e.l.lo, friends. What's going on out there?"

The silence and tension grew.

"Let's talk!"

It occurred to me that I did not like his tone. Suddenly, a hidden, mental "subroutine" activated, reminding me that those who questioned his methods were asked to leave the Centre.

"Fess up!" he snapped.

"Rama," started one disciple, "I don't know what it is, but..."

"Of course you know. Look--you're fooling no one but yourselves.

C'mon people--fess up!"

"Rama, are we focusing on the l.o. [lower occult] again?"

"What do you think?"

"Yes, Rama."

"Look, none of you realize what you are getting yourselves into.

Once you open the door to the Negative Ent.i.ties, it is nearly impossible to get rid of them." He read our expressions and paused, as if to a.s.sess the point at which to start building us up again.