Soldiers Three Volume I Part 23

CAPT. G. (_Fingering menu-card_) Well, it has. That's all.

_A long pause, during which MRS. H. bows her head and rolls the bread-twist into little pellets:_ G. _stares at the oleanders_.

MRS. H. (_Throwing back her head and laughing naturally_.) They train us women well, don't they, Pip?

CAPT. G. (_Brutally, touching s.h.i.+rt-stud_.) So far as the expression goes. (_Aside_.) It isn't in her nature to take things quietly. There'll be an explosion yet.

MRS. H. (_With a shudder_.) Thank you. B-but even Red Indians allow people to wriggle when they're being tortured, I believe. (_Slips fan from girdle and fans slowly: rim of fan level with chin_.)

PARTNER ON LEFT. Very close to-night, isn't it? 'You find it too much for you?

MRS. H. Oh, no, not in the least. But they really ought to have punkahs, even in your cool Naini Tal, oughtn't they? (_Turns, dropping fan and raising eyebrows_.)

CAPT. G. It's all right. (_Aside_.) Here comes the storm!

MRS. H. (_Her eyes on the tablecloth: fan ready in right hand_.) It was very cleverly managed, Pip, and I congratulate you. You swore--you never contented yourself with merely saying a thing--you _swore_ that, as far as lay in your power, you'd make my wretched life pleasant for me. And you've denied me the consolation of breaking down. I should have done it--indeed I should. A woman would hardly have thought of this refinement, my kind, considerate friend. (_Fan-guard as before_.) You have explained things so tenderly and truthfully, too! You haven't spoken or written a word of warning, and you have let me believe in you till the last minute. You haven't condescended to give me your _reason_ yet. No! A woman could not have managed it half so well. Are there many _men_ like you in the world?

CAPT. G. I'm sure I don't know. (_To Khitmatgar_.) Ohe! _Simpkin do_.

MRS. H. You call yourself a man of the world, don't you? Do men of the world behave like Devils when they do a woman the honour to get tired of her?

CAPT. G. I'm sure I don't know. Don't speak so loud!

MRS. H. Keep us respectable, O Lord, whatever happens! Don't be afraid of my compromising you. You've chosen your ground far too well, and I've been properly brought up. (_Lowering fan_.) Haven't you _any_ pity, Pip, except for yourself?

CAPT. G. Wouldn't it be rather impertinent of me to say that I'm sorry for you?

MRS. H. I think you have said it once or twice before. You're growing very careful of my feelings. My G.o.d, Pip, I was a good woman once! You _said_ I was. You've made me what I am. What are you going to do with me? What are you going to do with me? Won't you _say_ that you are sorry? (_Helps herself to iced asparagus_.)

CAPT. G. I am sorry for you, if you want the pity of such a brute as I am. I'm _awf'ly_ sorry for you.

MRS. H. Rather tame for a man of the world. Do you think that that admission clears you?

CAPT. G. What can I do? I can only tell you what I think of myself. You can't think worse than that?

MRS. H. Oh, yes, I can! And now, will you tell me the reason of all this? Remorse? Has Bayard been suddenly conscience-stricken?

CAPT. G. (_Angrily, his eyes still lowered_.) No! The thing has come to an end on my side. That's all. _Mafisch!_

MRS. H. 'That's all. _Mafisch!_' As though I were a Cairene Dragoman.

You used to make prettier speeches. D'you remember when you said---?

CAPT. G. For Heaven's sake don't bring that back! Call me anything you like and I'll admit it--

MRS. H. But you don't care to be reminded of old lies? If I could hope to hurt you one-tenth as much as you have hurt me to-night--No, I wouldn't--I couldn't do it--liar though you are.

CAPT. G. I've spoken the truth.

MRS. H. My _dear_ Sir, you flatter yourself. You have lied over the reason. Pip, remember that I know you as you don't know yourself. You have been everything to me, though you are--(_Fan-guard_.) Oh, what a contemptible _Thing_ it is! And so you are merely tired of me?

CAPT. G. Since you insist upon my repeating it--Yes.

MRS. H. Lie the first. I wish I knew a coa.r.s.er word. Lie seems so ineffectual in your case. The fire has just died out and there is no fresh one? Think for a minute, Pip, if you care whether I despise you more than I do. Simply _Mafisch_, is it?

CAPT. G. Yes. (_Aside_.) I think I deserve this.

MRS. H. Lie number two. Before the next gla.s.s chokes you, tell me her name.

CAPT. G. (_Aside_.). I'll make her pay for dragging Minnie into the business! (_Aloud_.) Is it likely?

MRS. H. _Very_ likely if you thought that it would flatter your vanity.

You'd cry my name on the house-tops to make people turn round.

CAPT. G. I wish I had. There would have been an end of this business.

MRS. H. Oh, no, there would not--And so you were going to be virtuous and _blase_, were you? To come to me and say: 'I've done with you. The incident is clo-osed.' I ought to be proud of having kept such a man so long.

CAPT. G. (_Aside_.) It only remains to pray for the end of the dinner.

(_Aloud_.) You know what I think of myself.

MRS. H. As it's the only person in the world you ever _do_ think of, and as I know your mind thoroughly, I do. You want to get it all over and--Oh, I can't keep you back! And you're going--think of it, Pip--to throw me over for another woman. And you swore that all other women were--Pip, my Pip! She _can't_ care for you as I do. Believe me, she can't! Is it any one that I know?

CAPT. G. Thank Goodness it isn't. (_Aside_.) I expected a cyclone, but not an earthquake.

MRS. H. She _can't!_ Is there anything that I wouldn't do for you--or haven't done? And to think that I should take this trouble over you, knowing what you are! Do you despise me for it?

CAPT. G. (_Wiping his mouth to hide a smile_.) _Again?_ It's entirely a work of charity on your part.

MRS. H. Ahhh! But I have no right to resent it.--Is she better-looking than I? Who was it said--?

CAPT G. No--not that!

MRS. H. I'll be more merciful than you were. Don't you know that all women are alike?

CAPT. G. (_Aside._) Then this is the exception that proves the rule.

MRS. H. _All_ of them! I'll tell you anything you like. I will, upon my word! They only want the admiration--from anybody--no matter who--anybody! But there is always _one_ man that they care for more than any one else in the world, and would sacrifice all the others to. Oh, _do_ listen! I've kept the Vaynor man trotting after me like a poodle, and he believes that he is the only man I am interested in. I'll tell you what he said to me.

CAPT. G. Spare him. (_Aside._) I wonder what _his_ version is.

MRS. H. He's been waiting for me to look at him all through dinner.

Shall I do it, and you can see what an idiot he looks?

CAPT. G. 'But what imports the nomination of this gentleman?'

MRS. H. Watch! (_Sends a glance to the Vaynor man, who tries vainly to combine a mouthful of ice pudding, a smirk of self-satisfaction, a glare of intense devotion, and the stolidity of a British dining countenance._)

CAPT. G. (_Critically._) He doesn't look pretty. Why didn't you wait till the spoon was out of his mouth?